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Sassy Gay Revolution

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Meet Miles Matheson from NBC’s Revolution. He is about to try and kill his best friend and lover, Sebastian Monroe, thus ruining the rest of his life and dooming himself to a life of drunken misery. This fate could have been avoided if he had a Sassy Gay Friend.

Bass was asleep. At least Miles sincerely hoped Bass was asleep. It was cowardly and base, but Miles convinced himself it was a mercy to let him die like that: in his sleep, with that semblance of innocence on his beautiful face.

“What are you doing? What, what, what are you doing? Put that gun down and step away from your husband!”

Miles veered towards his Sassy Gay Friend and shushed him. “Shh! You don’t understand!”

“Oh, no, bitch. I understand perfectly! He’s got the eyes, and the lips, and an impeccable sense of military chic.” His Sassy Gay Friend tapped his foot angrily while flipping his scarf back.

“But he’s off the leash! He’s murdering hundreds of people!”

“And whose fault is that, Miles-of-Hot-Legs? Weren’t you the one who had this whole idea of putting together a Merry Band of the Monroe Militia?”

Miles hung his head in shame and lowered his weapon.

“I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do,” the Sassy Gay Friend continued. “You’re gonna put that shit away, before I take this brick out of my purse and clobber you with it on your fine head. Then, you’re gonna crawl back in bed with him and have all the hot man sex. Trust me: it’s a much better time than having pitiful hallucinations about how much you love him later.”

“You’re right,” Miles sighed, looking over at Bass. “That does sound nice. Thank you!”

“Of course it does, you stupid bitch! P.S. Jeremy is just outside the door.”

The Sassy Gay Friend opened the door, allowing Jeremy, who had indeed been outside, with his ears pressed against the door, almost fall into the room. He looked at Jeremy and repeated with a resigned sigh, “He’s a stupid bitch!”