It’s a gorgeous morning when Derek’s older sister kicks him out of his own bed and makes him faceplant on the floor so hard he almost dislocates his nose.
“Laura!” he growls, embracing his new home on the hardwood floor and considering just giving up on life as a whole and just staying here forever. At least he can't be thrown off the floor, since he's already on it.
“Wake up, lazy butt,” Laura shouts right in his ear, making him take a swipe at her, his claws barely missing her cheek.
“Go away. It’s spring break, let me sleep.”
“Most kids your age go on road trips and break the law on spring break.”
“Most kids my age can get drunk and I don’t particularly feel like babysitting a bunch of drunk idiots.” He flops onto his back and blinks up at her.
“Funny you should mention babysitting. I have a surprise for you.”
“Whatever it is I don’t want it.”
“Oh, trust me you’re just going to love this.” Laura says with a smile that’s all teeth.
“Mom!” Derek shouts, jumping to his feet and running out of his room. “Mom! Laura did something!”
“Kids stop fighting,” Talia shouts from her office just as Derek barrels through the door and goes to take cover behind her desk. He’s not hiding. Shut up, he’s not. He’s strategically retreating okay.
Laura barrels into the office right after him. “I didn’t do anything!”
“Yes, you did! You’re smiling evil-y, like an evil thing!”
“Wow Derek, I really need some Aloe for that burn.”
Derek opens his mouth to say something back but his mother silences him with a harsh flick of her wrist.
“Laura, talk,” she demands.
Laura makes a face. “I didn’t do anything bad. Since we’re all going out today I just thought it would be nice to get someone to watch over Derek. You know, so he doesn’t feel alone.”
“You hired a babysitter,” his mother concludes.
“I hired a babysitter.”
“Well, unhire him,” Derek demands.
“I can but I’ve invested money in this and I don’t want to. Also I can hear him coming up the road, it’s too late now.”
Derek opens his mouth to argue and resolutely shuts it when he hears the too familiar rumble of a Jeep engine.
“No,” he whispers in shock and horror because no there’s absolutely no way Laura has betrayed him in such a way.
“Look, I’m tired of you crying on my ice cream because senpai won’t notice you, so I created the perfect circumstances for senpai to notice you.”
Uncle Peter pokes his head in the door. “We’re about to head out and there’s a boy climbing up the porch steps. I must ask, with the babysitter situation, are you attempting a porno dear nephew?”
“Mom!” Derek and Laura complain, making equally disgusted faces.
“Peter stop traumatizing the children.”
“I will do no such-“ the doorbell rings and Derek doesn’t have a chance to listen to the rest of Uncle Peter’s sentence because Laura throws herself out the door and down the stairs and Derek chases right after her.
“Don’t-Laura don’t you dare!”
Laura throws the door open with the widest smile she has.
“Hi. I’m here to babysit, um, DeeDee?”
Laura grabs him by the scruff of the neck and pulls him forward, like Derek’s a wet miserable puppy and she’s trying to pawn him off. “Perfect. We were just about to leave, I’m sure you two are going to get along perfectly.”
Stiles blinks at him for a moment.
“Hey Stiles,” he says miserably, pretending he’s not wearing his Aunt Mai’s bright neon track pants that have TASTY stamped across his ass and a Taylor Swift Red tour shirt on.
“Hey Derek, quick question, does your sister know Erica?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Ah. So, let me get this straight. She’s paying me to babysit you as a prank.”
Derek wonders if he stares at the ground long enough a hole will open up and he can push Laura straight into the fiery pits of hell.
Laura huffs a little, clearly bothered she’s being so thoroughly ignored or maybe just very done with Derek’s inaptitude to talk to people he likes and throws Derek at Stiles.
Stiles stumbles back a step but manages to catch him around the waist, preventing both from sprawling to the floor.
“Am I still getting paid?” Stiles asks keeping one arm around Derek’s waist.
“Cool. Come on DeeDee, let’s play violent games.”
“I will pay you money to never call me that again.”
“I’m pretty sure your sister is actually paying me money to call you that. If you’re willing to up her dollah dollah bill be my guest.”
“This is a nightmare.”
Stiles pinches him in the leg, making Derek yelp and bat at his hand.
“Nope, not a nightmare,” Stiles concludes with a shit eating grin and Derek briefly wonders why the hell he has such a big crush on this asshole.
Stiles is sitting shoulder to shoulder with his crush of forever and trying not to laugh at how bad Derek Hale is at video games. It’s easy not laughing since he’s kind of panicking over having to fast forward his seven year plan into a couple of hours.
Derek elbows him in the arm, trying to throw Stiles off the lead but Stiles wins at Mario Kart and there is absolutely no distraction that could make him lose.
“Stop cheating,” he complains, only half-heartedly, the effect completely ruined by him knocking shoulders against Derek and getting him get bumped into last.
“You stop cheating.”
“You started it!”
“Don’t make me blue shell your ass.”
“Ohh, talk more about what you want to do to my ass, baby.”
Derek chokes on air and throws himself off the track while Stiles finishes the final lap victorious.
He throws his hands up and cheers because he’s a terrible winner like that and he beat Derek Hale at something. Which, in retrospect, he shouldn’t be so happy about since he’s trying to date the guy, not send him running to the pouty losers corner.
“You cheated,” Derek accuses and actually pouts a little bit, puffing up his cheeks which is adorable and completely unfair since it gives Stiles the urge to kiss him breathless which he can’t do because he has a seven year plan goddamnit.
Well. He had a seven year plan that was composed by a few simple steps starting by him slowly wiggling his way into the lives of several of the Hales until he was a steady presence in Derek’s life. Then annoy him and support him emotionally (but also physically, Stiles would not mind holding that booty for him have you seen the perfectly squishy and geometrical shape of Derek’s ass, it is a gift) until Derek agreed to date him.
Not the best plan, he’s aware, but it had been working. Mostly because all of the Hales are awesome and possibly creatures of the night but Stiles will leave his crazy theories for after he’s infiltrated the group, the family, the pack, the- whatever other terms are used to describe a bunch of people.
“I did not cheat. I have amazing skill and magic fingers,” he declares, wiggling said fingers in front of Derek’s face, honestly surprised when the other boy just stares at them instead of batting them away like Stiles expects.
“Anywho,” Stiles says when it appears Derek is just going to sit there blushing to the tips of his ears adorably. “I’ll treat your fine loser ass to some lunch. It’s almost lunch time anyway and I would be a horrible babysitter if I didn’t cater to your every need, DeeDee.”
Derek blushes that delicious shade darker and gets up, pushing Stiles to the floor as he makes his way out of the room and towards the kitchen.
“You wish,” Stiles shouts after him, startling when something thuds and crashes in the hallway.
Derek’s not quite sure he’ll survive this.
He thought he had built somewhat of a resistance to the seemingly accidental Stilinski charm since he has to interact with Stiles daily in three different classes.
He thought he could endure three hours alone with Stiles in his house without possibly jumping the other boy but the situation is looking dire.
Stiles is currently making him lunch. Like honest to the moon cooking. And it smells amazing.
And he’s humming and hip jiggling around Derek’s kitchen.
He wonders in a scale from one to making him watch the toddlers on the full moon how angry his mom would be if he just offered to blow Stiles against the kitchen aisle.
“And voilá,” Stiles says with a flourish, presenting a bowl of mac and cheese with octopus sausages.
Derek looks down at his plate and then up at Stiles, raising an eyebrow.
“What? Don’t judge me, normally the kids I actually babysit go crazy over these. So shut up and eat up, DeeDee.”
“I’m not. It’s cute,” he grins, poking one of the little octopuses with his fork and popping it in his mouth.
“You think I’m cute?”
Stiles blushes and ohmygod. Stiles totally thinks he’s cute.
Derek surreptitiously pinches himself on the thigh to make sure he’s not dreaming, half paying attention to Stiles trying to babble and stutter his way out of it.
“It’s okay if you think I’m cute,” Derek cuts him off, biting the inside of his cheek before he decides to hell with it and just blurts it out, “I think you’re pretty cute too.”
“Oh,” Stiles whispers like it’s a surprise. Like Derek hasn’t horribly been crushing on him since middle school.
“Well,” Stiles starts, seeming to need a couple of seconds to re-group. ”What are you gonna do about it?”
“A date would be nice?” Derek chances because why the hell not, he’s got his crush in his kitchen telling him he’s cute and cutting up sausages like tiny octopuses in the most adorable way ever, he thinks it’s pretty safe to chance this.
“That would be nice. You know what would also be nice?”
“You can say no.”
Derek blushes and looks down at his mac and cheese, twirling his fork through it. “You’re all the way over there, though.”
“Lazy ass,” Stiles says and his smiles is so bright as he bounds over to Derek it almost bowls him over.
“Ohh talk dirty to me,” Derek throws back, making Stiles laugh and that’s it, he’s absolutely done for. This is his breaking point.
He reaches out, maybe a little too fast for it to pass as strictly human and grabs the front of Stiles’ shirt, pulling him forward, until he fits neatly between Derek’s legs.
“You just called my ass lazy, I decided to be a little more proactive in this whole kissing thing.”
“Oh yeah?” Stiles raises an eyebrow and leans forward, bumping his nose into Derek’s in something that feels suspiciously like an Eskimo kiss.
“Yeah,” he breathes out and leans forward the rest of the way very softly and tentatively touching his lips to Stiles’, feeling his cheeks heat up when their lips catch and then slide together chastely.
Derek pulls back and drops his forehead on Stiles’ shoulder because well. First kiss.
His first kiss.
That went to his first crush.
“Ohmygod,” Stiles whispers, startling Derek into looking up and then kissing him on the nose. “You’re adorable and I’m going to date the shit out of you.”
Derek snorts and is rudely interrupted by another kiss. He can’t say he’s too bothered by it.
“Pay up,” Stiles demands, offering his outstretched palm to Laura and waiting for her to give him his promised money.
“I was here babysitting. I’d like you to pay me for my services.”
She frowns and looks over Stiles’ shoulder towards Derek.
“Okay no, my brother is smiling like an asshole so there’s no way you didn’t get together finally.”
“Inconsequential. Pay me my money, I need it because of reasons.”
Laura huffs but takes her wallet out, giving Stiles a couple of ten dollar bills.
Stiles makes a show of counting them and then extends his hand again.
“I’m charging bonus for the extenuating circumstances.”
“Oh hell no.”
Stiles squints at her.
“You probably should pay him,” Cora opines, walking through the front door with her littlest brother by the hand. “Once Jackson Whittemore didn’t pay a debt and he woke up with his hair green. Vomit green.”
Laura lifts an eyebrow to her sister. “How the hell do you know this? You’re still in middle school, runt.”
“Stiles tutors me. Duh.”
“Huh,” she says and takes a twenty out of her wallet, handing it over.
“Pleasure doing business with you,” he proclaims with a short bow.
“You’re a crook.”
Stiles smirks and turns around, waving the wad of cash at Derek.
“Hey, I just came into some money, wanna go on a date?”
Derek grins and loops his hand towards the elbow Stiles offers. “I’d love to.”
Laura gags. “Ugh, I regret so many decisions. Have him home by seven and I will know if you defile my brother before the third date. Have some respect you deviant youths.”
Stiles throws a peace sign at her and holds the door of his Jeep open for Derek to enter.
Laura stands in the porch and watches Stiles drive away with her brother, feeling the deep satisfaction of a job well done.
“If I’m not the maid of honor at their wedding,” she tells Cora who looks wholy uninterested in the proceedings. “I will be seriously pissed.”
(Turns out she didn’t really have to worry about that, since she’s not only the maid of honor but also the godmother to their first kid. She’s very proud to say she bawls like a baby at both events.
Stiles would make fun of her but he also cried like a little bitch. It’s all pretty fantastic.)