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It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

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THE INTERNET AND I ARE VERY WELL ACQUAINTED, ACTUALLY.

1 December 2012
in: random crap


Conversation between me and Victor this morning:

me: Oh my God, Victor! There are kittens in my computer!

Victor: I'm not buying a new computer until after Christmas, so you'll just have to deal with it.

me: Not actual kittens. Well, yes, but not in my computer. There's not a lot of space, you know? You might be able to squeeze one in there but I'm pretty sure that would count as animal cruelty, even if they didn't die. And, let's face it, they would probably die.

Victor: Please stop talking about dead kittens.

me: Technically you're the one who made this conversation about dead kittens.

Victor: I don't think that's true.

me: Whatever. It's a live video! Of kittens! Adorable kittens.

Victor: . . . Have you met the internet?

 

Obviously Victor doesn't understand the difference between recorded kittens and live kittens, but there is totally a difference. I know what I'll be watching when the holiday stress starts to build up this month!

THIS IS MELODRAMA. MOSTLY.

9 December 2012
in: random crap, kittens on the internet

You guys remember last week when I linked you to that livestream of kittens waiting to be adopted? I have wonderful and yet at the same time horrible news.

They've been adopted.

The livestream is over.

Christmas is ruined. RUINED, I TELL YOU.

I AM A GENIUS. NO, REALLY. SHUT UP, VICTOR.

10 December 2012
in: kittens on the internet

From the comments on my last entry it seems I'm not the only one who had grown emotionally attached to that kitten livestream, so I've come up with the perfect solution to yesterday's heartbreaking news. I'll give you three guesses what it is, and then I'll link you to it anyway because we all know where I'm going with this. That's right, I started my own livestream! I don't have as many kittens as the other livestream did, but Hunter S. Thomcat has the advantage of currently being in front of a camera while those other kittens are off bonding with their new owners or basking in their loving families or whatever.

I'm not sure exactly how this is going to work, since HST is used to having free run of the house and Victor vetoed my suggestion to just put a camera in every room. Apparently he thinks it would “violate his privacy”. So far I've just had Hailey following HST around with a camera, but it's her bedtime in an hour and we try to keep her on a regular schedule. Whatever. I'll figure something out.

I don't care what Victor says, this is an awesome idea.

THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA. SHUT UP, VICTOR.

13 December 2012
in: kittens on the internet

[PICTURED: Livestream screencap of Hunter S. Thomcat in extreme close up, apparently attempting to bite the camera lens.]

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

14 December 2012
in: kittens on the internet

Hello, Internet.

Let me explain.

I know some of you were pretty excited when I announced Hunter S. Thomcat's very own livestream feed a few days ago. I was excited, too, and it was fun while it lasted, right? HST chasing dust balls. HST trying to jump onto the back of the couch but misjudging the distance and faceplanting into the armrest. HST making actual, honest-to-god nomming sounds while eating his dinner. Good times, am I right?

Well, we knew it wasn't going to work out forever.

I had a few comments last night from readers telling me that the HST feed was acting weird. I'm new to the whole livestream thing so I wasn't sure I'd be able to fix whatever was wrong, but I figured what the hell, I'd give it a try.

It was so much worse than I could have possibly imagined. Instead of the joyful frolicking (or the equally as common restful sleeping) of HST there was . . . something else. Something . . . terrible . . .

[PICTURED: A close up image of Beyoncé the Giant Metal Chicken staring directly into your soul.]

(I had you going, didn't I? Knock knock, motherfuckers!)

IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING

17 December 2012
in: giant metal chickens are everywhere, kittens on the internet

As some of you will remember, I decided to stop broadcasting my cat Hunter S. Thomcat via livestream a few days ago and replaced him with my giant metal chicken, Beyoncé, because Beyoncé actually stays in one spot and doesn't attack the camera. Also because I'm trying to corner the market on giant metal chicken livestreams. Kitten livestreams are so three weeks ago.

I may have failed to inform Victor of the change.

 

A conversation between me and Victor last night:

Victor: * strangled noise from the other room *

me: I wonder what the chances are that that noise isn't about me?

(Spoiler alert: it was about me.)

Victor: What happened to the kittens?

me: So you DID like the livestream idea!

Victor: I was going to watch the kitten playing while I went through my emails, but when I changed tabs it was just that thing. Staring at me.

me: Filming Hunter S. Thomcat was too much work, so I decided to go in a different direction.

Victor: I don't like it.

Me: Maybe Beyoncé is just too fabulous for you.

SPEAKING OF FABULOUS.

21 December 2012
in: giant metal chickens are everywhere, random crap

Victor: Where did the tinsel from the Christmas tree go?

me: I think it's best that I don't tell you.

[PICTURED: Livestream screencap featuring Beyoncé wrapped in silver and gold coloured tinsel.]

AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE.

22 December 2012
in: giant metal chickens are everywhere

Okay folks, time to shut down the livestream for real. (I know, you'll all miss having Beyoncé available at your fingertips. There's a solution for that, though.)

Anyway. The holidays are in full swing and I'm going to lay off the blogging for a few days to enjoy Christmas with my family, but I was planning on leaving the livestream up until after New Year's Day. Hailey was “decorating” Beyoncé this afternoon, though, and I don't think I'm going to get a better last image than this one, so I'm going to finish while I'm ahead:

[PICTURED: Livestream screencap of tinsel-bedecked Beyoncé. Copernicus the homicidal monkey is positioned with his arms around Beyoncé's neck and is wearing a Santa hat. The image is captioned “MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKERS”.]