Work Header

as green as a fresh pickled toad

Chapter Text


 “His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,
His hair is as dark as a blackboard.
I wish he was mine, he's really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord.” 

- J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets


Table of Contents


Ficlet-Ramble #1: Seventh-Year will put Your Name in GOF for a Sickle - Post on Tumblr

You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way your going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.


Ficlet-Ramble #2: Is that Voldemort with a V? - Post on Tumblr

Maybe Imogen Thorpe in Fashion writes an article commenting on the Knights of Walpulgis' choice of robes at the Minister's New Year’s Ball and decides that she’ll just write it as Voldimorte.


Headcanon-Ramble #1: Hagrid Takes the Fall for Harry - Post on Tumblr

Hagrid declares Harry’s innocence and proceeds to say, “And I’d be prepared to swear in front of the Ministry of Magic-” Dumbledore cuts him off before he can go any further, but it got me thinking. Swear what?


Quote + Photoset #1: Everyday Evil - Post on Tumblr

"Down there, he said, are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any inequity..." - Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


Quote + Photoset #2: Words! Mere Words! - Post on Tumblr

"Words! Mere words! How terrible they were! ..." - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray


Headcanon-Ramble #2: Hogwarts Houses as Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - Post on Tumblr

War, yes, War suits Gryffindor well.


Headcanon-Ramble #3: Inferi Regulus Black - Post on Tumblr

The hair was dark. And fairly long. And probably belonged to a relatively young corpse.


Ficlet-Ramble #3: Do you know how hard it is to herd Ravenclaws? - Post on Tumblr

And then Su turns to her and goes, “Where DO Vanished objects go?”

Damn it all to hell, Lisa knows that look.


Ficlet-Ramble #4: The Greengrass Sisters - Post on Tumblr

“You weren’t even my second choice for a spouse out of our house year,” Daphne says coldly, after at least fifteen minutes of wintery silence.

“Was your first choice Blaise?” Draco asks grimly, looking very like his mother as he downs a second glass of wine. Everybody’s first choice is Blaise; Blaise’s first choice is probably Blaise.


Ficlet-Ramble #1.5: The Goblet Of Fire is a Disaster - Post on Tumblr

An Addition to Ficlet-Ramble #1: Cue small, adorable, innocent first-year voice rising out of the crowd at the Champion Selection Ceremony: “Headmaster Dumbledore? Why is there black smoke coming out of it?”


Headcanon-Ramble #4: Potter Family speaking Parseltongue - Post on Tumblr

But... do you know who also had a piece of Voldemort’s soul inside them and was speaking Parseltongue pretty regularly for a long period of time? Ginny. Ginny Weasley.


Crack-Ramble #1: Potterwatch: A Parenting Show - Post on Tumblr

There’s a point to this, I swear, and that point is that everybody and their pet Kneazle probably knows a bunch of embarrassing stories about the Potter family, specifically the Potter kids.


Character-Ramble #1: Things to Remember about Peter Pettigrew - Post on Tumblr

Things Peter Pettigrew did that I occasionally forget about (and am appropriately thrown for a loop by when I remember them) [also titled: Things to remember when discussing/writing Peter Pettigrew]...


Ficlet-Ramble #5: Remus Lupin, a Werewolf? Gasp! Who Knew? - Post on Tumblr

Specifically, I like to think that there was some upper year who figured it out because they paid really close attention in class. Like, not just “I have OWLs this year and I need to get good grades” close attention, but “Prof. Lupin is so nice and so funny and he has such a nice smile, and wow, I am really gay” close attention.


Headcanon-Ramble #5: Fantastic Beasts and How To Find Them - Post on Tumblr

Goodness gracious, where did people think magical blood came from in the first place? The term mudblood? And if you wanted to call a pure elf or fae a creature or a beast, then it was a good idea to dig your own grave first. Save everyone else the trouble.


Crack-Ramble #2: Youtube/Vlogger AU: Harry's Impossible Video Diary - Post on Tumblr

Complete crack for a 5+ headcanons about an AU ask game.


Ficlet-Ramble #6: Harry the Hufflepuff - Post on Tumblr

This is for the 5+ Headcanons game. Where someone called for “hp resorted”. Harry is a Hufflepuff and this is nothing but fluff.


Crack-Ramble #3: Hogwarts Profs Entering the Triwizard Tournament - Post on Tumblr

One of my favorite things to think about is how the Hogwarts professors would probably try to subtly discourage their students from entering in the Triwizard Tournament. Like, yes, I know it sounds exciting, but it’s very dangerous and you’ve got your NEWTs to concentrate on. Except they’re pretty much all total hypocrites. It’s hilarious to think about. If they had the same opportunity... well...


Ficlet-Ramble #7: Weasleys Get Sorted into Different Houses... (along with everyone) - Post on Tumblr

And then the Sorting Hat sends an Avery off to Gryffindor and an Abbott off to Ravenclaw, despite the families’ respective long and prestigious histories in Slytherin and Hufflepuff. What the actual fuck is happening, no one says aloud, as a Bulstrode goes off to Hufflepuff and a Longbottom cousin goes into Slytherin. Another 5+ Headcanons prompt.


Ficlet Ramble #7.5: Cedric and Luna in the Different Sorting AU - Post on Tumblr

Please imagine, since the two of them are in the same year and now the same house, Colin Creevey and Luna Lovegood being good friends.
A continuation of Ficlet-Ramble #8. 


Ficlet-Ramble #6.5: Hufflepuff!Harry being entered into the Triwizard Tournament - Post on Tumblr

There would just be the added element of the wizarding world in turmoil bc everyone wants to know if Sirius Black is really innocent (Harry Potter says so and Fudge is a loser) and everybody’s on the lookout for Peter Petergrew or a rat missing a toe. 
A continuation of Ficlet-Ramble #6


Draft-Ramble #1: Sirius/James/Lily Snippet-Draft - Post on Tumblr

Everybody laughingly tells Lily that she’d “Better watch out, marrying James Potter is a two-for-one deal!”


Snippet-Ramble #1: Hogwarts Founders Snippets (for Arrowsbane) - Source of Inspiration

“You just admitted you don’t know anything about Acromantulas,” another student, Garrick, points out. He doesn’t look scared, though, just excited and heavily armed, and that is why Garrick is her favourite. “Is this going to be anything like the Merfolk thing?”


Rant-Ramble #1: In Defense of Cho Chang - Post on Tumblr

Maybe Cho Chang is a good person who made a hard choice, the right and good and wise choice, for the both of them, even if it hurt the both of them in that moment.


Headcanon-Ramble #6: Sirius and Remus: Always an Almost - Post on Tumblr

Sirius and Remus in my fallback headcanon were always an almost. They never quite took that last step to be together as a romantic couple. But I also don’t think this is a sad thing? 


Rant-Ramble #2: In Defense of Delphi - Post on Tumblr

I haven’t read the play and, from what I’ve heard, the execution of the premise is terrible, but I think the general premise of Delphi is pretty neat. 


Headcanon-Ramble #7: Voldemort's Kid Isn't His Kid - Post on Tumblr

Even if Bellatrix wasn’t doing the do with You-Know-Who and you did Polyjuice-Potion-style baby-making or whatever… Is the kid really biologically his kid? 


Crack-Ramble #4: Ravenclaws vs. the Definition of Riddles / The Riddle Collector - Post on Tumblr

Do... do you think that the Ravenclaws have taught the eagle door knocker some new riddles over the years? I’m thinking that either someone got REALLY stuck on a riddle and threw a fit, then pasted on their most conman-worthy grin and tried to bargain with the door. Like, how about I tell you a riddle and if you can’t get it, you let me in, eh?