When she held Fidelacchius Karrin thought she might cry from how perfect it felt, like a piece of herself she hadn't know she was missing was suddenly there. Not that she had let that show in anyway, she had trained herself better than that. Turning down the job offer, as Harry called it, was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. Sometimes she thinks it was among the most stupid as well. Her reasons were good ones, she doesn't doubt that, but they maybe weren't good enough. She had sworn to protect Chicago, but she wasn't sure how good of a job she was doing at that anymore.
Karrin had always known she'd be a cop. Not just because the Murphys were cops, but because protecting people was what she did. She'd known that since the very first time she took down the playground bully when she was six years old. From there it was just a matter of making sure she was the very best cop possible. The only thing she hadn't thought of was politics, but she hadn't let being sent to SI stop her and she wouldn't let being demoted do it either. Protecting the people of Chicago wasn't just her job, it was her calling.
Her calling. That's where she always got tripped up when she let herself think of Fidelacchius. Protecting people was a calling and she can't imagine a life that didn't involve that. Despite everything she's said and everything she's done, she's just not sure that she's doing the job of protecting Chicago anymore. SI knows enough about the supernatural to know what they can deal with and what they needed to pass over to other people to deal with and, more often then not, Karrin is finding herself one of the other people. She keeps finding herself working outside the law in order to do what she feels is right.
Harry doesn't say anything, but she thinks he knows what she's dealing with. Fidelacchius is always prominently displayed on the mantel when she comes over. He doesn't mention it, doesn't even look at the thing, just leaves it there for her to contemplate. The thing is, the more she looks at it, the more she's one of the other people, the more she wonders if the job offer has a standing invitation or if it was just a one time thing. Because she's reaching the point where her need to protect people might be better served with the sword then without it and slowly she's becoming more and more okay with that.