louis is kind of a slut. he doesn't mean to be, honestly, it's just that he needs his reassurance differently than the others.
niall needs a pint and a night out.
harry needs soft words whispered late at night, promises that things will be okay.
zayn needs a night in a club, dirty dancing, loads of alcohol, and freedom.
liam needs a workout, long and hard and intense to shake off his doubts.
but louis - louis needs touches.
the first time it happens, louis accidentally read twitter again. he doesn't do it on purpose, but he gets into his mentions and there's this one girl who's using all SHOUTY letters, and it catches his attention. she's defending him, ironically enough, and it makes him feel good until he reads what she's defending him from.
louis is useless. they'd be so much better without his subpar vocal disgusting looks
and it shouldn't bother him because he's fucking louis tomlinson. it shouldn't matter what anyone else in the world thinks, because the fact of the matter is that he's been put into one direction, and not any other twenty-one year old boy. Simon chose him, and the lads love him.
but it hurts sometimes, when he sees it and he's far away from home and really he just wants to scoop daisy or phoebe up in his arms and cuddle for the next thousand years. it hurts when the others are out doing something and he's supposed to find time to go on a 'date' with eleanor, but he'd rather scoop out his eyeballs with spoons. it hurts when he can't get a hold of his mum because she's at lottie's football match and stanley is out with his friends, and he's so alone in his bunk that his heart sort of explodes.
so he cries.
it's where niall finds him, a quarter of an hour later, calling loudly and laughing.
louis doesn't answer, curls tighter around his pillow, and turns away when niall flings his curtain open.
'hey, lou!' he quiets, suddenly, when he realizes that louis is still shaking, reaches out to pull louis out of the bunk and into his arms.
'lou, what's wrong?'
and louis just shrugs, can't speak, but let's niall lead him to the lounge and pull him onto the couch so they're snuggled tightly together.
'talk to me.' niall demands, softly. he's generally so laid back, and louis can hear the worry in his voice so he sighs before speaking.
'i was on twitter.'
'oh, lou. you can't do that.' he murmurs, kissing his forehead, softly.
'i know.' louis almost sobs. 'i didn't mean to but it just was there and i just saw it. it had SHOUTY letters and it caught my attention, and it wasn't even the bad one. the shouties were defending me from someone else and i never should have looked but i did and they're right - i'm - '
niall silences him with a kiss, and it's obviously enough to distract him.
niall threads his fingers into louis' hair, pulls his head back and licks at the seal of his lips until louis finally open, letting him in with a moan.
'that's my boy.' niall murmurs against louis' lips.
louis smiles, let's niall lick into his mouth, across his teeth, along his soft palate, tracing and exploring and loving.
louis' hard now, along his thigh and he tosses one leg over niall's lap, moves so he's stranding him, can get a better angle. he pushes niall'stongue back into his own mouth and does his own exploring, letting his hands rest on niall's chest, fingers curled into collar bones.
'lou…' niall moans, twisting louis' hair, tighter, letting one hand slide down to cup his arse and squeeze, hard.
louis moves from niall's mouth, presses kisses to the corner and then niall's nose, up across his forehead and over his eyelids. pauses gently to nip at niall's earlobe, and niall groans because christ, that's his weakness.
niall thrusts his hips up against louis, grinding them together.
'christ, niall.' louis breathes against his neck, and grinds down on him, shifts his hopes so he's grinding right where niall needs it most. 'where're the others?'
'on their way, so do this fast.' niall mutters. he's got a hand down the back louis' trousers, under his pants, rubbing his finger lightly around louis' hole, and there's a knock on the door of the bus.
'ignore it.' niall murmurs, pressing against the tight muscle. he knows the boys would walk in and anyone else will give up when they don't answer.
'niall.' it's pornographic, really, the way louis can make niall so close to coming that he's literally shivering. 'niall, come on baby, come for me.'
the door swings open. 'boys!' someone - niall vaguely thinks it's paul - calls, walking up the steps.
they're both too close to care, niall pressing his finger against louis.
'for fuck's sake!' paul shouts, taking in the two writhing boys.
and that's it really, for louis. he's coming hard, thrusting back against niall's finger, relaxing just enough to let it in and the clenching so tightly niall can't even move it.
it's the moan louis lets out, and the heat around his finger, and the glorious wet heat seeping from louis' trousers to his that sets niall off, so he's coming, too, long hot spurts in his pants and he doesn't even care that paul is standing there, staring open mouthed out the window behind them, studiously not looking.
niall's still panting, coming down, when louis wiggles enough that niall knows to pull his finger out.
niall buries his face in the crook of louis' neck as louis turns to look at paul.
he laughs, loud and a bit obnoxious, at the look at Paul's face.
'did you need something?'
'um - i - ' paul stutters, cheeks so red niall's a bit worried about him, really, because that can't be healthy.
'yes?' louis presses. niall falls back against the couch, pulls his hand out of louis' trousers and leans up to kiss him again.
'could you stop?' paul half shouts half begs.
'sorry.' niall doesn't even have the decency to blush. 'what do you need?'
'you need to be at soundcheck in half an hour.' paul spits out, quickly. 'i - you need to be there in half an hour.'
he turns and runs back down the steps, out of the bus and away from the pair of them.
niall looks up at louis on his knees, over him, and they meet eyes. they're both silent for a moment, contemplative, until they both dissolve into happy giggles.
'thankyou.' louis kisses niall's neck again, then rests his head on niall's shoulder. 'love you.'
'love you, too, lou.' niall hugs him tightly against him.
'we should change.' louis murmurs. 'paul will just die if we're late.'
'gimme a minute.' niall says, softly, and they lay tangled together for as long as they can.
one direction is in kansas city. louis isn't exactly sure where that is, but he knows it's flat and hot and they've finally, finally got a day off, so he's lying in the room he's sharing with liam, with the lights off and the air-conditioning on high, and he's still so hot. he's sitting, spread on the couch, in nothing but his pants and the american shopping channel - sdc or qrx or some weird conglomeration of letters - is flittering across the screen.
louis is kind of moping and kind of just being lazy. liam is in the gym, working out, and harry and zayn needed to go shopping, which is ridiculous because their outfits are picked so far in advance louis doesn't even think about new clothes. and niall is skyping with his family, has been all day, talking about his brother's upcoming wedding.
so when louis hears the door unlock and looks up to see liam standing in the doorway, sweaty and shiny and so liam, louis smiles brightly.
'hot in here.' liam mutters, walking into the room.
'i've got the air on high. think it's broke.' louis sighs.
'what're you watching?' liam flops onto the other end of the couch, let's louis slide his feet into his lap, and traces absentminded patterns on the side of louis' leg.
'it's the shopping channel.' louis sighs.
'what're they selling?'
'it's the kitchen show. thought maybe i could find something for haz.'
there's some funny looking guy on the television who's tasting what appear to be meatballs.
'is he - '
'eating balls?' louis giggles. 'affirmative.'
they both dissolve into laughter, and louis feels light and happy and it's refreshing.
'i need to shower.' liam moans.
'not yet.' louis says, firmly, wiggling his toes in liam's crotch. 'just take a break with me, yeah?'
'stop that.' liam wraps his hand around louis' ankle, loves the way it makes it look delicate and fragile. louis is his, unequivocally, and he is louis' and sometimes liam just like to remember how small and tiny and perfect his louis is.
louis moans softly, pulls his foot free. 'not now, too hot.'
'lou.' liam whines, and he doesn't whine often so it catches louis' attention.
'what's gotten into you?'
liam has the decency to blush then, looking at a spot just above louis' head.
'hey.' louis pokes him with a toe. 'what's up?' he quirks an eyebrow, and they're so delicate anyway that it's beautiful. liam has never seen anything so beautiful.
'morny.' he mutters, quickly.
'i said i'm horny, alright?' liam says, loudly, blushing to the tips of his ears, bright red.
'ah, why didn't you say so?'
'say what? louis suck me off?'
'that'd work.' louis offers. 'if this is a thing - ' he motions between them. ' - you should be able to tell me things.'
liam turns away, burrows his face into the corner of the couch.
'hey.' louis is next to him, suddenly. 'hey, look at me.' he grabs his chin, softly pulls it until liam's facing him, but his eyes look down and away and are moving frantically.
'look at me.' louis commands softly, pressing a sweet kiss to the corner of liam's mouth.
liam's eyes slow their frantic motions until they finally settle on louis.
louis can see embarrassment and a bit of fear and uncertainty and underneath all that is the aforementioned horniness.
'you can tell me anything.' louis says, firmly, staring directly into liam's eyes. 'i think it's amazing when you're honest with your body.'
louis reaches over and tweeks a nipple.
'but i - '
'what?' louis asks, concerned.
'i don't want you to feel like if i come in that you have to do something.' liam mumbles.
'have i ever done something i don't want to?'
'no but - '
'no buts.' he whispers. 'i love you, li, everything about you, and if you can't trust that of me - if you don't trust me with your feelings - '
'it's not that i don't trust you.' liam wiggles in louis' grasp.
'then what is it?' louis looks hurt now, confused, and liam hates that he put that there.
'i just - i've never done this before.' liam sighs and tries to pull away, but louis doesn't let go of his chin.
'never done what? been with a boy? talked about your feelings? because you do that with us all the time. this isn't any different.'
'li, talk to me.'
liam pulls his face away, looks anywhere but at louis' wide, honest eyes.
'it's embarrassing.' liam whispers. 'it's just embarrassing.'
'being with me?' louis is hurt now, tears welling up in his eyes and it makes liam's heart ache because the absolute last thing he wants is to hurt louis, his louis who is so full of life and love and happiness it's incomprehensible.
'no, louis, no.' liam grabs both of louis' hands in one of his, uses his other hand to wipe away a stray tear. 'i'd never be embarrassed of you.'
liam presses a kiss to louis' nose.
'then what is it?' louis' voice is soft now, pained, and liam wants to tell him everything but he can't.
'i don't know.' liam sighs, eyes slipping shut.
'i don't understand.' louis leans closer, noses at liam's neck, breathes in the scent that is so liam, musty and sweaty and fresh all at once, with a hint of summer sun.
'i've just never talked about this.' liam mutters, blushing again. 'it's weird. and embarrassing.'
'you've never talked about any of it?'
liam shakes his head.
'not even with danni?' louis sounds incredulous and liam blushes even more, squeezes his eyes shut, and louis still doesn't look, noses at the hinge of his jaw.
'not with anybody.' liam admits.
'it's okay, li.' louis presses kisses along the edge of his jaw and until he reaches his lips. 'i can teach you.'
and liam wiggles at that, in louis' grasp, fidgets and and he's so suddenly hot at that.
'ooh, li, would you like that?' louis coos against his lips. 'i'll talk drty to you every day until you get it. until you can do it too, yeah?'
liam moans at that, doesn't mean to, but it comes out anyway, long and low, and he's thickening along his thigh and it's so embarrassing that he tries to pull away, but louis is there, wrapping a hand around liam's neck and pulling him in to kiss him deeply, letting their tongues tangle together and liam, at least, is thankful that he's close enough he can't really look at him.
louis smiles, licks messily into liam's mouth one more time, before moving to suck at his neck, bright red spots that liam will have to cover with fully buttoned shirts.
'lou.' he murmurs in warning.
'just let me.' louis says, back, sucking harder before reaching down and pulling liam's shirt off over his head. then he moves down to lick at a nipple, running his tongue around it until it peaks under him and then sucks it into his mouth.
he moved one hand don to unzip liam's pants and wiggle his hand in, pull him out, and liam hisses at the heat of louis' palm the touch of cool air in the room against his throbbing cock.
'i'll tell you everything.' louis murmured against liam's chest. 'it makes me so hot when you walk in here all sweaty and gorgeous after you've just worked all your muscles. i want to lie you down on the bed and rub every bit of you till your a pile of quivering limbs and then flip you over and ride you until you come in my tight arse.'
liam whimpered as louis pulled at his cock and continued. 'sometimes, when you're sleeping, i want to push you on your back and lick every inch of your body, before sucking down your dick, deep in my throat. imagine waking up like that, yeah? be the best morning of your life.'
'louis.' liam groans and thrusts his hips, upsetting louis' rhythm.
'down boy.' louis laughs against his chest, settling back into a pattern, twisting his hand at the head, just like liam likes.
'sometimes when we get off stage i just want you to push me against the wall and take me, li. take me so good, yeah?'
liam's panting now, harsh and deep and every nerve in his body is centered at his cock. and louis grinding against his side, lightly, and there's nothing in the world other than the two of them.
so neither of them hear the clicking of the lock and the door swinging open until -
'ah, for the love all the holy!' paul shouts from the enterance to the room.
liam jumps up, embarrassed, then sits back down next to giggling louis, then jumps up again, covers his dick - that's still hanging out - and runs for the bathroom.
paul might actually be having a stroke, by the looks of it, louis thinks.
'i just came to tell you that the others called and wanted to meet you for dinner.' paul says, turing to leave. 'and could you please be sure that this doesn't happen again?'
paul doesn't wait for a response, and louis is really laughing now, clutching at his stomach and gasping for breath as paul slams the door shut behind him.
he stand, and slow walks towards the restroom door.
'i hate you.'
'l'm not ever coming out again.'
'oh come on.' louis reaches for the knob, and it's not locked swinging open to reveal a mortified liam curled against the side of the tub.
'just let me die in here.' liam whines, tucking his head under an arm.
'at least let me finish what i started.' louis says. 'one last go, yeah?'
liam doesn't move, but when louis reaches for him, he goes pliant under the older boy's touch. louis settles liam between his legs and reaches around to where liam is still hard and throbbing.
'see? it couldn't have been too bad. the paynis didn't seem to mind.' louis teases.
'you can't call my dick a paynis.' liam groans, letting his head fall back against louis' shoulder.
'but it is.' louis teases some more. 'your paynis. i love it.'
liam doesn't say anything, just lets out some tiny whimpers as louis tugs at him, fast and tight.
'come on, baby.' louis croons into his ear. 'come for me.'
and liam does, a bit spectacularly, really, across his stomach and his chest and a bit of lands just next to his nose.
'good job.' louis' thrusting against his back now, and liam wiggles as louis stokes him through the aftershocks until it's toomuchtoomuchtoomuch, and he has to shove louis' hand away. and then louis' coming, too, shuddering roughly against liam's back, pressing soft kisses again liam's neck, hand grasping tightly at liam's waist.
'god you're good.' louis murmurs, several minutes later, eyes droopy.
'still not leaving.' liam says.
'not even to get in bed?'
'maybe to get in bed.' liam agrees. he stands, shakily, twists his fingers into louis' and pull shim up against him.
they stumble, together, to bed, collapsing and curling around each other.
louis noses at liam's neck, snuffles softly.
'okay?' liam asks, gently.
'just talk to me, yeah?' louis asks, and liam can still hear uncertainty in his voice.
'yeah, babe, i'll talk to you.' liam promises, and he knows - with absolute certainty - that he's not lying.
'okay.' louis snuggles a little closer, rests his head on liam's chest, and they both settle in for a nap.
'louis.' paul pull shim aside as they're getting ready to leave an arena.
it's been … awkward ever nice paul had walked in on louis and liam. liam's been fastidiously avoiding paul, and louis hasn't ben actively avoiding him but he's not exactly ben going out of his way to interact with him either. and the others have noticed, even harry who doesn't ever notice anything.
louis stops, shoves his hands in his pockets, awkwardly.
'yeah?' he asks.
'what i saw - '
'i don't want to talk about this with you.' louis, at least, has the grace to blush.
'we don't have to talk about it…' paul is shuffling his feet, awkwardly, and avoiding looking at him. 'just - the band comes first. be careful with their feelings.'
louis is stunned and hurt and he knows it shows.
'i wouldn't.' he murmurs and steps away from paul. 'i can't believe you think - '
and he can't. louis can be loud and harsh with others, and he's not always conscious of what's going on around him and who he might be offending or inadvertently hurting. but the lads, they're his and he - he would never do anything to jeopardize that.
he walks away from paul, doesn't say anything else, and ignores how paul calls after him.
louis gets back to the bus and he's sad and his heart hurts and he just wants a snuggle, but everybody is in their come down from the show, and they all deal differently, and it's very rare that anyone else is ready for physical contact. so louis locks himself in the back lounge,
he curls up, slips his headphones on, and shuts out the rest of the world.
it makes him ache, all over, that paul could think that of him. louis lives for the other lads, that someone might not realize that louis analyzes every single decision he's ever made so thoroughly that he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that he's doing the right thing.
he's halfway through an amy whinehouse album when someone knocks on the door. he ignores it, and they knock again. he still ignores it, rolls over on the couch and buries his face into the corner, so he doesn't see when someone slips it open, silently. he doesn't know they're there until he feels someone settle, behind him, stretched along the couch. he knows, can tell from the skinny body, and faint scent of cigarettes, that it's zayn here to save the day.
'lou.' he singsongs, softly, pulling louis' headphones off and tossing them behind them too the floor.
'was listening to that.' louis says, petulant and still so hurt.
'what's wrong, baby cakes?' zayn nuzzles against him.
'nothing.' louis buries his face further into the back of the couch until it's almost hard to breathe.
'hey now, what's the deal we made?'
louis just set of shrugs, and zayn starts to worry.
'lou, come on now.'
louis wiggles and turns over until he's looking at zayn.
'you know i love you?' louis says. 'i love you so much.'
'and i couldn't ask for anything more.' zayn says, earnestly. 'you and me, always.'
louis nods, but his eyes are filling with tears and he can't stop them.
'i would never do anything to harm the band. not purposely, you know?'
'i know.' zayn soothes, runs his fingers along louis' cheek bones, rubbing away tears and worry lines. 'the band always comes first.'
louis nods, lets his eyes drift close.
'where is this coming from?'
'paul said something.' louis is purposefully vague, doesn't mention paul walking in on him with niall and then again with liam. he's pretty sure neither of them mentioned it, either.
'just that i don't always put the band first. that i'm selfish that i - '
'that's all bullshit, louis.' zayn is suddenly angry, and for a moment louis is scared. zayn must see it in his eyes, because he's suddenly there again all reassuring touches and comfort. 'why'd he - '
'it doesn't matter, does it?' louis asks. 'is that what everyone thinks about me?'
'no, lou, no one thinks that.' zayn is soft and kind and so unlike himself that it makes louis think.
'but i don't - i don't want to make everything fall apart.'
'nothing is going to fall apart, louis. i love you so much.' zayn whispers, earnestly. 'i promise.'
louis nods and relaxes a bit into the sofa.
'i can kiss it better.' zayn offers, smiling dirty and rubs his hips against louis'. 'i can make you feel so much better, babycakes.'
louis giggles, lightly, the last of his tension fading away as zayn moves them so he's on top of louis. louis spreads his legs, just a bit, so zayn can settle comfortable, between his thighs.
zayn leans up, and just stares down at louis.
'you're beautiful, you know?'
louis blushes, looks away, but zayn grasps his chin between two fingers and drags his face back to look at him.
'no, really.' zayn murmurs. 'you're incredibly beautiful. i can't - i can't tell you how amazing you are, you know?'
this is louis' favorite version of zayn. the one that loves fiercely and passionately and is so honest and open and kind. it's not the zayn that the world sees, saved instead for the lads and his family and the closest of friends.
louis blushes, blinks, and surges up to kiss him, and zayn lets him.
when it's too much, when louis' neck is sore from the stretch, it's like zayn can read his mind, and louis fall back down, panting, and zayn is still above him calm and cool and collected, with just the slightest of flush along his cheekbones.
'oh, lou.' he sighs, leaning down to kiss him again.
they stay ilke that, kissing lazily for a while. louis remembers how much he loves the way zany's fingers lose themselves in his hair and the way zayn nips at his bottom lip of and on until it's red and swollen and sosososo sensitive.
zayn reminds himself of the things he knows louis likes, let's instinct take over his mind until they're rutting against each other and it's good.
'i want - ' louis breathes, wiggling.
'what? tell me.' zayn is nothing if not a giving lover. he'd do almost anything louis asked, if it would put a smile back on louis' face.
'wanna suck you.' louis murmurs, and it's not what zayn was expecting. he's freezes. momentarily, doesn't move anything afraid he's going to come in his trousers and it'll all be over too fast.
'i mean - i don't have to.' louis misinterprets zayn's reaction, and that's sobering enough for zayn for regain control.
'no, i want.' he replies, sitting up and moving back to lean against the other arm of the couch. 'i really, really want.'
louis' face breaks into a breathtaking smile and he slides off the couch, landing in front of zayn's spread legs.
he reaches up, fumbles with the button and zip until he finally gets them open enough that zayn can lift his hips and slide his trousers and pants to his thighs.
louis takes a moment to stare, open mouthed, at zayn. he's not quite sure how he got so lucky as to be with three boys endowed with thick, beautiful cocks. zany's curves up slightly, the head hitting just at his belly button, and precome beading at the tip.
zayn squirms under louis' gaze.
'allright?' louis asks.
'just get on with it.' zayn murmurs. 'please?'
and how can louis say no to that? he absolutely can't, so he licks a long wet strip up from zany's balls until he can lap at the drop of precome he'd been admiring before, then runs his tongue around the head, slowly, so slowly, until zayn groans.
'don't be pushy.' louis teases, licking down one side and back the other.
'don't tease, lou, please.' zayn moans.
so louis doesn't, instead moves back up and takes as much of zayn in as he can. and he's not the best at deep-throating, but he's getting better. can take zayn's cock further than ever.
louis braces his hands on zayn's hips, holds him down, sucks hard.
'lou.' zayn groans. 'not gonna last. been waiting for this for days.'
louis doesn't respond, just hums happily, hollowing his cheeks and looking up at zayn through his eye lashes.
zany's entire body tenses up, as he stares down into the bright blue eyes of his favorite boy, pupils so blown that there's just a skinny ring of sky showing, sucking happily.
louis moves one hand from tracing lines on zayn's hips, to tug lightly on zayn's balls that are pulled tight against his body.
'louis.' he drags out the last syllable, loudly, and they don't hear the knock at the door and it swinging open.
'louis - ' paul's in the doorway, again - and louis can't catch a break.
'oh my god!' paul throws his hands up in the air. 'i came to apologize and find you doing this? what is wrong with you?'
louis doesn't respond, doesn't even look up, just keeps sucking and tugging happily. zayn looks at paul with a smirk across his face, only breaking eye contact when his entire body convulses as he comes spilling into that perfect mouth. he tugs on louis' hair and feels the older boy spasm below him, suction lessening, but never pulling away and not losing a single drop.
paul just stares, eyes wide and face so red it's almost purple.
when zayn finally catches his breath, as louis sits at his feet, head tilted submissively, and a wet spot spreading across his trousers, he looks at paul and speaks.
'did you need something?' zayn asks.
paul shakes his head, turns on his feet and rushes off the bus. they can both hear the questioning voices of the other boys and the immediate slam of the bus door, and then it starts moving.
zayn and louis change, quickly, and head back to the front to sit with the other boys.
'what was that?' liam asks, eyes wide and worried.
'nothing.' zayn shrugs. 'paul's just being an arse.'
'you okay, lou?' harry's next to him, suddenly, pulling him down to lay between himself and niall on the couch.
'perfect.' louis sighs, snuggling in.
and he is. after he's with zayn, he always is.
louis can admit it, he's different with harry.
not in the way that people think, harry's not the first boy in the band that he's slept with. but he is the youngest, and for as much experience as he has with the ladies, he's without a doubt the least experienced when it comes to some boy on boy action.
so louis isn't ashamed to admit that he's different with harry. he babies him, protects him, loves on him constantly. harry is the only person that could - from day one - rival his need to be tactile. it's true now, that they're all just touchy with each other, but at the beginning - harry was the only one that was as comfortable as louis.
harry's also the only one that actively pursues women. the others are content with the occasional moment they steal with louis, but harry goes looking for girls to fill his empty nights. it bothers louis, bothers all of them when they wake up in the morning to random skanks sneaking out of the hotel suites they share. but they don't say anything because harry looks up with big, sad eyes and no one wants to hurt that. no one wants to make those eyes spill tears across pale cheeks that are so innately innocent and so broken at the same time.
it's very hard for harry to let anyone love him. he doesn't talk about it, doesn't say exactly what happened, doesn't even say that something did. but it's so obvious to everyone especially louis, that somewhere between caroline flack and taylor swift harry lost a piece of himself. he doesn't withdraw from them physically, if anything he attaches himself to them more. more snuggles, more hand holding, more sneaking off with louis for secret sex. and it's particularly obvious in the way that sometimes, when someone doesn't respond to his affections immediately, he goes cold and shuts down and he's so broken in front of them that louis often has to leave the room until liam and niall can fix him again.
so when harry comes to louis, during a free day in toronto, louis opens his arms wide and pulls harry close. today is obviously a 'day' for the younger boy and louis knows that liam is out somewhere with niall and zayn and harry refused to go because he didn't want to get out of bed. louis has reluctantly volunteered to stay because when harry refuses to get out of bed for something fun, it's bound to be a disaster of a day.
'missed you.' harry whispers, nuzzling into louis' bare chest.
'i've been right here.' louis sighs into his curls.
'you've been distant.' harry murmurs.
'not purposefully.' louis frowns. 'i didn't think i was doing anything differently.'
'you have.' harry insists, quietly. he doesn't look up, and louis feels his heart clench because harry's slightly submissive side is clearly on display here.
'well i'm here now, haz.' louis says gently. 'i'm not going anywhere.'
harry nods against louis' chest and grab's one of louis' hands and place it on his head.
louis starts scratching, softly. harry really is a kitten, and louis knows just the spot to make him go boneless in his arms.
'mmm.' harry's lips press softly against louis' chest. 'that's the spot right there.'
louis lets his fingers wonder and card through the soft curls as harry hums against him.
they're both silent for a while, but louis knows exactly where this is going. his thoughts are confirmed when harry shifts against him, and he's hard and pressing against louis' thigh.
'yeah?' louis asks.
'can we?' harry requests, still not meeting louis' eyes.
'haz…' louis is concerned, now, harry's not meeting his eyes and louis can hear how hurt he sounds. 'we should talk.'
'don't want to talk, need you.' harry whisper-begs against louis' throat. 'just need you.'
and the problem is that louis' never been able to say 'no' to any of them. it's unfair, really, because then he gets in situations like this and he should be able to put that aside and get to the bottom of what's really bothering his best mate, but because he just can't say no, he's basically screwed.
'yeah, okay.' louis breathes. 'what do you need?'
'can i fuck you?' harry's voice is tentative like louis hasn't heard in ages, and he still can't say no.
'yeah, haz, of course. the stuff's in my bag.' harry stands, so fast, and almost runs to where louis pointed, and he digs through until he comes out with lube and a condom. then he's back on the bed and sucking at louis' throat hard enough that he'll definitely leave a mark.
'careful, haz.' louis warns, softly.
harry just nods, sucks a bit lighter. he dropped his trousers and pants on his way to the bag, and works on louis' like his life depends on it.
'ljust let me, yeah?' louis offers, after harry lets out a tiny groan of frustration.
harry just rolls away, momentarily, as lois shucks of his jeans and pants and then rolls over so that he's lying flush atop harry. he wiggles a little, tried to pull harry's chin so that he'll look at him, but harry refuses, instead tucking his face back into louis' neck.
'shall i just do it myself?' louis half snaps.
'no, sorry i - ' harry sounds a bit panicked again, reaching for the lube.
louis is immediately sorry, but he's cut off by a kiss as harry deftly opens the lube and slicks up his fingers.
'you're fine, haz.' louis murmurs, pressing a kiss softly against harry's lips. 'you're doing so good.'
'yeah?' harry looks up gratefully.
'yeah.' louis agrees.
harry reaches around and rubs his fingers along the cleft of louis' arse, up and down and up and down. louis wiggles a bit more, and harry uses one hand to spread his cheeks and the other to press at the tight hole.
'hazzzzz.' louis moans.
harry just smiles and rubs around louis' hole spreading the lube until louis is writhing. harry presses in, firmly, not stopping until he's got an entire finger inside.
'okay?' harry whispers into louis' hair, where he's pressing his face into harry's chest.
'nrgh.' is all louis can get out, but harry takes it as an affirmative, and begins thrusting his finger in and out gently.
'more, haz, do another.' louis manages to get out, and harry does, slides a second finger along with the first one and curls them up and forward, until he can feel the little bundle of nerves.
louis bucks, presses his head under harry's chin, and harry take a moment to flip them over so louis is on his back, legs spread.
harry has to take a moment because louis laid out so beautifully is almost enough to make him come like a thirteen year old school boy. louis' wiggling where harry's fingers are still buried deep in him, and harry adds another, watching as louis' hole stretches to accept them and then louis' moaning again and harry has to bend down and kiss him.
'harry, just fuck me. 'm ready.' louis begs, softly, looking up at harry through long lashes. 'just do it.'
harry nods, grabs the condom, and rips it open with his teeth. he rolls it on with shaky hands, gives himself a few strokes to spread the lube, and then he's grabbing louis' legs and wrapping them around his waist until harry's cock is pressing at louis' hole.
'come on.' louis' whining now, and harry presses in slowly, until he's got every last inch inside, and then pauses.
louis' eyes are squeezed shut and harry bends forward to kiss him.
'give me a sec.' louis grits out, and harry does, pressing gentle kisses along louis' jaw to his lips.
'okay.' louis finally says, twsting to kiss harry hard. 'move now.'
harry pulls back slowly, until just the tip of his cock is left inside, and then thrusts forward fast and hard.
'yeah, haz, that's it.'
and this is where harry finds his stride, every time they're together, fucking into louis fast and hard and passionate, sure of what he's doing.
louis can't keep the moans bottled inside, and let's them out, eyes clenched so tightly shut it looks painful.
'lou, look at me.' harry moves one hand from where they're grasping at louis' hips, and pulls louis' jaw until they're staring at each other.
harry shifts his hips, too, and then he's hitting louis' prostate on every thrust and louis can't breathe when harrys getting it just right, and they're staring into each other's souls and it's toomuchtoomuchtoomuch and he clenches, hard, around harry, comes hard across his stomach and chest.
harry loses his rhythm for a moment, is so engrained into what's happening he doesn't hear the door open until -
'for fuck's sake louis!' paul shouts from the doorway. 'this is just all too fucking much.'
harry turns to look at him, lazy smile across his face, as he fucks into louis' tight, clenching heat harder, and comes gloriously into louis' pretty little hole.
paul is bright red and embarrassed and harry can't help laughing softly as he comes down, still thrusting lightly, and staring at paul. louis' buried his face in the pillows and paul looks like he's absolutely going to die and harry's feeling the lightest he's felt in days.
'come back in twenty minutes?' harry calls in offering. 'he'll be ready to talk then.'
'just forget it.' paul throws his hands up in the air and turns and almost runs out of the room.
harry turns back to louis and collapses in giggles against his chest, softening enough to slip out of louis' tender arse.
louis moans a bit, and harry presses a sweet kiss to the underside of louis' chin. he grabs the corner of the sheet and uses it to wipe off louis' tummy and chest, as gently as he can, before shoving it away, pulling off the condom, trying it off and tossing it in the general direction of the bin.
louis still has his face buried in the pillow, his cheeks red, and chest still slightly heaving.
'okay?' harry whispers, scotching up until he can pull louis' onto his chest and hold him tight.
'does that happen to you often?' harry asks. 'paul walking in?'
louis shrugs noncommittally and looks up at harry with big, serious eyes.
'are you going to talk now?' louis asks.
'are you going to tell me what's going on?'
harry blinks twice at louis, then shoves him off, grabs his clothes and leaves the room.
louis wants to say it doesn't matter, that he's fine, that everything's great. but he's never bottomed for someone before that didn't end in serious comfort time. he's not used to it, and it's not a thing except that it totally is, and now harry's left him there alone.
his chest clenches, uncomfortably, and louis knows what that means. he can feel the panic building slowly, and his breathing gets shorter, and before he knows it, he's curled in the corner of the room, alone, crying, and hyperventilating all at once.
he'd give anything for paul to walk in now.
louis doesn't move for three hours. he's not exactly sure that it's three hours, he left his phone on the other side of the room, and he can't see the clock from his spot between the bed and the wall, but it's certainly long enough that the sun goes down, and the room gets cold. louis' had his knees pulled to his chest the entire time, arms wrapped tightly around them, and he can't feel his feet anymore, but he doesn't care. because when he starts thinking about things again, he still can't breathe. he can hear his phone vibrating, off and on, where he's left it, but louis couldn't make himself move if he wanted to. he's safe in his corner, and he's absolutely not leaving it.
the room is dark and quiet when louis finally hears voices in the hall. they sound soft, but worried, and louis recognizes them immediately. he pulls his legs tighter, leans forward to tuck his face between his knees.
the door clicks open and liam calls in 'louis?'
'he's not there mate.' he can hear zayn in the background. 'it's too dark.'
niall is muttering, but louis can't hear him, and he doesn't make any noise, just curls smaller.
he thinks they'll leave, turn around and look somewhere else, when his phone vibrates on the dresser again.
'his phone.' harry says, lamely. 'he wouldn't - '
it sounds like there's a little scuffle, and louis still can't see them because they're in the little entryway and he's still in the corner, eyes squeezed shut and head tucked and legs held tightly.
there's footsteps, they're heavy and rough and they're obviously zayn's making their way to the dresser.
'turn on the light, yeah?' zayn calls to the others and louis can feel the brightens seeping into him the moment that they do.
'he's not - ' zayn stops, and louis knows he must have seen him now.
'louis?' zayn asks, feet moving towards him.
there's another scuffle in the doorway, but louis doesn't move, except maybe to make himself smaller.
'stop.' zayn calls. 'don't - just stop there.'
louis can feel when zayn moves closer, crouches next to him. it's when zayn reaches a hand out to card through louis' hair, that he cowers away and whimpers.
'lou?' zayn is soft and kind and worried and louis can hear it, but he can't move.
'what happened, babycakes?' zayn is quiet, whispering kind words and settling next to louis. he doesn't touch and louis is very grateful.
louis whimpers again, and zayn continues speaking.
'i'm right here with you and i know i can't touch you, that's alright.' zayn is whispering gentle words that wrap themselves around louis and makes him feel safe. 'but i want you to know that i'm not going anywhere, boo. i'm going to stay right here beside you until you're ready to move. then we'll get on the bed and we'll snuggle and whatever it is - whatever you need, i'll do it for you.'
louis slides a hand onto the floor beside him and scoots it out, a bit. he leaves it there, in the space between them, and waits.
'i don't know what happened.' zayn is still murmuring, softly. 'but i'll do whatever i can to help you. just need you to let me, yeah?'
there's still talking in the doorway and then harry and liam are shouting, but it sounds far away like liam's dragged him down the hall, and louis taps his fingers along the ground to get zayn's attention.
eventually, louis feels the soft pressure of zayn's hand on top of his, fitting his fingers in the gaps between louis' and it comforting that zayn is so gentle and soft and sweet.
'louis, can we move now? me and you, we'll get in the bed and i could hold you, yeah?' zayn offers, quietly.
louis shakes his head where it's tucked between his knees.
'could you look at me at lease?' and louis finally does, turns his head and looks at zayn.
zayn looks concerned, eyes wide, but louis is really struck by the sight of niall behind him. he's pressed up, back against the other wall, and his eyes are red, cheeks wet, and he looks so panicked and worried that it makes louis' heart clench.
'lou, let's at least get on the bed.' zayn demands, so softly that it's not even a demand or request or anything, so quietly that it almost feels like it's inside louis' head and his idea.
'i can't.' louis admits.
'you can, it's okay.' zayn squeezes at louis' fingers.
'i can't.' louis says again. 'i don't think i can move.' he blushes, looks at the ground again.
and then zayn understands, 'can i - can i help you?'
louis nods, but doesn't look up. he feels himself blush as zayn reaches for him, grabs him under his armpits and it's embarrassing when zayn pulls him up and the stretch of his legs ache but he can't put any weight on them. zayn heaves him onto the bed, which can't be an easy feat because zayn isn't the strongest - is probably the weakest.
it's embarrassing when he's sprawled across the bed in just his pants and niall is still staring at him with such sad eyes and zayn is so worried as he settles next to him. they're both staring at louis' legs that are obnoxiously pale, and his feet that are even worse.
'can i?' zayn motions to the bed next to louis, and louis nods, moves as much as he can so he's lying flush against louis' side.
'lou?' niall whispers from the floor.
louis doesn't speak, but reaches a hand out for the blonde, niall jumps and grabs louis' hand, settling in next to him.
'your legs, lou.' zayn whispers, staring at them.
'hurt.' louis admits.
niall takes one and zayn takes the other, massaging softly to get the blood flowing again.
'that's so bad for you, boo.' niall coos, rubbing hard at his thighs.
they kneed the skin until it bright pink again, and hurts less but is still uncomfortable.
'where's li and has?' louis finally asks, after niall and zayn settle back in next to him. zayn's got a hand wrapped across louis' tummy and niall is nuzzled under louis' chin.
'liam took harry back to his room.' niall says, carefully. '
'what happened?' zayn asks softly, running his fingers along louis' side.
louis just shrugs.
'no, that's not going to cut it.' zayn presses a soft kiss just under louis' ear. 'this is like - a big thing lou.'
'we were so worried.' niall chokes out, and louis hadn't even realized he was crying.
and that makes louis feel guilty, even though he knows he shouldn't, that it's not his fault in any way, but he does and he can't help it.
so he whimpers again.
'no,' niall says. 'it's not your fault, lou.' and louis knows that, but he likes hearing it.
'but we need to know what happened.' zayn murmurs. 'harry's freaking out and this was, mostly definitely, not something we can just ignore.' he kisses the side of louis' face, again.
'so please, please talk to us.' niall begs. 'please.'
louis nods, closes his eyes. 'haz left.'
'what?' zayn asks, confused.
louis can feel the blush crawl up his cheeks. 'i bottomed.' louis mutters, and they get it, he can feel it in them.
'and he left you here by yourself?' niall speaks slowly, carefully.
zayn sighs and louis automatically feels guilty, again.
'but i should have said something - called someone - '
'no.' zayn says, firmly. 'we've all talked about it, how you need reassurance - '
'you talk about me?' louis asks, confused.
'you didn't honestly think you were sleeping with all of us and we didn't know about each other, did you?' niall teases, sweetly. 'of course we talk about you.'
'but - '
'we talk about you because we love you and want to take care of you. and harry knows he shouldn't leave you.'
'but i was pushing him too far, he didn't want to talk and i - '
'there's no excuse, lou.' zayn interrupts. 'he knows he's not supposed to leave and it doesn't matter what he's feeling if it leaves you like this.'
'i'm fine.' louistwists away from them, flips over to bury his face in his pillow.
'you're not fine.' niall presses kisses to louis' shoulder. 'i love you, lou, but you're not.'
'i'm fine.' louis says again, but he's muffled this time and even he can hear the waiver in his voice.
'lou,' zayn is pulling at his hair until louis will look at him. 'you're not fine.'
louis won't cry because louis doesn't cry. he doesn't do that.
'what is happening?' niall whispers into his shoulder. 'and why can't you talk to us?'
'i don't know.' louis says. he's starting to hyperventilate again, his breaths are short and painful and he's going to freak out in a moment and -
zayn kisses him, hard.
'i love you.' zayn says, after a moment. 'and that's what you need to know. i love you very much.'
'but i love you more.' niall says, from behind him. 'i love you more than zayn can love you because my heart is bigger.'
'you're making that up.' zayn shoes niall, over louis side. 'i love him more than you, you little leprechaun.'
'well i love you the most.' a deep voice calls from the doorway, and louis looks up to see a subdued liam and a broken harry.
he holds his arms out to both of them, lets them crawl into bed and hold harry so tight.
'you have to talk to me, harry.' louis murmurs into his curls. 'not right now, we'll all snuggle right now, but you have to talk to all of us.'
harry doesn't speak and louis can feel tears against his neck.
'yeah.' harry breathes into louis' skin. 'i'm so sorry.'
'i know, babes.' louis responds. 'i'm okay.'
'but you weren't.' harry sobs against his neck. 'i broke you.'
'i'm not broken, harry, i promise.'
zayn and niall and liam are wrapped around them, all touching and holding and feeling, and louis recognizes that he's not the only one down to his pants.
'and why didn't anyone tell me that you all knew we were shagging? why am i the last to know?'
'next exactly the last to know, though are you?' liam teases, softly. 'you were definitely the first to know.'
'but no one told me you all knew.' louis whines.
'you didn't seem to want us to know.'
'i'm been in agony.' louis' really turning it on now, knows it'll get a rise out of harry. 'because i've been keeping this massive secret.'
' 's not a secret anymore, then?' niall laughs. 'can we shag together, then?'
louis gasps, scandalized, liam blushes, harry agrees, and zayn cuffs niall round the ear, but they're all laughing, and most of the tension has dissipated.
'is that a 'no' then?' niall asks. 'because i'm going to pretty fucking pissed if i have to go back to pretending not to know.'
' 's up to louis, isn't it?' liam's cheeks are bright red.
'is this like a thing?' louis asks. 'have you like - talked about this?'
'course.' zayn giggles into louis' side. 'we've been waiting for you to at least admit you're with all of us.'
'and this is something you want?'
'we share everything else.' harry nuzzles closer into louis' chest.
'i'm not a toy for you to share.' louis says, petulant and pouty.
'of course not.' liam soothes. 'but we share each other, and we're all with you, and we'd like to be altogether, yeah?'
'you share each other?' louis' eyes are wide and interested.
'we share everything.' harry repeats.
louis turns his head and zayn is there and he kisses him, fiercely.
niall laughs from behind him, and louis turns so he can kiss him instead.
it's then that they hear the voice from the doorway.
'this is totally unacceptable.' paul shouts. 'get a god-damn room.'
'this is my room.' louis yells back. 'just go away.'
paul throws his hands up in the air, again, and slams the door behind himself.
they collapse in a pile of giggles, all of them twisted together and laughing and louis feels light for the first time in a long time.
and yeah. maybe this is going to work after all.