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Love You Forever (The Heart Remembers Overdub)

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One day, when Emily was five years old, her Mom went to the bookstore and bought a book for her.

It was called Love You Forever and it was by a man named Robert Munsch. Mr. Munsch had also written The Paper Bag Princess, which was one of her favoritest books ever because the princess rescued the prince from a fearsome dragon. The princess then called the prince a bum because he was all snotty to her afterwards. (Just like Josh Perry in her kindergarten class. Except Emily would never rescue Josh from a dragon ever.)

Mommy bought the book but it was Daddy's week to put her to bed. So that night, after she had her bath and brushed her teeth and put on her favorite purple jammies, Daddy tucked her under the covers with Miss Floppy-Bun. He sat beside her and they cuddled and they started to read her new book.

It was about a little boy who got in all kinds of trouble. His mommy got mad at him, the way Emily's Mommy and Daddy got mad at her sometimes. But every night the mommy snuck into the boy's room when he was sleeping and she sang to him. Emily was learning to read, so she even knew some of the words and she read along with Daddy:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

And the boy grew, and grew, and grew, until he became a great big man. His mommy still sang to him, until she was too old and sick and couldn't sing anymore, so he sang to her instead. And at the end he sang the same song to his own baby girl. Emily liked the book very much because she thought the boy looked a little like Daddy. The mommy even looked a bit like Grandma Louise. She was Daddy's mommy, whom she'd seen in old pictures.

When Daddy closed the book Emily looked up at him.

"Did Grandma sing that to you when you were growing up?"

Daddy looked down at her and smiled and ruffled her hair. "Yeah, she did. Or something like that."

Daddy had told her Grandma had been sick and died a long time ago, before Emily was born. So Emily wondered, "Did you sing it back to her?"

Daddy suddenly looked funny then. Not happy-funny, but funny like he was going to cry. And Emily suddenly felt scared because her Daddy was a great big man and he never cried. (As far as she knew, anyway.)

"Sure," he said. His voice sounded funny too, like there was a frog in his throat. But then he gave her a great big hug, the kind she loved because it always made her feel cozy and safe. She snuggled in tight and listened to his heart beat and slowly she wasn't scared anymore.

He hugged her for a long time and sniffled a bit, like he had a cold. After that he kissed her goodnight and told her he loved her and shut the door. Then she held Miss Floppy-Bun and fell asleep to Daddy's voice in her head singing to her:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

But when Emily asked him to read it again the next night, he said no. They read The Paper Bag Princess instead. Every night for the rest of the week, she kept asking him to read Love You Forever. But he kept refusing and he never told her why. So when it was Mommy's week to put her to bed, she asked her why Daddy wouldn't read her new book to her anymore.

Mommy looked sad, though not the way Daddy had. "I'll read it to you from now on," was all she said.

And so she did. Daddy never read that book to Emily again. It made her sad a bit, because while she liked Mommy reading it, Daddy had read it better. Emily wondered why he wouldn't read it again. Soon she decided it probably made him miss Grandma too much. After she decided that, she didn't think about it again for a very long time.

Ten years later, in her bedroom, in front of the larger-than-life image of Grandma Louise on her wall, Dad says, "There's something I want to tell you, Em."

Emily gazes at him wide-eyed. He has the same look on his face, as the one he had so long ago after he'd read Love You Forever to her for the first and only time. She feels the same cold shiver of fear and dread.

"Do you remember what I told you about your grandmother?" he continues after a brief silence.

She nods slowly and he points towards the wall. "This was filmed a few days before she died."

Emily peers at the flickering picture. "Where was she in that film? Is that a hospital?"

"It's a psychiatric ward."

She turns back to him, not wanting to make the connection, but it forms anyway. "Oh my God." She covers her mouth and stares at his face, which now echoes the same expression of pain as Grandma's on the wall, lurking under a half-smile. "Oh my God. Dad, I'm so sorry."

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about," he says in a husky voice.

She dearly wants to ask how Grandma killed herself, but now's not the time because it's clear Dad's fighting a losing battle to keep from breaking down. She can always ask about that later, when he's ready. But she needs to know something else first. "How--how old were you when she died?" she asks.

One corner of his mouth turns upwards. "Not much younger than you are right now."

He then stands up and turns away to switch off the film projector. From the side she can see the muscles in his jaw twitch and his shoulders slump. She remembers her other question from all those years ago, asked in innocence then: Did you sing it back to her?

Tears well up in her eyes as she realizes, He never got to.

Oh, Dad.

Emily rises and goes over to him, and wraps her arms around him. She squeezes her eyes shut and holds him tight in a great big hug. This time she's old enough to know what the sniffles mean, and she's no longer scared by grief. She doesn't sing the song out loud, but she thinks it:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My daddy you'll be.

She waits until he's quiet and still before she speaks again. "Love you forever, Dad," she says against his neck.

"You too, Em," he replies hoarsely, and she nods. Of course he does; he always will. "You too."