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Ways to Procrastinate

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It was a simple plan. Oz figured they could put off their job search
project for Life Skills class until the weekend before it was due,
and then spend the entire weekend working on it. Hidden away in Oz's
room, he would check the newspapers while Devon scanned the internet
for jobs. In reality, Oz was sprawled on his bed contemplating his
current nail color while Devon was stationed at Oz's desk discovering
new kinds of internet porn.

Finally, Oz broke the silence. "I think I can get an oil slick look
if I add an iridescent glaze over the black."

This statement managed to knock Devon out of his porn induced reverie
for a moment. "What are you talking about?"

"My nails."

"What happened to this project we're supposed to be working on?"
asked Devon, as he scrolled down another webpage.

"Working? Is that what you're doing?"


As much as he hated giving up his comfortable space on the bed, Oz
had to see what Devon was calling `work'. He sidled up to Devon and
peered over his shoulder. It was exactly what he expected. "So how
does checking out contribute to our project? Or
do you have some new career ambition that I'm not aware of yet?"

"I'm taking a break," Devon sighed.

"Doing nothing is exhausting," Oz agreed.

"Hey, we have been busy," Devon protested. "I bet I can name at
least 15 different things we've done today."

One raise of the eyebrow from Oz and Devon realized that he's going
to have to defend his position. "1. We had breakfast and watched
Mystery Science Theater 3000. Then, 2. You Heimliched me when I
choked on Lucky Charms after the Wiccan Tupperware Party joke.
Followed by number 3, `Thank You For Saving My Life' sex. 4.
Shower. 5. Shower Sex. 6. We ordered pizza. 7. Lunch."

Oz felt compelled to interrupt. "I don't think you can officially
count breakfast or lunch as items on your `To Do' list."

"They are things I had `To Do'. I did them. They count." Devon
said defensively.

"So does drinking count?" Oz inquired.

"No, but it should after number 8, you found out that if we move your
parents' liquor cabinet away from the wall, we can just slide off the
back, and it's party time."

"Which led to number 9, projectile vomiting."

"I don't remember that."

"You pretty much blacked out while I, number 10, cleaned the

"So that's why I woke up in the bathtub."

"Cuervo Gold and Peppermint Schnapps, not your drink."

"See, I've had a rough day. I shouldn't have to do this," Devon

"I guess we could work on it tomorrow," Oz conceded. "And we still
have a few more things left on your list."

"Any ideas?"

"I could probably come up with five ways to procrastinate. One
requires chocolate syrup and a Jungle Gym, but we can work that out

It was a simple plan. And they had all day Sunday left to work on
their project. And if all else failed, there was always Study Hall
on Monday morning.