Breakfast was awkward, there was no other way of describing it as they set out enough food for two and placed themselves next to each other at the table, as they would naturally do. Neither knew quite how to react to the other and Yifan decided that remaining as quiet as possible was the best solution, it meant that nothing wrong could be said and emotions could be left to simmer under the surface rather than be ripped raw. Their arms and thighs didn’t touch as they normally did when they sat together, the sharing of what they were eating was tentative and Yifan’s heart was thumping to a nervous beat. He almost felt sick, that was how awkward things had become since Yixing had come into the room. However, he knew there would be limited time he would have Yixing on his own before his brother would return home and sense the tension flowing between the two of them. It would raise questions from Luhan that Yifan didn’t quite want to be answered yet but he knew he had to ask them.
“Xing-ah,” his voice cracked slightly and the younger boy paused before placing his eating utensils down, “I think we need to talk.”
“Yeah,” the smaller nodded.
“Last night, you know, when we did that, I didn’t pressure you or take advantage of you, did I? Because I need to know, for both of our sanity, that your consent was genuine. If it wasn’t then I’ll do anything I can to make it up to you, I’ll even sleep downstairs until you can trust me again and even then, I won’t touch you in any way until you’re comfortable with me.”
“Ge, I wanted to,” Yixing whispered, making a tingling feeling work its way up his spine. “I really wanted to do that with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“I wasn’t that drunk,” the younger rolled his eyes. “I would do it again right now, if you let me.”
“But Yixing, we shouldn’t,” Yifan looked the other in the eye. “You’re seventeen, I’m going to be twenty-one in a few weeks. Given our situation, I don’t think it’s appropriate. Your parents trust me to look after you, my parents trust me to look after you, Luhan trusts me to look after you.”
“And you would,” Yixing mumbled. “You are the one who is always watching over me and making sure that I am okay with everything. I couldn’t trust anybody else in this world as much as I trust you. Unless there were bad intentions…?”
Yifan didn’t respond immediately but chewed on his food in slow bites, he could feel Yixing’s eyes on him and swallowed thickly before speaking again, “There were no bad intentions.”
“Good,” Yixing smiled, taking some of the food that Yifan had served himself and the elder didn’t fluster as the younger continually did as he pleased. By the time their food was finished with, their bodies had grown closer and their posture was in the state of relaxed closeness that they were almost always in. Yifan didn’t flinch as Yixing reached up and around his neck, it was a normal for the younger to cling to him in such a way, he even let his head be turned by the teenager and a small, fleeting kiss was pressed onto his lips.
The action took him by surprise and he was still in a motionless state of shock as Yixing kissed him three times over, it was only on the fifth overall kiss that Yifan was prepared and used his own mouth to connect with Yixing’s. There was no sense of wrongdoing as he acted, bringing one of his hands up to the younger’s jaw to hold him in place whilst their lips caressed at one another. They were moving gently and Yifan didn’t feel an ounce of guilt as Yixing’s sobriety filtered into his memory.
There was a shift in weight as Yixing climbed into his lap, opening up his mouth and asking silently for Yifan’s tongue to make its way in to meet his, the elder did as he was granted and licked his way between Yixing’s lips. It was a steady increase of pressure and tempo with Yixing’s hands cupping at Yifan’s neck gently to maintain their position.
The college student was always in awe of how Yixing’s mouth felt against his, his lips maintained a plumpness that swelled even more deliciously with ever ministration Yifan employed between them and Yixing’s fingers were all perfectly placed to draw the elder further in. Yifan was in so deep that he was sure that the only way for him to consider living was to let himself drown. His mind saturated itself with the way the younger tasted. Everything was so much sweeter when consumed through Yixing and everything appeared in a glowing shade of gold when his eyes flickered open to see Yixing’s serenely closed eyes. Yifan let his hands move from Yixing’s jaw and wrapped them around his waist, lifting one hand up Yixing’s spine to hold at the base of his neck. His fingers curled into the short hairs on Yixing’s nape and his other hand held tightly on his hip as he let himself run wild in kissing the other.
Yixing was all Yifan wanted to taste, nutmeg and ginger was all he wanted to smell barely an inch from his nose and a firm dancer’s body was all he wanted to feel under his hands. The teenager was sacred and special, there was no way he could be replaced or replicated by anybody else in Yifan’s life and he knew that from the way Yixing slowly went from holding Yifan loosely to gradually clutching at him like he was all that mattered. Their kissing was extraordinary, no longer hidden behind the guise of temptation and alcohol. They were no longer two bodies searching for escape or release. They were two people communicating without sound, a wordless exchange of affection and nothing else seemed to matter as the minute crawled by.
Yixing pulled back slightly, his breath catching and Yifan looked down at how beautiful the younger’s mouth looked in that moment; where his skin and lips met was blurred into a pink Yifan couldn’t describe. He brought one of his fingers around to run over it, feeling the difference in texture under his fingertips and Yixing still didn’t open his eyes as Yifan touched at his face softly. There was a feeling of craving and longing to kiss more until their bodies numbed and faded into one another like Yixing’s mouth had done.
Yifan leant in to reclaim the younger’s mouth but the sound of a key turning in the lock had both he and Yixing’s scrambling to right themselves and make it seem like nothing had happened, as neither quite knew how the newcomer would react to seeing them with lips locked. Luhan strolled in a few minutes later in his dirty soccer kit, only giving the two males, who were sat in their own chairs again but Yixing’s legs were still draped over Yifan’s, a fleeting look before heading towards the refrigerator.
“You two are really weird, you know that right?” Luhan hummed whilst he picked at the fruit in the fridge.
“How so?” Yifan asked, his voice a little thick but he could blame that on a hangover.
“You are always so wrapped up together, don’t you think you’re a little too old for that to be normal?” Yixing looked at Yifan with semi-panicked eyes, the elder laid his hand across the younger’s knee and squeezed it gently.
“We can do what we want,” Yifan hummed, picking up Yixing’s dish and piling it with his own as the other covered his mouth with his hand as discreetly as he could.
“That’s true,” Luhan mumbled, the soccer player broke off a banana from a bunch and walked back through the house to go up to shower.
Yixing turned to talk to Yifan but the elder’s phone buzzed in his pocket before he could and Yifan allowed himself to look at it. He released a long groan as the read the words before checking the time.
“Are you okay?” Yixing seemed to ask instead of his previous query.
“I’ve got to go pick some stuff up from work,” Yifan moved Yixing’s legs from his, placing them on the floor as lightly as he could then stood up with their eating utensils and took them over to the sink. “I shouldn’t be too long.”
Yixing nodded, turning on his chair so that he was then kneeling on the seat and he grabbed Yifan as he walked past, drawing him down for a gentle kiss and the elder was surprised at the action. He only kicked himself back into action when Yixing pushed him away gently and he made his way up the stairs to find sanctuary in his shower with the widest of grins on his lips.
Yifan’s life continued to be in a rushed sense of motion. If he wasn’t studying then he was working and if he wasn’t working then he was playing basketball. The only time he didn’t do any of those three things was when he slept or ate. It meant he had little time to sort things out with Yixing, every time they tried to broach the subject of what happened between them they were either interrupted or half asleep and incoherent. It wasn't a good dynamic, it made things half awkward and half too comfortable. They didn't know where they stood and whether or not their touches were deemed too intimate.
It was back and forth for nearly two weeks, Yifan woke up before Yixing did to head to his basketball practice and came back later once he'd finished working or studying. It was difficult, especially when he saw how Yixing usually tried to stay awake for him, Yifan would often find the younger asleep at the dinner table at almost midnight because he hadn't wanted to go to bed alone. Those nights where the elder carried the younger up to bed were littered with small kisses, Yixing almost always woke up halfway up the second flight of stairs and would mould their lips together in a quiet, sleep filled greeting. It warmed Yifan's heart and calmed him enough to snuggle up beside the younger contentedly, often forgetting that they shouldn't kiss like that.
However, that wasn't as bad as the slow Sunday evenings they had. Yixing wasn't rehearsing, like he did almost all day on Saturdays, and Yifan didn't have to work but they had Luhan buzzing around them for hours. Not that they didn't want the middle aged one there, he was always welcome to the both of them to keep an equilibrium and be the one to make them laugh until they cried. Even though they went to bed earlier on those nights, it was Yifan's only time to catch up on sleep and Yixing often sent him off to dreamland with the most thirst quenching kisses that Yifan had ever been granted with. They made all thoughts of sorting out the in-between state they were in go from his mind, he was too focused on the younger that he barely thought of his own heart.
He did think about such things whenever they were apart though, especially when he was around Kyungsoo, who was always armed with a full barrel of questions that Yifan could never answer. It wasn't like either of them didn't know how Yifan felt but addressing Yixing's feelings was a whole different matter, Yifan didn't want to think that he was projecting his own affections and lusting on the other.
Not only was he too tired to talk things through, he was scared. Yifan wasn't sure how he would react if everything was a game of tongues to the younger, not that he could ever do anything to change that if it were.
The catalyst of change happened with a small disagreement, Luhan and Yixing had gone to Yifan on one of his days off to help them decide between Halloween costumes for a party one of their classmates was holding for the western tradition. Yifan didn't see any issue when he agreed with Yixing's suggestion of cosplaying Harry Potter characters and not attending as Luhan's favourite manhua characters. Neither Yifan nor Yixing expected Luhan to blow up the way he did with his fists balled and chest huffing.
"You always take his side," he was yelling at Yifan, advancing across the room, "Why can't you agree with me for once?"
"It's a Halloween outfit, Han," Yifan tried to diffuse, not standing up from where he was sat on his chair.
"It's not just the outfits, it's what we'll have for takeout, it's what we'll do when we're all together, it's where we'll go for coffee. It's everything," Luhan looked exhausted, frustrated beyond belief as he turned to Yixing. "Even when we fight, it's always me against the two of you. If Yixing pisses me off then it's you who makes me feel bad for feeling annoyed, despite that being a normal human emotion. If he does something wrong and I think he shouldn't get his way all the time, you get defensive and call me selfish. You're my brother, why can't you take my side for once? I'm sick of this."
"Calm down, Han," Yifan's words only seemed to fan the flames as Luhan rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
"No, I won't calm down because I don't want to and I'm mad!" The honey haired younger screamed, his veins popped out of his neck and Yixing was stood wide eyed at the door. "I'm sick of being second best to you, you've always called him your favourite when I'm your real brother. I should be your priority, not him. You're the worst fucking brother I could ever have been given."
"Han, I'm sorry," Yifan attempted but was shot down by a sharp glare.
"No, you're a really shitty person, do you know that? You choose Yixing over me but you still hurt him in the process of doing it."
"Luhan," Yixing muttered warily, almost worryingly.
"He's had this weird crush on you since we were kids and you mess with his head acting the way you do with each other. It's really fucked up too, you're supposed to call each other brothers but neither of you act the same way with me, not that I want you to because that would be the grossest thing ever in the world. I don't know why he thinks the sun shines out your ass, neither of you are perfect and whatever weird thing you two have had going on for the past few years needs to stop because it's fucking weird and I don't approve of it."
Yifan's mouth was hanging agape as Luhan panted angrily, regaining a little composure after losing the weight of his confession on his chest. The adult could see what had happened, Luhan was hurt and that made him defensive. In utter honesty to himself, Yifan could see why because he did always express favouritism. Luhan stormed out of the room, his feet stomping up the steps and Yifan closed his eyes while he held his head in his hands.
"I'll go stay with my parents tonight," Yixing announced from the doorway, his voice was quiet and hollow. "Maybe I'll stay there until this all blows over and let you two sort everything out for yourselves."
Yifan nodded, he stood up from the table and walked to where he had put his car keys down earlier that day.
"Where are you going?" Yixing's eyebrows knitted together in concern.
"I'm dropping you off home."
"I don't think that's a good idea.
"How else are you going to get there? It's across the city," Yifan flicked the keys in his fingers as Yixing nodded in acceptance of the elder's words.
They silently made their way out of the house and into the car, Yifan turned the key in the ignition and started driving as calmly as he could with his head still reeling from what had happened. He couldn't blame Luhan for his outburst, not at all. If anything, he should have anticipated it with how differently he treated his 'brothers'. Then there was the fact that Luhan had said that Yixing felt something that wasn't platonic for Yifan. He took a look at Yixing who appeared to be crumbling, his eyes flooded with tears and the seams of his sleeves were wet from the droplets he'd already collected.
Yifan's hand itched to grip onto Yixing's but the younger's hands were clasping at each other when they weren't wiping tears, so the adult pulled over a few streets from Yixing's parents' apartment. With the engine shut off, Yixing only looked at his knees as Yifan turned to face him.
"Are you okay?" Yifan queried. Dumb question.
"Yeah, I didn't just have the biggest secret of my life spilled," He muttered sarcastically as he dabbed at a stray teardrop. "Totally fine."
Yifan forcefully took one of his hands, the palm upturned for Yifan to draw comforting patterns on it and Yixing only seemed to cry harder.
"It's okay, you know? Your feelings," Yifan assured him and Yixing shook his head.
"It's not when you don't feel the same."
Yifan felt something snap in his chest, Yixing had the same exact fears as he did and it had him bringing the younger's palm up to his lips for him to kiss it softly. Yixing looked around at him with wide eyes and Yifan kissed it again and again and again. The younger blinked a few times, letting Yifan move his lips from his hand to the tender part of his wrist, up the length of his arm, across his shoulder and skipping his neck for the bony part of his jaw. The elder let his kisses descend until they met the edges of Yixing's lips and then he waited.
It wasn't for long, maybe a couple of seconds, but it felt like a lifetime before Yixing moved his head a few degrees to align their lips and then they were kissing. It was sweet and shallow, a collection of short kisses as Yifan dropped Yixing's arm to hold his jaw gently and draw the younger in closer.
Yifan pulled back a couple of centimetres, "Don't assume that I don't feel the same."
Yixing laughed nervously against his mouth and Yifan opening his eyes to see small tears leaving the other's closed ones. He moved and kissed them away, he hadn't ever seen a more beautiful sight than Yixing silently smiling in that moment because of Yifan. That was until his brow creased and Yifan wanted to smooth it out with his fingers.
"What is it?" He asked.
"Luhan said he wouldn't approve," Yixing whispered and Yifan pulled back a little further, the smaller's eyes fluttering open.
Yifan nodded his head, "Right."
"I want this, though," Yixing argued with his own conscience, "I've waited for so long and I don't want a few words somebody yelled at you to ruin that."
"It's okay, Yixing," Yifan moved forward and kissed Yixing's cheek where he knew his dimple was.
"No, I want this, ge," he muttered, his eyes boring right into Yifan's, "you don't know how much."
"Then what can we do because I want this too?"
"We could keep it a secret?" Yixing suggested and Yifan was the frowning one in that moment.
"That would work if I was your age but being almost twenty one and sneaking around with a seventeen year-old isn't going to look good. If we're caught, Xing-ah, people will think I forced you to do things."
"What else can we do? I want this so much," Yixing bowed his head down slightly, his hand moving to play with Yifan's fingers. "I just want to be with you. I'll know the truth, isn't that all that matters?"
Yifan closed his eyes, sighing out painfully before he nodded his head. He guessed that Yixing was right, as long as Yixing never felt pressured then Yifan's conscience was clean, much like Kyungsoo had said. "Okay."
The elder didn't see Yixing coming but he felt the fast kiss on his lips, his hand fully held in Yixing's and he opened his eyes to a dimple. He kissed the dent once, studying Yixing for a longer while before the younger nearly yelled, "I'm sure, ge. I want to do this."
Yifan nodded, started the car again and drove the rest of the way to the younger's apartment building and Yixing unbuckled himself from the vehicle. Yixing got out, made it halfway to his door before he turned around and tapped on Yifan's car window. The taller brought the glass separating them down and Yixing surged forward to kiss him. There was slight tongue as Yixing allowed Yifan to dip his in and then Yixing was gone, running into his building and Yifan rested his forehead on the steering wheel.
He wanted to make all the wrongdoings he'd done up to Luhan but he wanted Yixing. He wanted Yixing, he just didn't want to hide it. He wanted things to run smoothly but knew they wouldn't. Yifan could only hope that things didn't backfire on him.
Sneaking around with Yixing seemed to be easier than Yifan ever thought, given that they only seemed to be together at night in Yifan's bed like normal. However, instead of there being sloppy kisses exchanged sleepily in the dark, the two of them were wide awake. Yixing was almost always waiting for Yifan in bed and dragging him onto the mattress to kiss senselessly.
Yifan had underestimated, or forgotten, how horny seventeen year-olds got, whether or not it was provoked. With the younger no longer hiding his physical wants from the older, Yifan was inundated with flirty touches and expert hands jerking him off nightly. Being twenty, Yifan still had a healthy craving for sex but Yixing's body was still finding pleasure in everything. It did often mean that Yifan had to get up earlier than before to wash his own cum from his stomach because Yixing had stuck his hand directly into Yifan's underwear as soon as he'd laid down in the bed.
The elder was relieved that Yixing hadn't initiated anything more than the hand jobs in bed they'd been giving each other, especially sex. He didn't want it to be something done silently in his bed at midnight because he wanted to use it to show the younger's importance to him. He wanted to be able to worship Yixing's whole body while listening to him moan out in want, for him to not hold himself back because Luhan was sleeping just down the hall.
Especially since Yifan was trying his hardest to sort things out with his younger brother without revealing what he had with Yixing. Things had been gradually getting better since Luhan's outburst and Yifan didn't want to ruin that by being caught fucking his brother's best friend. That would never end well.
So when Luhan and their parents went out of town for a soccer game one weekend, it left Yifan and Yixing to their own devices. Which had meant Yifan skipping out on a couple of days of university study and work to give the younger, who had openly whined at Yifan to do so, his full attention.
Yifan had mentioned taking Yixing out on a date in passing while they were at the supermarket buying food for their sixty hour time period alone and suddenly he had a set of lips masked over his own, a smiling Yixing kissing him as a sign of approval with such an idea. Once the initial excitement had worn off, Yixing had mentioned about it also being a time for them to celebrate Yifan's upcoming birthday, just the two of them. Apparently Yixing already had his gift wrapped and ready to be given and Yifan couldn't the be one to say no to the younger's request. They spent the rest of their small outing with Yixing pressed to his side coming up with ideas of what they could do, even as they paid and packed the car up, Yixing was smiling wider than Yifan had ever seen before.
That sight alone made keeping their relationship a secret worth it.
Yixing was getting ready and Yifan was waiting for him in the living area, they'd put the food away and they'd decided upon having dinner out in a restaurant neither of them had ever been to before. Yifan was nervous, he'd never felt such a way about taking somebody to dinner before and he picked at the buckle of his leather strap watch as his foot bounced on the floor. He thought he was going to break out in a sweat as he heard the sounds of feet beating on the stairs the floor above. He stood up and wiped his dry hands on his jeans, his shirt rustled on his neck as he looked up as he waited for Yixing to appear at the top of those stairs.
He nibbled on his lip as he saw toned legs clad in fitted black slacks, a neat shirt that had the top two buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to the elbow. A necklace that Yifan recognised as one of his own dangled from Yixing's neck and jingled slightly as he made his descent and he beamed up at Yixing. The younger smiled back and Yifan held out his hand for the younger to take, he led him outside and locked the doors behind him.
"Excited?" Yifan asked over his shoulder, hoping to quash some of his own nerves into a dark hole in his stomach.
"Yes," Yixing responded lightly, looking down the street while he squeezed Yifan's hand like it was a beating heart. "I think I'm half nervous though. I want everything to be perfect because it's you, you know?"
Yifan nodded, he really did understand the younger and he shared the same sentiment. He wanted everything to run smoothly, it was Yixing.
His Yixing, he smiled at the mere thought of those two words flowing side by side.
They got into the car, their hands joined again over the centre console and Yifan stayed there quietly for a few moments, he was just watching Yixing as the younger fiddled with his safety belt. It took Yixing looking up at Yifan to make the elder rev the engine into life and release his hand to place it onto the gear shift. Once he'd reversed out of the space the car had been parked in, he tucked Yixing's hand under his own on the leather stick, the two of them shifting the gears around when Yifan softly said the number.
Yifan could feel a warmth in his hand that he never had before when he touched Yixing, it was like static between the both of them and it sizzled around him. Yixing fiddled with the music playing, the younger's taste spreading through genres and he always had some obscure artist amongst his collection that Yifan had never even heard of. It was relaxing, a level of normal that was weaved into their everyday life but with a new, sharper edge. There were feelings of something more. It was no longer hinted or implied, it was certifiable in the silence.
The drive wasn't long but there was enough time for Yixing to begin to shift in his seat, his boundless energy making him vibrate with the need to exert some of it and the other's wide eyes were glinting in the fading light of the evening. When the got to the restaurant, Yifan pulled into a free space and they got out, Yifan flitted to Yixing's side for the younger to hold at his arm as they made their way into the restaurant's foyer. The server that greeted them guided them over to their table, which made Yifan happy to see that they were midway down the back wall.
It was just quiet enough there to talk casually without the music drowning them out but the soft tones floating out of the speakers covered their conversations from other guests. It also have them a little more seclusion and a clear view of the whole room, perfect for Yifan keeping an eye out for anybody they knew.
"Do you know what I want to drink?" Yixing asked, peering up from here he sat as Yifan stepped down onto his own chair.
"I've known you since you were six, Xing, and you've ordered lemonade mixed with orange juice at every restaurant we've ever been to," the elder muttered as he lifted up his menu, scanning over the food they had and picking a small selection of things they would possibly want to eat. "You can pick the food, I'll have anything on here."
Yixing laughed, it was more of a giggle but the sound was still delighting to Yifan's brain, "Aren't you supposed to swoop in and order for me because you're Mister Suave?"
"This isn't a film, Yixing," Yifan clicked his tongue against the edge of his mouth as their waitress came over. Yifan ordered their drinks before Yixing began to rattle off a small list of foods that he had taken a liking to from looking at the menu. It had a very soothing feeling for the older one, watching Yixing's mouth move in his expressive way of speaking as he communicated everything he wanted to the woman armed with a notepad and pen.
Once his list was completed, Yifan couldn't resist the urge to coax Yixing with a finger to lean over the table and when he did, Yifan kissed him softly and as tenderly as he could muster. He pulled back to see Yixing's internal flustering displayed in his eyes, his cheeks slightly pink and his hands frozen on the edge of the table. The view made Yifan grin until he thought his lips would split because seeing Yixing looking like he'd just proposed to him had his heart exploding like dynamite. Yixing's lips were so pink, his cheeks had turned red and Yifan had found an affection in that expression. The teenager was disbelieving that Yifan had done such a thing in public, so he did it again. Yixing remained like that, stuck as a stone, until the server came back with their drinks.
Yifan wanted to continually feel Yixing's lips between his own, but he knew that wasn't the right thing to do where they were and he took Yixing's hand to hold as another server appeared with their food. Yixing had ordered an array of dishes but Yifan's fingers were too busy clasping in the other's to really take in what had been ordered for him. He could easily feel the nervous heat from Yixing's hand and the way the younger was trembling ever so slightly. Yifan peered up and saw that Yixing's face had gone a deep maroon shade, a strong blush dashed on his cheeks that the elder couldn't help but adore.
Yixing placed some food in Yifan's dish with the hand he had free and Yifan was glad that he himself could use chopsticks well enough in his left hand to return the gesture, the fingers of theirs that were clasped twitched and caressed at one another, the nerves Yifan could feel from Yixing eased as they fell into an ease filled quiet.
Yifan couldn't stop staring at how handsome Yixing was and relished completely in the fact that he could openly stare at the other in full knowledge that his feelings were completely returned. He no longer had to move his eyes away when he got caught by the other or accent it with something friendly, like acting as though Yixing had crumbs in his hair.
"How is work going?" Yixing coaxingly asked, his eyes meeting with Yifan's as they slowly began to eat what the other had granted them.
"Stressful but it's good, I'm glad I'm getting the hardest parts out of the way now while I'm still in school because then I already have my footing in the company and I'm starting to slowly build on that even now."
"Have they said anything to you, about maybe signing you to their team?" Yixing was looking at Yifan as if he was reading every inch of his soul and Yifan bit his lip.
"I've been joining their second string team for a few practices, just to see if I can keep up with them but I don't think it will amount to anything."
"Why not?" Yixing turned his head cutely, leaning over to take something he had placed in Yifan's bowl out and into his own mouth, which had Yifan biting back a smile.
"I'm not as good as their players," Yifan shrugged, retaliating by snatching food out of Yixing's dish and his fingers were snapped at by Yixing's chopsticks comically.
"But they all train professionally everyday," Yixing pointed out. "They have conditioning coaches and they devote their whole day to training. You're studying, working and spending the rest of your free time practicing. Surely they must see that?"
"I don't know, maybe?"
"Well, I think you're the best basketball player I've ever had the chance to blow."
Yifan wasn't sure how Yixing's had timed his shocking comment for when the elder was trying to swallow something, the words had caused Yifan's throat to close up and he started to choke on some vegetables. The younger was laughing so much his whole body had seized up, his mouth fully creased and Yifan was stuck halfway between gagging on the food and laughing so much his stomach hurt. They managed to gain the attention of the people sat at tables around them, some of them questioning whether or not to help Yifan and it wasn't long until the college student had dislodged the food form his own throat, "You almost killed me."
"It was worth it," Yixing japed cheekily, taking yet more food from Yifan's dish for himself.
Everything slowed down from that point on, Yixing's ankles nestling themselves between Yifan's legs and their conversation was focused on everything that made them both happy. Yifan enjoyed the affection he could give Yixing, like kissing his palm, flirting happily and gazing ardently at Yixing. The younger blushed so much that Yifan was sure he could feel the heat coming off the younger, that reaction was all Yifan needed to know that what Luhan had once said was right. Yixing had been harbouring feelings for Yifan across a number of years. It showed in his eyes, they always sparkled when Yixing looked at him but he'd only really just noticed. It had been there since Yifan had known the younger but it shone those few tones lighter as they sat opposite each other like that.
Yifan stared at Yixing, resting his chin on his hand and then pressed Yixing's left hand to be palm up, he used his able index finger to draw random patterns on the younger's skin and Yixing continued eating happily. Yifan had never been so enamoured by a date before, he felt as though he was sipping on something sweeter from life.
He didn't think he could ever resist Yixing again.
"Hey, why aren't you eating?" Yixing quipped, snapping his chopsticks right in front of Yifan's nose and the elder snapped out of his rapture instantly.
Yifan ate the food from his own dish and spied the last piece of meat that was set between the two of them, as Yifan moved forward with his eating utensils another set of chopsticks hastily beat his and he watched the pork leave the dish and disappear between Yixing's lips. The teenager giggled as he chewed the piece, Yifan's face morphing into a display of shock and Yixing just laughed harder.
"I wanted that."
"So did I."
"But I'm your elder."
"And I'm your boyfriend."
"Yeah, you are," Yifan smiled, the word boyfriend making his heart feel as hot as magma.
Yifan forgot about the meat he had wanted when he saw Yixing's eyes curve up as a result of beautifully a large smile. He continued on eating happily, despite having no meat left in his dishes and continued to clear his plates and bowls quickly. Yixing did just the same, taking a little more time to chow his down, even though he still seemed to stuff his mouth until his cheeks puffed them out like a little hamster. The elder found that sight endearing, the younger showing his complete comfort with the elder and giving a display of trust.
"Do you want to do anything after this?" Yifan asked just as Yixing finished his food, he watched as the younger swallowed with a thoughtful expression. "We can do whatever you want; watch a film, take a walk, get ice cream. You pick."
"Can we just go home?" Yixing whispered, his hand reaching for Yifan's arm to trail his fingers up the soft, tender part of Yifan's skin.
"Of course, you can go get in the car and I'll pay here," Yifan fished the keys out of his pocket to hand them over to the younger, he caught the attention of the waitress as Yixing sorted himself to leave the restaurant.
The elder finished paying as Yixing got out onto the street, he followed after the younger with a smile on his face as he witnessed Yixing almost skip the rest of the way to the car. His heart thudded harder, not necessarily faster, when he considered how happy Yixing seemed. It was all deeper, nothing was suspended in the air between them anymore and Yifan felt somewhat rooted in his life.
He got back into the car, beside the younger and Yixing was quietly singing along to some music that played from the radio. It wasn't stiflingly domestic, nor was it littered with the awkwardness of the common first date, it was just Yifan and Yixing acting like they normally did but Yifan could press his lips to Yixing's and feel a smile grow on the other's face.
When they arrived home, Yixing didn't speak as they entered the house and bypassed the hallway table after removing his shoes to head up the stairs. It wasn't spoken but it was certainly implied, Yifan was to follow behind him and it wasn't until the second staircase that he allowed himself to become excited by the anticipation that was culminating within him. Yixing took his shirt off first, which left the teenager topless in the room, and Yifan was fumbling to do the same. He didn't know how far they would go, even though he'd be happy with anything, and approached the other with a small smile.
He could see how Yixing's stomach rounded with food ever so slightly, making his normally relatively hard abs look a little softer and pudgy. That was what had Yifan's heart drumming at speed, the younger wasn't nervous about showing him a less 'perfect' version of himself and there wasn't an ounce of insecurity in that. Yifan reached out and rubbed over the soft skin that came together in a fine trail of hair that banded from just beneath his belly button to fade into his trousers. Yixing was nowhere near flawless, the small scars on his back from the odd pimple and the pale pink scars from his childhood and dancing that dappled his knees were evidence of that. Though, Yifan wasn't much better with marks from basketball layered on his flesh and a few faded to white stretch marks on the backs of his thighs from one of his more sudden growth spurts. Those things weren't an issue as they both stripped down to their underwear and marveled at the way the other was formed.
Nothing was perfect about them, or them being together, but there was nothing wrong with the way Yixing's hands felt warm on Yifan's skin or the way Yifan's fingers curled into Yixing's nape to draw their mouths together. The elder could taste their dinner on Yixing's lips, it lingered on his tongue and stirred into his own saliva. He wasn't concerned for the taste, it was how the other felt that had his head spinning as the younger gently pulled him back towards the bed they shared almost every night.
Yixing pulled away an inch, his breath hot and heavy as it blew between Yifan's parted lips, "I want to go all the way with you and I want you to know that you would not be taking advantage of me if we were to have sex. I have wanted, craved, this for so long."
Yifan looked as clearly as he could into the other's eyes, despite their close proximity blurring the finer details of the dark irises he adored so. "It's okay, I know," the elder didn't say anything more as they both slipped down onto the mattress below, only speaking up when his fingertips brushed over the younger's cheekbones, "I would always stop if you said no or didn't want to do anything anymore. It's never too late to back out of anything."
"It's okay, I know," Yixing smiled, his mirrored words soothing a niggling voice in the back of Yifan's head that told him he had to always put the younger first.
They kissed from then, their lips moulded and swelled as they slotted together perfectly. Tongues dipped in together and swirled, creating meaningless patterns in their exhales as Yifan settled comfortably on top of Yixing. The younger's legs opened up to accommodate his hips between them, creating a warm shroud for Yifan to encase himself in as he began to grind gently to arouse Yixing into semi-hardness. He knew he had to take things somewhat slowly, as he had a few more years of experience to hold himself back from finishing quickly and to allow Yixing to fully appreciate and relish in everything Yifan had to give up. The elder let his lips drift across to Yixing's cheeks, to trail down to his jaw and meet with his neck in fleeting pecks to not over stimulate the younger with his most sensitive spot.
There was the ever so faint hint of Yixing's cologne on Yifan's tongue as he licked a small spot on the other's nape, it was sweet to taste with most of the chemicals having evaporated or sunk into the other's skin. Other than that, it was all ginger and nutmeg in his mouth and Yifan thought he could devour the younger's natural aroma for breakfast, lunch and dinner each day and never tire of it.
One of his hands made its way to where Yixing's member was slowly filling and hardening with blood between them, he used the heel of his palm to gently brush over the bulge in a way that made Yixing's breath stutter beside his ear.
Yifan didn't have to pull back to know that Yixing would have looked beautiful in that sudden moment, it was a given that the younger would appear godlike below him and under his experienced hands. Yixing wasn't somebody who was there to keep Yifan company at night, so he made sure to treasure every breathy exclaim, every time Yixing's hands balled into fists on his back and how the younger seemed to flood every one of his thoughts. It wasn't an invasion of Yifan's mind, it was the acceptance that Yixing was all he would ever see when he thought of things like affection.
Yifan couldn’t deny that seeing Yixing so beautifully had his blood trickling south and began to turn him on, the younger was awe inspiring at any given moment and Yifan needed to show his adoration for that. He needed to display it to the younger to enable an insight into how Yifan really viewed him. That’s why Yifan’s mouth moved to worship at Yixing’s body, to be a physical show of gratitude and care that matched his words when they first agreed upon their relationship. It was important that Yixing felt like he could touch the sky whenever Yifan touched him, he had to be the centre of Yifan’s world and that he was the only thing the elder orbited around. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered between kisses onto Yixing’s form, it was spoken with sincerity and the younger sighed whenever he heard the words.
The younger seemed to grow hotter beneath Yifan's mouth, so he pulled away from him to look down and see that he was hard and leaking a lot faster than Yifan had anticipated. "Do you need me to slow down? Are you going to cum quickly if I go too fast?"
"Slower, no stopping, just slower," Yixing nodded his head and Yifan looked at him for a few seconds before using his own hand to rub at the crotch of his own underwear and make himself harder than he already was. He leaned over the younger's body, allowing the younger to catch his breath and become more comfortable amongst the duvet and pillows underneath them both.
Yifan pulled out a condom and a pocket sized bottle of lube from his drawers, his hands working quickly to strip both he and Yixing of their undergarments prior to tearing open the foil packet and taking out the slippery latex item. He pinched the protruding bump at the top as he rolled the condom onto himself and Yixing's brows furrowed in confusion.
Yifan's voice was even as he answered the younger's unasked question, "I'm doing this now, in case stretching you is too much and we need to do things quickly."
"I am already stretched," Yixing muttered, his face pinked up as he looked at Yifan, his hand teasing around the base of his hardness, keeping himself at the height of stimulation. "In the shower before we left, I did it then."
"Oh," the word fell almost disappointingly from his lips but the genuine smile there told otherwise. "I'll just quickly use the lube to make things smoother, okay?"
Yixing nodded and placed both his legs apart and firmly on the bed, Yifan shuffled in between them and kissed over the younger's inner thighs before making his way up to his knees and back down again. This all happened as he squeezed out a moderate amount of lube and coated two of his fingers in it. The elder lost his cool for a moment as the thought of where Yixing learned to open himself up ran through his head. He was not bothered that Yixing wasn't a virgin, he wasn't that much of a hypocrite, but he did feel a possessive edge when he considered Yixing's ex-boyfriend showing him such things. That was when Yifan turned one of his kisses into a firm bite, which Yixing reacted to with a yelp that quickly became a moan. It was a mark that could be covered but Yifan knew it would be there. He knew that it was a sign of their relationship starting and Yixing's old one left to rust with time.
Yixing lifted his hips slightly as Yifan ran his fingertips around his puckered rim and then into his body, feeling how relaxed it was and the glide in and out as he spread the lube around was easy.
Once he had done that, he wiped his fingers over his condom covered member to rid himself of the excess lubricant, ply his erection with more and to ensure that he was at full hardness before lining up with the younger.
He hesitated slightly.
"I want this, ge," Yixing whispered, as if sensing the elder's impending question. "I really want this, I give full consent to this."
Yifan nodded, his head already beading with sweat and he'd not even entered his boyfriend's body. As he pressed against the other's entrance, he felt Yixing tremble slightly and Yifan knew it was neither nerves, nor pain, it was as if Yixing couldn't believe it was actually happening.
He pushed his way in, watching as Yixing's face tightened slightly with discomfort but there was no evident hurt etched into his features. Yifan could feel how firm Yixing was inside, it was warm and deliciously taut. He focused then, on lowering his chest down and bringing them nose to nose on the bed. He was seated almost fully in the younger, stopping from going the whole way in by some slight resistance but Yixing seemed to be drowned in bliss by the feeling of having Yifan within him.
Yifan almost spoke before Yixing twitched his hips gently, his body jerking slightly as Yifan's erection brushed past where his prostate lay. He knew that Yixing had adjusted, that he was ready and he kissed his boyfriend as he drew his own pelvis away from the other's and moved it back in. Yifan wasn't one to kiss during sex on most occasions, it was something he found difficult with his usual want for a harder, faster session but everything was slowed down for Yixing. He knew the smaller would cum far too quickly if he were to go too fast, it wasn't something he wanted to risk. So he favoured sensuality over lust.
Their breathing fell in sync as Yifan gently fucked into the younger, their chests mere inches apart and Yixing's legs slowly wrapped around his waist and locked at the ankles there. Yixing's eyes were shut as their mouths collided but Yifan kept his open, he wanted to see the way Yixing's face changed and morphed as their bodies entwined.
It wasn't long, maybe two or so minutes, before Yixing started started to moan and groan out Yifan's name. Their kiss ended there, their breaths a few degrees hotter than they were before they'd joined mouths but neither of them cared as Yixing's head laid back and his hands moved to hold at Yifan's shoulders.
Barely five more minutes passed like that; their hips meeting as Yifan slid in and out of Yixing's wondrous body. There was a gentle hum between them both as Yifan's own pants and muted cries joined with Yixing's. It didn't shock the elder how tight Yixing felt, given his smaller stature and Yifan's firm thickness, but he really had not expected it to feel as though Yixing's body was sucking him in even more. He only had to angle his hips a few degrees differently before Yixing's prostate was being rubbed against almost continually.
It took a few thrusts for Yixing's body to spasm slightly, for his cock to twitch against both of their stomachs and for his body to gently coil up. He knew Yixing was coming to his end, not lasting anywhere near as long as Yifan could but the elder knew that was okay. It wasn't like he could ever expect to cum at the same time as a seventeen year-old who was far less experienced than he was.
Yifan's hand wiggled between their bodies as he circled his hand around the younger's shaft, pumping it up and down until Yixing's whole body began to tense up beneath him.
"Xing-ah," he groaned, "relax, it will feel better if you let it build up and then are relaxed when you cum."
Yixing nodded, his shoulders going back against the pillows as he unfurled himself and Yifan smiled as he felt hot fluid spurt out onto his hand and onto both of their stomachs as he jerked the other slowly, milking him until it was only Yixing's left leg that was twitching against his hips.
Yifan pulled out as slowly and forgiving as he could while Yixing laid out breathless on the bed in front of him. The elder took the condom off and moved to be beside the other, rather than between his legs and Yixing turned over to look at him, his eyes going down to where Yifan was still completely hard. It took a few minutes, within which Yifan had softened a little bit more, before Yixing said anything.
"May I?" His boyfriend asked, holding out a hand and Yifan bit down on his own lower lip.
"Only if you want to," the elder whispered and the next moment, Yixing's fingers were curled around the base of his shaft and he was pumping up and down much faster than Yifan had been doing to Yixing.
The younger worked diligently to get the elder off, sometimes using both hands to draw up and down the then completely hard member. Other times, Yixing would used his less dominant hand to fondle Yifan's balls, in hopes of speeding the elder's release. It worked, five minutes later, Yifan was grunting lowly as he came over Yixing's fingers and his own chest, his seminal fluid mixing in with Yixing's in a sticky puddle.
"Grab my shirt, it's on the floor," Yifan panted, his fingers trembling as he pointed down the other side of the bed and Yixing bent off the edge and brought the item up. Yifan took it from the other and wiped them both up as best as he could.
They switched places while they climbed under the covers, Yixing went into his normal spot and Yifan rolled over to face him. It was strangely quiet, almost awkward as Yixing looked up at the ceiling, his bottom lip between his teeth and Yifan knew something was wrong with him. If not for how he wasn't speaking but in the way the other looked almost disappointed.
"Are you okay?" He whispered, reaching out his hand to take Yixing's within it.
"I'm sorry," Yixing muttered, his eyes closing and Yifan was sure Yixing was going to cry. The elder rolled over so that he was directly above Yixing but the younger still didn't look at him.
Yifan's whole world felt like it was crashing because his fear that Yixing regretted it, or found the whole thing too weird, became reality. Just before Yifan asked why or what he could do to salvage their relationship, Yixing spoke some unexpected words. "Our first time was awful because I came too early. I ruined the whole thing."
Yifan didn't want to laugh and he bit his lip to stop himself from smiling as Yixing's eyes finally opened, a glistening of wetness evidently there.
"No, you really didn't," Yifan reassured him. "I loved being with you and being the reason behind your pleasure. You don't have to cum at the same time for something to be meaningful."
Yixing didn't look convinced but he no longer looked on the verge of tears, which Yifan took as a small success.
"Books and films don't always portray things accurately, sex isn't necessarily always about the orgasm, or the intensity of it, because then you're with somebody you truly care about, nothing else matters than being with them. Which is how I am with you." Yifan used his hand to stroke Yixing's hair as he pecked a kiss onto his nose. "If somebody convinced you otherwise, they're wrong. Yes, going through that moment together is great but it doesn't always happen and doesn't always have to happen."
Yixing seemed soothed by those final words and let himself smile, which had Yifan's lips widening in the evening's light at the mere prospect of Yixing being just as happy as he was.
"I don't want to get out of this bed," Yixing murmured, his hands moving to wrap around Yifan's neck and draw the elder even closer to give him an eskimo kiss.
"We don't have to until you want to," Yifan hummed, nuzzling into Yixing's neck as gently as he could before littering earnest and short kisses there. "We can just lay here until we sleep."
"That sounds so good," Yixing agreed, nodding his body as he flipped them over to be the one on top of Yifan. The younger's power always truck Yifan and made him smile thinking of how strong Yixing was and that he'd probably be stronger than him in a few years.
"We've got the whole weekend to ourselves, we can do whatever we want," Yifan kissed Yixing slowly then. "I want you to be happy, so don't worry about anything."
"I am happy," Yixing confessed, his fingers playing with the hair on Yifan's head, making him close his eyes whenever the younger brushed over his scalp.
"Then I'm happy too," Yifan kissed whichever part of Yixing's face was closest to his lips and the younger settled then, shimmying down Yifan's bare body to rest his head on his chest and layer their legs together.
They didn't say anything for almost two hours but Yifan laid there with his eyes closed, twiddling a few strands of Yixing's hair between his fingers and pushed away the fractional guilt he had for adoring and bedding his younger brother's best friend. That feeling was far outweighed by the sense of wholeness Yifan felt with the complete skin to skin contact with Yixing, they'd gone chest to chest before but the raw feeling of flesh upon flesh had his heart swollen with happiness.
Waking up the next day happened just before dawn due to how early the two of them had slept through the night and they agreed upon alternating using the shower. Yifan used the bathroom first with the promise of making Yixing pancakes on his lips, to which the younger had accepted quickly and the elder didn't mind that Yixing had fallen back to sleep. He took that as an opportunity to get some work done in the study, tapping on the keys until he'd responded to all e-mails that he could and ran internet based errands for his boss. It took him two hours, maybe a little longer, to cut through that.
His body felt relieved of tension that had weighed his shoulders down since Yixing's birthday party. To cum at the hands of his wonderful boyfriend had felt like a dream come true at the time. He couldn't compare it to any other time he'd had a sexual experience, it wasn't so much an explosion but more like a breaking of shackles.
He had once been worried that all he wanted was Yixing's body and he could safely say that, that fearful deduction had been completely wrong. Everything was about how they felt, how Yixing felt and how connected he felt to the younger.
Yifan deemed that what he was going through was similar to the protagonist of a story. The craving part of him didn't want to give that feeling up.
He rested his forehead on the desk, banging against it slightly but even that dull thud didn't stop his face from curving into a smile. It was like a dream he didn't have to worry about waking up from.
The college student only stood up from his position when he heard footsteps above his head and the shower turning on, the water creaked through the pipes and he made his way down the stairs to mix up some homemade batter for the couple's breakfast. He left it on the side and took a seat at the table, knowing that Yixing would whine if he couldn't be there to watch Yifan try to flip the pancakes in the pan and fail dismally. It was a part of his pride that Yifan was willing to sacrifice to hear Yixing's melodic laugh and feel the world get a little brighter at the mere sound of it.
He sat down at the table and fiddled with his phone until the younger appeared in the doorway. The sight of him had the elder's body going rigid.
Yifan thought that suffering was droughts in scorching heat and burning colds; desert lands stripped of water and humidity. He hadn't thought it would be a seventeen year old in a sweater. His sweater. With Luhan gone for his football tournament and his parents away in support of the youngest Wu family member; Yifan reminded himself that they had the house to themselves. It was why Yixing had the thick will over his bare body with nothing else. Yifan could only think about his naked, firm body was rubbing and caressing itself on the soft textile. He couldn't even finish his text message to Kyungsoo with the sight of Yixing tipping on his toes to pluck the sugar from the cupboard, which made the sweater rise up and up until the supple curve of his ass could be seen.
The worst part was the slightly bruised bite mark that had begun to reveal itself on the back of Yixing's thigh, a symbol of Yifan losing his control in a momentary burst the night before. Much like he was in that split second. He wondered if Yixing would let him lick at the plump flesh and deliciously twitching hole as the younger tried to prop himself up on the work surface. He imagined Yixing rubbing his hard and leaking cock on the cold granite to seek relief from the heat Yifan created between his thighs. He thought of how fast Yixing would cum and be left twitching in Yifan's wake.
Since he had seen Yixing in all his glory, it was difficult to see anything else at the sight of his splendorous body. He couldn't stop watching as Yixing bent over to pull a lemon juicer from a low cupboard, the sweater falling forward and Yifan thought about standing, using his hand to hold the younger down and taking him from behind. He wondered if Yixing would like that, if he would consent to having sex in the kitchen.
Yifan didn't realise that the previous night had triggered something ravenous within him, not when he considered that Yixing wasn't fragile and would be able to take some level of manhandling.
He stood from his chair and quietly moved to where the younger was cutting lemons on a chopping board, creating a small pile of the yellow fruit that they could use to flavour their pancakes with. Yifan waited until he was done and the younger reached for the juicer, to which he then moved to his knees and kissed up the back of Yixing's thighs. The other startled at the movement, squeaking as Yifan's head began to tuck itself under the thickly knitted red sweater that Yixing had paraded around in front of him in.
Yixing didn't protest, so Yifan took a chance and kissed across one of his ass cheeks, pressing his down the centre of the two globes and letting his tongue feel out for Yixing's entrance.
"Ge, what are you doing?" Yixing asked slowly while Yifan's hands brushed up his outer thighs lightly, stimulating the younger's body.
Yifan pressed his tongue flat and lapped at Yixing's hole, which had a shaky 'oh' leaving the teenager's mouth. A hand met Yifan's head through the sweater and Yifan was prepared to pull away from where he had been getting a good taste of the other but he was pleasantly surprised when Yixing pushed his head further in, as if to tell Yifan that he wanted more.
The older of the two obliged the unspoken request and plunged his tongue into Yixing, enjoying the almost wanton cries the younger was releasing as he began to bend over the counter to give Yifan more access. Yifan slowly began to tongue fuck Yixing with a fervor he hadn't displayed the night before. He got as much of the appendage in the stretched hole that he could, flattening it against the walls and tasted the dull, empty taste of the condom lubricant that had licked it the night before.
Yixing's legs began to shake quickly and Yifan pulled his head away, much to the protest of the teenager. Yifan stood up then, once he had come out from under the material of the jumper, and ran his hands down Yixing's ass.
"Are you sore in any way?" Yifan asked into Yixing's ear and the younger shook his head, gasping as Yifan's teeth caught his ear and his eyes fluttered closed.
Yifan's mind blurred as he reached for a bottle of olive oil they kept on the counter for cooking, Yixing arched back into him, clearly turned on and Yifan saw the same person that he had at the two parties in which they had crossed the boundaries between platonic and something else. The seductive, lusting teenager.
Yifan dribbled some of the oil on his hand, his other arm pushing the things Yixing had been using away from them both and immediately began to coat his cock with the slippery liquid, Yixing was fully bent over the counter by then and Yifan had a momentary urge he'd never had before. He wanted to place a firm slap onto Yixing's revealed and slightly saliva slicked ass, though he refrained because he didn't know if Yixing would like that sort of thing. He saved that idea for a later day but quickly aligned himself with Yixing's twitching entrance and pushed through with no warning.
Yixing moaned loudly, his smaller hand already fisting at his erection and his hips began to grind backwards, moving Yifan within him and his cries increasing in volume as his prostate was abused more and more each time.
Yifan let the younger do as he pleased before demanding that Yixing turn around and sit on the counter, which had them both grunting as Yifan's cock was pulled out and Yixing was sat with his legs wide open on the granite work surface. The elder went between his thighs and drew him right to the edge of where he was sat, pressing back into Yixing and the younger joined their lips.
"I'm going to go a little harder than last night, is that okay?" Yifan muttered in a husky tone, Yixing's nod being his consent to pull out and push hastily back in. The taller moved them slightly down the counter and opened one of the cabinets. "Put your legs on my shoulders and hold onto the cupboard above your head."
Yixing's hands found the wooden base to the internal shelves and his legs were hooked firmly over Yifan's shoulders, "I'm ready."
Yifan held Yixing's thighs as he began to thrust that little bit deeper, that little bit harder and that little bit faster than their first time to have Yixing's eyes widening like saucers and his mouth going slack.
It wasn't long until those rounded eyes became lidded and that mouth was forming sounds that appeared to be attempts at 'oh's, 'yes's and 'fuck's. None of it was clear but the lust in Yixing's eyes told Yifan that he was liking the slightly more rough sex.
Although, if things weren't clear enough, the yelled, "More," made the idea concrete in Yifan's mind. He did, however, give in to the younger's request of giving him more by angling his thrusts that little bit more to firmly stimulate the younger's prostate and drive him into a groaning frenzy.
Their bodies matched as they both tried to move their hips, Yixing’s entire body seemed to be electric with pleasure and Yifan soaked it all up, he was enthralled by the view he had. Yixing’s neck, free of any marks, was displayed in front of him and he wished to bite and suck on it to get a taste. But the rule was unspoken, no marks. Though, that didn’t mean that Yifan could stop himself from fantasising.
That time around, Yifan couldn't warn Yixing to tell him to relax his way through his orgasm because it seemed to strike the younger like a bat to a ball. There seemed to be no preamble to Yixing's low groan and his orgasm, one second Yixing was moaning and the next his cum was on Yifan’s shirt and the sweater the younger had stolen from the elder’s wardrobe. The way Yixing had clenched up enveloped Yifan’s cock in a heat he’d never experienced and just as Yixing edged towards his comedown, Yifan was erupting inside of him and coating Yixing’s unprotected walls in his ejaculate.
The warm fluid flooded around Yifan’s member and Yixing panted loudly in his ear, his arms having come from the cupboard around to Yifan’s shoulders as he tried to catch his breath. The elder rested his head on Yixing’s for his own relaxation and wrapped his arms around Yixing’s shoulders to stabilise himself.
“Good morning,” Yixing chuckled with air rushing around his words. “I thought I was just going to get pancakes.”
“Morning,” Yifan turned his head to kiss Yixing’s ear. “We should get our clothes in the washer, throw out those lemons and disinfect the kitchen.”
“Uh, ge, this sweater is dry clean only.”
“Why did you pick the only sweater in my closet that is dry clean only?”
Their cravings for each other didn’t end until the rest of the Wu family returned back to the house, where Yifan and Yixing were sleeping off their exhaustion on the bed. Yixing had given Yifan his birthday present, a crate of chocolate milk, and Yifan had kissed Yixing so much in response that the younger couldn't stop laughing until he cried. They were rudely awoken by Luhan running in to yell about how he got Man of The Match in one of his games and that his team came second out of twenty-five. Which was an achievement because the winning team were from a sports academy and were a year older than Luhan, Minseok, Jongdae and Jongin. The couple congratulated the soccer star and before they knew it, Luhan was creeping under the duvet to nap with them.
Yixing looked mortified, as he was completely naked and Yifan was in his underwear. The college student bit his lip as he thought over plans on how to cover Yixing up as discreetly as they could and without Yixing being caught by his best friend. Luck, somehow, was swinging their way as Luhan whined about jeans being too uncomfortable to sleep in and that he was going to change into some sweatpants to go back and sleep in. As soon as the soccer player left the room, Yifan was scrambling across the room to find Yixing pyjama bottoms and a tank top to throw over his head.
The younger of the two dressed hastily under the covers, Yifan getting back in with enough time to kiss Yixing’s mouth gently before Luhan’s bedroom door shut with a loud squeak, and they were both completely relaxed upon his return. It made Yifan smile how Luhan nestled into his side like he used to as a child and Yixing took that as a go ahead to cling to the elder. It was like they were younger again when there wasn’t anything to be scared of other than the dark.
Everything about Yifan and Yixing stabilised after than weekend, they got into a natural flow of their relationship and Yifan could note how Yixing seemed to glow whenever he saw Yifan. The elder’s schedule still meant for little alone time, other than at night, for the both of them and they reverted back to just jerking each other off, sometimes sucking too but that was reserved for more energetic evenings, when Yifan got into bed.
It didn't help that his days off were filled with Luhan, which was a great thing for when all three of them wanted to bond but there were times that Yifan just wanted to shove Yixing against a wall and kiss him until their lips hurt. Sometimes all he wanted to was to lay down and cuddle Yixing but he couldn't because Luhan always seemed to have boundless amounts of energy neither Yifan nor Yixing had after long nights of catching up and unloading their affections onto one another.
Yifan's car was where the couple got most of their time alone. They would drive out to random places sometimes and do stupid things like make out on the bonnet and have a little fumble with one another in the back seats. It was also where Yixing told Yifan about new music he'd created, how Jongdae was happy that Yixing's songs lightened up and that Ziyi often dropped in to see Yixing's progression. Yifan could watch Yixing talk for hours, just sitting there and admiring how expressive Yixing's mouth was, especially when he whined, and how he gesticulated with his hands to get as many points across as he could.
At other times, it would be at dinner when Yixing and Yifan would exchange food, they'd be sure to send only the best one to the other or that they would make sure the other got the first of that particular item. They even shared the same pizza when they got a delivery one night.
Kyungsoo had noted a change, a positive one, in Yifan that had the tall student smiling. His friends all noted on how Yifan appeared more affectionate and caring than he had done before. There was also the fact that Yifan could reject people by saying that he was seeing somebody else already.
Yixing was his boyfriend, officially and in every sense of the word. It was all Yifan's work fried brain could pinpoint amongst all the chaos. He could go home, forget about his day and be accepted into a bed that had somebody waiting for him in.
Yifan was happy for the days that he could pick the two younger boys up from school, Yixing with his songbook and dance kit bag and Luhan with his soccer duffle. They would all relax together in a peaceful quiet and Yifan would watch Yixing across from him and wonder which god he was favoured by to have such a wonderful person fall for him.
They always got ice cream, one of Yifan's many treats, on their short route home. It was a tradition that was quick to make and Yixing seemed delighted with his chocolate ice cream while Luhan seemed to stick to his vanilla choice of which Yixing tuned his nose up at. Yifan didn't have any, as he had to watch his food intake for the sake of his basketball training, and that had his two youngers whining about how he was being too careful with himself. It was also a perfect opportunity Yixing took to try and feed Yifan a couple scoops, the elder knew it was a guise for a romantic gesture. He only accepted the treat then. It wasn't as if he could resist the silent pleading and pouting display Yixing was showing, he couldn't say no to him.
When they all arrived home, they all ended up in Yifan's room. The elder took his time off as an opportunity to catch up on any basketball games he had missed while the other two stretched out like cats in the winter sun across his mattress. He sat on the floor with his laptop, resting his back against the bed frame and Yixing's fingers played gently with his hair. It had his eyes fluttering shut as the twiddling of strands slowly became a relaxing head massage, his entire body loosened up under the touches of the younger and Yifan couldn't resist to look around at his younger brother to see if his focus was elsewhere. Once he had ensured that it was, one of his hands wrapped around Yixing's wrist to bring his palm to his lips. He kissed the fleshy patches of the younger's hand as adoringly as he could.
Yixing, however, had other ideas. Ones that would be hard to cover for. The teenager took his hands out of Yifan's clasp and pushed two of his fingers against the slit between the elder's lips. It wasn't even a hint, it was more of a silent command than anything and Yifan parted his mouth willingly to allow the younger's fingers in. He sucked them gently at first, trying to keep the wet sounds to a minimum as Yixing tried to massage against Yifan's tongue and the elder could only suck that little bit more in retaliation.
"I'm getting a drink, anybody want anything from the kitchen?" Luhan asked, the rustling behind Yifan's head told him that his brother was standing up and Yixing removed his fingers from the college student's mouth just as it opened to allow him to.
"No thanks," Yixing hummed and Yifan just shook his head, his mind a little muddled over why Yixing would initiate something like that with Luhan around.
Once Luhan had disappeared out of the room and could be heard jogging down the stairs, Yifan looked around at Yixing with a gentle scowl and Yixing had a lidded gaze that Yifan knew all too well.
"Why did you do that? Luhan could have seen."
“I want you to touch me,” Yixing whispered, clambering down off the bed and pressing his body to Yifan’s side in a pleading manner. “I’ll even call you gege when I cum.”
“I told you not to do that,” Yifan warned, his eyes narrowing as he looked at Yixing from the corner of his eyes. “You haven’t called me gege for a while now, so just leave it.”
“Fanfan, please,” Yixing whispered as the sounds of Luhan edging his way up the stairs echoed through the house. “I’m really horny.”
“When aren’t you?” Yifan ran one of his hands down Yixing’s thigh, crawled one of his fingers around behind Yixing’s knee and caressed over the sensitive spot there. The younger’s leg twitched as he let out a small whimper, his eyes fluttered closed as Luhan entered the room and Yifan returned to look back at his laptop screen.
“What are you doing down there, Xing?” Luhan asked, placing his cup on the drawers at the end of the bed.
“Gege won’t pay me any attention.”
“Have you regressed back to being eight again, Yixing?” Luhan deadpanned and the youngest of the three pouted as petulantly as he could.
“Gege, gege, gege, gege, gege,” Yixing continually whined, which made Luhan cackle unattractively and Yifan huffed out a long sigh until Yixing crawled around to place his pouting head on the top lip of Yifan’s laptop screen. “Play with me, gege.”
The elder scowled at the hidden meaning of the other’s words and Luhan only laughed harder, thinking that the youngest of the three was being petulant because he was bored. Yifan, however, was relieved that he didn’t feel an ounce of arousal at Yixing’s actions, given that his brother was sat barely a metre away.
Yixing also seemed to forget when Luhan distracted him with gossip about other students in their class. Which left Yifan to watch his basketball again, Yixing’s fingers soon found their way back into Yifan’s hair and affection flooded through the elder’s body.
It was an idle Tuesday in December when Luhan sat both Yifan and Yixing down on Yifan’s bed with a nervous expression. It was an unusual occurrence and Yifan’s eyes flitted to Yixing worriedly, concern that they had been found out stifling him and making his palms sweat at his sides.
“I don’t know how to say this,” Luhan grumbled, his usually confident gaze settled on the floor and his hands wrung together. “I don’t know how to say this without it being weird. Or at least, weirder than it already is.”
“What is it, Lu?” Yixing’s voice trembled slightly and Yifan wanted to reach out for him, to comfort his anxiety.
“I want to watch gay porn with you two,” the mid aged one of the three blurted out and Yifan’s entire body went rigid. His neck managed to turn him so he was looking directly at his younger brother.
“Han, are you trying to say that you’r-”
“I’m not gay,” Luhan iterated, his hands waving in front of his body to shut down those thoughts.
“Then why?” Yixing’s head tilted to the side in Yifan’s peripheral vision, showing that he was just as lost as Yifan was in the whole situation.
“It’s hard to explain but can we just do it? I found a video but I don’t know if it is the kind of thing you guys like or if it’s even good but the rating was pretty high, as was the view count.”
Yifan wasn’t sure if he had just walked into some post-modern surrealist inspired film because he was half certain that his straight younger brother just offered to watch gay porn with him and his gay best friend, who just happened to be Yifan’s secret boyfriend. His head hurt to think about it but Luhan was quickly sitting himself between Yixing and himself.
Yifan recognised his own laptop on Luhan’s lap and creased his eyebrows, drawing them in together as he looked at the screen.
“Apparently there’s this thing called topping and bottoming, well I’m sure you guys know that but I wasn’t sure what either of you were because you’re both ‘normal' looking. Like neither of you are a 'twink’, I think that’s what they’re called, and neither of you are a ‘bear’, you know the big, kind of intimidating looking guys. Well, you’re big and intimidating looking, ge, but not in that way. So I found one with the most ‘normal' looking guys in it, to you know, cater to whatever you guys do. Oh my god, I’m just going to click play now.”
Yifan was completely frozen as two men appeared on the screen, neither of them were particularly appetising to Yifan but he didn’t want to look at his brother or his boyfriend, so he kept staring at the bad acting pornstars with a sense of unease in his stomach.
The actors seemed to do all the trademark porn markers; kissing, fondling, fake moans and weird insertion shots. It was just two guys fucking, nothing too vanilla or kinky on the screen but then the one doing the fucking began to push his fingers into the other, as if to stretch him wider. It was then that Yifan chanced a look at Yixing.
The younger of the couple was already looking at him, expressing slight discomfort at what was happening in the room at that moment.
“Oh my god, how did they fit that in there?” Luhan exclaimed, his hands on his mouth in a mix of curiosity and horror. Their eyes snapped back to the screen to see that the “bottom” had not only the “top”’s dick inside of him but a full sized silicone dildo too. He seemed to be whimpering like it was the best feeling in the world, as if that was all he ever wanted.
Yifan’s eyes drifted back to Yixing who, in return, sneaked Yifan a look and the elder narrowed his gaze at the way Yixing fidgeted and bit his lower lip.
He licked his own lips as he watched the plump reddened flesh escape from where it was trapped between neatly placed teeth, he couldn’t believe that Yixing actually seemed to be getting off on what they were watching and that he was lusting for Yifan as a consequence. Yixing’s nimble fingers began to pluck at the hand Yifan had placed behind Luhan to balance himself on the bed, they rubbed at his hands and it wasn’t long until Yixing slipped one of his own fingers between his lips and sucked on it as coyly as he could.
Yifan rolled his eyes but couldn’t deny that Yixing’s display was far more of a turn on than the display the two men on the screen were giving. Instead of focusing on his boyfriend, Yifan’s attention fell back on his brother and how uncomfortable he looked watching two men getting each other off on the screen. In all honesty, the sight made Yifan’s skin crawl a little because everything about the sex seemed so detached and he’d never quite felt that with anybody he’d slept with, especially Yixing.
“Han, I know you’re trying to be considerate and stuff to our sexualities but gay porn isn’t an accurate representation of what relationships between men are like,” Yifan hummed, closing the screen of the laptop to make the acted out moans and grunts stop. “It’s like straight porn, sex like that doesn’t tend to actually happen between most couples.”
“I know but sometimes I feel like I don’t try hard enough to understand you guys,” Luhan sucked in his bottom lip and Yixing reached out to hold one of his hands, and Yifan did the same with the other.
“Dating guys isn’t much different to dating a girl, it’s only really the sex that’s different. The feelings are the same, it’s not like we are dating a whole other species,” Yifan explained calmly but Luhan shook his head.
“I know that stuff but I don’t want to be ignorant in case you want to come to me with problems and stuff with the people you date,” Luhan looked down at where his hands were being held and Yifan smiled gently at his younger brother.
“Trying is enough for us, Hannie,” he ruffled Luhan’s hair with his spare hand and the teenager looked at him with worried eyes.
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” Yifan hummed, smiling widely at the other. “I am sure that Xing-ah agrees too.”
“Yeah, gege is right. I’m not always going to understand the way it feels to be with a girl and you’re probably never going to know how amazing it feels to be taken up the ass.”
“Yixing,” Luhan gasped, utterly scandalised and Yifan bit back a smirk.
“What? You might know how it feels to fuck somebody’s ass, if a girl lets you,” Yixing shrugged and Yifan couldn’t contain the snort from coming out of his nose. “Though, there are some girls who would be willing to do you up the-”
“I think that’s enough,” Luhan’s hands broke free from their collective grasp and he covered his ears with them. “I don’t want to hear anymore. I don’t want anything going up my ass.” He took his hands back to his lap, turned to Yifan with a horrified expression which made the elder recoil slightly. “What if something gets lost in there?”
“Then it’s an awkward trip to the ER,” Yifan laughed, Luhan’s face fell and he shuddered.
“I think I’m going to go shower. I feel dirty at the idea of losing some foreign object up my ass.”
“You’ll change your mind after your first prostate exam,” Yixing yelled after him and Yifan tried his hardest to contain himself.
They both watched Luhan leave before they crumbled into laughter on Yifan’s bed, as soon as the sound of the water running in the main bathroom was heard, Yifan leaned forward and kissed Yixing quickly. He pulled back and took in the way he could see his own reflection in Yixing’s eyes, the way a shadow formed when his dimple creased and how his mouth was wide in a smile that had Yifan’s heart racing. They kissed again, a little longer that time, with Yifan’s hands on Yixing’s waist and the the younger’s arms hanging loosely around Yifan’s shoulders.
That was right up until Yixing pulled away, crawled across the bed and picked Yifan’s laptop up. He opened the screen and turned to the elder, who was as confused as he possibly could have been.
“I want to do it,” Yixing whispered.
“Have sex?” Yifan raised an eyebrow.
“Well, yes but not like normal,” Yixing turned the screen back towards Yifan, “like this.”
Yifan gulped slightly, his eyes taking in the scene the porn had been paused on and he slowly looked back to Yixing, “Really?”
“I’m curious about what my body can do,” Yixing nodded.
“And you want to discover that by me putting a vibrator inside of you while I am fucking you?”
“When you say it like that it sounds so crude,” Yixing retorted, sucking his teeth.
“That’s because it is crude, Xingxing,” Yifan sat up and Yixing crawled forward a little more.
“I’m just curious to see if it feels good to be so full,” Yixing bit his lip contemplatively before continuing, “and I don’t want another person involved when we have sex, it’s a good alternative.”
Yifan thought it over a little, he imagined fingering Yixing while being completely seated inside of him and how he would writhe at the stimulation, then of how much tighter it would be inside Yixing if there were something else there to rub against while his boyfriend clenched around him. Plus, Yifan was the only person in the world he would trust with doing such things to the other with the best of intentions. He sighed and nodded his head, “If you want to try it, I’m willing to give it a go.”
“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”
“Truth be told, I’m a little curious to how you would react to it…”
“Can I call you gege while we do it?”
It was two weeks later when Yifan and Yixing had a free house together and Yifan came home from work to see that Yixing was sat on their bed with a brown paper bag and his phone twiddled between his fingers. He looked up at Yifan and the elder walked over to sit next to him, his curiosity over what was in the bag made his head angle to one side until Yixing let the contents fall out on the bed.
There were condoms, lube and what Yifan instantly recognised to be a soft plastic vibrator that was a shade of pale pink. He instantly knew what Yixing had in mind and slowly, still silent, took off his clothing. Yixing did the same and Yifan couldn’t miss how the other seemed to be bubbling over with excitement. Yifan sat down on the bed and it wasn’t too long after that his boyfriend climbed onto his lap with his hands on the elder’s shoulders to balance himself.
That was Yixing’s favourite position to be fingered and stretched in, it meant he could look at Yifan while also bending over to have the elder’s fingers roaming his favourite spots inside of him. Yifan unwrapped the lube while Yixing peppered kisses up and down his neck, whimpering about how he had been waiting for Yifan’s fingers to open him up.
Yifan was ready to push the first two fingers into Yixing, their lack of alone time in the house had meant that they hadn’t had proper sex for a while. They had been having sneaky blowjobs in the shower or quick and relatively dissatisfying hand jobs in bed, it was nothing compared to being inside Yixing for Yifan. The younger always felt like heaven with how well he took Yifan while remaining a tightness that he heat only worsened, Yifan’s entire body clogged with lust at the mere thought.
Stretching Yixing was like foreplay for the both of them, Yixing got off on the prods to his prostate and Yifan got off on the way Yixing panted against his neck and how his knees shook. Though, the younger liked to feel like he was doing something to Yifan, physically at least. His talented hands wrapped around Yifan’s length and ensured that he was at full hardness by the time Yifan’s third finger was going in and out of Yixing. That was normally where things stopped but Yifan preferred to err on the side of caution and pushed his little finger into Yixing’s too. The younger let out a strong keen at that sensation, two of Yifan’s fingers brushed firmly over the area where he knew the younger’s prostate lay and Yixing moved to bend forward even more, his eyes fluttered shut as his forehead leaned against Yifan’s shoulder.
“Are you ready?” Yifan eventually spoke and Yixing nodded his head.
The elder moved them so that Yixing was on his hands and knees on the bed, neither of them really liked such position but they had previously discussed that it was the best way to do what they had planned to. Yifan had constantly stressed to Yixing that he had to be honest if something hurt too much, if he wanted to stop or if he had any other worries because Yifan would no longer see the younger’s face to read his emotions.
Yixing got himself comfortable with pillows around his body and Yifan unpackaged one condom and rolled it onto the dildo, his face burning in ever so slight embarrassment, then he pulled one onto himself. Yixing hummed to show that he was ready and Yifan pushed his way into the younger’s body, letting out a deep breath as he did so and Yixing moaned gently, already grinding his hips back. Even through the condom, Yifan could feel everything inside Yixing and he relished in that as Yixing adjusted a little more to the intrusion.
Yifan saw how Yixing held at the pillows beneath him, his hands ready to ball up tightly if he was needed to transfer pressure out of the lower half of his body and Yifan was usually ready for those fists to clench at his arms or his hair. It was weird seeing them elsewhere but it was an erotic display nonetheless. Yifan only began to pull out of the younger when his hips began to undulate backwards inch by inch.
Even when Yifan thrust in and out of Yixing, he wasn’t rough or harsh in anyway. It was more of a deep and slow drag of his body, one that had Yixing’s back arching to adjust to the pleasure and to hold at the fabric in his grip. There were no moans just yet, it was all deep breaths and tension building. Yifan felt stimulated by the feeling of being inside the younger but Yixing still had a long way to go before the mounting pressure from his prostate covered his nerves in pleasure.
Yifan did think that the position, as undignified as it was for his boyfriend, was somewhat erotic; he could see how his member moved and disappeared into the other. It was a satisfying crutch and climb of lust within him, his hands held at Yixing’s hips until he pushed one of his palms up the younger’s spine. He toyed with the hairs at the nape of the other’s neck, listening to the soft whine it made Yixing release as the sensitive part of his body caused an almost immediate reaction. Which was felt by Yifan in how his ass clenched around his cock.
Yixing’s entire body was provocative, the way his muscles moved under his skin and how it moved with every small shift. His flesh rippled in an almost serpentine display of arousal, his legs were toned and Yifan moved his hand to rub at the sensitive area on Yixing’s knee, the tender part at the back where hair thinned out to show an almost bare patch of skin.
The college student gradually sped up, always angling his hips to ensure as much prostate contact as he could manage. He had swiftly learned that Yixing was somebody who liked continual stimulation there , as opposed to some of the people Yifan had slept with who only like to be teased on their prostate nearer the end of sex, and Yifan never really minded. It usually meant that Yixing felt satisfied and he could feel excitement build within him when he thought about how much Yixing could enjoy what was to come.
“Fan,” Yixing whimpered and that gained the attention of the older. “More.”
On another day, Yifan would have sped up and began to earnestly fuck Yixing whatever way he liked but Yifan’s hand, still relatively lubricated from stretching Yixing out, moved to press at Yixing’s rim that was comfortably spread around Yifan’s cock with two fingers. The elder pulled out as far as he could without leaving Yixing and pushed back in with the fingers still there, Yixing groaned but Yifan couldn’t quite tell if it was one of pleasure or discomfort because it was muffled by the pillows.
But with no other reaction from the younger, Yifan began to thrust again, using his fingers to stretch Yixing more and more until he felt there was enough room for a third digit. The scene was one of the most lewd ones that Yifan had ever seen, and been a part of, and the fact that it was happening with Yixing was something Yifan couldn’t quite wrap his head around.
Yixing wanting to do such a thing was a strange notion, given that he was seventeen.
Yifan guessed that Yixing trusted him enough to experiment.
The elder continued to use his fingers to pry Yixing further open, he tried his hardest to ignore the extra pressure against his shaft, the fact that he could feel himself inside Yixing was a new and strange sensation but it felt heavenly on his cock. There was no way that he could resist the way that Yixing had begun to whimper and escalate that into quiet moans.
If he could compare the sounds that Yixing was making to the ones the man was making in the porn video, he would happily choose the ones Yixing made. They were so much more genuine and spoke of how Yixing’s pleasure was something that as an ever culminating motion and not something that was at a constant peak. It was so much more of a turn on to watch somebody crumble with every touch and turn.
Yifan’s fourth finger was when Yixing’s entire body went rigid, it immediately had Yifan stopping in every movement until Yixing turned his head to the side and spoke through a series of pants, “Move your fingers.”
Yifan did so, he was still inside Yixing sharing the space with the fingers on his hand and Yifan moved his digits around until they were primed to rub against Yixing’s prostate. The younger seemed appreciative of the change. Yifan wondered how the other felt under his ministrations and if it felt as good for Yixing as it was for Yifan to have the younger so full.
“I-I’m re-ready,” Yixing whispered and Yifan looked over at his face, ensuring that there wasn’t a sign of discomfort on it. When he was happy, he pulled his fingers out and picked up the light pink object Yixing had brought.
Yifan decided not to turn the vibrator on and pulled out until only the tip of his cock was in Yixing, then he pressed the end of the dildo against Yixing’s rim and edged it in as gently as he could. He slid back into Yixing at the same rate, stopping at short intervals to monitor the way Yixing’s face looked.
The elder was glad that the younger’s face had not yet changed from one with glassy, lustfilled eyes and parted lips. Yixing seemed set on remaining relaxed about the whole thing as Yifan could feel the way he fought clenching up around him. Yixing only groaned when Yifan and the dildo were fully seated within him. Yifan had to stay still to collect himself, he was half certain that any movement in such a tight space would have had him cum within a few thrusts. He had to wait for himself to adjust to the change.
“Are you okay?” He asked Yixing and the younger’s eyes remained unfocused and his attention elsewhere. “Yixing, are you okay?”
The younger’s eyes blinked and moved across to look up at Yifan’s eyes, “Full.”
Yifan nodded and massaged encouragingly at Yixing’s spine. The reaction he got was a slinking of the vertebrae beneath his hand and Yixing’s eyes widened as the vibrator shifted inside of him as a result. The shift in pressure had Yifan sighing out happily, the heat in his groin setting to a simmer and he gently pulled out of Yixing, the feeling of the slide of the dildo and Yixing’s walls on his cock was indescribable. There was pressure everywhere, all of it dragged along the sensitive skin of Yifan’s member and the bold vein that ran around it felt as though there was a thumb stroking slowly up it because the touch felt so purposeful.
Yifan’s mind went blank as he finally went inside Yixing again and the hand of his holding the vibrator inside of Yixing flicked the toy on and Yixing’s whole body shuddered with pleasure as he tried to moan out a slur of syllables that resembled Yifan’s name. The elder understood completely, as he was not as prepared as he should have been to have something vibrating against his dick and yet he was blindsided by the sensations it sent into his body like an earthquake.
With shaking hands, Yifan remained inside Yixing and used the vibrator to fuck him with, the both of them relishing in the way that the toy pleasured them both and Yixing’s hips began to move back against the dildo and Yifan’s free hand curled its fingers tightly on the younger’s pelvis to keep him grounded but Yifan knew he wouldn’t last much longer with the stimulation where it was.
It was then that he decided to pull both himself and the vibrator out of Yixing at the same time and push back in at a fast pace. The whole of Yixing’s body trembled beneath him and Yifan carried on like that. Yixing’s eyes were closed and his fingers were digging into the pillows, a display of how Yixing’s body was succumbing to the sensations and stimulations it was feeling. Yifan’s entire body was reacting in equal neediness as he began to fuck into the other as well as he could without hitting his peak or collapsing on himself.
The college student’s hand on Yixing’s hip released him and it moved around to the front of the other’s body, Yifan only had to hold and tug at Yixing’s cock a few times until he was spilling onto the top bedsheet. That had Yixing’s hole clenching up like a fist around Yifan and the elder came into the condom in hot spurts that had colour flashing behind Yifan’s eyelids. He felt it all over his body; his hands shook and his toes curled. The high that came with his orgasm wasn’t the short, temporary kind that had come when Yixing had jerked him off in previous nights but the type that lingered and left shudders in muscles for minutes afterwards
He pulled out, he took the vibrator out of Yixing and they both collapsed down onto the bed. They knew that they hadn’t lasted as long as they’d hoped but it was the first time they had ever done it, it was an experiment.
It took them a few minutes to catch their breaths back, Yixing’s body seemed a lot more boneless than Yifan’s and the younger looked at him with slowly shutting eyes. Once the taller could move around, he cleaned up the bed and went to the bathroom to toss away the two condoms that had been used. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do with the vibrator, so washed it and placed it in amongst Yixing’s things in the wardrobe. He couldn’t fight off sleep as he made his way back into bed, all of his muscles had begun to feel heavy and his eyes even more so.
He collected the barely conscious Yixing, who was obviously tired from the sex they’d had and a whole day of school and dance class before that, into his arms and bound their bodies together, completely uncaring of the mess on Yixing’s upper body. It was the perfect opportunity to take a shower together in the morning.
With a single kiss to Yixing’s lips, Yifan allowed himself to drift off to sleep and indulge in how Yixing’s nutmeg and ginger scent had grown stronger with his perspiration; it was a lullaby that didn’t need to be sung. Yixing’s deep breaths, relaxed body and warmth pulled Yifan further away from being awake and even closer to falling asleep until he had drifted off completely.
“So, why are we out in the cold?” Kyungsoo sighed, his breath condensing over his scarf and Yifan couldn’t stop smiling. “And why are you so happy?”
“I’m looking for apartments to move into,” Yifan beamed, clutching a small bag of envelopes, each containing a key to different places.
“I didn’t know you wanted to move out,” his shorter friend hummed and shot Yifan a questioning look.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a little while,” Yifan admitted. “I want some space for myself to be with Yix-whoever I want to be there.”
“So you want somewhere that you can regularly have sex with your seventeen year old younger brother’s best friend in?”
“I don’t know what you’re ta-”
“Yifan, I know for a fact that you’ve been dating Yixing for a few months now.”
“I don’t know what you’r-”
“I’ve known you for years, Yifan,” Kyungsoo said flatly. “I know you and I know that you’re with Yixing because I’ve seen you.”
“What when?” Yifan’s eyes widened as Kyungsoo began to walk towards Yifan’s car.
“Late November, Yixing had a recital and you were backstage with your tongue in his throat,” his friend shrugged and Yifan’s stomach felt like it had dropped to the floor. “Don’t worry, I am sure I’m the only one who saw.”
“Oh,” Yifan bowed his head and trailed behind his friend to get into his car. “I’m sorry for keeping it a secret.”
“I don’t blame you for keeping it to yourselves, with the situation.”
“Yeah, I’m still sorry though.”
“It’s no big deal,” Kyungsoo dismissed and Yifan started the car. “What does he think about you moving out?”
“He doesn’t know yet.” Yifan watched as Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. “I want it to be a surprise.”
“What if he doesn’t want you to move out?”
“We’ll work something out,” Yifan was confident in that fact, Yixing was mature and he was sure that he’d understand the elder’s need for his own space. “But he’ll always be welcome there, any time.”
They drove to and looked at the first apartment, Yifan liked it a lot but it felt a little cold. It was wide but sound didn’t carry well from to room to room, the flooring looked like they would easily scuff and the bathroom had twist taps, not lever ones.
“This place is very you, Yifan,” Kyungsoo aired as they walked out of it and Yifan had reeled off his doubts. “But you’re picking faults, why?”
“I’m going to be living there, I want to like it.”
“But you do like it, why are you finding minor reasons to hate it?” Kyungsoo didn’t even need Yifan to respond to know the answer, he clicked his teeth before saying. “Yixing will love anywhere you live because you’ll be there.”
“I know but I want him to like it, I want him to want to spend time in the apartment because he likes it too. It sounds stupid but his opinion means a lot to me,” Yifan put the key back into it’s envelope and Kyungsoo nodded. “I’m going to pick somewhere we can both like, and Luhan too.”
Kyungsoo snorted, “Luhan isn’t going to like your’s and Yixing’s little love nest, trust me. He won’t want to think about all the places in the apartment you’re going to have sex in.”
Yifan didn’t dignify his friend with a response but carried on driving to the next place. That apartment wasn’t much better but that time, it was because Yifan really hated it. The interior was dated and the ceilings were low enough that Yifan had to bend his neck to walk through a door, which wasn’t what he wanted for a place he wanted to settle in. Kyungsoo also believed that the place was outright garbage and clearly stated that he would never go to visit Yifan if he were to live there. Which Yifan thought was fair, he wouldn’t ever want to go to that apartment again either.
The third apartment, however, was perfect. It wasn’t far from his university or his parents’ house, even though it was around ten minutes longer in the car to get to his work. Not to mention the fact that it was spacious without feeling empty and Yifan could imagine Yixing in every corner of the apartment. The pace was perfect for playing the piano with how the acoustics of the apartment seemed to beg for more noise, the flooring was perfect for Yixing to practice his latest dance routines and it was as warm and inviting as Yixing was when Yifan saw him for the first time in a day. The whole place seemed like somewhere Yixing would revel and adore to live in and it was perfect for Yifan too. Everything had a more stylised edge to it and Yifan could see himself living happily there.
He also found himself thinking about Luhan liking it, his younger brother would definitely like it, given that his tastes tended to be a merging of both Yifan’s and Yixing’s. He would like all of the modernist twists on the living area and kitchen but would also like the space and warmth that Yixing did. He knew the place was perfect.
It was where he could see himself living alone, with his boyfriend and his brother visiting numerous times of the week.
The two friends still looked around the other apartments, just so that they were never left wondering but they both knew Yifan’s heart was set on the third one they had visited. Kyungsoo had voiced that Yifan hadn’t lit up at any other apartment than that one, that Yifan had once again begun to pluck excuses out of the sky to reason not wanting a certain apartment and that Yifan had kept the key to the third apartment in his pocket, almost as if he already lived there.
“Just talk to your parents, Luhan and Yixing about it before you do anything, okay?” Yifan nodded at Kyungsoo as he dropped him off at his house. “And please think about telling your family that you and Yixing are together, the longer you leave it the more people are going to get hurt by the secrets.”
Yifan watched as Yixing opened the front door, welcoming his parents in and there was a renewed sense of nervousness to meeting Yixing’s mother and father, despite having met them numerous times when he was younger. But he hadn’t been romantically invested in their child then. No, he had seen himself as a platonic elder brother and they had praised him as somebody good for Yixing’s younger self. But as he stood in the hallway with sweating palms Yifan had numerous visions of every time Yixing had moaned, cried and whimpered his name in lust and want.
The college student gulped uncomfortably and rubbed his hands on his jeans, his body closing up as he realised that Yixing’s parents had no idea that Yifan had defiled their son so many times that he’d lost count. His heart beated harder as he bowed to Yixing’s father and the man smiled openly at him.
“Yifan, you’ve grown up so much,” he gasped and Yixing nodded bashfully.
“You didn’t say that he was this handsome, Xingie,” Yixing’s mother cooed, her hands both wrapping around his forearm before he could bow to her too. “You chose your geges very well.”
“Yes,” Yixing nodded, his eyes not meeting Yifan’s when he spoke. “They’re the best brothers I could have asked for.”
“Oh, you’re here,” Yifan’s mother called out and she fussed over their guests while Yifan tried to quash that heavy weight on his shoulders that had landed there after Yixing had uttered the word brothers. Yixing didn’t seem ready to look at Yifan either, so bypassed him in the hallway to follow after his parents.
Luhan looked at Yifan with scrutiny from the dining area and Yifan stalked towards the kitchen, his hand picked up one of the bottles of beer that had been icing on the counter and he drank a long gulp before his eyes automatically found Yixing again. The younger was staring idly with a frown on his lips and Yifan wanted to kiss him until he smiled again. Instead, he called Luhan over to go talk to Yixing while he went to the door to welcome the other guests they were going to have.
Luhan’s gaze changed slightly as Yifan excused himself but the elder didn’t stop to question it. Yifan concentrated on smiling at other guests before his mother called everybody to the table.
“Sit wherever you want,” Yifan’s father said and Yifan found that his chest grew warm when Yixing chose to sit beside him, like normal. Luhan decided to go opposite them, like normal, and Yifan relaxed into his seat once he’d sat down.
Yixing’s hand found Yifan’s palm and he found Yixing spelling out ‘抱歉’ on it and Yifan immediately responded with a softly spelt out, ‘没关系’. Yixing seemed to relax when he felt that and wrapped his hand up in Yifan’s, a gentle extension of his apology.
The rest of the night ran smoothly with Yixing’s parents at the table, as well as some of Yifan’s parents’ friends. There was no particular occasion other than the fact that they hadn’t had guests around for a long time. There was the odd comment that had Yixing’s fingers flinching in Yifan’s about how the three boys were great brothers for each other and Yifan tried his hardest to laugh them all off but it was a constant reminder that almost everybody who knew them saw he and Yixing as brothers. It was so glaringly obvious to Yifan that people found them to be like family and even treated them as if they were like flesh and blood to one another.
The jovial mood was dashed when Luhan made a comment about how Yifan and Yixing needed to get out and date otherwise people would think that they were together because of how close they were and almost every response from the table was that it would be wrong to ever consider the two of them dating because they were brothers. It made Yifan feel sick to his stomach and he could barely eat much of what was served on the table. Yixing, it seemed, couldn’t either.
In fact, Yixing looked as though he was going to burst into tears.
Going to bed was awkward and there was a sombre air to it, especially when Yixing practically flinched from Yifan’s touch when they first went under the duvet together.
“Now we know what people will think,” Yixing whispered into the darkness and Yifan looked across at him. “I don’t want to keep this a secret, I’m tired of the lying and hiding. I don’t think it’s fair to Han. He doesn’t want us to be together and neither do our parents. They looked repulsed at the idea like they would if we really were brothers.”
“I know,” Yifan sighed and he knew neither of them could live without their families approving of their relationship, not when they adored their parents and Luhan so much.
Yifan’s mind told him that he should end things with Yixing for the sake of his family but his heart, it was completely silent.
Yixing curled into Yifan’s side, as if he was shielding himself for something to come and Yifan couldn’t stop the instinctual urge to hold the younger closely, “I wish things were different.”
“I never wanted to hide you,” Yifan confessed. “I never wanted you to be somebody I kissed in the dark and when nobody else could see but with everybody set on seeing us for what we should be, brothers, I don’t know how else we could be together.”
“Do you think we should break up?” Yixing whispered and Yifan realised that hearing the words hurt more than thinking them.
“Yeah,” he nodded while he clutched Yixing more tightly to his body. “Now might be a good time. I’ve been looking at apartments to move out into and that would be good to give us a little space, I don’t think it would be healthy to continue this way afterwards and the only way we’ll break out of that would be to have a little distance.”
Yifan hated how Yixing seemed to sob gently against his neck, the way he felt the tension of Yixing’s brown beneath his ear was a symbol of the tears the younger was trying to hold back, “Yeah.”
“This isn’t because I feel differently about you,” Yifan rolled them over to look into Yixing’s glassy eyes below him through his own slightly misty ones. “I still feel everything for you. Everything I’ve done and said to you has been true and will always be true, okay?”
“Me too,” Yixing’s words were weak and watery. Yifan kissed up the tears the younger released, his fingers lacing with Yixing’s below him until the younger’s lips chased Yifan’s mouth down.
It was a sad kiss, the kind that tasted of tinges of salt and heartbreak. Yifan’s body crumbled slightly as Yixing’s lips parted for his tongue to enter and nothing had ever hurt the twenty one year old more than that kiss. They were both waiting for the moment their hearts would crack and break with only the other, the source of that pain, as their sole comfort. It was like a countdown as Yixing’s breaths turned to complete sobs against Yifan’s tongue and the elder could only hold the younger’s hands as tightly as he could.
“It hurts,” Yixing muttered as they pulled away for a little air. “It hurts so much.”
“I know, I know,” Yifan kissed over Yixing’s cheeks, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” was the whispered response and Yifan nodded slightly. “We’re doing this because it’s right.”
The heavy but empty thought that they were breaking up because of Luhan. They couldn’t lose him or deal with the betrayal anymore, they loved the bright eyed boy too much.
“Don’t think that you can’t come to me anymore,” Yifan voiced his worry and Yixing held breath. “Anything you need, I’ll be waiting to be there for you. Anywhere you need me to follow you to, I’ll be waiting to go with you. Anytime you need somebody, I’ll be waiting to protect you.”
Yixing let the air in his lungs go, the hot air pushed on Yifan’s face but the elder didn’t care as his own small droplet tears fell onto Yixing’s cheeks, painting the younger in both of their sadness.
“Don’t let me go,” Yixing whimpered and Yifan shifted them again, changing them so that Yixing’s body was on top of his and he could hold him tightly so much better. “Please, I don’t want you to let me go yet.”
“I won’t,” Yifan assured. “Don’t let go of me either.”
Yixing’s fingers clung to Yifan’s shoulders tightly, tighter than they ever had before and Yifan didn’t know why there was no sharp pain in his chest yet, like his previous breakups. It confused him but he chalked it up to that part of him that always put Yixing first.
The younger was hurting, he needed Yifan and he needed to ensure that Yixing was okay before he ever let himself dwell on his own emotions for too long.
They kissed over and over, the air of finality to them had Yixing’s hold on Yifan loosening until he was asleep, until his crying was only soft whimpers in his slumber. Yifan watched over Yixing until light began to flood into the room, the shadows of the buildings across the street beamed in and turned everything a bleary grey colour. His eyes stung, not just with tears but tiredness too. Yifan gently placed Yixing down on the mattress, crept out of the bed and sat at his desk to stare blankly at the wall until his mother appeared in the door frame to tell him that he was going to be late for work if he loitered around any longer. Yifan couldn’t even take a glance at the mound huddled under his duvet while he dressed himself but that didn’t mean that his fingers didn’t shake as if they were longing for a smaller hand to hold.
Yifan moved out barely a week later into the third apartment he had looked at, Yixing had stayed in Luhan’s room but they pretended like everything was fine in front of everybody else. Every touch Yixing left on Yifan’s skin burned like a white hot iron brand, every time their eyes met Yifan only saw the openly raw ones from the last night they’d spent together and every second Yifan watched Yixing for made him long even more for the other.
He threw himself into moving, into studying, into working and into playing basketball. He was off centre for the first few days, distracted by bleary eyes and sleepless nights, but exhaustion soon took over and he slept for longer than he ever had at night. Yifan replaced the molten feelings of affection in his stomach with stress. At times, he would purposely mess up to feel something because it was numb, almost as if his heart didn’t exist or had never existed in the first place. Or maybe he’d already given it away to a sobbing seventeen year old.
He didn’t know.