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To Feel Alive

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"And I... I will become the God of this New World!" the insane teenager declared as outside the storm broke and the first rays of dawn's light shown through the window behind him, seemingly giving the self-proclaimed God a halo of holy light; as if the sky itself had decided it was better off going along with Kira's insane plan and had symbolically declared that today was the dawning of a new era! Maybe Light Yagami was the Fisher King of the Kanto region or maybe the teen genius had timed it to the second to deliver his soliloquy. Or, more likely, it was all just another coincidence that helped to make the boy's head grow even bigger.

The teen smiled beatifically, his bright brown eyes were filled with hope, optimism, and determination-to look at him now you would never guess that he was behind the carnage, those multiple bleeding-inked pages that the boy had shown him. Ryuk had never before met anyone like Light Yagami—a living vessel of pure, marvelous death. The Shinigami shook with visible excitement at the young killer's words.

It's just as I thought. Humans are so interesting!

After many false starts Ryuk had finally hit the jackpot. Light had already killed more than all his past humans combined! And unlike any of those lameass whiners he was completely unrepentant and intended to kill many, many more.

Absolutely amazing!

Ryuk didn't believe in stupid and deadly things like love but he seriously wanted to tip him over and bang him right there! He wanted Light more than he'd ever wanted a human—it was already playing out in his mind. He'd just walk on over to where the boy was standing, grab hold of those uniquely-colored russet locks fell to the nape of the young human's neck, and he'd tip him over the bed so his ass was in the air and then… But, Light was different from the others and whenever Ryuk experimented with the forbidden it always destroyed the human in question. There was always the screaming and the crying and then they were never the same after that. They were never fun after that and Ryuk didn't want his fun to end so soon. But he really, really wanted to. The Shinigami hastily masked his frustrated growling with an evil sounding cackle.

Maybe later…

Meanwhile Light (blissfully unaware of his Shinigami's amorous inclinations) came down from his post-megalomaniacal euphoria to recognize the brightening of the sky outside.

Shit. Had he really spent the whole night talking to the Shinigami? Well, there was no chance of him getting any sleep now, in fact it was already time for him to be getting ready for school, which of course presented a new problem—the Shinigami was still staring at him in fascination and wonderment.

Light awkwardly cleared his throat."Er… okay Ryuk, I've got to get changed now."

The monster shut his grinning mouth in thought and scratched his head with his large black talons in obvious confusion "You're going to change into what?"

"I'm going to change clothes..."

"You change your clothes?" The Shinigami asked, faking total ignorance, but really that aspect of humanity had always puzzled him...

Light made a face. "You don't?"

Ryuk shrugged. "I've never needed to. I don't get dirty. I've been using these clothes for… I think for as long as I've existed. I don't take them off very often."

"Seriously? Why don't you reek?"

"I'm a Shinigami—I'm magic. I can just phase out and the dirt falls off."

"That was something about Shinigami I didn't know…" Light stared at the creature in fascination. That had successfully captured the interest of his inner neat freak. "I wish I could do that. It would be very convenient."The teen chuckled good-naturedly as he retrieved a fresh uniform from his closet "Okay, now I'm jealous..."

"No, you're Light."


"Oh, right. It's a Shinigami joke. Never mind," Ryuk said quickly and resumed grinning his twisted grin—he had heard and made that same stupid joke at the expense of a certain pathetic Shinigami repeatedly for the past several eons and it really was a novelty that someone didn't get the punch line. "Anyway yeah, I don't get dirty like you humans do. I've never had to change my clothes—even after jacking off!"

"Okay that… that was way too much information…" Light murmured softly. Ryuk heard him of course. Light felt a vein throb in his forehead at the creature's rather infantile snickering. "Anyway I have to get changed… You know, I've got to get ready for school…."

"Oh, sure. Go right ahead," the Shinigami said while it continued to stare at him.

Light sighed. It seemed the Shinigami wasn't going to take the hint. Well this was hardly the first time changing around others—it was just like changing in the locker room when playing tennis or attending a public bathhouse. Yeah it was just like that… except that he was being stared at by a huge (and apparently horny) man, er… monster that kept grinning at him. No, that wasn't awkward at all… Light felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of his face as he stripped down in front of the creature. He didn't turn around either, preferring to keep an eye on the creature. Besides, not looking at him made it worse. So Light challengingly locked eyes with his newest stalker as he as he undid his white dress shirt. The Shinigami didn't say anything but merely watched as the human slowly performed his innocent strip tease in front of him. Ryuk gleefully watched, and grinned, and wondered if the teen even realized just how suggestive the looks he was currently throwing him were.

The teen fought down a blush when he felt the monster's eyes mapping out every contour of his body. The leather-clad creature was being suspiciously silent as Light got dressed. Ryuk had made himself at home, sitting on the edge of his bed and practically drooling at him. Despite his monstrous appearance Light could almost imagine he was…

What the hell, brain! He's a Shinigami! What the hell are you doing thinking of that… like that! Still the teen couldn't blame himself too terribly—after all his late-night visitor was unique and cool-looking, kind of like a Gothic rockstar, and exactly what he... If he was human... Stop that! Light scolded himself. He gave a self-assured smirk and asked the still-staring monster "Like what you see, Ryuk?" in order to break the awkward silence and cover his own rising mortification. He cringed inside almost as soon as the words left his mouth—that came out so much more catty than he'd intended.

"Yes," Ryuk answered bluntly, making an awkward situation even more awkward than Light had previously thought possible. "You're very interesting. I like how your body looks without the clothes on. Do you really need them?" Ryuk whined petulantly and this time Light did blush.

"That is unacceptable in human society, Ryuk. Besides… it would be cold."

"Oh, right. I forget sometimes about how fragile you humans are. Hyuk… You're like a delicate little flower…"

"Excuse me?!"

"You're so pretty…"

Ryuk cackled evilly when he noticed how the human's skin was turning a most fascinating red color—clearly the human enjoyed the flattery even if it was more than a bit demeaning.

"I assure you, I'm not weak, Ryuk." The teen declared in a clearly miffed tone. He wasn't weak! He would be a God after all...

"What?!" Ryuk startled and threw up his claws in a defensive fashion when he noticed the annoyed, homicidal look the human was giving him. "I just like the way you look is all. I mean, you're body's quite different from mine… I mean, I bet you're popular with the girls!"

"Yeah," Light grunted. Unfortunately... "I'm guessing you're not popular?" Light sniffed, turning up his nose in a sufficiently snobby fashion as he finished getting dressed.

"Huh?" Ryuk was dumbstruck.

Did this human just… insult me? He just dared to… Ryuk's ever-present grin widened in shock and awe. He's not the least bit daunted that I'm a Shinigami! He doesn't suck up to me and he has no problem giving me a hard time! Amazing… He's not... he's not scared at all?!

The teen remained unconcerned as Ryuk drew close, looming behind him as he made his way downstairs to the kitchen. After all, it would be… ungodly to admit it but this whole situation was kind of awkward. Light successfully hid the slight nervousness he felt with the creature's eyes upon him. He could feel it—Ryuk just kept staring, like he was trying to bore a hole in the back of his head—but as usual, Light kept to his masks, remained stoically calm. The only outside indicator that the teen was feeling stressed was a small trickle of sweat that slid down his right temple.

Ryuk followed Light into the kitchen and watched how the human immediately poured himself a cup of some sort of steaming hot, nasty-looking, brown liquid and brought the unholy concoction to his lips…

"You're going to drink that?! " Ryuk exclaimed in disbelief. From his previous stalking sessions Ryuk was under the impression that Light was really intelligent but now he was beginning to wonder if he was wrong in his assessment for the teen was about to ingest what looked like to the Shinigami's untrained eye to be some kind of poison or at least something rather unsavory.

"It's just coffee," the sleep-deprived serial killer snapped. But, to his further annoyance, the otherworldly creature was still eyeing his mug warily as if it were a vat of acid. "It helps me stay awake," Light explained belatedly dropping his voice in case his mother or sister came into the kitchen.

Ryuk laughed "You need help just to stay awake? Oh, you humans are even weaker than I thought!"

Ryuk laughed harder as he watched how the teen's eyebrow twitched in an amusing way.

"I was up all night talking with you! I typically sleep during the night," Light hissed.

"Oh, er… sorry. I didn't know. Shinigami don't need to sleep…"

"It's fine. Just don't make a habit of it. But I definitely need to get some sleep tonight."

The Shinigami's rigor mortis smile stretched out impossibly further and his eyes took on a definite red cast. "You know on my world only the really lazy idiots sleep…" The Shinigami teased, giggling at the reaction he was rewarded with—oh Light looked so very annoyed now!

"Well that's not how it works here! Humans need to sleep in order to function properly. It's a basic need. If I let myself get too tired it will start to affect my health and mental performance—"

The Shinigami simply grinned and refrained from commenting on the irony inherent in that statement.

"You can't just drink more coffee?"

"Drinking too much coffee is unhealthy…"

"Unhealthy?" The creature scratched his head again and Light thought, to his secret amusement, that it made the deathly horror look rather like a monkey. "What do you… Ohhhh… you mean that stuff is slowly killing you." Ryuk made a mental note to remember this for when he had a pair of eyes to sell him...

Light paused mid-sip. "It's alright in moderation…"

"No. By all means—drink the coffee, I don't mind—it makes my job easier," said the Shinigami as he casually patted the Death Note that hung from his belt. Light glared defiantly at the reaper and then querulously dumped what remained of his drink in the sink. It was a childish, irrational move. He knew he would regret it later but he would never know how it irreparably altered the course of his life.

Light stared morosely down the drain already regretting his impulsive decision. Of course he could pour himself another cup but then his family might notice he was drinking more coffee than usual and that might tip them off that something had changed. He couldn't afford to make the slightest mistake or allow himself to be even remotely suspected of being Kira! The teen suppressed a growl—no sleep and no caffeine—it was going to be HELL! Well, at least it seemed Ryuk had satisfied his curiosity for the moment…

"Hey, Light-o!" The monster hollered from the pantry where he was studying the breakfast cereals and Light thanked his lucky stars that no one else could hear his voice. "Why are they called Apple Jacks if they don't taste like apples?"


Light powered through his classes—staying awake by sheer force of will. Even so, a couple of times he apparently didn't look attentive enough and so got chalk thrown in his face courtesy of his sadist teachers.

"How the hell do you do this every day? It's so boring?!" The Shinigami stretched his overly long limbs and groaned when the last class of the day finally let out.

"Hey, Light! You listening?" Ryuk whined as the teen ignored him.

Undeterred by the apparent cold shoulder he was getting Ryuk doggedly pursued the human, bobbing along behind him as he was mystically bound to do. Though he could admit to himself that his interest was definitely piqued since last night—Light was FUN—he'd want to follow him regardless. Ryuk had never met a mortal so fearless that he had the audacity to actually ignore a God of Death.

The Shinigami glanced around as Light led him into the campus rose garden. The roses were white, the color of skulls, but otherwise the shrubbery was green like most of the plants in the human world. The Shinigami realm didn't have so many colors—no, back home it was all just grey—but here in the world of the living was so cheerful and charming and exotic and so very alive. Ryuk liked it here. The Shinigami was quite enchanted by the garden and he imagined it would be a great place to play. He clearly wasn't the first one to think so either if the notches in the trunks of the shrubs were any indication. Couples' names and initials, encircled in hearts, were carved into the wood. Ryuk found it an odd tradition for humans to give up their names and put themselves in mortal peril just to proclaim their love. Perhaps humans and Shinigami weren't that different after all... Ryuk wondered at Light's choice of hiding place. Clearly this was some kind of human mating ground. Was this an invitation? Could it be that Light also wanted to play the forbidden game?

"Very interesting…" Ryuk murmured when he realized that Light was finally speaking to him. The Shinigami wasn't sure whether to be disappointed or amused to learn that Light brought him out all this way just to scold him.

"Don't talk to me!" Light hissed in irritation as the Shinigami continued to fill the silence with inane chatter in his ear. "Unlike you, people can still hear me when I speak out loud."

"You're no fun," the monster pouted.

The Shinigami watched in amusement as the student turned down an offer to go to the arcade and went straight home to get to work on his project—a perfect, crime-free utopia.

Ryuk lay in Light's bed, propping his head up on one elbow, and munched on the apples Light bought him. There was no rest for the wicked. Light-o had a very busy day. He wrote names in the notebook with enthusiasm until he was interrupted by his little sister wanting help with her math homework.

Disappointingly Light didn't give him a big reaction when he oh-so-casually informed him that if his sister were to touch the notebook she could see him too. Not that he gave no reaction—Ryuk had watched and wondered at the odd twist of young man's lips, the slightest ghost of an expression that seemed torn between irritation and amusement. For the first time since he appeared in his bedroom Light actually looked impressed with him.

I tricked him and he LIKED that. Interesting…


Light snuck out after dinner and built a bomb for his desk. Ryuk frowned slightly as Light explained everything. If that went off it would destroy the notebook and his ties to the human world. The Shinigami hoped it didn't come to that but he began to mentally go through a list of his stupid "friends" back in the Shinigami realm who might also be as neglectful as Sidoh so he might steal another one. He wouldn't want his time in the human world with his new toy interrupted just because someone jostled a desk.

Ryuk watched as Light quietly did his homework before enthusiastically going for another round of mass-death. The Shinigami looked on with glee as the teen murdered criminals. He was so passionate about it! He was writing so many names! (Damn, it was making him hard…)

Though it soon became obvious that Light was fighting fatigue; his shoulder's sagged with exhaustion and he seemed unaware that he was stooping closer and closer to the surface of his desk. Those beautiful, brown, almost-golden, eyes became hooded putting his long, feminine lashes on display. To the Shinigami his human seemed almost… delicate. Ryuk wondered if among his own species if Light was ever mistaken for a female.

Ryuk had experimented with both types of humans, he found he preferred the males (the girls kind of weirded him out) but to his disappointment the results were always the same—screaming, crying, struggling, and being forced to write their names. Ryuk very much liked playing with humans but the aftermath wasn't any fun...

Suddenly beside them the TV declared "We interrupt this program to bring a special announcement. This is a worldwide broadcast from the ICPO…"

Ryuk grumbled. He'd liked the animated robodeath show that had been playing in the background. That was fun! But they had interrupted it for this? What? The Lind L. Tailor Show? Now that looked boring. And why bother giving this guy a show? He didn't have long to live anyway...

Light hadn't even flinched when Ryuk drew near though that might have been because the teen had his face pressed into the notebook, drooling. Ryuk laughed, the teen had fallen asleep at his desk. He thought that was a silly thing to do—wasn't that what the bed was for? It was a lot more comfy. The Shinigami snickered again and wished he knew how to use a camera.

"Oh! Light-o! " Ryuk poked at the dozing teen and Light mumbled incoherently about Extinction Level Events. Ryuk recalled that that was the only semi-interesting thing the teachers taught about in class today. Ryuk giggled and poked him again. "Wakey wakey!"

"Wha—?!" The genius inquired intelligently.

"You fell asleep."

"Dammit," Light rationalized that he had been up for 34 hours straight and had skimped on his caffeine intake—he was bound to crash eventually and nothing short of a miracle (Godly) that he hadn't already. "How long?"

"Eh, just a couple minutes. But wow, you weren't kidding about humans needing to sleep. You should really come to bed, Light."

Ryuk watched how the teenager yawned and stretched cutely; fascinated by the way his shirt hiked up, giving the monster another tantalizing glimpse of stomach and navel and hips bones. The Shinigami mapped him out with his eyes wanting to know every contour of his human's lithe body.

"Y-yeah, I guess you're right." Light grunted and forced himself to stand too quickly. The claws that gently wrapped around his shoulder were the only thing that stopped him from falling. As Ryuk steadied him the teen shot him a miffed look that could only be interpreted as "I-meant-to-do-that." Ryuk rolled his eyes and helped him to the bed. "Thanks," the teen whispered grudgingly.

"Hyuk, no problem."

Light absently turned off the TV and immediately felt better. That shouting noise was giving him a whole new headache on top of the migraine he'd been fighting since this morning when he'd begun his caffeine withdrawal.

Light paused as Ryuk flopped back down into his bed as he had for most of the afternoon, again propping his head up on one clawed hand. He showed no inclination of moving.

"Ryuk..." Light's irritation began to bleed through.

"Oh, don't mind me."

Light sighed. He was too tired to argue. Really, it shouldn't be awkward. People sleep with their pets all the time...

Yeah, Ryuk... he's just a big kitty cat. Light snorted to himself. He really needed to get some damned sleep.

Light quickly stripped down to his boxer shorts, for once just throwing his clothes on the floor like a total slob. He felt a pang of guilt as his actions warred against his tidy upbringing and his obsessive tendencies but he'd worry about it tomorrow. He was too tired and it was oddly hot in here tonight.

Ryuk kept staring, unblinkingly, at him the entire time.

Yep, just like a kitty cat.

Light yawned tiredly and sunk down into the bed next to the demonic creature. Exhaustion making him apathetic and unalarmed when Ryuk cozied up next to him and began idly touching and brushing against him with his claws—petting him. Light was annoyed and amused when he thought that perhaps Ryuk thought of him as the pet. Still despite any misgivings he might have had when he was fully awake he found the touch of the monster actually felt pretty nice. He wasn't inclined to stop him and he really was too tired to argue. The boy's eyes fluttered closed as Ryuk kept petting him.

"Good night, Ryuk."