i. a dustland fairytale beginning
When he was a kid, Andy would hear commotion coming from the house next door. It was usually located in the yard next to his, which was separated by a fence. Andy remembered things that sounded like firecrackers being shot off, and he'd ask his mom if that was supposed to happen if it wasn't the 4th of July.
She'd just look disapprovingly at the fence and mutter something about how it was a good thing they were moving soon.
Andy hadn't wanted to move, especially when he lost Woody and Buzz during moving day.
He never really got a look at who was living next door until the day he left. The family had only just moved in that summer, and Andy had been too afraid of all the noises to go over and introduce himself. That and the vicious sounding dog.
He saw the boy as he was putting the last box in the back of their car. He wore a skull shirt that was pretty scary looking and his eyes were black like mud.
He'd smirked at Andy and waved a little obnoxiously.
The rest of the summer Andy wondered if he'd see the kid in school come September.
He never did.
Andy saw him again years later, and learned his name was Sid, when they had homeroom together the first day of high school. He figured out this was because there was only one big high school in Chagrin Falls that then zoned all the smaller schools together.
Andy recognized him immediately because he had a fake tattoo of a skull on his wrist. Andy never saw fake tattoos on anyone except flower ones on girls.
He was pretty damn sure Sid never recognized him, until one day when Andy was late to class and running through the halls. He ended up running straight into Sid, bouncing off his chest as they collided.
His backpack flew across the floor. Sid bent to pick it up before Andy could.
"You still got that cowboy doll?" asked Sid as he held the backpack just out of Andy’s reach.
"What do you know about it?" Andy muttered as he tried to grab his bag out of Sid’s hand.
Sid just held it up higher, and Andy cursed the few inches of height Sid had on him.
"Wound up in my possession before you moved. Gave me nightmares."
Andy was so confused. He still had no idea how Woody got back to him.
"Um, okay? And yes, I still have him."
Sid hummed, thoughtful, and Andy was sure he was going to walk off with his backpack. Instead, Sid gave it back at the last second.
Andy muttered thanks and turned to leave.
"You're welcome, Davis" came Sid's sing-songy reply.
Andy looked back, surprised. Not only had Sid remembered him from when they were kids, but Sid had actually bothered to learn and remember his name. Andy watched Sid kick open the door to the school and walk out like he didn’t have a care in the world. It was the middle of the day.
Andy wondered what would happen if he were to cut a class.
He knew he’d probably never find out.
Besides that one year of homeroom, the only other class he ever had with Sid was Health. Andy was in pretty advanced classes from the get-go, while Sid was pretty much in remedial shit. Sid never seemed stupid to Andy, just completely disinterested. In homeroom he'd sat behind Sid and sometimes caught a glimpse of his notebook. It was filled with unique drawings like heads of unicorns on dragons bodies and a whale with a mermaids tale. They weren't amateur doodles; they were detailed and involved and Andy wished he could draw like that. He drew all the time, but they were more abstract things. Sid -- Sid’s imagination was something else.
Being in Health with Sid in their junior year had been... interesting to say the least. He sniggered a lot, made comments under his breath, got sent to the principal's office more than once. Throughout it all he would constantly be drawing in his notebook and Andy was so damn curious as to what it could be this time.
And then it all stopped. Because one day in May of junior year, Sid never came back to school.
Andy found himself thinking about him all the time, wondering what might have happened. He even went to Sid's house -- which was weird, seeing his old one right next door. He'd just gotten his permit and wasn't really supposed to be driving much. Sid’s house betrayed nothing; the windows dark, the lawn unkempt.
Andy didn't go back again, but he definitely thought about it.
The school year ended, summer happened, and Andy was no closer to being kissed, which might have had something to do with the fact that he was no closer to being interested in girls.
He had no idea how to even find a guy who was also gay, much less interested in kissing him. His school was too in the middle of nowhere Ohio to have some sort of gay/straight alliance club.
Andy’s sexuality certainly played a factor in his college choices, and he found himself seriously looking into California, preferring the warmer weather and the ability to go skateboarding and surfing whenever he wanted.
On the first day of school his senior year, his mom was already gone for work, Molly was already on the bus and Andy pulled the trash cans to the curb before walking to his car.
He heard the garbage truck noisily make its descent and saw a guy hanging off the back of it. He looked hot, from what Andy could tell around the goggles that hid his face.
He jumped off, took the trash and flung it easily into the back, his eyes meeting Andy’s. Even with his face half covered up, Andy would recognize those mud-colored eyes anywhere.
Sid frowned, pushed up his goggles. "Davis? Huh. So this is where you moved."
He said it like Andy should be sorry for something.
Andy crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah. Uh, no one knew what happened to you. You just disappeared."
"Been working this job a few weeks now," Sid sniffed. "Haven't seen you around. Did you spend your summer sleeping in while some of us earned a living?"
Andy flushed hard. He kind of had been making the most of his summer by sleeping in. But that also wasn't fair.
"I had a job at the bowling alley, but I wasn't on shift till afternoons."
Andy couldn't believe he was actually explaining himself, that he'd let Sid embarrass him this way. After all, Sid was the drop out here.
“You seriously dropped out, though?" Andy asked. He wanted it to come out mean, the way Sid was capable of. Instead it came out careful.
For the first time, it was Sid who looked uncomfortable. "Yeah, well. Shit happens."
"Okay," Andy replied, helplessly. He wasn’t sure what to do with a Sid who wasn’t completely unflappable. "Guess I'll see you around."
"Yeah. Sure," Sid snorted, before jumping on the back of the truck and slapping it. It took off down the road.
For the first time ever, Andy was late to school. Whatever, it was his senior year.
He didn’t really expect to see Sid again but, well, the garbage pickup really did coincide perfectly with when Andy left the house in the morning.
Two days per week Andy found himself talking about dumb, innocuous things for about 30 to 60 seconds max.
“Hot today, huh?”
"Looking like fall might be coming soon.”
“Do those goggles and gloves get annoying?”
"There are seriously no good movies out right now.”
Those two minutes were the highlight of Andy’s week.
Except Sid couldn’t exactly stand around talking every time and Andy really did need to get to school.
“Look, I’m staying in my friend’s garage,” Sid said during their fourth interaction (and after he’d received two warning honks from his co-worker).
“Oh,” Andy replied, not really getting the non-sequitur until Sid added, “You could come by,” and made a show of rolling his eyes.
“Okay?” Andy still wasn’t sure he was hearing any of this correctly. He didn’t understand why Sid was giving him the time of day to begin with.
“95 Delancy,” Sid replied shortly, and jumped back on the truck.
Andy had no idea if Sid meant tonight or what. He debated for an hour in his room after dinner, barely able to concentrate on his homework, before deciding to just -- go.
He told his mom he was going to stargaze in the field near the park. The lie stuck in his throat and he felt guilty, although he wasn’t sure if it was more on behalf of his mom or Sid.
He stopped at a McDonald's for some coffee. He debated getting Sid something and decided against it.
He felt weird pulling up to this unknown house. The garage door was half open, though, and Andy steeled his nerves as he walked up the driveway.
He knocked on the half-open door.
“Yeah!” a gruff voice called out.
Andy ducked down to look in just as the door started automatically rising.
He pulled back and straightened up. When Sid saw him he didn’t look surprised.
“Welcome,” he waved expansively.
The garage was more like a spare room, with a futon on the floor, and two lawn chairs off to the side. Andy spotted a guitar and also a drum set in the corner.
“Um, hey. Hi.”
Sid snorted. “Sit down.”
Andy did, on the lawn chair next to Sid.
Sid pulled a beer off a six pack and handed him one. “You want?”
Andy shook his head. “Uh, no thanks. Driving.”
Sid snorted again, shaking his head. “Boy scout.”
Andy frowned, wondered why he was even here. “Can I play that guitar?” he asked, nodding over at it.
Sid raised an eyebrow. “I dunno, Davis, can you?”
Andy scoffed and brought it over.
Andy toyed with the strings, tuned them up, while Sid traded his beer for a cigarette.
“Do you have to?” Andy asked as Sid blew out smoke in front of him, making a face.
“Dude, you’re in my domain right now.”
Andy chuckled. “Domain. You sound like a kid playing make believe.”
Sid raised both eyebrows now. “And? I saw you playing through our fence all the time, kid, you've got no ground to stand on.”
Yeah, well. That's the past, Andy thought to himself. He felt a sudden, visceral pang of betrayal, thinking about his toys that way. They were a formative part of his childhood, and they were currently sitting in a toy box.
What he said instead is, "Kid? You're not that much older than me.”
Sid was left back twice in 3rd grade apparently. Andy wasn't sure how something like that happened. Either way, Sid was about two years older than Andy and that did feel like a big ways away from 17 now that Andy thought about it.
It also made some unbidden frizzle of tension shoot up from the base of his spine, something that felt way too close to when Andy jerked off beneath his sheets at night, biting his lip and still trying hard to think about the head cheerleader at his school, but thinking about her football captain boyfriend instead.
“Old enough,” Sid said, something close to a smirk in his voice. Andy flushed and Sid flicked his cigarette ash in Andy’s direction.
“Quit it,” Andy said, pissily.
“You're kind of a brat, Davis,” replied Sid. Except he said it like he was delighted.
Andy flipped him off and instead tried playing the Muse song he was learning the other day.
It sounded pretty terrible.
They barely talked, and Andy wondered why he was even there in the first place. He wanted to ask why Sid was living here, what happened with his parents.
Andy drank his coffee in between playing guitar and Sid drank his beer in between smoking, and that was that until Andy said he had to go.
He didn’t expect Sid to invite him over again.
“I just hang out here most nights. Bruce has a girlfriend so it’s -- whatever.”
Bruce, Andy assumed, was the friend’s whose house this was.
“I'll see when I can,” Andy replied, biting his lip. “I've got a lot of homework and, uh, college applications.”
“College,” Sid snorted. “Where you going?”
“I want to go to California. For uh, like -- architectural design.”
Andy saw Sid’s eyes widen a little, a flicker of interest flitting through the patented disinterest. It was gone in an instant.
“Well, whatever, I’m not begging over here.”
Andy bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.
Andy was glad soccer didn’t start until the spring because he’d really be too busy then. Plus he wanted to get another part-time job so he could have some money saved for college. He also did want to see Sid. It was a weird feeling -- they had barely talked, they probably had nothing in common, yet Andy wanted to be around him.
He came over the following week, after checking with Sid that morning in Andy’s driveway.
Andy brought coffee again, Sid had his cigarettes.
“That will kill you, you know,” Andy said.
“That will stunt your growth, you know,” Sid retorted back, jerking his head at the coffee cup.
Andy’s laughter was startled out of him.
When he looked over, much to his surprise, Sid was smiling back.
“Um, I think those stunt your growth, actually,” Andy said.
Sid flipped him off. “You play guitar then?” Sid asked when Andy had picked it up again after finishing his coffee.
“I try. Got an electric for a gift last Christmas. Been teaching myself.”
Sid had moved to the futon, Andy still on the lawn chair. He wasn’t sitting on it, but leaning back against it, knees bent and a sketch pad on his lap.
“You draw,” Andy said, not a question. He felt ridiculous after.
“No shit, Sherlock,” Sid responded, making Andy earn that ridiculous feeling ten-fold.
“I mean, it’s cool.”
“I assume you do too,” Sid replied, “seeing as you want to design shit.”
“Yeah, but not like--” he caught himself before he could say, “not like you.” That would be weird. Sid had no idea Andy saw any of his work. “Not anything overly interesting,” Andy said instead.
“Art is the only class I miss from school,” Sid responded after a moment. The sarcasm replaced by sincerity threw Andy for a loop.
“Why did you--” Andy started. Sid looked up, eyes hard. “Just. Are you alright?” Andy asked, rubbing his own hand on his jeans, feeling jittery.
“My mom picked up with her asshole boyfriend and Hannah and left,” Sid replied, eyes cutting away from Andy and back to the page. “It’s not like I’m some minor, you know? It’s not like she had to fucking stay. But I also couldn’t afford to live in that shithole anymore.” Sid sniffed, scratched at the back of his neck, shaking his head. “Anyway, Bruce gave me a place to crash until I can save up some more money, get a decent place of my own.”
Andy never felt the age difference between them until this very moment. Sid was -- an adult. With a job and responsibilities and no one to tell him to do his homework or that he had to be home by midnight.
“I’m sorry,” Andy said, feeling a pang of regret for Sid being forced into fending for himself when most people his age were living in dorms or still at home with their parents.
“Don’t be,” Sid replied. “I’m not.”
“I don’t have a dad either,” Andy said one of the next times they hung out. It was a Saturday this time, and he’d just finished his shift at Pizza Planet. He told his mom he was going to Anthony’s.
He was getting really good at lying, and it felt terrible. But he also couldn’t imagine his mom approving of where he was.
Andy was lying on his back on Sid’s futon. It was his first time he was on it. It felt -- exciting. Sid was sitting up on the edge of it, sketching again. He never showed Andy what he was drawing and Andy didn’t ask.
“I mean, I have a dad,” Andy continued, flushing. “But he hasn’t been around since I was a baby apparently.”
Sid hummed. “My dad took off when I was 3. I don’t really remember him.”
“What happened to your dog?” Andy asked suddenly, remembering the furious barking, the vivid crackling sounds of fireworks that summer.
“Died,” Sid replied simply.
“Oh,” Andy said and felt a sharp pang in his chest. “My dog Buster is only, like, 10 but he’s slowed down a lot. I’m not really ready to leave him, you know?”
Sid looked back at him then, and Andy felt pinned under his gaze. He studied Andy for a beat. Andy’s skin prickled. “Everyone goes away, Davis.”
Andy opened his mouth to protest, but found he couldn’t.
He watched Sid’s back for a while, the muscles moving under his simple black t-shirt as he drew steadily.
When he went home he jerked off beneath his sheets, recalling the way Sid had looked at him, the way Andy wanted that heavy, hard gaze on him, on his body. He pressed his forearm to his mouth as he came, sinking his teeth in his skin and wishing they were Sid’s instead.
ii. just another white trash county kiss
Andy submitted his college applications, every single one in California. He had no regrets about this originally, but upon walking into Sid’s garage that night he felt something very close to it.
He decided not to bring it up. Instead, he played Uprising for Sid, which he’d now perfected.
“Sweet,” Sid said, doing the slow clap.
Andy snorted and shoved at him. They were both sitting on the edge of his futon.
Andy picked up his coffee cup and downed the rest of it. Sid tapped a cigarette out of its box, then held it up. “You want? Celebrate a job well done?”
Andy rolled his eyes, but found himself saying, “Yeah, fine, asshole.”
Sid grinned like Andy had bestowed a compliment.
He coughed, but didn’t let that stop him. They smoked in silence. Andy couldn’t help sneaking glances at Sid, watching the way his lips fit around the filter of his cigarette.
Much to his surprise, Sid was sneaking glances right back.
Andy jerked off that night to thoughts of Sid kissing him, deep and long and wet, their cigarette-flavored breath mingling together.
Sometimes Bruce would hang out with them. It made Andy feel like he was the outsider, even though he really tried hard not to let it get to him the way he would if they were on high school ground. Andy liked to imagine the societal constructs of high school eroded when he was with Sid in this basement.
Sid didn’t really treat him any differently, but he’d catch Bruce and Sid exchanging knowing glances and it made Andy feel like he was the butt of some private joke.
Thanksgiving came and Andy spent it with his mom, Molly and grandparents. He didn’t see Sid for about a week.
“Enjoy your turkey day?”
“Yeah,” Andy shrugged, handing Sid French fries that he’d begun buying him, even though Sid hadn’t asked.
Andy went straight for the futon now. “Did you, uh, do anything?”
Sid shrugged. “Dinner with Bruce’s parents. It wasn’t very dysfunctional so that was weird.”
Andy laughed. He drank his coffee, Sid ate his fries and they talked about their favorite Thanksgiving side dishes.
Sid played some Metallica on a record player he’d just bought while Andy strummed idly at the guitar and scrunched up his nose.
“Not into this, huh,” Sid said.
Andy looked up. Sid’s eyes were so damn dark. “It’s alright,” he shrugged.
Sid shook his head and started to get out his cigarettes.His shirt sleeve lifted as he dug into his pockets and Andy caught a flash of black on his wrist.
Before thinking about it, he was grabbing Sid’s arm and turning it over, saying, “Hey, you’ve still got these?”
It was a skull, just like the one he’d seen in homeroom that time. Sid made a small noise and Andy looked up, flushing when he realized this was the first time they’d ever touched aside from some shoving.
“Uh, what? This is brand new, got it done last week.”
Andy’s eyes widened and he looked down at the ink on Sid’s arm. The real ink.
“Oh,” he said, face heating more. He was still holding Sid’s wrist, like a magnet was keeping him there.
Sid cocked his head. “You -- you remembered that? My fake one?”
Andy shrugged, tried to look away from Sid’s gaze. It just placed him level with Sid’s mouth so that didn’t work. He looked up again. “I thought it was cool.”
Sid shook his head to himself, a wry smile forming on his lips. “You would,” Sid replied, and before Andy could think whether or not that was an insult, Sid was leaning forward and down and pressing their mouths together.
Andy’s fingers flexed on Sid’s wrist and he held his breath as Sid’s mouth brushed against his own, first soft and then more firm.
He closed his eyes and tried to just feel. Sid tasted like the salt from the fries and Andy pressed against him harder, chased that taste with his own mouth.
When Sid tried to lick between his lips, Andy found himself breaking apart, whispering, “I, uh. I’ve never actually…”
Sid pulled back the rest of the way, eyes wide. “Never? Seriously?”
Andy’s cheeks were flaming. “Never,” he said, voice tight. He let go of Sid’s wrist to shove at him instead. “Don’t be a dick about it.”
“Hey,” Sid said, voice hard, forcing Andy to look up. What he saw there surprised him. “I won’t, okay? I’m just -- surprised. It’s -- it’s actually kinda hot.”
Now Sid was blushing and Andy wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen that before, but he’d really like to see it some more.
“I suppose you have,” he muttered instead, trying to ignore the way his body was tingling all over.
“Well, yeah,” Sid said, like it was the logical conclusion to come to, but also not rubbing it in Andy’s face. Andy thought about asking where he even found a guy who wanted to do that (assuming it was a guy) but then realized he probably shouldn’t be wondering about how dudes picked up other dudes in Chagrin Falls when he seemed to have one right here and now that was actually interested.
Their eyes met and Andy felt helpless, like the spell had been broken, until Sid leaned forward again, and whispered, “C’mon,” into his mouth, pushing his tongue past Andy’s lips.
Andy opened up for him, found Sid’s tongue with his own. His dick twitched in his pants as Sid explored Andy’s mouth, slowly, thoroughly. Andy didn’t realize you could get so intimately acquainted with the roof of someone’s mouth or their incisors and molars, but he found himself loving it; he wanted to become a consonsiour of Sid, know him intimately inside and out.
Andy didn’t know what to do with his hands after a while, and they were getting numb on the bed as he kept himself propped up and slightly angled into Sid. He finally moved one and placed it on Sid’s thigh. It was warm beneath his jeans, thick, and the muscle there jerked when Andy made contact.
Sid’s own arm snaked around Andy’s waist, pulling him in a little closer while Sid fucked his tongue into Andy’s mouth, kissing him harder, deeper. His hand found Andy’s hip and he rubbed at the thin fabric of his blue t-shirt before inching his fingers beneath the hem and stroking over Andy’s skin.
Andy shivered and let out a soft moan. His dick was straining against his jeans. He had no idea how long they kept kissing, every molecule in his body broken down into all the places he and Sid were connected.
When Andy’s phone vibrated in his pocket, he broke away on a startled gasp. Sid’s eyes were darker than usual and his lips were wet and swollen.
“Uh,” Andy said, and pulled his phone out of his pocket with shaky fingers. It was his alarm. “I gotta, uh. Gotta go.”
Sid nodded, dragging a hand through his stringy hair; Andy hadn’t even had a chance to touch it. He looked like Andy felt. Then his face curved into a smile that Andy had grown to learn was something akin to a mask. “What would your mom say if she knew you were here with me?”
He said the words like he didn’t really expect an answer. Andy had never officially told Sid his mom didn’t know where he went these nights; he felt uneasy that he’d guessed anyway.
“I’m not really sure, honestly.”
His mom was pretty open about things, but she was also protective, playing the role of best friend and single parent, balancing it all between a son and a daughter while also working full-time. It couldn’t be easy, which is why Andy tried to make life as simple as possible for her.
He did confess a few months ago that he was pretty sure girls didn’t do anything for him, because he actually still liked talking to her about things. She’d just said, “So you’ll find a nice boy, then, instead.”
Andy wasn’t exactly sure if his mom would consider Sid a “nice boy.”
“Yeah, well. It’s your funeral,” Sid replied, tucking his hair behind his ear. His lips were still red. He picked up the pack of cigarettes that had laid forgotten next to him and lit up.
“I gotta --” Andy said again, waving out toward the garage door.
“Yeah, yeah,” Sid grunted. Andy didn’t expect him to get up and walk him to the door, but Sid followed on his heels.
“When do you work next?” asked Sid, blowing smoke away from Andy’s face as the garage door raised automatically.
“Saturday.” It was Thursday.
Sid nodded. “I’ll pick you up. We’ll go somewhere.”
He looked out at the driveway as he said it, anywhere but Andy.
Andy tried not to grin from ear to ear.
“Cool,” he replied, as seemingly unaffected as Sid was.
“Cool,” Sid parrotted. “Now get outta here, Davis.” There was warmth in Sid’s voice.
Andy smiled the entire way to his car.
Andy wondered if this was a date. He and Sid had never gone out anywhere before and the invitation, coinciding with them making out for at least 20 minutes, had to mean something. He decided to stop thinking about that and instead replayed that night in his head on repeat, which proved not very wise especially when he was popping boners in class on Friday.
Andy got off work at 10 on Saturday. He had to be home by 12. It wasn’t a lot of time, but it was something. He had no idea what Sid had planned, and his heart raced in his chest when he exited the building and saw Sid’s truck parked there already.
“Hey,” Sid said when Andy climbed in. He had the window rolled down and a cigarette hanging from his lips. “Here,” he said, nodding to the console between them.
“Um, thanks,” Andy said, hiding his smile behind his cup, heart doing cartwheels in his chest.
“I had no idea how you took it, so.”
“This is perfect,” Andy replied. It was. Milk and sugar, almost the same amount as he took. Light and sweet.
“Alright,” Sid replied. He looked over at Andy, shot him a small smile. The cartwheels turned to somersaults.
Sid ended up driving them up to the falls. “It’s kinda cold, but, uh. I know you like that stargazing shit.”
We didn’t come here just to stargaze Andy thought wildly, pulse skyrocketing. It was hard to do anything but grab Sid and drag him to him, but Andy refrained.
Sid grabbed some throws out of the cab and they climb out and into the bed of the truck.
“Here,” Sid said, positioning the blankets over them as they sat up against the cab window, legs stretched out in front of them.
“Thanks,” Andy replied, taking another drink to warm him up. Sid finished his cigarette and tossed it onto the ground near Andy’s shoulder. His arm ended up stretched across the Andy’s back, holding onto the side of the truck. His arm wasn’t exactly around Andy’s neck, but it was close enough.
“So Galileo, show me a constellation.”
“Uh,” Andy said, finding it difficult to concentrate on anything but Sid’s body pressed up against his own. “Well.” He looked up at the sky. It was clearly visible out here, without the lights of the town. “Well, that’s Ursa Minor, for sure.” Andy pointed. “See?”
“Mmm,” Sid replied, and then his mouth was on Andy’s neck and Andy stopped caring about the stars. His eyes fluttered shut and he inhaled, standing his coffee cup in the bed of the truck. “Your scarf makes this difficult,” Sid mumbled, before he was unwinding it and lifting it over Andy’s head. Sid’s other hand was on Andy’s shoulder now and Andy followed suit, kneading the material of Sid’s too-thin hoodie.
Sid sucked at his neck, and Andy’s toes curled. He moved his head and then they were kissing again, the last time they did this feeling as though it had been ages ago.
Andy thought he was getting better at it, if the sound Sid made when Andy nibbled on his lower lip was anything to go on.
Sid’s hand roamed up and down Andy’s back as they kissed with increasing intensity and Andy did the same, reveling in the way the muscles beneath Sid’s back bunched. They had to break apart to breathe eventually, and panted against one another’s mouth, the hot air mingling with the coldness around them.
“Jesus,” Sid mumbled, before sucking on Andy’s bottom lip again, planting kisses all over his jaw and down his throat.
Sid’s thigh was half thrown over his and Andy could feel his erection. He pressed up into it and listened to the desperate sound that escaped Sid’s mouth.
Andy wrapped both arms around Sid’s back and slid down so he was lying on his back.
“Shit,” Sid whispered, positioning himself so he was lying fully on top of Andy. The blankets were tangled around them and Sid rearranged them so they were still covered, before ducking his head to Andy’s neck again and dragging his teeth over his skin.
Andy shivered at the movement and then did it some more when Sid started rocking into him, the hard heat of their dicks pressed against each other through two layers of denim.
“You alright?” Sid gasped out, pressing a gentle kiss on Andy’s neck. “You cold or something?”
Andy shook his head, hands grappling at Sid’s back. He looked up at the sky. “M’good.” He closed his eyes, let his hands wander to Sid’s ass and pulled him tighter against him, rocking his thigh against Sid’s.
“Fuck,” Sid groaned. His lips made their way up Andy’s neck, a liquid hot fiery trail, before descending on Andy’s mouth once more.
Andy put everything he had into the kiss, biting into Sid’s mouth with abandon as his cock got even harder against him. He could feel the inside of his boxers get wet, knew this wasn’t going to last long. The truck was rocking gently beneath them as their bodies thrust together.
“Sid,” Andy mumbled against his lips when he felt he was past the point of no return. “I’m-- shit, I’m--”
“C’mon,” Sid growled, pressing down harder, the friction almost unbearable now. “God damn, yes,” Sid gasped when Andy let out a soft, broken cry, tensed against him, and came in his pants.
Sid broke away from Andy’s mouth, panting wetly against his cheek as his body continued to jerk against him, before stilling on a long, low groan.
“Shit,” Sid breathed, rolling off Andy and landing beside him on the bed of the truck.
Andy could barely breathe himself, his body a million nerve endings wanting to spontaneously combust. He looked over at Sid, took in the rapid way his chest was rising and falling, how wide his eyes were, how red his cheeks were.
I did that, Andy thought with pride.
Andy shivered, the chil coursing through his body and Sid looked over at him with a sleepy, sated smile. “Here,” he said, and pulled the blankets up over them both.
They were touching from their legs to their shoulders, but Andy wanted to be even closer. He stayed like that, though, let Sid smoke, let him share it with him, and looked up at the stars until it was time for them to get going.
The parking lot was abandoned when Sid pulled up next to Andy’s car. He leaned over the console and they kissed, wet and open-mouthed from the get-go.
“See you Tuesday morning?” Andy panted against Sid’s lips.
“And night, yeah?”
Andy nodded, pulling away. “And night. Um, bye, Sid.”
“See ya, Davis,” Sid replied, mouth curved in the smile that wasn’t a mask.
Andy was sweating. He was sweating and naked and there was a space heater blasting because they were cold before, but that really wasn’t a problem any longer. Sid had pushed the blankets to the foot of the futon He was on top of Andy, his hand wrapped around both their dicks.
Andy never felt anyone’s hand there before but his own and with Sid it was even better. His fingers were rough, but not calloused the way Andy’s were due to guitar. They were thicker than Andy’s too.
Sid was kissing him as hard as he was jacking them and Andy kept arching beneath him, his fingers slipping and sliding over Sid’s skin, unable to hang on for long.
“C’mon,” Sid whispered, the word like velvet against his ear. “Wanna feel you shoot.”
Andy let out a too loud sob and came all over Sid’s hand, with Sid following right after. Their bodies trembled as he let go, cocks still twitching.
“You’re a fuckin’ addiction,” Sid panted as he collapsed on his back and reached for his cigarettes, waving them at Andy. “Worse than this shit.”
Andy giggled. “Well, at least I won’t kill you, right?”
Sid hummed before giving Andy a very deliberate, very sexy once over. Andy’s cock gave a painful leap. “You really might,” he mumbled around the cigarette before lighting up.
Andy stretched his arms over his head and let out a satisfied sigh. This felt so good. Being here, being with Sid. Sex.
“I think I’m kinda addicted myself,” Andy admitted, turning his face on the pillow to look at Sid.
The corner of Sid’s mouth twitched.
“Gonna get my own place,” Sid rasped out eventually, stubbing out the butt of his cigarette in a cup on the table by the futon.
Andy had been half asleep but that roused him. “You are?”
“Mmm,” Sid said, flopping onto his side, body turned toward Andy. He trailed one hand up and down Andy’s bicep. “January 1st. Might be nice to get a place with regular heating.”
“Yeah,” Andy replied, smiling into his pillow.
“Needed enough in my account to get by without a cosigner,” Sid yawned, bending to kiss Andy’s shoulder in an absent movement. Andy’s heart surged. “And I can use Bruce’s address, because they always ask for that shit. So stupid.”
“Yeah,” Andy agreed, not really listening. Sid was kissing behind his ear now, and Andy was thinking about a an apartment and a kitchen and a bed and Sid.
He rolled over on top of him and Sid smiled up at Andy, eyes amused. He pushed Andy’s matted hair off his forehead. “You ready for round two, Davis?”
Call me Andy, he thought.
“Hell, yes,” Andy whispered, before pressing their lips together.
Christmas arrived, Andy’s mom still didn’t know about Sid, and Andy had no idea what you bought a guy who still only called you by your last name even though you were groping one another every damn chance you got.
He didn’t know if he should’ve bought Sid anything at all, honestly, except for the fact that he wanted to.
His family wasn’t doing anything until around 6pm on Christmas Eve, so Andy went to the garage in the afternoon. Sid was packing up his records.
“Oh, hey,” he said from over his shoulder when he saw Andy. “Figured you were busy and shit.”
“Not yet. You doin’ anything?”
“Tonight? Tagging along with Bruce’s family again, I guess.”
Andy wanted to say something -- like I’m sorry or I hate your family, or come to my house, but, well -- Sid would probably hate every single one of those things.
He shuffled his feet and pulled the package from behind his back. “Uh. This is for -- you.”
Sid’s eyes widened and Andy immediately regretted this decision.
“You --” Sid stood up and took the package from him, sitting on the futon. Andy had no choice but to follow. Sid’s face was pinched as he looked at the reindeer wrapping paper. “I didn’t know we were doing gifts.”
Andy swallowed. “It’s cool, it’s not -- I just wanted to get you something, I don’t expect something back.”
Sid looked up, face hollow. Andy didn’t think receiving a present was supposed to make someone look like that.
He opened it slowly. “Oh. Wow.”
It wasn’t much, but it was the best one he could afford. A new set of colored pencils and two new drawing pads. Sid’s were kind of old.
Andy fidgeted, waited for Sid to look up.
“This is -- great, man.”
Andy nodded, smile uncertain.
“Uh,” Sid said, dragging a hand through his hair, eyes cutting quickly to Andy. “Um, here,” he said, before reaching beneath the futon and pulling out a folded up piece of paper. “I didn’t -- I mean, I didn’t really get you anything, but this -- well, this is for you.”
Andy unfolded it slowly and his heart jumped into his throat. It was him. Just him. Not his head on an alien’s body or claws for hands, but -- Andy. It was a profile of him playing guitar. Andy wondered when Sid did it.
He looked up, saw Sid staring at him, worrying at his lip.
He dropped the paper and threw his arms around Sid’s neck. “I love it.” He whispered the words into Sid’s skin, felt him shiver.
Sid’s hand came up to the back of Andy’s neck and squeezed. Andy tilted his face up and back and found Sid’s lips. It was a soft kiss, almost sweet.
Until Sid groaned and reached beneath Andy’s thighs, hoisting him into Sid’s lap.
“Wanna fuck around?” Sid panted against his lips.
“Yes,” Andy said, and let himself be pulled down on top of Sid on the bed, his shirt thrown off in the process.
Andy was thirty minutes late to dinner and had a bite mark and goatee burn on his inner thigh.
It was worth it.
New Year’s Eve was spent with Molly and his mom because it was tradition. They made fondue and waited for the Honeymooners marathon to come on. Andy crapped out early this year, though, because he was helping Sid move tomorrow, along with Bruce.
“You’ve been out a lot lately, honey,” his mom said at breakfast the next morning, Molly still asleep.
“Uh, yeah,” Andy replied.
His mom gave him a pointed look. “Andy, if you’re seeing a boy…”
It was a new year, and Andy really didn’t feel like lying anymore.
“I am. I mean -- we’re just hanging out. I don’t know…”
His mom nodded. “Dating can be confusing at your age.”
Andy snorted. “You were practically married to Dad by then.”
“And don’t think that wasn’t confusing,” his mom replied, voice with a slight edge.
Andy winced and nodded. “Sorry, Mom.”
She waved her hand. “Just -- be careful, huh? Does he treat you right?”
Andy thought about Sid not calling him by his first name, about Sid not really liking to cuddle. He thought about Sid bringing him coffee and blankets and drawing Andy without the slightest hint of irony.
“Yeah,” Andy said. “Yeah, he does.”
She nodded. “Good. Bring him around sometime.”
Andy got up, washed off his dish before putting it in the dishwasher. He still couldn’t tell her who it was, and he wasn’t sure why.
“He’s two years older,” is what he said instead.
“Oh,” his mom said after a slight pause. “Well. That’s alright.”
He’s our garbageman, Mom. I’m having sex with our garbageman and I’m probably going to California in seven months.
“I gotta go,” he says, drying his hands and bending to kiss her goodbye.
“Have fun, sweetie.”
Bruce wasn’t really needed, because it wasn’t like Sid had too much stuff, so he took off pretty early. They needed to go out and buy shit, like a kitchen table, which felt stupidly domestic to Andy. But first they took the opportunity to do it in a room that had its own heat coming through the vents and an actual door. They also didn’t need to worry about being quiet.
Sid blew him on the futon, and it wasn’t the first time this had happened but it was the first time that Andy had felt he could relax enough to enjoy it fully. He always wanted to let loose before this, sob out his orgasm and pump his hips and make Sid groan around his cock. Sid sucked him down hard and fondled his balls and when he pressed behind them, it made Andy both jump in surprise and come in Sid’s mouth.
Sid swallowed and wiped his mouth, sitting back on his haunches.
“You ready for that now?” Sid asked, panting.
Andy licked his lips and reached for him. He’d been nervous, to try it out. He didn’t want it to be bad, especially with how good Sid was at it. He’d given Sid handjobs but -- not this.
He nodded against Sid’s mouth as they kissed, and Andy eased him down onto his back. “Tell me if I do it wrong,” Andy whispered, working his way down his body.
“Shit, Davis, you couldn’t.” The words were hushed, reverent. Andy’s heart felt too large for his ribcage.
Sid’s hands pet him at him as Andy licked his cock. They ran over Andy’s shoulders, arms and finally tangled in his hair when Andy’s mouth sunk down over the shaft.
He found he liked the taste of it, the feel. Sid murmured words of encouragement and running commentary. Things like, “So hot, so wet, oh fuck.”
“Your mouth,” Sid began gasping as his thighs shook. Andy was pretty sure he was close. “Oh god, your mouth. Andy.”
Andy didn’t know how he didn’t bite Sid’s cock or break his nose or something. He choked a little and then Sid pulled him up and off anyway, and his come hit Andy’s chin.
“Ew,” Andy said before he could help it, and Sid laughed delightedly.
Andy jerked Sid’s cock as he continued to come and it was -- different, being at this level. He licked at his chin experimentally, then lapped at it some more.
When he looked up, Sid was staring at him.
“What?” Andy asked, defensive.
“C’mere,” Sid grunted, and hauled Andy up by his arms. They kissed, completely filthy and mixed with come. The only word in Andy’s head was his own name, on repeat, in Sid’s voice.
Sid palmed his ass and eased him down onto the bed, and when he found Andy’s dick it was hard again.
“Fuck, Andy,” Sid whispered, jerking him off slowly as they kissed, until Andy arched and shook and came in his hand.
Sid was slumped against him and Andy’s hands trembled as they smoothed up and down his back.
“We gotta go,” Sid mumbled.
“Stay for a second, huh?” Andy said, drowsy with sleep and so fucking happy.
When he woke up Sid was still in his arms.
iii. and I don't want to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do
They traded the garage for Sid’s apartment and hung out there. Sid kept coffee in his kitchen cabinet, even though Andy had never seen him drink the stuff. Andy didn’t call him out on it. Whereas they used to only see each other one or two times per week, it had now become three, sometimes even four. Andy knew he was trying to get his time in before soccer and then soccer summer camp started up. He did his homework on Sid’s bed, while Sid played video games or drew him. They’d often get distracted by sex.
“Doesn’t your mom wonder where her precious straight A student is when you’re here?” Sid mumbled into the back of Andy’s neck, lips slowly moving on his neck. His hand was heavy on Andy’s hip, stroking.
“She knows I’m--” Andy started and then had no idea how to finish that. Dating someone? Were they dating? Screwing someone? Andy didn’t exactly tell her that, though he’s pretty sure she assumed it. “She knows there’s someone.”
Sid’s lips stopped moving, and Andy felt panic rise in his chest.
“Kay, whatever,” Sid muttered.
For about the millionth time since telling his mom, Andy wanted to invite Sid to dinner. He just still couldn’t picture Sid saying yes, or his mom not being worried about this whole thing.
Hell, Andy was worried about this whole thing. There were copies of his college applications hanging on his corkboard which made him worry about this whole thing.
When the weather got nicer they started going out more. Sid took him to a diner for breakfast one Saturday morning before Andy’s shift and Andy treated him to a movie the next night. Andy kept expecting his classmates to spot him and wonder what the hell the kid who was probably going to be valedictorian was doing with a dropout, but if it happens he doesn't notice.
Andy wouldn’t care even if his classmates did say something to him. He had some close friends, but he only really hung out with Anthony outside of school. Otherwise, he kept everything to during the day. It was enough He cared about friends and connections, but he also knew he’d be leaving soon and socializing wasn’t on the top of his list -- graduating with a great G.P.A. was.
(Sid certainly wasn’t part of Andy’s plan for his senior year, but now that he was in the picture Andy wasn’t about to have him anywhere else).
They made out in Andy’s car after the movie, in front of Sid’s apartment. Sid’s hand was beneath his shirt, toying at the waistband of his jeans. Andy’s breathing hitched when he felt those fingers tease along his crack.
“Can you come in?” Sid asked quietly, pulling at his earlobe. Andy really couldn’t.
Andy shook his head and heard Sid sigh. “I, uh,” Andy started, swallowing. “I can ask my mom if I can -- spend the night. Next weekend.”
Sid didn’t respond, just dragged his finger more firmly against Andy’s ass and moved to kiss him, deep and possessive. “Yeah,” he breathed out, their foreheads pressed together. “Alright.”
When Andy pulled back, Sid’s eyes were dark. He knew what Sid was thinking.
The rest of the week Andy couldn’t stop thinking about the same thing himself.
“Am I going to get to meet him?” his mom asked Saturday morning, after Andy asked if he could stay out all night.
“You kind of have,” Andy found himself saying. “He’s uh -- I mean, if you’ve ever seen the young garbageman -- that’s -- him.”
“Oh,” his mom said, blinking. “He seemed -- familiar.”
Andy was probably sabotaging his first night at Sid’s place, but he was tired of keeping this quiet. “It’s Sid. The kid we used to live next door to.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh. Uh. Well, he obviously has a steady job, right? And an apartment, you said?”
Andy relaxed a little. “Yeah, Mom. I mean -- he dropped out, but that wasn’t really his fault. His mom and her boyfriend kind of abandoned him.”
Worry creased in her eyes. “That’s -- that’s awful, honey.”
Andy nodded, eyes downcast. He still got pretty mad when he thought about it, and he and Sid didn’t really talk about it.
“But at the same time, something like that creates a lot of baggage. I just don’t want you taking on too much. You’re so young.”
Andy nodded again. He got it, he wasn’t stupid. But he also didn’t really care, was the thing.
“Can I still go tonight?”
She sighed. “Yes. But you should bring him around soon.” It wasn’t really a suggestion.
Andy was nervous. He knew what was going to happen tonight, knew he wanted it to happen, but it was still a little terrifying. Sid’s fingers had teased his ass a few times, but never went very far. Andy did it himself once, when the house was empty and he could relax, not worry about the random interruption. It had felt -- weird. But kind of good.
Andy was pretty sure he hadn’t felt this nervous around Sid since the first night in his garage. They ordered pizza and ate at Sid’s kitchen table like proper human beings, whereas they normally just ate on the couch in front of the TV.
Maybe Sid was feeling nervous, as well. Andy tried to imagine a universe where that were possible.
“My mom knows I’m here,” Andy blurted out when the silence got to be too much. They usually didn’t have trouble finding things to talk about. Or at least talking to the other person, while they listened.
Sid paused with the pizza slice half in his mouth.
“Um, I figured that much?”
“With you,” Andy clarified. “Specifically.”
Sid smirked. “No longer your dirty secret, huh?”
Andy frowned and felt his cheeks grow hot. “You aren’t. I mean, weren’t. It felt weird, I dunno. She knew you as some kid who played too loud with his toys and um, maybe a little violently at that?”
Sid laughed, ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah. Guess I’m not exactly your mom’s speed. Saw those kids you invited to your party. Fuckin’ goodie-goodies.”
Andy rolled his eyes. “I’m not a goodie-goodie.”
“Only because I’ve corrupted you,” Sid said proudly, pushing his chair away from the table a little. “And it’s cute you think so, really.”
He was looking at Andy with a challenge in his eyes and Andy swallowed hard. The air suddenly turned charged and Andy wiped his mouth with his napkin and stood on shaky legs.
Sid parted his thighs as Andy approached, still smirking, like he’d planned this. Maybe he had.
“Would a goodie-goodie do this?” Andy whispered before he dropped to his knees between Sid’s legs, rubbed his face against the denim of his jeans.
Sid’s hand fisted in Andy’s hair at the back of his neck and squeezed.
“Sometimes I dream about your mouth,” Sid groaned.
Andy dragged his teeth along the outline of Sid’s hardening cock and began undoing his jeans.
“Yeah,” Sid breathed, his other hand cupping Andy’s cheek, rubbing at his jaw when Andy pulled him out of his boxers. “Show me how much you love this.”
Andy closed his eyes and moaned, nuzzled the base of Sid’s cock before licking a slow line up the shaft and closing his lips over the head.
He could go further down now, could let Sid fuck his mouth and make him gag for it.
“I’ll get it up again,” Sid promised. “Shit, make me come.”
Andy nearly went off in his own pants at that, at the reminder that there was something else on the table here tonight besides the standard handjobs and dick sucking.
He sucked Sid hard and fast, reached inside his boxers to tease his balls.
“Yeah,” Sid sighed. “God, Andy,” he gasped wetly, and Andy looked up, watched Sid’s head fall back, his eyes as wide open as his mouth. The sounds Sid made, the way he’d gotten louder the more they did this, drove Andy crazy. He was achingly hard now, and swallowed greedily when Sid’s come hit the back of his throat. He loved the taste of it now, loved making Sid completely fall apart for him.
Andy pulled off with a wet pop and panted into Sid’s groin. Sid’s hands carded through his hair for long seconds, before he pushed Andy back and slid off the chair and onto the floor, hands already pulling at Andy’s pants.
Andy came within 30 seconds of Sid’s mouth on his cock.
“So, how does blowing her son under a kitchen table, as opposed to me blowing up my toys, rank with your mom,? Better? Worse?” Sid said into Andy’s thigh while Andy was still trying to remember what breathing was.
Andy laughed so hard he cried.
Sid’s own laughter vibrating against his skin was almost better than what they’d just done.
Round two didn’t happen right away. They took the remaining pizza to the couch where they watched Alien because Sid had never seen it and Andy figured he’d appreciate the special effects. He did.
By the time the movie ended, Sid’s arm was around him and Andy was practically in Sid’s lap. Sid pressed him into the cushions, climbed on top and rocked their hips together.
His hands moved restlessly up and down Andy’s sides and snaked beneath to palm his ass while Andy arched into the touch.
“Shit, I want you so fucking bad,” Sid growled into his neck, sucking hard enough to leave a hickey. Shit.
“Do you --” Andy gasped, his own hands on Sid’s ass, squeezing. “Did you buy anything?”
Andy thought about doing it himself, got as far as being in the aisle of CVS before backing out.
He felt Sid nod against him, the tip of his nose cold. “Yeah, we’re good to rock n’ roll.”
Andy giggled nervously.
Sid kissed him while he was still laughing, deep and wanting. Andy’s smile fell off his lips and he moved against Sid, the intensity skyrocketing in seconds.
Then Sid was leaning back and climbing up off the couch. “Bedroom,” he said, and pulled Andy up with him.
Andy’s fingers shook as they walked there, hand in hand.
Sid let go of his hand to dig into his top dresser drawer, tossing some stuff on the bed before he turned to Andy and lifted his shirt up and off. It was an actual bed now, with a box spring mattress and everything. He pushed Andy back onto it now and stripped off his own shirt. Andy licked his lips, reached out and dragged his hands up Sid’s chest, thumbing his nipples and leaning in to kiss his stomach.
He heard Sid sigh, felt hands come up to his shoulders before they pushed him again so he was lying flat. Andy shuffled up toward the pillows and tugged Sid down by his feet around his waist.
Sid fell onto him grinning and they kissed again, slower this time, savory. By the time they were naked and Andy was on top of Sid, Sid’s hands on his ass and his fingers teasing between his cheeks, Andy was panting, his heart beating like a racehorse.
“Relax,” Sid said as his finger teased around his rim.
Andy pulled back, looked down at him. “Have you uh, ever?”
Sid’s eyes flickered with something -- embarrassment, discomfortable, Andy couldn’t tell.
“Not this,” Sid said finally. “Never, uh, had it done, either.”
Andy felt relief, that they were both going into this as novices, but something told him that set Sid on edge. Like he felt he should’ve been the experienced one here so he could make it great for Andy or something.
“Good,” Andy said quietly, and bent to kiss Sid’s throat, his collarbone. He didn’t care what that sounded like or what Sid thought. He wanted to say it.
Sid rolled him over in one swift motion, his hands still on Andy’s ass, squeezing roughly. “Gonna make you scream.” He said the words like a promise and Andy shivered all over.
It was weird, at first. Figuring out the logistics. They didn’t know which position Andy should be in while Sid fingered him, then they didn’t know what position they should be in while Sid fucked him, and then there was the condom to deal with. Andy almost didn’t want it, but his mom had said ‘be careful’ and well -- he supposed it was the very least he could do.
Once they got all that worked out, things fell more into place. Sid’s fingers found Andy’s prostate after a few minutes of searching (“Should’ve paid more attention in health class, huh?” Sid laughed and Andy grinned like a fool, loving the mention of one of the few shared memories they’d actually had together in school) and Andy nearly blacked out from the feel of it.
They ended up doing it with Andy on his hands and knees on the bed and Sid behind him. There were stops and starts and Sid saying, “forget it you’re too tight,” while Andy gripped his hip and said, “just wait, okay?”
When they did finally get going Andy wasn’t sure he ever wanted to do anything else, ever.
The slow drag of Sid’s cock inside him, hot and thick, made him shake with pleasure. Andy’s own cock was drooling against his stomach and his thighs quaked.
“Fuck, yes,” Sid sighed against his back, draped over him while he fucked in and out of Andy’s ass in slow, measured thrusts. He was drawing it out, almost painfully slow, and eventually Andy couldn’t take it anymore.
“Harder,” he gasped, pushing back onto Sid’s dick. “God, harder.”
“Holy shit,” Sid whispered, sounding awe-struck. He did it then, pushed Andy down by his neck and held him there, chest on the bed and ass in the air as Sid drove in hard, again and again.
Andy shouted and Sid moaned, his sweaty hand stroking up and down Andy’s back as he fucked in and in and in, screwing his hips and hitting Andy’s prostate just right.
“God. Fuck, baby, you’re killing me.”
Andy gasped against the pillows, sweat dripping down his forehead and tears leaking out his eyes that had nothing at all to do with pain. “Don’t stop,” he whispered, brokenly. “Don’t--”
His dick was trapped beneath him and he reached down, gave it one tug, two, and that was it.
He felt his ass tighten as he came and Sid curse loudly before he fucked in deep a few more times and tensed, collapsing on top of him, mouth hot and slick against the back of his neck.
“Oh my god.”
“Shit, seriously,” Sid whispered, kissing Andy’s skin once, twice, before pulling out slowly.
Andy moaned and missed the feel of Sid immediately, like some phantom limb.
“Shit,” Sid muttered again, and Andy heard him climb off the bed.
“I’m in the wet spot,” Andy moaned, turning to rest his other cheek on the pillow.
He heard Sid laugh from far away, probably the bathroom. “So move, genius.”
“Mmm,” Sid said, and oh, he was closer now. His breath tickled Andy’s hair as he climbed in bed beside him. “Here, zombie.”
Something hit Andy’s back and he made himself move and get it. Oh. Washcloth.
“Not a zombie, just dead,” Andy yawned, and cleaned off his stomach and the sheets where he came.
Sid was sitting up against the wall, already lighting a cigarette. A small smile played on his lips. “Right, whatever you say.”
Andy tossed the washcloth in the hamper by the bed and leaned over, stole a drag from Sid’s cigarette.
“Fuckin’ rude,” Sid mumbled without heat.
“You just fucked my brains out, I think I deserve it,” Andy sighed as he exhaled and handed the cigarette back over.
Sid raised his arm and put it around Andy’s neck, and Andy moved into the embrace, rested his head on Sid’s shoulder. “Mmm, on the contrary, I fucked your brains out, which means I deserve all the post-fucking smokes.”
Andy snorted. “Sure, Sid.”
Sid flicked Andy in the shoulder with his index finger and Andy yelped. He laughed and moved his arm down, smoothed his hand over Andy’s side, right over his hip. “Hey -- you good?”
The question was tentative, sincere. It made Andy’s heart soar.
He pressed his face into Sid’s neck, breathed in the scent of sex and sweat and tobacco. “How soon can you do it again?”
April brought the start of soccer practice which meant less time with Sid. Andy quit his job at Pizza Planet to make time for his upcoming matches. He filled up his whiteboard in his room with his new schedule. Andy penciled in time with Sid with little black skulls as the only identifying marker. He refrained from adding red hearts to the skulls, even though he felt they’d look pretty nice together.
April also brought the responses to his college applications. He got into every single school.
“I dunno, I mean -- UC Berkeley design school sounds amazing and it’s actually in San Francisco, which is pretty cool. But San Diego would be awesome too.Or I could do California State. Be right near the beach.”
They were at Pizza Planet on a day in which Andy didn’t have practice. Amy still gave Andy free shit despite him no longer working there. They’d just finished eating and were now playing claw games next to each other. It made Andy feel nostalgic. Sid played with vigor like all he cared about was winning.
“Do you think you could not talk? I’m trying to concentrate.”
Andy gave Sid a look. “Seriously?”
Sid didn’t look at him. “Yes, seriously.”
Andy stared at him before turning back to his own game. “Fine, whatever.”
They didn’t say another word to each other, outside of Sid’s exclamations of “Motherfucker!” or “Hell, yes!” depending on his victory status, until they left.
When Andy got into Sid’s truck he slammed the door behind him.
“Jesus christ, what?” Sid asked, voice tense.
“Nothing,” Andy muttered, looking out the window.
Sid scoffed. “Yeah, okay.”
He dropped Andy off at his house, the entire ride spent in silence.
Andy unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to face him. “I know you don’t give a shit, but I actually care about making the right decision here. It’s gonna be four years of my life.”
Something flickered in Sid’s eyes and it was gone in a flash. “That’s what you have a mom and guidance counselor for.”
Andy stared at him. “So you really don’t care where I go to school?”
Sid tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “Should I?”
Andy shook his head, felt something crack a little inside him. “No. I suppose not.”
He got out of the car without kissing Sid goodbye.
It was the first time they hadn’t since starting this whole thing.
That was Saturday. He didn’t see Sid Sunday and come Monday Andy was in a wicked mood. Soccer practice was terrible, and he walked out to his car with his head down.
When he finally looked up he noticed a folded piece of paper shoved beneath his windshield wiper.
His first name was written on front in shaded pencil, the text blocky. It reminded Andy of the way he’d write his name on the bottom of his toys.
He unfolded the paper.
i was an asshole. come over after practice if you can.
The SP was written within a heart and Andy knew it was referencing the Smashing Pumpkins logo, because Sid was obsessed with the band and that his initials allowed him to replicate it. They’d had so many discussions about it, and Sid had doodled it more than once.
Still, there was something about seeing it on this particular piece of paper -- Sid’s initials wrapped in a heart -- and the knowledge that Sid had actually come onto school property to leave the note, that made Andy forget his anger, the ache in his chest palpable.
He drove to Sid’s house.
“I’ve got homework,” Andy said when Sid opened the door. He was barefoot and shirtless, eyes bleary like he’d just woken up from a nap. He probably had, he loved to nap after his shifts.
“You’re an asshole,” Andy added.
Sid nodded again, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth.
Andy stepped inside, closed the door behind him and walked into Sid’s space, bit at his lips until Sid was gasping.
Andy’s backpack hit the floor just as Sid slammed him against the door and slid his hands up beneath Andy’s shirt.
His homework could wait.
They didn’t talk about it again. It became a Thing They Didn’t Talk About, along with Sid’s family. They spent a lot of time fucking, doing it in every position they could think of. Sid drew Andy a few times, mostly without clothes on. It made Andy feel naked in a way beyond just physically; Sid stared at him as he did so, studying every line and curve of Andy’s body.
Andy played songs for Sid on the guitar, bringing his own over to replace the one that was in Bruce’s garage.
They headed up to the falls again, Andy pointing out the new constellations that were visible for spring. Sid listened like he was really interested and maybe he was. When they made out this time, it felt like it was just part of the night and not the entire reason for it.
Andy met with his guidance counselor about college. He was leaning toward California State. He thought about walking along the beach with Sid. He wondered how that could even happen when Sid didn’t even want to know where Andy was going.
He thought about how everything was going to change.
iv. i’ll move out of this state
Sid met Andy’s mom and Molly in the beginning of May. He’d been trying to get Sid to come to a soccer game forever now, and he finally gave in.
Andy did warn Sid his family would be there.
“They’ll want to meet you.”
“Should I bring a plant? Flowers?”
Andy rolled his eyes and then into Sid’s side, kissing his shoulder. “Shut up, just be yourself.”
Sid laughed, incredulous. “You sure that’s what you want?”
“You aren’t as scary as you think you are, you know.”
“That’s what you think, Davis.”
Andy grinned and raised his head before shifting his whole body onto Sid, pressing his leg between Sid’s thighs. “Oh, that’s how it is. I’m Davis again.”
“You’re always Davis,” Sid replied gruffly. He wasn’t looking at Andy and his mouth was pressed together like he was trying to hide a helpless smile.
Andy felt happier than he could remember.
“Mmmhmm,” Andy hummed. He bent his head, pulled Sid’s nipple between his teeth, delighting in the gasp it elicited. “My mom likes Orchids.”
Sid snorted, rolled them over, and kissed Andy until he wasn’t talking anymore.
The next Saturday Andy tried hard to play well, but he was so fucking nervous. He’d arrived with Sid, having slept over the night before, and only had time for the briefest of introductions before he had to get into the locker room and changed.
Throughout stoppages of play he kept looking across the field at the bleachers. Sid was sitting straight and stiff, long, greasy hair and goatee, leather jacket, white shirt and ripped jeans like he was channeling Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club (Andy dug it so hard). He looked like he was expecting to get jeered any second from their classmates. “Hey, you’re that dropout! Whatever happened to you?!” Or that he was bracing for Molly to drip her ice cream cone all over him as she talked his ear off about god knows what, occasionally pointing to the field.
His mom was on the other side of Molly and Andy saw her occasionally bend forward and say something to Sid. Sid replied back, nodded a little.
Andy wanted so badly to be a fly on the wall.
Despite being utterly distracted, he still managed to get a goal and they won.
After, Andy wanted so badly to hug Sid but he refrained. They were all waiting for him by the bleachers after he’d showered, the field mostly cleared. Andy planted his feet into the grass and his hands in his pants. Sid gave him a once over that made him feel hot everywhere.
“Great game, honey,” his mom said, kissing his cheek.
“Yeah, Andy! You’re so fast!”
Andy blushed and accepted Molly’s high five.
“Was good,” Sid mumbled. He looked at Andy through his eyelashes and his eyes -- god, they burned a hole right through him.
Andy wanted Sid on his knees right now, wanted to fuck up into the tight, wet heat of his mouth.
“Thanks,” Andy replied around a cough.
“Pizza Planet, what do you say? My treat.”
“Sure,” Andy replied to his mom. He caught Sid’s eye, who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. “We’ll meet you there.”
They walked to their cars and Andy waited for his mom and Molly to pull out and through the lot before he turned to Sid. They met halfway across the seats, Sid already waiting and ready for him.
Andy groaned when Sid licked past his lips, tongue curled around Andy’s own.
“Shit, you owe me,” Sid panted, his hand tight on the back of Andy’s neck.
“Was it that bad?” Andy gasped, moaned when Sid’s mouth planted wet kisses down his neck.
“Watching you run around in those shorts while sitting next to your kid sister? Yeah, you bet it was bad.”
Andy giggled, felt something loosen inside him.
“C’mon, we gotta go,” he said, and pulled away.
“You’re giving me the world’s best blowjob tonight.”
Andy’s mom did a good job of engaging Sid in pretty easy and safe conversation at dinner and Molly seemed to be fascinated by him.
The only bit of tension was his mom bringing up “Sunny California” and how Andy won’t have to deal with May being a little cold when he’s over there.
He could feel Sid stiffen from across the table and Andy still didn’t know what to do about that. This was a thing that was happening in a matter of three months.
“They liked you,” Andy said as they were driving back to Sid’s place.
“If you say so.”
Andy reached over, slapped his shoulder lightly. “Come on, I’m serious. They could have been epically bad.”
Sid snorted and he leaned back, pulled out his cigarettes. “If you say so. Just epically blow me and we’re even.”
Andy rolled his eyes. “How bout you epically blow that out the window.”
“Bitch, bitch, bitch,” Sid replied, but his voice was amused and he rolled down the window.
When it was easy like this with Sid, like nothing else could touch them, Andy forgot about all the Things They Didn’t Talk About.
Andy only went to prom because his mom told him he’d always regret it if he didn’t. Andy was currently regretting not getting fucked six ways till Sunday, and not the fact that he was stuck drinking terrible punch and listening to bad pop music.
He did actually invite Sid, who laughed in his face. Andy supposed that was to be expected; after all, it’s not like Andy really gave a shit about prom himself, so why would Sid.
Hanging out with his friends was fun, though. Andy felt his age around them. With Sid he felt -- older, seasoned. It was weird. Not bad, but -- different. It felt like some private world of their own making. Andy wasn’t really sure which was the reality anymore and he he was rather afraid to find out.
He went to a diner with about fifteen people after and thought about Sid, in his bed, drawing something, waiting for Andy to come over.
“I gotta go, guys,” Andy said after an hour.
“Aww, don’t be such a buzz kill, Andy!” Madison shouted.
Andy didn’t really want to be the person who chose one guy over his friends, but honestly? All he wanted was to be with that one guy right now.
“My boyfriend’s waiting.”
He never said the word before, barely even to himself. He hadn’t even come out to most of these people. He didn’t care. He was almost a high school graduate and god, it felt good to say, even if he still wasn’t sure if it was accurate.
There were “oohs” and “ahhs” and some “shit, really’s?” from the table.
Andy laughed and waved and walked out the door.
That night he rode Sid’s cock until his thighs ached while Sid panted his name beneath him and pressed bruises into Andy’s hips.
v. when I finally finished school it was the first thing that I did
Graduation was pretty much the same. Andy didn’t really blame Sid for not going. It was a reminder of something he didn’t get to do, regardless of whether or not he really cared about it or not.
His mom was hoping he’d show up though.
“Just would have been nice,” she said casually after it was over while Andy was still on the grass with his classmates.
“Can we not?” Andy muttered. His grandparents were here for god sakes. T
They all went out to lunch at a fancy restaurant and Andy showed up at Sid’s house after, his robe and hat stuffed under his arm.
“How’s it feel, being a high school graduate?” Sid asked.
“Not too much different.”
Sid hummed, looked down at the gown in Andy’s hand. “If I fuck you with that shit on, you think it would feel different?”
Andy’s breathing hitched. “Well. It couldn’t hurt to try, right?”
They fucked against the door, the gown spilling down over Andy’s thighs, which Sid held up around his waist.
“That turn you on? Huh?” Sid panted into his ear. His hips snapped against Andy’s, his dick finding Andy’s prostate on every stroke.
“Yes,” Andy gasped.
Afterward, Sid made him coffee.
In between soccer club and spending time with his friends and Sid, summer seemed to fly by.
And with it, Andy’s departure date grew closer and closer.
When it came down to it: Sid knew Andy was leaving in August. Andy knew he was leaving in August. They just kept feigning ignorance.
Andy’s birthday was in late July. He had it on his corkboard as B-DAY PARTY BASH because that’s what he’d always call it as a kid. Now, he didn’t do the tons of friends over his house thing anymore. Now, he had a backyard barbeque with burgers and hot dogs courtesy of his mom, a cake courtesy of Molly and (this year) fireworks courtesy of Sid.
It was only Sid’s third time seeing his family. His mom raised her eyebrows when she saw the contents in his hand as he walked through the backyard gate.
Andy smothered a grin.
The fireworks went off without a hitch and Andy looked up at the lit-up sky with Sid’s arm around his shoulder and the warm, summer air around them.
He met his mom’s eyes in between the spectacle and caught something akin to worry in them.
She turned away just as fast, stroked Molly’s hair as she excitedly watched the lights in the sky trickle down around them.
Andy pressed in closer to Sid and closed his eyes.
Things reach a boiling point a few days before Andy was set to leave. He was tense as fuck and his mom being on him about all his things wasn’t helping matters. Sid picked him up to go out to the movies and came inside to say hello, since he now felt weird if he didn’t do so, seeing as he’d actually been invited over before.
“I’m just saying you really need to decide what stays and what goes, honey,” his mom said while Andy pulled out two bottles of water from the fridge for them to take.
“Not now Mom, alright?” Andy sighed and caught Sid’s uneasy look.
“If not now, when? You’re leaving in a matter of days!”
“I’ll be outside,” Sid said, voice tight.
Andy sighed and banged his head against the freezer door when he heard Sid leave.
Andy squeezed his eyes shut. “We’re not talking about it. Apparently.”
He felt his mom’s hand press against his shoulder blade.
“Just don’t run off and get married like your mom, huh?” Her voice was a dry tease and so normal for their dynamic that Andy almost wanted to cry. Or just hug her and never let go.
“Not sure we need to worry about that. I don’t even know if he’s my boyfriend.”
“Andy, honey, the boy brought you fireworks for your birthday party and let your sister talk his ear off at a soccer game. He’s your boyfriend.”
Andy wished he was that sure. This thing between them felt tenuous at best. Andy wondered if it still would if he were going to college in-state.
True to form, they don’t talk about what happened in Andy’s house. Sid let Andy hold his hand in the back row of the movie theater and Andy barely paid attention to the plot.
They sat on the steps outside Sid’s apartment and it felt like those early days in the garage. Sid was smoking, Andy was drinking coffee (except this time it was out of a mug from Sid’s kitchen) and Andy wasn’t sure what to do with himself. It felt -- domestic and right and he didn’t know how to leave this behind, just like he didn’t know how to leave Woody behind. He’d decided that day he wouldn’t, that he’d take him with him to college, no matter how stupid that sounded.
The thing was, Andy loved Woody and he was pretty fucking sure he loved Sid. Was in love with him. He wanted to say the words but it would probably be cliche, to do it now of all times, when he was leaving in two days time. They still never stated if they were even boyfriends, but Andy couldn’t really picture them being anything else at this point.
“Wanna go in?” Sid asked after a while of quiet, Andy far too lost in his thoughts.
They made out on Sid’s bed and Sid rimmed him. They hadn’t done that before, and Andy saw spots behind his eyes.
It ended up just being one more thing he knew he’d miss.
On the night before he was supposed to leave Andy was stressed as all hell because his toys were gone again, except this time his mom apparently put them out with the trash.
He relayed this to Sid in a panic at Sid’s front door, which was largely in part a panic about how he was fucking leaving tomorrow and jesus christ, were they even gonna talk about it? But still.
Sid fucked him within an inch of his life which helped some, or maybe made everything a million times worse. Andy wasn’t sure anymore. When he came it felt like his heart was collapsing in on itself.
Sid let Andy put his head on his chest, and had an arm tightly wrapped around Andy’s waist, and Andy realized he couldn’t remember when Sid stopped trying to squirm away after sex and when he started being everything Andy had ever wanted.
“I'm sorry,” Sid said.
“Huh?” Andy replied dimly, his brain still not really on line yet. That had been--- intense. Really, really intense. He’s not sure how the bed didn’t break.
“I threw them out. Your toys. There were a lot of bags I picked up.”
Something clenched in Andy’s chest. “You didn't know they were there.”
“Still. I threw out your childhood.”
Sid sounded really fucked up about it. For all the shit he’d given Andy over his toys through the years, it didn’t seem to make sense.
“Hey,” Andy said, and lifted his head to meet Sid’s eyes. “I’m gonna survive, alright? They’re just -- things.” The word stuck a little in his throat. He was downplaying it a little, for both their sakes, but it really wasn’t Sid’s fault. He didn’t do this. And he couldn’t keep blaming his mom either. Mistakes happened.
Sid nodded and pulled Andy close again.
Andy eased his head back down on Sid’s chest, listened to the thump of Sid's heart, thought I love you, I love you, I love you to its steady beat.
When he was finally dressed and standing at Sid's door, he had no what to say. He wanted so badly to spend the night, but Andy’s mom insisted on one final night in his room and with them before he said goodbye until break.
“Don't forget where you came from,” Sid said, knocking his knuckles into Andy’s shoulder in perhaps one of the most awkward motions he’d ever done.
Andy smiled weakly. “Um, I got. Well, my mom got me unlimited texting and shit, so we could like... if you want me to.”
He had no clue is to do this. When they wanted to see each other, they just did. They either had standing times to hang out or they asked. They never had any use for phone calls or texts or anything like that.
“It's a free country,” Sid sniffed.
Andy frowned and his heart began to pound. “Are you saying you don't want me to?”
“I'm saying you can do whatever you want.” The way Sid said the words, though, pointed and deliberate, made it sound like he was talking about a lot more than Andy texting him.
Andy took a breath. “So, are we acting like the past nine months never happened? Is that what we’re doing here?”
Sid looked past Andy before meeting his eyes. “The past nine months had a time limit and this was it. We both knew that.”
His voice didn’t even shake.
Andy laughed to himself and it sounded as hollow as it felt. It shouldn’t be such a surprise to him that this was happening, considering how much they hadn’t talked about it, but he still felt flummoxed.
“So you came to dinner with my family and my soccer games, to what? Keep me in your good graces so you could keep fucking me?”
Sid shrugged. “You wanted those things, so I gave them.”
“You don’t do shit you don’t wanna do,” Andy scoffed. “I could never really make you go.”
Sid rolled his eyes. “And I can’t force you to believe me.”
Andy nodded on automatic at the patent disinterest in Sid’s voice. It was like he was seeing someone else and he couldn’t cut through. His bottom lip trembled. “And now that's just… that's just it,” he said, voice disbelieving.
He refused to fucking cry.
Sid still wasn’t betraying anything, mask firmly in place. Andy wanted to fucking crack it, wished Sid would show that he gave a shit about this, gave a shit about Andy.
“You need to go,” Sid said finally. He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a hard breath. “Just. You can text me, alright. That's fine.”
Andy glared. “Gee, thanks a fucking lot. Good to know I can text the guy who fucked me for almost a year.”
He slammed the door behind him in pure melodramatic fashion and waited until he got to his car to cry.
The next day his toys were somehow back in his possession, but he ended up listening to the note left by his mom and gave them away. He didn’t know how Woody got in the box, though, or why Bonnie seemed to recognize him.
He didn’t want to let Woody go -- it was like a physical ache inside him to do so -- but in the end he does.
Andy supposed it was almost fitting. After all, he was giving away his childhood at the same time Sid was giving Andy away.
Andy started his descent to California that afternoon with a thousand dollars in his bank account, a glove compartment containing cassettes of The Grateful Dead and Otis Redding (bestowed upon him by his mom, even though Andy wasn’t too down with either. “You have a Garth Brooks CD, honey. Time to expand those horizons a bit”), and a broken heart.
v. then I commit with some restraint to a boy I thought might care.
two months later
Jack was blond and tan and had a surfer's body. He was everything Sid wasn’t.
Andy wasn’t used to someone actively pursuing him, but Jack -- well. He was definitely interested and one night Andy found himself on the beach with the wind in his hair and Jack’s lips on his own.
It had been two months of missing Sid. Two months of Andy staring at his phone and starting and stopping text messages because fuck Sid for acting as though he’d tolerate Andy texting him.
It was as though the world had been divided and everything prior to that night had been some dream world. It didn’t seem real that the same Sid Andy kissed under sweaty sheets and stayed up with till all hours kissing and laughing with would be the same one who gave him up without a look back.
Andy spent two months trying and failing to make friends because he was too busy trying not to fail his classes straight off the bat as the result of a broken heart.
And then Jack talked to him and talked to him and Andy eventually had to talk back.
Now, he was doing a lot more than talking. He’d never kissed anyone but Sid and he couldn’t help compare it. Jack kissed softer, gentler. Andy wasn’t sure how much he liked it.
They made out for a while and then walked back to the dorms.
He threw himself down onto his bed in his single and palmed for his phone.
kissed someone tonight
He sent it before he could even think, exhausted and confused and frustrated.
and howd that go for you? was the reply he got immediately.
Andy knew it was dumb to have expected Sid to immediately call him in a jealous stuper, demanding to know who Andy had been with, but he couldn’t help that he wanted it all the same.
Andy wondered if there was anyone Sid was kissing lately.
alright. didnt taste like cigarettes
Sid’s reply took a little longer to arrive this time. i guess ur moving up in the world davis
Andy sighed. He didn’t fucking care. What was the worst that could happen? Sid was 2000 miles away.
i miss you so damn much
This reply was instantaneous.
dont. just kiss the guy some more. you’ll forget soon enough
“No, I fucking won’t!” Andy shouted in the quiet of the room.
He didn’t write back again that night.
Andy threw himself into something with Jack because why not. Sid wanted him to forget and Andy wanted to forget and his mom thought meeting new people, new boys would be good for him, so fine, whatever. Andy was apprehensive at first,but hey, Jack didn’t seem like someone who would kick him to the curb.
Until they end up at some art gala opening after party for one of the T.A.’s and he found Jack pressed against a pillar with some short guy with spiky hair devouring his mouth.
It’s not like they’d done much in the past month. Making out, some handjobs. Andy got his dick sucked once or twice but couldn’t bring himself to do it back.
He knew he should be hurt, seeing what was happening in the corner of the room, but it paled in comparison to Sid telling Andy they always had a time limit.
They finally spotted him and Andy hurried away to Jack calling after him.
He left the gallery and walked down the street before crossing to the side with the water.
When his feet touched the boardwalk, Andy pulled out his phone.
“It’s fuckin 1 a.m.,” came a gruff voice.
“You answered,” Andy said, mouth open.
“Yeah, well. You could be drowning or something.”
“Drowning?” Andy asked, a smile tugging at his lips.
“What the fuck do I know, I’ve never really seen the fucking ocean and you go to school near one.”
“I’m not drowning, Sid.”
“If you’re gonna fucking laugh at me, Davis, I’m hanging up. Some of us have work in five hours.”
Sid grunted and Andy could hear the rustling of sheets. “Whatever,” he said, voice muffled like he’d just dragged his hand over his face. Andy could picture it so clearly. His skin shivered. “Whaddya want?”
“Jack cheated on me,” Andy blurted out.
Sid was silent.
“Jack being uh, the guy. That I’d kissed.”
“Obviously done more than kissed,” Sid said darkly, and Andy couldn’t help being thrilled at that.
“A bit, yeah. Whatever. I guess that was -- dumb of me, I dunno.”
“Dumb how?” Sid asked, voice quiet.
Because he wasn’t you. Because it was a rebound. Because I don’t know how to get over you.
“Should probably just be focusing on school,” Andy replied, swallowing hard.
“Right,” Sid said shortly. “How’s that going, genius?”
So Andy walked along the boardwalk back to the dorms and told Sid about his classes and Sid told him about life back home and by the time Andy got back he wasn’t thinking about Jack, he was only thinking about the way he’d made Sid laugh a few times, and the way he told Andy to, “Get some damn sleep.”
vi. I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
They started texting. Random things, mostly Andy initiating shit. Still, the few times Sid sent him something first or dropped some random anecdote, a stupid thrill would run through Andy.
Andy missed everything about him. Those nights in the garage, and those nights in Sid’s place, and all the firsts he’d experienced.
One night they were watching the new South Park together while laughing into the phone and making comments about the, well, commentary, until Andy said during a commercial break, “So I’m not coming back for Thanksgiving.”
“Oh,” Sid replied.
“It’s too short. I’ll be back for Christmas, though,” Andy explained, his heart racing. He’d rehearsed this shit. “So mom and Molly are coming here instead, getting a hotel.”
“Uh-huh,” Sid replied, sounding bored.
“And maybe you could?”
“Maybe I could what?”
“Come too? You said it yourself: you’ve never seen the ocean.”
“Why would I do that? Plus, it’s just water.”
Andy held in a sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.”
“Don’t have money like that to throw away.”
Well, that hurt. “Yeah. right,” Andy repeated, numbly.
Andy decided to go to a campus party because his friend Mandy said there would be cute gay guys there and well, Andy could use a cute gay guy again in order to stop thinking about the cute gay guy he couldn’t have.
He got kind of drunk because he was still too tall and lanky and hadn’t built up enough of a tolerance. He supposed his formative college years would eventually change that.
Andy wasn’t interested in starting anything with anyone. Jack proved that was sort of pointless right now. But he wouldn’t mind not being alone tonight. So when he found himself pressed against the wall of a hallway with some random guy’s tongue down his throat, he went with it.
It helped the guy had dark hair and tattoos.
Commotion in the hallway drew them apart just when some groping had been starting. The guy looked at him, said, “You wanna go somewhere?”
Andy did. But not with him.
“Sorry,” he said, and stepped away.
He found Mandy and they left. He was still a little tipsy and a lot horny by the time he got back to his room.
Calling Sid right now was probably the worst idea he’d had in awhile.
“Hey, hi,” Andy said.
“You’re drunk,” Sid replied, and maybe Andy was more drunk than he thought because Sid sounded really damn fond.
“Not. A little. Only a little.”
“Mmm,” Sid hummed. “And I guess you kissed more boys.”
Andy’s mouth dropped open. “Are you spying on me?”
Sid huffed out a sigh. “You’re predictable, Davis. This ain’t rocket science, man.”
“Don't call me that,” Andy muttered.
Sid laughed. “What, ‘man’? Sorry is it all ‘dude’ for you now that you're a California boy?”
“Davis. Don't call me it.”
He heard Sid inhale deeply and when he spoke again his voice was thick with smoke. “What should I call you then?” He drawled.
Andy’s dick ached, picturing Sid lying shirtless on his bed, maybe just in his boxers. Smoking while his other hand moved up and down his own chest.
“Sid…” Andy found himself pleading. His eyes fell shut and he dragged his palm over his dick, a hitch to his breathing.
“Shit,” Sid whispered. “What are you playing at here, Andy?”
“Nothing,” Andy said, eyes sliding open. He stared at the ceiling and deftly undid his jeans. “I just--I need--”
Sid was breathing harder now. “To get your dick sucked? So get it done, it's natural.” His voice sounded tight.
“Is that what you've been doing?”
Andy didn't think it were possible to sound so jealous while so turned on, but it turned out he was wrong.
“Once or twice. Used to blow this dude who never carded me at a bar. It was my birthday the other day so I guess he wanted to give me a present.”
Andy’s mouth fell open and he blinked hard. “It was your birthday? You never told me.” It was better to think about that than Sid being with someone else. He hated this.
“Because I don't make my birthday an event like you.”
Andy flushed hard. His hand was still paused over the bulge in his boxers. He thought about his last birthday. How it wasn’t an ‘event,’ but still special nonetheless. Maybe his most special one to date.
“I wish I'd been there.”
Sid was silent for at least ten seconds. “Yeah?” Sid said, voice thick again, like he was just as turned on as Andy was. “What would you have done?”
Andy swallowed hard, let his hand travel over his dick through the fabric.
“Would've blown you,” he mumbled. “Would've made it even better than--” He trailed off on a gasp as his dick lept beneath the light, teasing touches.
“Shit, Andy.” He paused. “What are you doing?” Andy wasn't sure if Sid meant physically or not but he took a chance.
He heard a sharp intake of breath. “Yeah,” Sid said roughly. “Keep doing that.”
Andy moaned low in his throat and rubbed a his cock beneath his boxers before pulling it out.
“Thinking about whoever you were kissing?” Sid asked, sharp like a taunt.
“No,” Andy said immediately. “Thinking about your dick.”
“Shit, Andy,” Sid said again, voice a whisper now. .
“The way you fucked me,” Andy sighed. He shivered as he stroked his cock slowly from base to tip. “The way you'd fuck me, Sid.”
He heard a choked off sound and then rustling. “God. Oh, fuck.”
“Joining this party?” Sid snorted. “Yeah. Yes.” His voice was breathless and for a moment they just listened to the tell-tale slap of skin until Andy couldn't take it anymore.
“Tell me,” he begged, biting his lip and fucking up into his fist. “Tell me you think about it. Tell me you're thinking about it right now.”
Sid was quiet for a moment, his ragged breathing the only sound.
“I think about it. I dream about fucking your ass.”
“How'd it feel?”
Sid laughed incredulously. “Jesus, Andy.” Then his voice softened. “Perfect. Hot, tight. “
Andy cried out and stroked himself harder.
“Pretend I'm fucking you,” Sid whispered, barely audible. “My dick inside you, filling you up.”
“Want it,” Andy gasped and arched and came all over his stomach, crying out and not even trying to be quiet.
“Oh. Oh shit. Oh fuck,” Sid shouted and Andy knew he was coming too, could picture it so fucking well.
“Jesus,” Andy said, rising up on one elbow and blinking down at himself.
Sid grunted. “I should clean up,” he mumbled.
Andy felt tension creep back in, the relaxed, buzzed horniness now evaporated.
“Right, yeah, me too.”
“So I'll see ya,” Sid said and hung up before Andy could finish saying, “Yeah see--”
It felt like they were going backwards. Like this awkwardness should've occurred in the garage that night when they kissed, yet it never head.
It was as though they were suddenly engaged in some form of gay panic, or at least Sid was. Although it seemed more like an Andy-specific panic on Sid’s end.
Either way, Andy hated it.
vii. I’ve given a lot of thought on this thirteen hour drive
The ill-advised phone sex took place a week before Andy was to leave for break. They didn’t talk about it. They were good at that.
When Andy finally got home after the tedious drive he refrained from contacting Sid, choosing to spend his first night home with his family. He thought about Sid the entire trip home, wondered what it would be like to see him again, wondered what he’d say.
He was well aware the garbage pickup was the next day. Andy found himself standing outside in his hat, gloves, slippers and no jacket.
Seeing Sid jump off the truck was like a mirage in the desert and Andy was so fucking thirsty.
“Well, well. If it isn't the college boy,” Sid said. He wasn't wearing the goggles, but did have on a hat and those big gloves.
Andy swallowed. “Hey, Sid.”
Sid nodded, and Andy could feel his eyes rake up his body. He dumped the trash in the back of the truck and and looked at Andy again.
They didn’t say anything.
“I can’t just stand here, you know,” Sid said impatiently.
“Uh, right. I could come over. Later. If you want.” His heart thumped in his chest.
He watched Sid bite his lip. “You know where I live,” Sid replied, and Andy wanted to shake him. “Gotta split,” he said and jumped on the truck.
Andy watched him go down to the next house before heading back inside.
He was glad his mom was already at work. He didn't want the interrogation of how the “reunion” went.
Andy waited until 3pm, when Sid was probably be done with his nap if he’d taken one.
Going back to Sid’s apartment after four months away felt surreal. He knocked on the door and shuffled from foot to foot.
Sid answered it in a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt and boxer shorts. Now that Andy could really look at him, he took in how long his hair still was, how his face looked a little older, how dark his eyes were as they stared at Andy.
“Hey,” Andy said.
“Hey,” Sid replied and before Andy knew it he was being dragged inside by his jacket. The door closed behind him and Sid's mouth took his in a hot kiss, bordering on possessive. Andy groaned into it and kissed back just as hard. They shed his jacket and shoes by the door and only made it as far as the couch. Sid threw aside the empty beer cans on the cushions and pulled Andy down to straddle him.
Sid's hands were on his ass and his tongue was in his mouth and this-- this was Andy’s favorite thing in the entire world.
They barely got their clothes off, coming in their pants while rubbing together, swallowing each other's groans.
After, Andy found himself panting against Sid, their foreheads pressed together.
“Come on,” Sid said. Andy assumed he meant the bedroom, but instead they went to the bathroom, peeled off their sticky clothes, and kissed beneath the spray of the shower.
Andy dropped to his knees after Sid jerked him off a second time, and sucked his first dick since leaving Chagrin Falls.
Sid grabbed his hair, fucked his mouth, whispered his name.
“You probably need to get home for dinner,” Sid said when they were dressing and Andy was standing behind him, planting kisses on the back of his neck.
“I can stay a bit,” he said, stomach tightening.
Sid turned around, stepped away. “I'm kinda tired, alright?”
Andy’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah. Sure.”
He left feeling like this was a buddy fuck and nothing more and over the next few weeks while home, he'd be proven right.
Sid didn’t want to do anything for Christmas, didn’t want to see Andy’s family. Just wanted to fuck and fuck some more.
Andy knew he shouldn't do this. Knew it was going to fuck him up something fierce, but he couldn’t resist. It was hot and desperate. Sid fucked him like he didn’t know how to do anything else and Andy rode his cock like he'd earn his degree in it if he could.
Andy still did his New Year’s Eve tradition, but the next day they spent together. In bed, for the most part, but whatever.
Sid slipped up with his guard sometimes; gasped “oh god, baby,” into Andy’s neck when Andy rode him into the mattress the other night him and snuggled into him after they've fucked on their side one lazy afternoon after Sid’s shift, while they were still relearning how to breathe .
Andy wanted to tell him that that was how it should be with them, that this was something real, but Sid would probably ignore it or worse, end things. Andy wanted to get his full month with Sid in. He always was kind of selfish when it came to things he felt were his.
Andy started bringing his own coffee again when he came over; he really didn't want to ask and find out Sid hadn't kept the leftovers of Andy's brand anymore.
viii. check yes, Juliet
It was two days before Andy was set to leave and one of the handful of times they were still lying in bed afterward. Sid was smoking and Andy picked up his coffee cup from the table where he'd abandoned it earlier. They were sitting up against the wall, still naked, shoulders touching. They drank and smoked in silence and Andy felt tension pool in his stomach. He'd planned this all out, but actually saying it was something different.
Sid had some music playing and Andy hummed along. When he was done with his cup he shuffled down a little, bent over to kiss Sid's shoulder, his chest.
“Mmm,” Sid groaned contentedly.
Andy smiled and pulled on his nipple with his teeth.
Sid groaned, put out the cigarette and rolled Andy over. “God, just come here,” he whispered and then slid his hand into Andy’s hair and kissed him so deep and so slow that Andy’s toes curled. The mix of their breaths made Andy’s chest clench and he held on, made out with Sid until they could do nothing else but tumble head first into their third orgasm of the night, gasping into each other's mouths.
Standing at Sid's door, Andy bit his own lip.
“You going or what?” Sid said, blinking sleepily, when Andy still had his hand on the knob and the door half-open. It wasn't mean. It was the opposite of mean.
Andy closed the door and turned. He took a breath.
“I miss you,” Andy said
Sid squinted at him and laughed. “You just saw a hell of a lot of me, man.”
“You know what I mean, Sid,” Andy admonished. “I miss you so fucking much. I've missed you for four months.”
“Andy--” Sid started and Andy held up a hand.
“Just wait, okay? Let me finish. I gotta -- I gotta say this.”
Sid looked wary but let him continue.
“When I was dating Jack all I thought about was you. When I kissed that guy and didn’t go home with him, all I thought about was you. I'm fucking -- I'm in California, I'm seeing the ocean, I've traveled to different cities on weekends. I’ve surfed, I've rode my skateboard on the boardwalk and all I fucking think about-- all I even compare it to is the two us smoking and drinking and laughing and fucking.”
He felt out of breath by the time he was done, his heart was pounding.
Sid stared at him. “Well, you're stupid.”
“No. I'm not!” Andy shouted. “And you're just fucking scared.”
“I love you. Sid,” Andy said, feeling like he was free-falling. “I fucking love you and I know you probably think that's a joke, that no one could love you because if they could, why did your family leave but I--”
“Yeah, you said it right, Davis.” Sid’s voice was hard. He took Andy’s arm and yanked the door open, pushing him through. “Everyone leaves. Including you. So sorry if I don't buy your fucking Romeo and Juliet scene here or whatever.”
Andy spun around to face him in the doorway. “That’s not fucking fair and you know it. I had California planned by the time we met again.”
“Plans change,” Sid sniffed.
Andy sighed, anger draining out of him. “I wanted to do the long distance thing with you, ok? I still do. But I get why you think it would fail.”
“Because it would,” Sid muttered.
Andy squeezed his eyes shut. “Right, okay.” When he opened them again, he met Sid’s gaze with determination. “So that’s why I’m doing this: I’m leaving the day after tomorrow. Come with me.”
Sid’s eyes widened, shock evident. He schooled his expression quickly. “Are you mental? How would that even work? I've got an apartment, Andy, I've got a job.”
“Weren’t you just telling me the other day that Bruce wants to move out of his parents place? And you don't -- I don't mean forever. Just -- come for a while. See if you like it. I've got a single, people probably won’t pay too much attention to you being there. And like, there are like -- off campus housing options that are still covered by my loans.”
“You're insane. “
Andy threw his hands up. “Why? Because I love you? Because I'm leaving and I actually don’t want to leave you behind? You can do whatever you want, Sid. We can do whatever we want.”
“What I want is for you to stop telling me what I want! What I want is for you to leave like you’re fucking supposed to!”
Hurt flashed in Andy's eyes and he nodded, blinking fast, eyes prickling.
“Alright,” he said quietly. “I’'m uh. I'm leaving on Monday at 6am. I'll drive by before I go. If you're not out here I'll… well. I'll see you, Sid.”
“You don't need me,” Sid said quietly to Andy's back as he took a step into the hallway.
Andy stopped, didn't turn around. “I want you. There's a difference.”
When Andy got home his mom was sitting on the couch, the TV on low. His eyes were still red.
“Oh, honey,” she said, standing and hugging him.
“I asked him to go with me,” he said into her neck, words muffled by her shirt. “He acted like that was stupid, impossible, like I couldn’t possibly want it.”
“Oh, honey,” she said again, stroking his hair. “This is what I meant when I said there was baggage.”
“Yeah,” Andy sniffled. “But I love him, Mom. I want him with me. I want this to work.”
“I know you do, baby.”
Sid wasn’t waiting outside when Andy pulled up at 6:10 on Monday morning. He barely slept the rest of the weekend, anxious and nervous for this exact moment.
He looked up at Sid's window. There was a light on. Andy’s heart seized in his chest. He could get out of the car right now. Do the the whole Romeo and Juliet thing for real. His body felt paralyzed.
Andy breathed in deep, braced himself for taking the long journey to California alone again. He put his head down on the steering wheel. He'd count to thirty and then leave.
When he got to twenty-seven there was a rapping on his passenger side window.
Andy startled, looked up and over.
“You gonna open up or what?” Sid asked through the glass.
Andy breathed out, and pressed the button.
Sid climbed in and hoisted his duffle bag into the back seat before looking at Andy. “I love you,” Sid said.
Andy tried to nod stoically but his face was already splitting apart in a grin.
“Of course I fucking do,” Sid continued, sounding frustrated. “I figured you’d just -- forget all this shit, have other experiences. Do what you’re supposed to do in college or whatever.”
“Fuck supposed to,” Andy said, grinning far too wide now.
“Yeah, well.” Sid sighed and looked over, smiling a little himself now. “I have no fucking clue what I'm doing, so I expect you to have the answers, college boy.”
“I can try.”
Sid tapped his fingers on his thigh. “Bruce is gonna sublet my place for now. I apparently have a lot of time off since I’ve like, never taken a vacation or even a sick day. They're giving me a month and know there's a possibility I might leave.”
Andy nodded. This was happening. This was actually happening.
“So I guess let's go see the ocean or whatever.” Sid smiled at Andy, soft and kind of vulnerable.
He reached over, put his hand on top of Sid's. “I also need you,” Andy said, because Sid deserved to know that. “I just. Want to make that clear.”
Sid smiled down at their hands. “Yeah, well. I guess I need you too.” He twisted behind him, dug into the duffle bag his free hand. “Here, got you a present,” Sid said, throwing a can on Andy’s lap. “Still had this at my place, Even though I don't drink the stuff.”
It was the coffee he kept there for Andy. Andy’s chest felt tight. He leaned over, pressed their lips together, licked slowly into Sid's mouth.
He tasted like home.
“Roll down the window if you're gonna smoke,” Andy said as they parted. He grinned as he put the car in drive.
“Bitch, bitch, bitch,” Sid grumbled. He was smiling as he pressed the button and let the cool, winter air wash over them.
Andy took his foot off the break.