Sometimes he watched that ridiculous outdated cellphone that Cap sent him and Tony didn’t know what to think, he has spent some hours here and there thinking about its meaning, he had thought about call him but that impulse didn’t last long; at least not when he remembered about Steve lying to him, about his teammates in the RAFT and those that didn’t want to be found. When he remembered why there were not more Avengers.
He knew that he let himself be blinded by facts; something not especially unusual by him because hello he is an engineer…a scientist if you wanted, hard numbers and facts were his life. However, he decided to ignore that little voice that told him how wrong all of this seemed, in his defense that same voice was usually the one that had those ‘awesome’ ideas like Ultron, so disregarding it was not so difficult and having Natasha’s not exactly approval but understanding sold it. He forgot about how fucking white and black the law seemed to be sometimes.
He recognized convoluted politics miles away and he did know the game after decades playing it. He told the congress assclowns a couple of years ago. That’s why he knew that he had to sign the damned accord…
Because he sincerely believed that they needed to have some form of control, accountability, because operating without any baseline its just as dangerous as super villains, Tony didn’t like to agree with Ross but they were not more like lousy Vigilantes. They were a lot of innocents’ deaths, as proof of that, and the tally seemed to rise after each battle. Not amount of training appeared to help on that, it wasn’t totally their fault but they hadn’t had any form to defend their actions too.
Tony saw the accords as both: as a form of accountability and as a form of protection for them. It’s practically impossible battled without some form of collateral damage. A lot of ‘super’ ‘enhanced’ humans begun to pop everywhere, some of them with the right motivation but without training making them just as dangerous as the super villains they fight for the people they swore to protect.
Just look at him, his fantastic ideas destroyed a country. They were a threat and it didn’t matter what Steve had to say, they couldn’t control themselves.
But if they were there since the beginning they could have a tell in what those regulations would be; they could turn the accords to their benefit with compromising, but that word apparently didn’t exist in Cap’s dictionary.
He was so fucking angry, when Steve told him that they would deal with Ultron together, he believed him and then just saw what together ended to be. Captain America decided to sacrifice all that they were, Tony sometimes wondered if Steve realized the extend of that, he would have to know.
Then all the scheme of Zemo came to light and Tony hoped…he finally saw an exit, one with the less repercussions. One where Cap could have his bestie while he tried to forget that Rhodey could end paraplegic as the result of this wanton fight.
But Steve lied to him…to ‘protect’ him he said, and didn’t it was so deliciously ironic?, it wasn’t what started all the Ultron debacle for him. Was trust not what Steve demanded that time? He knew since then the fucking hypocrite; who gave him the power to decide what he could or couldn’t know?
They were his fucking parents he had the right to know how they died. He lost that day his mother, aside for Jarvis and Ana, the only of light in his childhood; his innocent mother whose only crime was to be there with Howard.
He saw red, he hadn’t thought beyond killing the man that assassinated his mother, Tony forgot about all the programming and HYDRA’s orders, he only wanted the blood of the man that strangulated Maria…the one that left him an orphan at nineteen.
Tony glared at the cellphone for minutes here and there and asked himself about the reason of why Rogers sent him that. He had read the letter a couple of times, more like hundreds of times, but he didn’t dare to believe what the missive said.
Once upon a time he might have believed those words, but now he couldn’t afford it. He still had accords to emend, the UN to convince, a best friend to help and an ex-girlfriend to make rights to.
Tony took the cellphone and put it in a desk drawer, in a couple of days he would put it out again and stared at it for some time, a routine that he begun for weeks now. He would ask himself why he hadn’t destroyed the cellphone yet, why did he not prevent his teammates fugue of the RAFT, he would think about million of ‘ifs’ until the next meeting, or the next time he accompany Rhodey to his rehabilitation session.
But he knew the answer, because after all Iron Man was an Avenger just like the rest of them, and if they could not be a team family anymore, they could be allies when the shit hit the fan again.
Another reason? Because for all the wanted to put all the blame on Steve, Tony drowned in guilt in what he could have done better to prevent all that happened.
He was a futurist after all.
“Boss your 12 o clock is here” FRIDAY announced.
Tony sighed and stalked his face with the palms of his hands trying to put aside those useless thoughts.
“Let him pass”
He would need an Advil after this talk, speaking with Ross was always headache inducing.