And it ate away at him every single day.
Derek watched Stiles as he cooked for him. He sat with his beer and watched the younger male. He was scared. He had never considered himself a domestic type but he wanted this—Stiles, himself, a house, maybe even children but God forbid he think that far into the future—and it scared him. Especially since Stiles was still so young and at any moment could change his mind about the things he wanted and needed. This wasn’t the first time he’d had this inner battle with himself and by the time he had come back to himself, Stiles was leaning against the stove, oven mitts still on his hands, and was glaring pointedly.
“We’re not going there, Derek,” he said, as he did so often, and Derek smiled and nodded.
“I know, Stiles,” he said with a long suffering sigh that was mostly over exaggerated. He stood and went to the other, placing his hands on his hips.
Stiles pouted at him as he lifted his arms to wrap around Derek’s neck. He was sure they made quite a picture, Stiles with his over mitts on. He snorted at the image. All Stiles needed was an apron and they were set. The other only pouted more.
“What’s so funny?”
Derek kissed his nose, grinning as the other wrinkled it up. “You. Us.”
Stiles made a face to say that he didn’t see the humor. Derek really didn’t feel like pointing it out and just kissed the corner of his mouth and then the other. Stiles leaned in but pulled away almost immediately.
“Babe,” he said, and Derek tilted his head. He’d gotten Stiles to call him babe because he kept trying to say ‘baby’ and that was the pet name that she used. Babe had a different enough ring to it that made it okay. He raised his brows as he waited. Stiles seemed to be making sure he had his attention before he moved on.
“Why don’t you call me any nicknames?”
Derek stared at him. Seriously? “Seriously?”
Derek rolled his eyes. “I’m not calling you something that’s not your name. I let you do it because you were insistent Doesn’t mean I have to have a part in it.”
Stiles didn’t seem to like this. “Are you saying you never called your past girl or boyfriends pet names?”
Derek twitched. He had struck a chord. Up until now they’d not talked about his past anything. He really shouldn’t have blamed Stiles. It was normal to want to know about a lover’s past, but at that moment, he was not ready to divulge into his dark history. Not with a sixteen year old boy who had no idea what life could really be like. Who would probably leave him at the first bat of pretty long lashes.
He started to pull away but Stiles tugged him back, surprisingly strong. Helping Derek with his work was really starting to show. Derek glared at him but Stiles was not fazed.
“Oh, no you don’t, buddy,” he said, frowning right back himself. “We don’t run away from fights in this relationship.”
Then he kissed him hard, oven mitted hands tugging him closer, harder against him. Derek reacted accordingly, his body waking at Stiles’s touch, hungry for more. They were rutting between the stove and each other when the timer went off and Stiles pushed him away, breathing hard as he tried to make sense of what he was doing.
He let Stiles do what he needed to and dealt with getting rid of his need in his own way. A quick thought of her, it was all he needed. His desire wilted away and he was able to focus.
Dinner was amazing, as it always was with Stiles. He really had to say that he was getting spoiled. With the summer so close to being over, just a week away, Stiles would be going back to school. The teen had promised to write and he had promised to write back, but it was just not the same and they both knew it. If Derek had any fears that Stiles would move on as soon as he was away from Derek, he didn’t let them show. Instead, he gave into his need to be with Stiles, as much as he could, for as long as he still had him.
So while the other started the dishes, Derek finished his beer and stood, moving to the sink. He reached around his lover to turn it off and when Stiles looked back at him in confusion, he kissed him hard.
Stiles gasped and then moaned softly as he turned to press back against him. It was definitely more sexy now that he’d lost the gloves, and Derek wouldn’t need to kill his need this time. Stiles muttered something about the dishes before biting his lip.
“Dishes can wait,” he growled, words thick with his need. If that wasn’t enough, he rolled his hips against Stiles’s and the thick gasp was enough to assure Derek the teen had felt it.
“Oh. Hah. Okay, yeah. Dishes can wait.”
Derek grinned against his lips before deepening the kiss, licking into his mouth and growling softly. The way the other made him feel, bringing out his baser needs and desires. It was electrifying, each time better than the last.
He reached down and gripped the hem of Stiles’s shirt, tugging it up and off. He dropped it and then Stiles was taking off his shirt, tossing it away to be found later. As Stiles attacked his chest with kisses and love bites, Derek reached down to lift him up by his thighs. Stiles’s legs wrapped around his waist almost of their own accord and Derek carried them to his bed.
He sat him down on the edge of the bed and watched as Stiles wriggled out of his pants, kicking them off the bed before he settled against the pillows. Derek took him in. Even for his boxers which were currently offending him, Stiles was beautiful. Breathtaking. Even Kate, had been pretty in her own right, but not like this. Stiles reached a whole new level for him and he didn’t think he’d ever reach it again.
Stiles was looking up at him, amber eyes impatient, and Derek rolled his eyes. Obviously not the romantic type. He shimmied out of his own jeans and crawled onto the bed, settling between Stiles’s legs and lowering himself onto him. He looked into his eyes and just watched him, and Stiles allowed him that because he was doing his own soul searching.
Suddenly, he looked nervous. Derek kissed away the creases in his forehead.
“What is it, Stiles? Just say it.”
Stiles hesitated a bit longer, looking off to the side, and then his eyes were locked on Derek’s.
“I love you.”
Derek’s brain stopped. He stared and his body went cold, but just as fast, his eyes found Stiles’s warm gold brown and he was warm once more. He gasped softly and swallowed and began to pull away but Stiles held him there.
“Stiles. I can’t—”
Stiles groaned. “Derek, look. Just wait. Please.”
Derek looked down at his lover and took a deep breath. The other watched for another moment to be sure and started to speak.
“I love you, I do, but I know you can’t say it yet. Won’t say it yet. Even if you don’t love me, I believe you can, and I don’t mind waiting. I don’t want anyone but you. I just… you’re it for me, Derek.”
Derek stared at him. He wanted to just brush it off, toss in the towel, and let the other move on before they got hurt. He wanted to do a lot of things, but the look in those eyes, on his face, it stopped him. Stiles was serious. He was telling the truth. He loved him, or at least he seriously believed he did, and who was he to tell him otherwise.
Selfish, once again, Derek dove into the pure trust and desire and heat of Stiles’s body, his existence He crushed their mouths together and moved against him until their bodies were slick with sweat and they were hard and straining through the thin material of their boxers. Derek moved down, ignoring the cry of loss from the other. He stood to get rid of his boxers and then helped Stiles out of his. Stiles already had the lube and a condom and were passing them to Derek as he got back on the bed.
Derek watched as the other watched him, slicking up his cock before rolling on the condom. He slicked his sheathed member and squeezed out more to work into Stiles’s hole. Capping the bottle, he tossed it aside as he leaned over the younger male, working his fingers in and out as he kissed at his neck.
“Stiles,” he growled, need rumbling deep in his chest. He pressed his mouth to Stiles’s ear and grazed his teeth against the shell.
“R-ready, Derek,” Stiles assured him and Derek looked back. They always did this. He had to know Stiles was okay. Looking over the younger male’s features, he was reassured and gave an abrupt nod. Lining himself up, he kissed at Stiles’s face as he slowly pushed in. No matter how many times they’d done this, Stiles was still new to it and he was not going to rush it and risk hurting his lover that he cared so much about.
“Ah,” Stiles gasped, voice a little strained as his back arched and his nails dug into the skin of Derek’s arm where he held him. Derek had bottomed out and was paused now, one hand rubbing soothingly at his lover’s side. Stiles breathed in and out, wriggling lightly, and like any time before, he slowly became used to the cock inside his ass. “O-okay.”
Derek pulled back from nuzzling along his hair line. “You sure?” Stiles nodded.
Derek mirrored the nod and returned his weight to both hands. Slowly, he pulled out and slowly pushed back in. He usually paused every so often when Stiles looked particularly pained but this time he got used to him faster and it wasn’t long until Stiles was crying for him to move. Derek reached down, bringing Stiles’s hands up over his head, lacing their fingers as he pulled out and pushed back in, hard. His hips were a blur as he fucked Stiles. He buried his face in the other’s shoulder, the bed squeaking with the effort, the wall shaking, and any other sounds drowned out by their moans and gasps.
“Fuck, Derek,” Stiles groaned, arching up into him as he pushed his hips back. Derek growled and stole a kiss, thrusting harder and harder. It wasn’t much longer until Stiles was gripping for purchase, mouth slack as he cried out. “Ohohoh, Derek! Ha! Ah!”
Derek kissed at his forehead and mouth and neck, groaning thickly as Stiles came and clenched around him. Derek didn’t last long after, throwing his power into his surge forward, coming hard and shaking against his lover. “Stiles.”
They lay still as they came down from their highs, Derek breathing hard through his nose as he kissed Stiles gently on his mouth. Stiles grinned, kissing back, lazily. Derek pulled out of him, disposing of the condom before returning to his younger lover and tugging him close. They fell asleep like that only to wake up to the sound of heavy knocks on the door. Pounding, more like. Derek glanced at the clock and swore under his breath.
Stiles squeaked and dived out of the bed, grabbing his clothes and rushing to the bathroom. “I forgot to tell him I was coming here tonight!”
Derek closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He wasn’t going to do this. Hide. Lie. If he asked him, he would tell him. He pulled on a pair of jeans and buttoned them, going to the door. He opened it, jaw set as Mike glared in at him.
“Where is he?”
Stiles came out and smiled brightly, dressed but obviously debauched. “Hi, dad! Sorry I didn’t tell you I was staying over—”
“I WANT THE LIES TO STOP, STILES.”
The teen flinched but Derek did not. “Mike—”
“Mr. Stilinski… come in.”
The older man glared at him but did so, and rounded on him.
“Are you sleeping with my son? Actually, no. Don’t answer that. I know you’re sleeping with him and I am telling you that this stops now.”
Stiles cried out. “Dad! You can’t just—I love him, Dad!”
Derek could have groaned. That was not going to help the situation at all. Mike was livid and Derek stood his ground.
“Stiles. House. Now.”
Derek watched as Stiles hesitated before rushing out of the place. He pretended to not see the tears.
“The only thing keeping me from pressing charges on you, Derek, is him. I expected more from you. I have half a mind to fire you but I know that will also break Stiles. He’s been through so much with his mom and… just do your job. Do not talk to me, and do not even think of talking to him. If he comes to you, say nothing. Ignore him. Or I will press charges.”
Derek nodded once. “Yes, sir.”
Mike glowered and shook his head. “Find another job. By spring, I want you gone.” Derek nodded once more. Mike left and Derek punched the wall, leaving a hole. He’d patch it up tomorrow. For now, he couldn’t deal with this.
He never should have let this begin.
Derek was putting Montgomery through his paces when Stiles was suddenly right there.
“Did you tell him you’d stop seeing me, Derek? He told me that, but I couldn’t believe it. Because you like me. You’d fight for me, right?”
“Go away, Stiles,” he said, not looking at him.
“Oh, no you don’t, big guy!”
Stiles stopped the horse and Derek growled. He said nothing but then Stiles was right in his face.
“Go. Away. Stiles.”
“No.” Stiles kissed him and Derek kissed back before his brain caught up with him and he pushed the other away.
“Stiles. This stops now. It never should have started. It was a mistake.”
Stiles stared at him and clenched his fists at his sides. “A mistake? A mistake?! You are not a mistake to me, Derek! I am trying to fight for you and you are giving up! On me, on us! I love you—”
“No! You don’t! You don’t get it. You are too young and too stupid to know love. You don’t love me. You can’t love me!”
Stiles stared at him, silent, and if the situation were lighter and didn’t hurt so much, he would have congratulated himself for rendering the teen speechless. It didn’t last long. “You are just scared. Because I love you, and you know I do, and you’re starting to love me. If you give up now… I won’t forgive you.”
Derek moved forward and looked down at him. “Stop. Being. A. Child.”
Stiles glared at him for a moment or two before running off. Derek’s heart clenched and he set his jaw, swallowing the bile in his throat. This was never supposed to happen.
He found out from one of the other ranch hands that Stiles had left to stay with his best friend. He would go to school from there and wouldn’t be back.
It was good. It was what they needed. Stiles could move on and Derek could focus on his work. It would be the best thing for him.
If that were true… why the hell did it hurt so much?