Many Times Loki Was a Troll About His Godhood to Avoid Ragnarok +1 Time He Remained a God of Wild Nature
"I will be the God of Thunder!" Eight century old Thor cried. "I will wield Mjolnir and all will tremble at my might!"
Odin patted Thor's golden head in approval, while Frigga smiled indulgently. "I'm sure you will, baby. You will be a valiant warrior, won't you?"
The Queen smiled wider, then turned to their younger son. "And you, Loki? What you will be a God of?"
Loki looked up from his book and frowned at her. "I don't know." he said with a shrug.
"Perhaps a God of Mischief?" Frigga proposed with a gentle smile. "Doesn't that sound like fun, my little Trickster?"
Loki looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook his head sharply. "No. That sounds like a god that would end up a scapegoat for all the failed expeditions and plans."
Both King and Queen frowned in surprise. "What?"
Loki ignored them. "I will be... the God of Knitting and Sewing!"
Odin choked while Frigga's mouth fell open in shock. A moment paused while she floundered for words, then she forced a sweet smile back onto her face. "Sweety, that doesn't sound like fun. Wouldn't you like a more... manly godhood? The God of Fire, perhaps?"
"NO!" Loki shot to his feet, even stomping one for good measure. "I will be the God of Knitting and Sewing! I will be there to help everyone knit and sew comfortable clothes and warm scarfs and beautiful tapestries, and they will all LOVE ME FOR IT!" He picked up his book and glared at his parents. "Now I'll go to the library and read up about knitting and sewing because I am going to be the best God of Knitting and Sewing there ever was, and there's nothing either of you can do to stop me!"
With that, six century old Prince Loki marched out of the Royal Family Room, little head held high.
Frigga, Odin and Thor stared after him with various expressions of shock and disbelief.
A few minutes later, Odin turned a baleful glare at his wife. "I told you not to weave so much in front of him. Gave him ideas."
"No, my Father has already blessed my becoming the God of Thunder. He even commissioned a special weapon from the Dwarves."
"But what of you, my friends? What Godhood will you choose for yourselves?"
"I'm not sure. Perhaps-"
"I am going to be the Goddess of War."
"Sif, you can't be that. You're a girl, pick something girly."
"I will be a Goddess of War and that's final. I have decided that years ago."
Volstagg, ever the peace-keeper, joined in to the conversation. "I think I might be a good God of Food. Don't you think, my friends?"
"You and your food." Sif shook her head fondly at him, her ire at Fandral forgotten.
"I'm sure you will be a Grand God of Food, friend Volstagg!" Thor boomed in his adolescent voice, clapping the larger boy on the shoulder. He turned to the godling standing behind him. "And you, brother? What will you chose as your godhood?"
Loki, remembering the 'package' he'll grow into, grinned. "I'm going to be the God of Sex."
The whole group blanched, and Fandral looked offended. "Hey, I wanted to be that!"
"Too late!" Loki crowed with a laugh. "I will be the God of Sex and I will give it to every one!"
Sif sneered. "Like any maiden would want you!"
"Yeah, like I'm gonna limit myself to maidens. Maidens, Ladies, Lords, Lads. Hell, horses and other animals too, I'm not gonna discriminate anyone! And I will have such a beautiful monstrous cock yours will all wilt with envy upon the sight of me!" Loki laughed loudly, turned on his heel, and marched back to the palace.
The warriors in training stared after him, all with mouth wide open from shock. A moment later, Thor turned to one of his friends. "Fandral, I ban you from ever again spending time alone with Loki."
Heimdall refrained from sighing and instead looked down at the little body that suddenly glued itself to his leg. "Yes, Little Prince?"
Prince Loki looked up at him and smiled with all the innocence of his seven centuries reflected in his eyes. "We were talking about our Godhood with Mother and Father today."
Heimdall said nothing, just turned back to observe the universe.
"And I thought it'd be neat to be the God of Gatekeepers and Guardians."
A noble position, true.
"But Father said because you're the best Gatekeeper in the whole Universe, I need to ask you first. So can I? Be the God of Gatekeepers and Guardians?" Large green eyes blinked up at him. "Please?"
Heimdall thought about it. On one hand, the young prince didn't seem suited for that role. On the other hand, this was probably just a phase, like with Sif wanting to be a better warrior than all the men of Asgard. They'll both grow out of it, he was sure.
"I give my permission." He intoned, and immediately the little arms tightened around his leg in a hug.
"Truly? You won't take it back?"
"If you still wish it when you are grown, I will not, my Prince." He replied.
What harm would it do? "I promise, my Prince."
"Awesome! Thank you, Heimdall." The little prince smiled brilliantly at him, then extracted himself from the Gatekeeper's leg. He stayed there, grinning, for a few minutes more, and Heimdall got the strange feeling he had just sealed his doom.
"You know you're gonna have to pray to me, right?"
Heimdall blinked and looked down at the princeling.
Loki's grin turned mischievous. "When I become the God of Gatekeepers and Guardians, you're totally gonna have to pray to me."
Heimdall had not thought of that.
"Thanks again for your promise, noble Heimdall! Bye!" Loki waved and raced down the Bifrost, practically skipping.
Heimdall could say only one thing to that revelation. "Oy vey."
+1 Time He Remained a God of Wild Nature (AKA a Jotunn)
It was finished. Finally finished. Laufey lay defeated and the Universe would be at Peace once again. One last thing to do before he led his troops back to Asgard.
He walked slowly into the temple, his wounds aching. He found the Casket easily, and lifted it from its pedestal. As he turned to leave, he heard a tiny sound, like that of a newborn animal.
He looked around the vast temple, and in one corner he noticed a pile of furs and pelts, with something squirming atop it.
He walked closer and had to blink his remaining eye hard to make sure he wasn't seeing things. It was a baby Jotunn. One with royal markings all over its little body. Laufeyson, then.
He picked up the child, and it calmed its weak mewls, staring up at him with red eyes. For a moment, he thought those red eyes turned green, but no, they were still as red as precious rubies.
It was pretty cute, all things considered. Perhaps Frigga would like it, as a pet. Perhaps even as a son, if Odin found a right glamour to hide the child's heritage.
He lifted the child higher and pressed a gentle kiss to its forehead. A second son would be nice.
But then the little bugger kicked him so hard in the chin his teeth rattled.
Odin reared back, surprised, and the child started squirming again. It sunk its budding teeth into the unprotected flesh between Odin's thumb and forefinger, stabbing the tiny sharp things as deep as they would go. Odin cursed and started flailing his arm, trying to dislodge the beast. He managed after a few minutes, but earned himself a series of deep scratches from surprisingly sharp infant claws.
The child landed in a pile of snow, and it immediately hauled itself onto all fours, hissing at him like an angry cat.
Odin, despite himself, took a step back. He wouldn't put it past the beast not to launch itself at him again.
But the brat snapped his teeth at him once more, then turned around and trudged back to the pile of furs and pelts, curling into a ball atop them.
Odin entertained the thought of slaying the beast, but then looked at his mangled hand and decided against it. He grabbed the Casket and walked quickly out the temple (and no, he didn't run, thank you). Laufey could keep that little monster, Odin didn't need a second son that much any way.
A few hours later Laufey came to retrieve his youngest child from where he had hidden him. He was greeted with excited squeals and grabby little hands. And when Laufey lifted his tiny son from his makeshift berth, the little one promptly snuggled close against his chest, mewling happily.
Thank every deity out there that Odin had not noticed the baby, Laufey thought. It would've ended in disaster.