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Shock Collar

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Her waterfall of ebony hair flicks up and over her shoulder with a snappy toss of her hand and her lips peel back in a sneer. Her lips are glossy blue and thin, but her knifepoint fangs are more striking than any amount of makeup could ever be on her.

"You're still falling all over her, huh?" She giggles venomously, noise crinkling like someone offered her a rotten rat, "Why don't you just get over that bubbly airhead and move on with your life? Oh, right, because you have no life to get back to." She cackles at you and examines her nails. "Maybe her pure heart can't take your coarse sailor talk?" She whips out a file and evens out the edges of her nails.

"Ya think that could be it?" You don't feel so sure that's what it is, but maybe it's part of it. She's an angel, after all, so she might not be happy that you cuss every time you open your mouth. "That's fuckin' dumb, Vris. She hangs with crass assholes all the time." You frown when she cackles at you again, poking you in the chest with the end of her nail file. You wipe the white dust off your shirtfront left by the nailfile with a disgruntled "fuck you".

"You see? That's what I mean! Every other word is dirt filler!" She purses her lip and taps her foot, thinking. "Yep, that's totally it. You swear like a sailor, so she doesn't want to hang out with you. But let's face it...Who WOULD?" She flashes her teeth at you and tosses her hair again. She's a bitch, but she might be right. Her eyes fixes on you coldly, waiting for you to whine and complain, daring you to prove you aren't worth her time.

"Then...What the fuck do I do about it?" You bite your tongue a split second late and slam your palm into your forehead. She rolls her eye and props her arms akimbo.

"Since you /clearly/ can't just stop swearing, and hell if I'm just going to follow you around and smack you in the back of the head every time to you-as funny as that might be, I think we need a technological deterrent," she winks and jerks her thumb toward Equius, who is tinkering with his collection of leftover computer parts in what you assumed was an attempt to put together a robot. You quirk an eyebrow curiously. "I'll go ask for you. No need to thank me~!" She twists on her heel and walks across the room with a heavy sway to her hips.

--

"Equius, I have a favor to ask," She sang, perching on a chair so that she was watching him work over his shoulder. He turned his head with a distinct "oh no" expression. Her fingers tapped out a noteless tune on the table beside the keyboard and she lowered her eyebrows. "Our mutual 'friend' Eridan is in dire need of some help. No worries, I'm not asking you to kiss the little fucker, but you yourself have remarked on his foul language before, right?" She crossed her legs daintily, grinning cruelly.

"Yes...It's unbefitting of one of his status," He agreed, pulling a dark cloth out of his pocket and wiping his slightly greased hands off with it. He looked hesitantly curious. His jaw clenched and unclenched, mouth moving silently as he tried to figure out how to question what she was getting at. "What do you expect me to do about it?" he finally asked, stuffing the cloth back into his pocket.

"It's pretty much impossible for him to just stop on his own, so /we/ thought you could come up with a little helper solution," She chattered, gesturing to the pile of electronics. "You're a tech wiz, so you could just make something to give him a push in the right direction." Her eye glinted, bright with plots and entertainment.

"...I am quite gifted in crafting electronic devices. If he has requested my assistance, I ought to give it a try," He conceded, gazing at the pile of components. He frowned to himself. "A push. Come back in about an hour." He bent back down, picking up this and that and stomping down the hall. Vriska snickered and hopped up, running back to tell Eridan the good news.

--

A cold line presses in just under your adams apple and you hear a little click. You flail automatically and manage to bop Vriska in the nose. She squeals and scratches your neck, squirming away with a long hiss. You huff and claw at the weird thing around your neck and demand to know what she just did.

"Helped, idiot! You wanted me to, right? You come whiiiiiiiining to me about your problems and punch me when I help! See if I ever do anything nice for you again," She pouts, hand splayed across her face protectively. "Equius will tell you how it works. Tell him, Equius." She shoots a dark look over her shoulder at the uncomfortable tower of a blueblood, tapping her foot impatiently. He clears his throat and opens his mouth to start, but you dumbly shout out first.

"What in the shit--" The metal heats and you feel a bolt of pain in your throat, making you jump and claw at the ring of metal. "Holy cra--!!" You wheeze and ferociously scrabble at the air as a second stabbing pain slices into your windpipe. "FUCK!" You stumble and lash out at Equius, punching him in the gut(which hurts your hand a lot more than it hurts him), trying to pull the thing off even as it shocks you a third time. Vriska lets out a loud "UUUUUUUUGH!" and slaps her hand over your mouth, forcing herself into your head without warning. She snaps your mouth shut, nearly biting your tongue off with a loud whine.

"It's, erm, a deterrent device," Equius says with an uncomfortable shuffle, backing off. "I was told you wish to cease...harsh utterances such as those, so the ring you are currently wearing is triggered to activate if you use foul language. Upon activation, it emits an unpleasant electrical charge which should discourage use of bad language." He folds his hands behind his back, teeth grating quietly. You realize you'd be gaping if Vriska wasn't keeping your mouth shut. "If you do not wish to be shocked, simply do not use crude words." You are thinking very, very bad things, many of them involving taking Ahab's Crosshairs and shoving it where the sun don't shine.

"It's a shock collar," Vriska adds helpfully. You shoot her a look that screams "fuck you sideways with a rusty pike". Her eye gleams and she flashes her teeth maliciously. She giggles and runs a finger over the cool metal that lays against your skin. Equius nods and looks away. You can feel the others staring. Why, Vriska, why must you be such an incredible bitch? That asshat pissblood is snorting and elbowing a mildly concerned Feferi. Karkat has facepalmed so hard he has handprints on his face. Terezi is mercifully silent, likely too perturbed to comment and not amused enough to laugh for once.

"Get it offa me," you hiss, grabbing a fistful of Equius' shirt. The lack of Vriska in your skull means she's bored again and about to leave. Fine by you, since she's been of approximately zero help. Gears are turning in the sweaty blueblood's head, and the audible gulp and sudden torrent of sweat soaking his shirt make you just as uncomfortable as he is.

"Sir, I, erm," He shakily starts, turning his head one millimeter this way, then one millimeter that way. "I apologize, but I believe this would benefit you greatly." He swallowed hard and unsteadily smiled, slouching slightly. You would punch him in the face, but that might hurt even more. You scowl and get as close to his face as you comfortable can and sneer nastily.

"If you don't, so help me god, I will shove my foot SO FAR up you nook--" You miss the weird half-elated expression crossing his face when another electric pop forces your throat closed, making your eyes pop wide open and your mouth snap shut in a pained cringe. He reaches out and gingerly pats your shoulder, backing away a few more paces while you work the tension back out of your jaw. "It sets off at mentions of orifices?"

"Inappropriate ones, yes," He tells you.

"How dare you take away my ability to threaten inappropriate bodily harm," you spit, glaring at him with fresh-stoked anger. He just shrugs and frowns. Karkat is calling down every almighty god and demon in the cosmos to make the idiocy that is his life come to an end with great sweeping motions of his hands. Sollux is leaning on a chair and wheezing between high giggles. Terezi is busy ignoring Vriska. Tavros' cringe is actually audible at this point, creaking more the longer he has to be in the room with this horrible failure of a group. Equius glances at Nepeta and brings his hands feather-light down on your shoulders, holding you still.

"Please refrain from saying things that might trigger the device. I really do wish to help you," he reassures you, brows knit. You want to headbutt him then stab him in the neck for good measure. If this was happening to anyone else it would be funny, but this way it just hurts like a bitch. You nod bitterly, and he cracks a smile. You sit back down in the chair in front of your computer and glare at him as he walks back to his pile of robot bits and his happy little moirail. You hope he dies in a fire or something equally awful.

--

You're sulking at your computer and wondering if you could alchemize fillets when a particularly unwelcome asshole decides it's a perfect time to bother Eridan Ampora. He strides right up like he owns the place, all skin and bones and electricity. You hate electricity. He's already giggling to himself like a three sweep old by the time he gets to you. You try to ignore him, you really do, because you do NOT enjoy being shocked half to hell and god knows that's exactly his plan.

"Enjoying your new accessory?" he snidely asks, dumb teeth mauling 'accessory' into an abomination on all ears. You shoot him a very clear get the fuck out glare, but he persists. "You know, most people would keep their s&m fetishes out of public view, but not you. The 'be yourself' motto should not apply to nookstain fishfaces."

"Fuck you," you spit out before you can stop yourself. You wince down in your seat, clawing at the collar as it lets a nasty spark loose on your exposed skin. He grins and snorts, folding his skinny arms across his chest and waiting for you to regain your composure. You scowl at him and squint. "That was cheap."

"Don't do it if you don't like it, dumbass," he laughs, squinting in turn. The air feels just a touch more charged when he's around, and it makes the shock from the device held fast against you neck draw out long, making it hard to open your mouth. He leans in just far enough for the hair on the back of your neck to lift and tingle. "I'm going to have fun with this." You manage to avoid slipping up this time and just snarl at him, which he responds to with a double-bird flipping and another snort. He strides off confidently, plopping down in the horn pile with minimal honks beside-who else?-Feferi. At least she looked like she was chiding him for purposely pushing you. You really hope she appreciates this...

She flicks him in the back of the head and puffs out her cheeks, magenta tint coming through high on her face. Sollux is sprawled next to her, mumbling something and waving his hands around. You can make your own name out once or twice if you listen closely. He's probably making excuses about his behavior to her, which she'll probably accept and then go right back to cuddling and macking on him all over the place. You just want to strangle the guy and be over with it.

-- caligulasAquarium [cA] began trolling centaursTesticle [cT] --

cA: seriously get this thing offa me
cT: D --> I do not think so
cA: wwhy in the hel
cT: D --> Please stop doing this to yourself sir
cA: if you wwould just get this damn
cT: D --> Why are you hitting the enter key
cA: i wwant you to knoww just wwhat youre puttin me through
cT: D --> How odd
cT: D --> Nonetheless
cT: D --> E%use me for saying so but I still believe this is for your benefit
cA: wwell it isnt
cA: it isnt and youre terrible
cT: D --> Im sorry you think so sir
cA: burn in hell
cA: GOD DARN I
cA: IT SETS OFF AT DARN
cT: D --> Of course
cA: im goin to find you and rip your intestines out through your a
cT: D --> Oh dear
cT: D --> Are you alright
cA: no i am not
cA: i nevver asked for this
cT: D --> You specifically asked for my assistance
cA: i didnt ask you to SHOCK ME TO DEATH
cT: D --> That is e%treme e%aggeration
cA: it doesnt feel like it is
cA: if it sets off at darn
cT: D --> Sir stop
cA: WWHAT ELSE DOES IT SET OFF AT
cT: D --> Take a deep breath
cA: just tell me so i knoww howw many times i should shoot you
cT: D --> I do not feel comfortable listing them off
cT: D --> I feel one should know which words are inappropriate to say
cT: D --> Especially one as high and learned as yourself
cA: it triggers at completely appropriate wwords
cA: take it off its defectivve
cT: D --> My craftmanship is impeccable
cA: do me a favvor equ
cT: D --> What is it
cA: punch yourself in the face
cT: D --> Why in the world w001d I do that
cA: because your face hurts my fist
cT: D --> I am done with this
cT: D --> E%use me

-- centaursTesticle [cT] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [cA] --

You chance a mutter of "What the heck" and are only a little surprised when the collar shocks you. You dig your nails under the metal and try to worm your fingers between it and your neck and only succeed in choking yourself a little. Snapping your hand away, you cough and glower at the screen. You are definitely going to smack him upside the head with a table the next time you get the chance. At least the dumb collar can't read your mind, and you can curse all you want in your head.

Your hands come up to your face, rubbing your eyes while you try to think of some way out of this hole you've dug yourself. The pinch of the metal ring is beginning to feel familiar, and the cold surface against your skin isn't such a shock. Ha. You need to find a way out, and fast. It would be awkward explaining to Feferi, and you're pretty sure she platonically hates you now anyways, but her status as previous empress to be might help Equius get his head out of his ass and take his shitty contraption off your DAMNED neck. You want to smack your head into your desk repeatedly, except you'd rather smack Equius' head into a desk repeatedly, along with Vriska's, and Sollux's, and possibly that guy who invented portable electricity.

"Why," you groan, hoping some feathery asshole would swoop down from the heavens and explain what exactly you did to deserve a barkbeast shock collar snapped tight on your delicate skin. Maybe murdering tons of lusii and FLARPers was a little harsh, but it was normal for highbloods. It seemed like the dumb thing was targeting your vocal chords when it let loose little bolts, too. Maybe you could swipe Vri's nailfile and saw through it. That sounded potentially terrible, but also potentially a perfect amazing idea that could not possibly go wrong.