“I’m pregnant,” Jace said and pushed past Magnus to storm into the dark loft.
Magnus blinked at the now empty hallway, finger still outstretched to admonish whichever of Alec’s band of infuriating connections it was that had made it to his front door in the middle of the night this time. When Magnus turned around, Jace was pacing frantically by the windows, hands dramatically pulling at his hair, mumbling to himself. Something about Jocelyn, vivisection, and fruit mash?
Magnus held out his finger again, ready to ask what on earth was going on, but then thought better of it. Jace was a menace even on his good days, and Magnus was not the most patient of men when sleep-deprived. He was too old for this, whatever this was.
The bedroom was dark, but Alec was still visible on Magnus’ dark sheets, skin catching the light from the street that filtered through the windows. He apparently slept right through the ruckus, face still peaceful and dead to the night. He snored a little. Magnus was charmed despite his grumpiness and just wanted to curl up against him and go back to sleep.
In the living room, Jace audibly hit his toe against the couch and was failing at cursing under his breath. Shadowhunters, ever so graceful.
Magnus poked Alec in the shoulder. “Alec, wake up,” he said to no avail. Alec didn’t stir. “Alexander, darling, Jace is here for you,” he tried, poking Alec again, this time with a small touch of magic. Alec stopped snoring, but still didn’t wake up. Magnus snapped his fingers to turn on the lights. Alec flopped on his stomach and pulled a pillow over his head.
“Alec, you need to wake up because I cannot do this without you,” Magnus said.
“Do what?” Alec mumbled into his pillow. He sounded grouchy. Magnus could relate.
“It seems your esteemed parabatai has managed to get himself knocked up,” he said. Alec jumped up, and Magnus should have picked up his phone to take a picture of this moment, because Alec’s face when he tried to make sense of the situation was magnificent.
“Whu- What?” Alec said, blinking into the light. He looked very much like a panicked moonfish, mouth opening and closing without uttering a sound. An attractive, half-naked moonfish with bedhead, but a moonfish nevertheless.
Magnus took pity on him. “Jace is here. The only sensible thing he’s said so far is that he’s pregnant,” he said. “Just, go, deal with it. He’s your parabatai.”
“You’re the High Warlock of Brooklyn,” Alec said. “Pretty sure Jace being pregnant falls under your department. What kind of demon even does that?”
Magnus had no idea. But even if he did, he wouldn’t volunteer to deal with this.
But Alec got out of bed, grabbed a t-shirt and went to find Jace. Magnus followed him. Now that he was awake he might as well enjoy the entertainment. Plus, Alec’s shorts were black and tight, and Magnus enjoyed the view.
Jace was still pacing around. His hair was a mess, and he looked like a madman. “Clary is going to kill me,” he said.
“If I don’t kill you first,” Magnus said.
Alec’s mouth twitched, but ignored him otherwise. “What’s going on?” he asked, arms crossed.
“I found a test, it had stripes. It’s supposed to be circles! She didn’t tell me. Luke is going to be furious! He’ll send his wolves after me. He’ll break the Accords and the Clave will get involved… And then Clary is never going to let me sleep with her again!”
Alec seemed dumbstruck, mouth hanging slightly open.
“See. Not my department. No demons involved after all. Unless-” Magnus broke himself off to point at everything Jace chose to be in that moment. “Unless you count this apparent demon in the sack,” he said and winked at Jace.
Jace did his own version of the moonfish impression. A much less attractive moonfish however. Maybe a mere goldfish. It’s possible his metaphors were running away with him. But it was late, he was excused.
Alec just rolled his eyes at him. “Clary is pregnant,” he said. “Not you.”
Jace looked at Alec like Alec was the madman here.
Alec just shook his head. “And you’re here… why exactly?”
Jace flailed his arms around. “You’re my parabatai!” he said, offended. “You’re supposed to have my back! Clary is pregnant, and she didn’t want kids yet, so she’ll be pissed, or sad, or worried, and she didn’t tell me.” His voice reached an unnatural height by the end of his sentence.
Alec rubbed his eyes with one hand. “Look,” he said. “Are you sure? It’s not like Clary to keep secrets like that.”
“Are you sure you read the test right,” Magnus said helpfully. As entertaining as it was to see Jace make a moron out of himself, it was still the middle of the night, and Magnus would like to sleep. Or at least take Alec back to bed. “Those results can be really unclear, and you need to take at least two to make sure.”
“How do you know that?” Jace asked suspiciously.
In a dark past, for a short while, Magnus had become addicted to Days of Our Lives. He’d stumbled upon it while recovering from a particularly draining demon summoning, and the over the top dramatics had been weirdly comforting. He’d decided to start from the beginning and one magically sustained marathon and three months later, he woke up from a daze. He’d vowed never to watch a soap again, but he’d learned a lot of practical details about mundane life.
“I’m the High Warlock Of Brooklyn,” he said. “I know everything.”
“Right,” Alec said and took a decisive step forward to take Jace by the shoulders. “Everything will be fine, Jace. She’s probably not pregnant, and even if she is, she’ll tell you, and you guys will figure it out. All right?”
Jace nodded hesitantly.
“But you won’t figure it out if you don’t go home,” Alec said and turned Jace around to walk him to the front door. “Talk things through with Clary, she’s probably worrying about you. You can’t make pregnant people worry, Jace, that’s not good for the baby.”
Magnus grinned. Sometimes Alec was a little bit of a dick, especially if he didn’t catch enough sleep.
“Shit,” Jace said.
“Exactly,” Alec said. “Now go home and talk with your girlfriend. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Alec pushed Jace outside and closed the door behind him before Jace could object. He bumped his head against the door twice and sighed. Then he turned around, took Magnus’ hand when he passed him, and pulled him to their bedroom. Magnus followed willingly.
They fell down on the bed, and Alec pulled Magnus close, kissing him on the forehead. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “Jace is an idiot.”
Magnus admiringly withheld comment, just snuggled closer into Alec.
They were both quiet for a while, wide awake, but enjoying the silence and each other’s company. Alec was absently drawing runes on his back. Magnus recognized Sure-Striking, Protection, and Gift, but he wasn’t sure what the last one was. “I’m glad that can’t happen to us,“ Alec said, seemingly to himself. His hand had moved to Magnus’ lower back, drawing what Magnus thought was the Heat rune. “I’m glad you’re a guy.”
Magnus grinned and pulled Alec’s hips into his. “Me too,” he said and kissed him.