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Young Jedi

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After the initial shock and apprehension, her grandfather turned out to be a good host. Unfortunately, he was worse than useless. Due to the potential of ruining the course of history, they were forced to be quiet most of the time. And what the absolute worst, he was so technically inept Rey was beginning to doubt they were related.

She couldn’t get too mad at him. It wasn’t his fault he was from a time when the Jedi order had access to technology and didn’t actually need to know how stuff worked. The problem was that she needed to fix her craft and try to find that nexus again to turn back to her own time.

She wasn’t even angry she was back in the desert. Obi-Wan’s place was cool, and he made a decent cup of tea. But how was the man able to live without as much as a screwdriver in the whole place? They had to go to Tosche Station to get a toolkit and some basic parts for repairs.

“Blasted!” she exclaimed and threw the soldiering iron towards the ship only to stop it using the Force when it was a hairsbreadth from smashing into it.

“Your master must be remarkable,” Obi-Wan said.

She looked over her shoulder to where he stayed watching her work so unmoving he seemed at one with the shadow of the house. The observation sounded ironic and she opened her mouth to defend Luke. Obi-Wan he interrupted her.

“No, don’t tell me details!” he said. “I meant that your proficiency with the Force is extraordinary considering how powerful you are. It’s difficult for someone so powerful to exert precise control, as you just showed when you reigned in your temper not smashing the tool. And that’s after you tried to fix that wire fifty-eight times before the outburst.”

She looked at him, trying to decide if he meant it or was a veiled insult.

“He is,” she said.

Thinking about her master was the last thing she needed. Was he all right? Will he be all right? She didn’t know in which tense she should be thinking of him.

She sat down on the scorching sand.  She closed her eyes and murmured.

Jedi understand their limitations. We recognize, and take responsibility for our failures and develop a level of modesty about them.

Obi-Wan came to sit next to her.

“You need help to fix the ship, don’t you?”

She nodded, defeated.

“I have to get back, Master Kenobi.”

The old man chuckled.

“That’s a title I haven’t heard in a long time,” he said. “I know someone who can help you.”

She brightened a little at the news.

“He’s a boy who lives on a farm nearby. He’s very good at fixing things.”

Rey’s heart lurched. Could he possibly mean… She knew Luke Skywalker’s life story. She knew every bit there was to know. Her master had even told her about the awkward time he had kissed his sister. Obi-Wan hadn’t warned Luke that Leia was his sister fearing it might affect the future, and now… he would allow a time traveler to talk to… Luke Skywalker.

“You have to be very careful, Rey. He is very important and he doesn’t know it. Promise me you will just get him to help you with the ship.”

“But he’s going to figure out this ship is not a model available now,” she said, certain that her grandfather was so bad with technology he wouldn’t notice, but her master definitely would.

She saw Obi-Wan hesitate before speaking. As if he was uncomfortable about what he was going to say.

“I’m sure you can distract him,” he said, and coughed. “He has a good heart,” he added sounding so bitter that Rey thought maybe he didn’t need her to tell him the future because he already knew it somehow.   

A couple of hours later, she was surveying Tosche Station, waiting for Luke to show up. Her master had taught her the art of camouflage and she practiced it best on desert planets, like her own Jakku. He could always spot her when they were training in jungle environments, like Dagobah, but desert camouflage was her forte.

The two suns of Tatooine were burning, but Rey felt her palms sweat. Her heart was pounding so hard she worried she might faint. She sensed Luke’s imprint in the Force when he was miles away. She shook off the sand and went into the small settlement. Not knowing when he was going to show up, she had used Jedi techniques to be unseen. Now that he was approaching, she made herself visible.

The girl who ran the store recognized her from her previous visit with Obi-Wan. Rey pretended to want to buy a power converter and she was talking technicalities when Luke walked in the room. She felt his energy in the room, so recognizable as his, and yet so different. She listened to his footsteps coming closer. She wanted desperately to look at him.

Jedi are aware of the future impacts of action and inaction and of the influence of the past, but live in and focus on the Now. We let ourselves flow like water through the events around us. We embrace the ever changing and fluid world, adapting and changing as it does.

“That model is pretty good,” he said. “Hi, Camie! Where’s the Fixer?”

“In the back, working on a droid. Miss, you’re in luck. Luke is the best when it comes to fixing things. You can ask him anything,” she said and left them alone.

Rey was still frozen. She could see him out of the corner of her eye. She had to turn to see him or she was going to seem peculiar.

“What do you need it fo…?”

His jaw dropped when she turned to face him. She hoped she was doing a better job of covering up the effect he had on her. He was the cutest boy she had ever seen. His blond hair was like a perfect halo. His blue eyes, so bright. There was no trace of pain, fear or guilt.

“I-I have to repair a ship,” she said.  

Rey’s voice had never sounded so squeaky in her life. She was grateful no one who had to look up to her as a Jedi got to hear her.

“Oh, awesome! What model?”

He seemed to have recovered quickly. Maybe not, she thought, seeing that his eyes were half black now. She wondered if her own pupils had reacted the same way. How humiliating! Well, it looked like some distracting was required.

“My name is Rey,” she said.

“Luke,” he answered.

That had totally backfired, she realized when she saw Luke’s hand, thrust earnestly forward. It took all her training to be able to shake it. She was touching his right hand. His real right hand. His flesh and blood hand. Warm, dry and soft. Letting it go was more difficult than she cared to admit. But she had to let go. For his sake.

“Is she right? Are you the best at fixing things?”

He blushed. The boy blushed and his long lashes fluttered. He was embarrassed! He was adorable.

“Yeah, I guess.”

She smiled, more at ease now.

“You think you can help me?”

“Sure! What do you need?”

“First, I need to buy that power converter. Second, I need help fixing a skyhopper. And third… I need a ride back. My grandfather dropped me here and I guess he forgot to come and get me.”

On their way to his landspeeder, Rey told him where they were going.

“Ben Kenobi?! Old Ben is your grandfather? Wow!”

He said “Ben” with such nonchalance. Rey felt like he’d hit her with a blaster. How could he not know? How could he not feel what the future had in store for him? In her present, whenever master Luke’s thoughts went anywhere near his nephew, Rey could feel the Force like a swarm of locusts instead of the pure beautiful energy she usually felt.

The strategy she had agreed with Obi-Wan was to minimize any possible consequences by asking him questions so that he wouldn’t get the chance to ask her. She asked him about things she already knew from history, or from Luke himself.

“We race T-16s in Beggar’s Canyon. I thread the Stone Needle, so I always win. I can take you there some time. If you want…”

If she wanted to see the greatest pilot in the Galaxy in the place where he first honed his flying skills? He might as well ask her if she wanted to breathe in and out.

“Sure, I’d love that,” she said, knowing that she would never get to see that.

They arrived at Obi-Wan’s place and Rey could tell that as soon as Luke saw the ship he knew it wasn’t any of the models he had ever heard about. Her master had spent his childhood and teenage dreaming of being a pilot. He knew every available model. She had to distract him before he started thinking about it.

“See, this is where I got stuck,” she said, and took his hand to lead him to the part where she had failed fifty-eight times by Obi-Wan’s counting.

“Oh, that’s fiddly,” Luke said and he inserted long, curious fingers in the wiring. “Ah, I see what you tried to do. No wonder it didn’t work. It’s a two men job. Two… two.. people job. A man and a… a….”

He was floundering. Could he possibly be any sweeter?

“I get it. It’s ok. Well, we’re two men now,” she said, and reached into the wires.

Their faces were so very close. Her fingers were brushing his. He did that eyelash fluttering thing and Rey melted inside. She wanted to hug him and hold him for as long as it took for her heart to calm down. Instead she stepped away and went into the house to bring the toolkit.

They worked for a few hours. She couldn’t help testing him a few times, and every time he unconsciously reached for the Force. That was to be expected, and it was easier to deal with than the looks. She didn’t have to catch him looking to know that he was following her every move.

“I have to go home now,” he told her, looking down.

“Thank you, Luke,” she said, the name catching in her throat. “You’ve been wonderful.”

“I can come tomorrow, too,” he said quickly, darting a glance at her. “If you want me, of course.”

If he hadn’t been for the blushing and the sound of his voice, Rey could have sworn he was flirting with her. She wanted him to come again. The words sounded dirty in her mind. She had kept such thoughts out of her mind when it came to her remarkable master, she was not going to mess everything up by entertaining them about an innocent boy, no matter how delicious he looked.

“There’s still a long way until this thing can fly again,” she said. “I’d really appreciate the help.”

“You have me. It. You have it. My help.”

Rey watched him get into his X-34. Followed the landspeeder with her gaze until it disappeared from sight. She couldn’t wait to see him again.

“Tomorrow,” she whispered.

Chapter Text

When she turned around, she noticed Obi-Wan watching her. She was not the only Jedi with camouflage skills. The Jedi Master wore an expression of disapproval she had never seen on her own Master’s face. She felt the need to explain herself.

“I was distracting him,” she said.

“Let’s have some tea,” Obi-Wan said.

Rey sat on the stone bench that served as a couch and observed her grandfather. He was carrying himself with a poise that did remind her of Luke. No unnecessary moves, when he was making their breakfast or on when he was fighting. There was grace in her Master’s every motion… She closed her eyes, not to recall a memory, but to stop one.

“He is your Master, isn’t he?” Obi-Wan asked, handing her a cup of tea.

Rey looked up at him and nodded.

“It’s so difficult to see him like this,” she said. “So… untouched by…”

She hadn’t even realized that tears were rolling down her cheeks until she heard one drop in her tea. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and composed herself.

“I know, I know. I won’t tell you anything,” she said although Obi-Wan hadn’t spoken.

She stood up abruptly. Why was she still there? She had to leave. What would happen back home if she was stuck in this place? In this time? What if she couldn’t find her way back?

“Trust in the Force,” Obi-Wan said.

She had almost forgotten he was there.

“I don’t want to ruin anything,” she said.

“Can you handle the repairs without him?”

“No.”

She answered in a heartbeat, but the question she answered was not the one Obi-Wan had asked. She had answered no to can you stay away from him?

The next day she worked on the ship alone for most of the day. The suns were setting when she sensed Luke’s presence. She climbed out of her ship and went to greet him.

“I’m sorry,” he said before he even got out of the landspeeder. “Some of the droids malfunctioned and I had to stay and fix them, then my uncle…”

“It’s ok,” she interrupted him smiling.

He smiled back. She shook herself when she felt they were in danger of looking like a couple of idiots.

“I think it’s too late to work on the ship tonight. But thank you for keeping your promise.”

The disappointment on his face made her feel like she had just kicked a three legged puppy.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

“There’s always tomorrow,” she said. “It doesn’t look like I’ll be going anywhere soon.”

A shadow passed over his handsome features at this. She wondered if his heart too had lurched in his chest at the mention of her leaving.

“Rey? Umm… Do you want to fly my T-16? We could fly to my place to get it. It’s real close”

Her heart skipped a beat. She should say no. The more time she spent with him, the worse it was going to get. Lying to him. Not getting attached. Leaving him.

“Ok,” she said.

She looked back to the house. She couldn’t see Obi-Wan, but she could sense him there. He wouldn’t interfere, he would trust her judgment.

“You wanna tell Ben you’re leaving?” Luke asked.

She inhaled sharply at the sound of the name. She wanted to put her hand over his mouth to stop him ever uttering it again. Her eyes were drawn to his lips. She shook her head to dispel the images that were forming unbidden.

“No, it’s fine,” she said and climbed next to him in the landspeeder.

“Can I fly it through Beggar’s Canyon?” she asked when they flew away.

He grinned at her.

“It’s the only place worth flying it around here!”

True to his word, they were in his garage in about an hour. They didn’t talk much on the way because high speed in a X-34 meant they would have to scream to be able to hear each other over the engine noise.

“So… you can take the landspeeder and I’ll take the T-16 until the canyon, or…” he said, voice faltering at the end.

“Or I can take the T-16 from here,” she said.

“Umm… I made some modifications to the controls, and umm… I was thinking… You’re so thin, and I’m not very big… We could… both fit in it.”

She walked to the T-16, wondering if maybe it was a deluxe model she didn’t know about, but when she looked inside she saw a very standard one-person cockpit. She turned her head to look at him and he was slightly pink and fidgety.

“Or I can show you what I changed,” he said, and climbed in the skyhopper. “This is for the secondary engine I installed,” he said, pointing at a button on the console.

She followed his fingers with her gaze, let his boyish voice tickle her ears, and despite knowing better, she inhaled, learning the scent of his skin.

It wasn’t as if they were going to do any spectacular manoeuvers until they got into the canyon. Once there… they could take turns, one would fly and the other would watch from the ground.

“And this is…”

“Luke,” she interrupted him. “you might be right. I think we can both fit in.”

His jaw dropped slightly, but he didn’t hesitate.

“Sure, yeah, ok, sure, climb in,” he said.

She liked him this way. Awkward but bold. This kid who looked like an angel but acted like a dork, had taken a chance to get close to her.

She slid into the tiny cockpit and sat across his lap. He put his left arm around her to check the controls on that side. He seemed satisfied that he could reach them. It should have been easier on the right side but when he gripped the joystick his forearm brushed against her breasts. She backed away sharply and leaned heavily against his left arm. Luke tightened it around her waist, pulling her instinctively to his chest.

His breathing was faster, and she was so close to him she could feel the thump thump thump of his heart.

“Is it ok? Can you fly it?”

“Mhm,” he said.

He took the craft off the ground slowly but perfectly. Rey didn’t get a chance to see much of his speed and accuracy as a pilot, but she appreciated his composure. She could sense that ninety-nine percent of his brain was buzzing with thoughts of her. The remaining one percent was enough to bring them safely to the canyon. He landed and opened the hatch door, but kept holding her.

“Can I fly now?” she asked.

She was smiling, feeling very proud of her calm. After the first few moments of self-conscious intimacy, she had calmed down considerably. She was with the person she trusted most in the Galaxy.

“Yes. Yes, of course,” he said and took his arms away.

Rey made his leaving the cockpit a messy affair by not exiting first. Their bodies rubbed one against the other as he tried to get out from underneath her, and soon it was a chaos of limbs intertwined, accidental groping and muttered excuse me’s. The raised temperature had nothing to do with the climate.

He stood next to the ship, looking up at her, unwilling to step away. The naïve adoration in his blue eyes was searing her. The memory of the coolness she was used to see in those eyes was tormenting her. She cupped his cheek rubbed her thumb over his cheekbone.

“I’m just taking it for a spin. Not running away,” she told him.

“Promise?” he asked.

She nodded and took her hand away, preparing to fly the speeder. He stepped back, allowing her to close the hatch. Rey swallowed the knot in her throat. She was sure that his request was not for a promise about not stealing his ship. He wanted her to promise she wouldn’t leave him. Rey’s heart, the heart of a child abandoned in the desert, was bleeding.

She tried to lose herself in the flight. Her skill as a pilot was average, so she didn’t try any fancy moves, just enjoyed the sensation of freedom. When she came back, Luke was sitting on the sand with his back to the rocky wall of the canyon, watching the setting suns. At her approach, he raised his eyes enough to see her shoes. He caressed her feet with his eyes until she was next to him.

“It’s a very cool ship. I saw the Stone Needle. You must be an amazing pilot.”

He shrugged, still not looking at her. Rey focused so she wouldn’t stumble when she said his name.

“Luke, what’s wrong?”

When he didn’t answer, she dared to touch him again. She took his face in both palms, and turned his head towards her, as gently she would do with a child. She thought she was prepared, but the softness of his skin chipped at her painstakingly gathered serenity. His eyes were still downcast and Rey had time to get distracted by his long lashes, the dimple in his chin and his lips… When he finally looked up, she did her Master honor, not flinching despite the thrill.

“I know how to fix your ship,” he said, in a sad whisper.

“That’s great,” she said and saw a flash of pain in his expressive eyes.

Before she could say anything, Luke brushed his lips against hers. It was barely a touch, but it was the best kiss of Rey’s life. It was so perfect that time itself seemed to have stopped. When he tried to deepen the kiss, she forced herself to end it or the situation would escalate to unmanageable proportions.

“Sorry. Sorry,” he said when she pulled away.

He was blushing and seemed worried he offended her or that he was a bad kisser. She couldn’t stand the idea that she caused him pain or guilt. She cupped his face again and kissed him properly. He startled, opened his eyes wide and responded enthusiastically, all in a fraction of a second.

Chapter Text

His tunic didn’t have any buttons or zippers or anything. It was just meant to be held in place by the belt. It came loose in their embrace. Rey glimpsed his bare chest under it. She had to touch him. She was getting ready to reach under the rough white fabric, but he beat her to it. His hands were sneaking under her clothes. She shivered when he touched her skin, and he took advantage to change their relative positions. From kneeling next to the pouting boy, Rey found herself laying on the coarse sand, with Luke’s hand on her breast and his mouth devouring hers.

She wanted to feel the texture of his skin, but a bit of her rational mind warned her that if she did, this crazy hormonal teenage make out session was not going to stop at kissing and groping. His mouth was melting her common sense. 

They both heard the sound at the same time. Tusken Raiders! Luke recognized them and she knew them from his stories. Self-preservation won against raging hormones. They got up and ran into the T-16, climbed inside. Being in his lap felt less awkward than before.  His forearm brushed against her breasts again, without pretending it was an accident. Rey hissed despite herself. She was rewarded with a kiss, so passionate and sloppy they burst into laughter.

Later that evening, after her heart stopped fluttering, her palms were no longer sweaty and her ears weren’t burning anymore, Rey thought about the opportunities she had to understand something that had always puzzled her. Why had Obi-Wan stayed out of Luke’s life for so long? How could he live with the burden of that choice?

“Master Kenobi?”

He seemed uncomfortable with the title. Come to think of it, the last person who had used it had probably been Anakin Skywalker. But Rey couldn’t call him grandfather. She most definitely couldn’t call him Ben.

“Do you worry about the choices you made? Not training him since he was younger…”

He considered her question in all earnestness. Rey appreciated that. It was a proof of respect that he hadn’t shushed her.

“Yes, I do. It was part of the deal with his family. I wanted him to be safe.”

She looked at him, trying to guess how difficult it had been to stay away. To watch the boy growing up not knowing who he was. How special he was. And then she remembered how happy Luke seemed, even when his voice got that whiny pitch she couldn’t believe it was her Master’s. How light his heart was, not through meditation like her Luke’s, but simply because he had no pain or guilt to burden him.

“This won’t change anything now, so I’m saying it. You did the right thing. It’s not what I would have done in your place, but knowing how it turned out… What kind of man he is… There’s no arguing with the result.”

Obi-Wan nodded. She realized he had been tense only because she could see him more relaxed. Like a heavy weight was lifted from his soul.

“I don’t know what’s in store for him. I shouldn’t and I don’t want to know. But I’ve always known he would have the responsibility of the Galaxy on his shoulders. I just wanted him to be happy for as long as he could.”

“He doesn’t even realize he’s happy,” Rey said.

“You’re right. He dreams of adventures. Of going to the Academy. Wherever he goes, a great destiny awaits him. He needs this normal life to know what he’s fighting for, when he stands against darkness for all the common people. He will know what it means to be a normal person.”

Obi-Wan was talking about hypothesis and prophecy. Rey knew it as history. She agreed with the old Jedi. Luke deserved to be happy. It was convenient to hear Obi-Wan’s words as a blessing for something she wanted very much to do. To give herself to Luke. To make sure he knew what life, light and love meant. Even if it was going to tear her heart to shreds once it was over. If Obi-Wan understood, he didn’t say anything. As good as a blessing.

Luke showed up early the next day. Rey saw the slight tension in the set of his shoulders. He worked efficiently and silently as if something was rushing him. He looked longingly at her when he thought she couldn’t see him. She tested him by working in his close proximity and he pulled away. It reminded her of her Master’s reactions sometimes. She was usually too focused on what challenge he had set before her to linger on his strange reluctance to be close to her. If she ever gave it a thought, she imagined it was a proper Jedi code of conduct. She had adopted his no touches policy without realizing.

The heat of the two suns was unbearable even for these children of the desert around noon. They closed themselves in the ship and kept working with the air conditioning full blast. Rey felt overwhelmed by his mere presence.  

“Let’s take it for a spin,” she said.

The craft wasn’t fully restored but it was in flying condition.

“Can I fly it?” he asked.

She would have said yes even without seeing that sparkle in his eyes.

“Of course you can.”

“Too bad it’s not at full capacity. I bet it flies like a dream!” he said, taking the ship off the ground.

“It’s a sweet ride,” she said.

Her ship was bigger than his T-16, so she had room next to him, but they were still crammed together in a small space. He turned to look at her, his eyes drawn to her mouth. He licked his lips at the word sweet. Or was she imagining it? She couldn’t be sure because he turned his head to look where he was flying, but she heard his words.

“Not as sweet as yesterday.”

Her cheeks went up in flame immediately. The memory of being in his lap. Then the long make out session on the sand. She missed his arms around her waist.  She wanted to feel his hands under her tunic. She had to feel that again. She wanted more.

“Land somewhere safe please,” she said.

Her voice sounded too high pitched to fool him about the reason she was asking this. He tensed, and obeyed her command. His eyes were scanning the land. He was probably mapping the area in his mind. She loved seeing him eager to do what she asked and yet still able to put safety first. The way he had kissed her the day before… she half expected him to land immediately.

The ship was still and they were still inside it. Rey could feel the heat of his leg, pressed against hers. His hands were still on the joystick. Her arms were crossed protectively over her chest. She was doing the controlled breathing technique she employed before combat. She looked at him out the corner of her eye. His damn tunic was open again and this time she did make the first move. She put her palm on his knee. He covered it with his, looking resolutely ahead, as if looking at her was dangerous. It took the smallest tremor of her fingers to snap him out of the fragile calm.

This untrained boy took the young Jedi by surprise again. She was in his arms, responding passionately to his kiss. Her hands reached blindly for him. She caressed his chest, pushed the damn tunic off his shoulders. He moaned without breaking the kiss. His hands got bolder and before she knew it, her own clothes were unraveled. 

Just like the day before, he was the one taking the lead. She somehow ended up in the pilot chair which was leaned back as much as it could be. Luke’s body was pressing hers at awkward angles. One thing wasn’t awkward. His knee between her legs, pushing them apart. She felt his erection press against the inside of her thigh while he kept kissing her. She had to touch him. Had to.

Luke hissed when her fingers traced the delicious shape. She felt the hard flesh with her fingers, felt the weight of it in her palm. With her other hand, she pulled at his trousers, freeing him. She caressed the exposed skin and wondered how his butt looked like.

“I’ve never done this before,” he whispered with his face buried in the hollow of her neck.

Me neither she wanted to say. She had never had sex in the cockpit of a skyhopper. He bucked against her palm and she forgot she could speak. His hands had a clarity of purpose that impressed her. In a few moments, her undergarments were disposed of and soon his cock was taking the place of his fingers, exploring her wet folds. Rey wanted to feel him inside her. With a trembling hand she guided him and once he was positioned at her entrance, Luke slid inside her, in short, tentative thrusts.

Rey felt him trying to hold on, to calm down, to delay… but his young body wasn’t yet able to deal with such intense pleasure. He exploded inside her in a few short thrusts. She was feeling happy although she was far from reaching her own climax.

“That was…” he started to say, still shaking. “That felt…” he tried again.

“Amazing,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” he said.

He let himself slide down off her.  Before she could wonder what was he doing, she felt him shoulder his way between her thighs. Was he going to… All words flew away from her mind when Luke started exploring her. At first there were a few kisses on her inner thigh. Soon he was using his lips, his fingers and his tongue to learn how she liked to be touched there. His rhythm was far from perfection and yet… he was doing it perfectly. He alternated kissing and licking, building up Rey’s orgasm. She gripped the edges of the chair and came wildly, screaming his name. Instinctively he kept the rhythm that brought her there. Her orgasm went on for a while.

It was her time to stutter.

“That was… that was…”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Rey?”

“Mmm?”

“I’ll be ready again in a few minutes.”

Chapter Text

 


 

 

The ship was not built for what they had just done. Rey remembered a smuggler friend of Han Solo’s who occasionally did odd jobs for the rebellion bragging that if anyone shone a black light inside his ship they’d see glowing traces all over the walls, floor and ceiling. Rey had been rather disgusted at the time, but now she understood the trace of pride in Quill’s voice. She was quite happy about what had just happened and, according to Luke’s prediction, was about to happen again in a few minutes. She smiled and blushed at the thought. How did she not know that sex could be so much fun? She’d had sex. She had enjoyed sex. But this was…so much better.

He was in the pilot seat and she sat in his lap, with her head on his chest. She was kissing his jaw lazily. His fingers were tracing the shape of her breast. She arched her back, inviting him to widen the area of his caresses. She peered at him between her eyelashes. Light seem to embrace him. His blond hair was tousled in the most delicious way possible. He was gorgeous. When he looked at her, his gaze was luminous.

“You are so beautiful,” he said.

 Rey smiled.

“Look who’s talking!” she said, reaching out to caress his face.

His skin was soft and warm. The Force was strong around him. She had an uncontrollable sensation of falling. She was in his arms, but she felt herself falling backwards into space. Luke tightened his hold on her.

“I got you,” he whispered.  

She kissed him again. His response was immediate and enthusiastic. She could feel her own taste on his tongue. It made her shiver. He wasn’t the first man to go down on her and there was room for improvement in his technique but the orgasm he had given her had surpassed her previous experiences in intensity or duration. And it had been his first time! The Force was with him all right.

She was quite gifted with the Force herself. Maybe she should try to see how she would handle something like that for the first time in her life. Once the thought came into her mind, Rey was eager to face the challenge. It was probably the only reason to stop kissing him.

She slid along his body, leaving a trace of kisses and licks on his chest and on his abdomen. Luke’s eyes opened wide to see her between his legs. She was kneeling, her head was at the perfect height to have access to his cock. As he had promised, he was ready again.

She had hardly any room to move in the tight space. From the shoulders down, she was pretty much stuck. If she had gaged the situation correctly, all she needed was room to move her head, from the neck up. She tugged at his pants and Luke lifted his hips instinctively. His erection sprang up, hitting her lips lightly in its bounce. Desire flooded her with unexpected intensity. The initial almost cerebral curiosity to take him in her mouth was replaced by visceral need. It made her blush. Her eyes sparkled when she looked at him. Her lips were burning, desperately demanding to be pressed against his skin. She felt silly to kiss him there. His eyes were focused on her. He was holding his breath. Soon the closed mouth kisses were no longer enough. She parted her lips and the next kiss was less delicate. She dared to touch him with the tip of her tongue. He shivered. She saw the muscles in his arms contract as he gripped the edges of the chair, as she had done minutes earlier. If he felt anything like what she had felt then, she was on the right track.

Rey let her instincts and her desires guide her. She opened her mouth and took him in shyly. It felt natural to wrap her lips around the swollen tip. To try to swirl her tongue around it. Luke groaned loudly and she pulled away instantly, bumping her head against the dashboard. The cock slipped out of her mouth with a pop, and she started to apologize.

“Oh! Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I-I've never done this before, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t stop!”

His voice was cracked. His tone was desperate. She hadn’t hurt him! He wanted more. Well that was just fine with her! She tried to use the Force to calibrate her actions, but she was very far from the calm necessary for that communion. She had used the Force in emotionally heightened situations, but there had been no room for finesse in those fights. She had to trust her own basic instincts. This was most certainly not a study subject in the days of the Jedi Academy. She went with what her body demanded.

She ventured to take him deeper in her mouth. She bobbed her head, taking him further and further each time. With every inch, with every flick of her tongue she was drawing more noises out of Luke. She challenged herself to take him all in. Her eyes were watering but she kept going, ignoring the choking sensation. Luke’s reactions were spurring her on. She had no idea what she was doing, but he probably had no terms of comparison for her performance.

His orgasm took them both by surprise. He ejaculated directly down her throat. She coughed and swallowed at the same time.  

Luke helped her up. Rey pasted herself onto him, boneless and still shaking. They were both breathing hard and trembling when they started kissing again. Long, lazy kisses, mixed with intimate caresses, until they seemed to get their breath back. And then Luke managed to slip down from the chair. Rey’s minded was enveloped in a fog of lust. She didn’t even realize he was on his knees again, between her legs, until his mouth closed on her clit. He started with a light pressure, then the sucking and licking became more intense. He was breaking rhythm at odd moments, interrupting the build up to her climax so many times it was getting frustrating. She wished he would help her pass the threshold and come, but everything he did felt good and she let him do it for minutes on end.

She realized he’d been cheating when he stood up after her orgasm had finally come and gone. He was hard again, and Rey didn’t hesitate to sit up in the chair and start sucking him off again. She had never known that lust could spiral like that. Their desire was looping into a circle that was driving them crazy.  

It took a little longer to get him to come this time. She felt more in control of what she was doing. The new angle allowed her to take him deeper. She was taking him in, then she was letting him slide out. She wrapped her hand around his shaft and stroke him while only taking in the tip, sucking on it, popping it out of her mouth, taking it back in. She kept sucking and stroking until minutes later, he came again. Messier this time, partly on her lips, and partly on her breasts.

He bent down to kiss her. Rey made room for him and once again he was in the chair and she was draped on his lap. They fell asleep like that, naked and slick with sweat and their own fluids.

Chapter Text

If Obi-Wan guessed what she had done, he kept it to himself. Rey was grateful he wasn’t saying anything. She felt more guilt and worry than she could handle anyway. She worked on her ship with the dedication of someone who was doing a penance to expiate a grave sin. Her hands usually so skillful were often ruining the very things she was trying to repair. Tears of frustration filled her eyes, standing in for the tears of sorrow she would not allow herself to shed.

She had to leave that place and time. Her feelings for young Luke were deepening with every kiss.

He came the next day, as he had promised. His hands were also shaking each time another circuit was completed. He wasn’t even trying to hide that he was watching her all the time. Sometimes his eyes were drawn to her ass, at other times he was licking his lips without realizing when he was looking at her breasts, but most often, he got lost in her eyes.

The ship was fixed later that day. They decided to go for a trial flight into Beggar’s Canyon. Rey got the chance to see something of his legendary flying skills. Not much though. He didn’t feel like showing off in front of her. They were both too aware that their time together was at an end.

They made love on the sand. After the crazy marathon of the previous day, they did it slowly, fighting for each second they still had together. The sand was coarse and it got everywhere. Making love on the sand was every bit as painful and uncomfortable as the emotional agony they were sharing.

As much as they wanted to stop time, it was not in their power. They stood near the ship, gathering the strength to leave. Luke was looking into her eyes and the pain she saw there stirred a memory.

“Where will you go?” he asked.

“Ahch-To,” she answered.

The answer came spontaneously and she recognized it as true. Ahch-To was her beacon in the immensity of time and space. The only place she had ever felt at home.

“Anyone waiting for you?”

He had no idea how ironic the question was. She had been the one to do the waiting for most of her life. She was now hoping that her Master was safe and waiting for her. She knew he would misinterpret it if she said yes.

“It’s where I have to be.”

He put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. The parallel came to mind again. Yet another difference. Her Master had never done that. A pat on the shoulder was all she got from him at the best of times. There was so much warmth in this boy, she felt it warming her deeper than the two blazing suns.

The wind blew a strand of hair across her face. Luke reached out, caught it between his fingers, and studied it as if it was a precious relic. He tucked it behind her ear with a sigh. Rey shuddered at the intense sensation of déjà vu. This had already happened. She remembered it vividly. They were on the beach of their island. The wind had played havoc with her hair. She remembered her heart beating a rapid drum when Luke held a strand of her hair in his metallic fingers. She also remembered that he walked away from her and she hadn’t seen him for days.

Rey swayed at the realization. She knew he must have known all along, but now she truly understood the depth of his knowledge. From the first moment ever saw her. She was so in awe of finally meeting Luke Skywalker she didn’t even wonder why he looked so deeply shaken. After spending time around him, she should have realized something was different about that raw emotion on his face that first time. The way he had looked at her.

When she could breathe again, the rest of the revelation unfolded. He had known all along about what had just happened here. He knew about her climbing into his lap the second time she had ever seen him. He knew about the way she had kissed him in the canyon. He had known about the shocking amount of time they spend performing oral sex on one another in two short days. He had made love to her before they had even met. And she had abandoned him. Broken his young heart.

How was she ever going to face him again?

Chapter Text

After the pain of leaving Luke, she was numb when she said goodbye to Obi-Wan. The old man was going to die in a few weeks, but she didn’t have the resources to feel pain for him. She pointed her ship at the vortex and went full speed ahead. Good thing they had fixed the navigation system. She had to trust it because she was blinded by tears.

When she could see again, the dashboard told her she was back in her own time. She scanned her surroundings, remnants of several enemy ships. Not Luke’s. She could breathe again. She calmed down enough to reach for him into the Force. She sensed him alive. Next stop, Ahch-To.  He had to be there.

All the way up to the temple, Rey wondered what she was going to do when she saw him. She was torn between the urge to run into his arms and hug him so tight that he would beg her for air, and the increasingly tempting option of not saying anything. Just showing up as if this had been another mission. Yes. That seemed like a good idea. She should give him a brief report of the mission. No details.

He wasn’t waiting for her at the top. Her heart shrunk a little. Maybe it was for the best. A rehash of the moment when she had seen him for the first time and he had seen her for the first time in thirty years might not be the best idea.

He wasn’t in the training room. Or the meditation room.  Or the kitchen. Or the garden. She was beginning to be concerned. She went to their quarters. Knocked on his door. When no answer came, she dared to open the door. She had seen her Master’s bedroom a handful of times in all the years of her apprenticeship. Nothing ever seemed to change in the Spartan room. A single bed. A nightstand with a couple of books. She let curiosity push her to look into his wardrobe. She didn’t stand a chance to pretend that she was looking for him there, but she did it anyway. She ran her fingers over his clothes. So few of them. Almost identical. The texture of his brown cloak was rough and unpleasant. The fabric of his once-white tunics was softer. She stopped short of bunching it in her fist. A memory of the other Luke.

She pushed the door shut on the wardrobe and on her flashback. He wasn’t in his room. She took a moment to relax and focus. She’d been running around the place like a child with no clue. A Jedi had more at her disposal than sight and hearing. And smell… Rey had never made a conscious note of her Master’s scent but now, surrounded by this… the most intimate space he had… she sensed it, and it shook her to recognize it from the desert. His scent and his imprint in the Force had changed over the decades, became deeper, more vibrant, more intense. But it was still him. Rey trembled, and focused. He was on the beach on the other side of the island from where she had landed her spacehopper.

On her way there, she got her emotions under control as much as possible. She was grateful to him for this little ruse which allowed her time to calm down.

He watched her as she climbed down the stony path to the beach. She stopped a few feet away. She couldn’t speak. She looked at him with at least the same intense awe and shock as she had seen in his eyes at their first meeting.

“I’m sorry,” she said. I love you, she meant.

“It’s ok. You didn’t affect the timeline.”

He was so calm. Rey tried to read him. Was he really so detached? Her heart was about to explode. It hurt to be so close to him and not be allowed to touch him.

 “Leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do,” she said. “I never meant to hurt you.”

 “I know. A few weeks after you left, I left Tatooine, too. You know the history.”

That was all she was to him. History. She couldn’t blame him. No, she shouldn’t blame him, but she did. She hated his serenity. She prodded blindly into the Force to see if he was shielding his emotions and realized he was not. She felt his calm and his ever present love and compassion. His light was so intense it was hurting her. She was madly in love with a man who felt no more for her than he felt for any living being. She loved Luke and Luke loved the Universe. She longed for him warmth. She longed for that feeling of belonging she felt when he was inside her. 

“How could you let anyone else ever touch me?!”

The words burst out of her. She heard her own voice saying something that hadn’t passed through her conscious mind. This was what really hurt. He had let her have affairs. Maybe even encouraged her. He had taught her to have sex without commitment and he’d done it so discreetly she hardly noticed. How could he do that when she was his?

“You don’t belong to me,” he said.

She was probably an open book to him at that moment. Her emotions and thoughts so close to the surface. She took those last few steps toward him. She dared to rest her palm on his chest.

“But I do. And you know it.”

He shook his head.

“No, Rey. I come from a family of slaves. I was an instrument of a Prophecy. You have a Destiny that has been written in the Force. I could not tie you to a path. I couldn’t give you another burden.”

She removed her hand. So he had chosen to carry the burden for her. She understood and felt ashamed. Maybe her choice of words was poor. She knew that Anakin was born a slave, as well as Anakin’s mother and his brother. The fact that the other half of Luke’s lineage was royalty mattered little. Luke had been raised by a freed slave and had lived his life on a predetermined path. She could understand his reasoning. What she could not understand was where was all the fire in the boy with whom she had fallen in love.

“But how could you?”

“It was a lifetime ago, Rey.”

She bowed her head in the familiar sign of the respect for her Master. Maybe some time ago, a girl loved a boy. And maybe he loved her, too. But when she looked up at him again, she was his Padawan. He bowed to her the same way, and his next words reinforced the respect she saw in his eyes.

“I count your performance in battle as the Trial of Courage, and I always counted your torture at the hands of Kylo Ren as your Trial of Flesh. I set up the droids in the training room so you can face the Trial of Skill tomorrow. If you pass it,” he smiled and corrected himself, “after you pass it, you will take the Trial of Spirit. There is a cave in the forest on the mainland where the Dark Side of the Force is strong.”

She couldn’t react for a few moments. He thought she was ready! The way he said it, she had already passed half of the trials!! The shock made her forget everything else. She jumped into his arms excited as a puppy. He did not hug her back and she remembered the other Luke. The feelings made her dizzy. Pain, yearning, and lust. She managed to peel herself off him. When she looked into his cool blue eyes, she realized he had chosen this moment for her trials because she was at her most vulnerable. Bastard! Well, she was going to pass the tests anyway. Heartbroken or not. Crazy in love or not. She would win.

“I am ready, Master.”

Chapter Text

She breezed through the Trial of Skill, as they both knew she would. She was exhausted but triumphant. So much so that she forgot to be mad at him for a good ten seconds after the trial was over. He looked so damn pleased with her performance! She couldn’t help resenting the touch of smugness she could see in him. As if her performance was his merit. So maybe it was, but she was not in the mood to owe anything to the man who refused to love her back.

She declined his polite invitation to have tea. This was a ritual that belonged in the days of her apprenticeship, and Rey was determined to leave that behind as soon as possible.

When they would join the Rebellion again she was going to ask General Organa for missions that did not require his presence. She had to forget the sweet blonde haired boy whose kisses set fire to her world. The only way to do that was to get as far as possible from the bitter old man whose eyes were trying to turn her heart into ice.  

Obi-Wan’s ghost appeared in her small room. She startled. Her first encounter with a Force-ghost. If she hadn’t just traveled three decades into the past and three decades back into the future, she might have been more impressed.

“You did well today,” her grandfather said.

“Thank you,” she said, wondering if she was supposed to reply aloud or the ghost would hear her thoughts. She preferred to think that he could not hear her thoughts. She would be mortified if he would catch the slivers of memories that flashed through her mind every few minutes. Luke’s kisses. Her mouth on him. His fingers in her. 

“You will do well tomorrow. The Trial of Spirit is hardest for those who do not doubt themselves. I can sense you are in touch with the part of yourself that doesn’t want to follow the Jedi doctrine.”

Rey actually blushed at this. So much for not showing her grandfather snippets of her sex life.

“Why are you helping me?”

Obi-Wan sighed and sat down on the only chair in her room.

“Because I need to fix what I broke. When you arrived on Tatooine, I should have prevented you from meeting him, not suggesting it. He did suffer after you left. And when Leia showed up in his life… I just couldn’t tell him she was his sister.  I thought I’d have more time with him.”

“I’m sorry,” she said when he fell silent.

“I’m here because the way he dealt with the pain was to imagine that you had built a life for yourself after leaving. I know he hoped you would meet again. He kept that hope inside for about twenty years.”

“How do you know?”

“I was with him. Just as I was with you long before you travelled back. He didn’t need me, so I didn’t manifest. And when he needed me he was so far gone… I couldn’t reach him. When he sensed young Ben turning to the Dark, Luke almost killed him. The boy never even knew. Not killing him made Luke feel responsible for the slaughter. You had occasion to see the true passionate nature of the Skywalkers.”

Despite the talk of slaughter, when Obi-Wan said passionate Rey had a vivid flash of memory. For a moment she felt Luke deep in her throat. She felt she was choking on his big, hard… Rey barely stopped the memory unfolding even more. She wondered if she could get more embarrassed during this conversation. Her grandfather went on with only the briefest of pauses.

“Out of all three of them, Luke is by far the most vulnerable. Both Anakin and Ben were trained by Jedi Masters from childhood, even if neither Luke nor I were among the most experienced teachers. Luke started his training as an adult. When he faced the Mirror, he didn’t know who was his father, but he sensed the danger in following that path. If he or Master Yoda had been able to see further into the future, he would have never come out of the Trial of Spirit.”

Rey was scared. She tried to understand why he was telling her all these things. She forgot she was mad at Luke. She wished desperately she could travel back in time to the moment of Kylo’s birth and kill the monster herself. Kylo’s birth was a double murder. For Kylo to be born Ben Solo and Luke Skywalker had to die. She felt Luke Skywalker die and had a nauseating sensation of a being of pure evil. Her Master’s Light turned into its exact opposite. The darkness she glimpsed in Kylo was but a shadow compared to Luke’s darkness. The gut-wrenching realization was that all this did not feel like an abstraction. It felt like… a memory. Obi-Wan nodded as if he could see her thoughts.

“Your insight serves you well.  Your connection is very strong if you can see this. Indeed, he lost his mind and dove deep into Darkness. He managed to come back, but he was never the same. I was never so proud of him as in those moments when he decided to insulate himself from the rest of the world. To keep sane, he broke all the ties. Even with me. I don’t know how he found Ahch-To, but without this place, the Galaxy would have had a far worse destiny.”

“Where will you go?” he asked.

“Ahch-To,” she answered.

“Anyone waiting for you?”

“It’s where I have to be.”

The memory was tinged with pain and lust. She had told him about Ahch-To. Another nod from Obi-Wan told her that he heard the conversation. The ghost seemed pleased to have solved a mystery.

“He was a good teacher to you although I cannot imagine how much discipline it took to wait for you to loop into his past. He got to be very good at shielding. I tried to talk to him over the years, but it was like a transparent but impervious wall. I could see him, but I could not reach him.”

It was Rey’s turn to nod. She knew that feeling well. She hadn’t given it much thought before. Since she came back however… it was as if Luke was only physically there. As if all his emotions were stored away on an external hard drive.

“You have to be careful. He doesn’t mean to hurt you. He is deeply disturbed by the present. It’s not darkness, you would feel if it were. It’s just a dangerous moment for you to take the Trial of Spirit because if you lose yourself, he might not be able to help you back.”

Rey closed her eyes. As if the prospect of seeing her own darkness wasn’t terrifying enough… she had to do it without a safety net. And yet… despite everything… she trusted Luke. She trusted that he taught her well. She knew he had molded her in his image.

Her Master had faced his own darkness in combat, when the greatest of all the Sith lords had offered him power. He had faced it when he had every right to hunt Kylo Ren and put him down like a rabid animal. Neither time he had anyone to guide him back. She didn’t need him as a guide. She had him as a teacher and that was all she needed to Face the Mirror.

Chapter Text

Luke sat next to her as she flew the ship to the mainland. All her worry about the trial vanished behind a thick curtain of embarrassment. They were in the same space where they had had hot sloppy crazy sex, a few days ago for her and a few decades ago for him. She wondered if he was doing it to torture her or to help her. From what she knew about this trial, and what her grandfather had confirmed, the more in touch one was with the dark places inside, the less likely it was to be shocked by Facing the Mirror.

They didn’t have long to walk through the forest until they found the cave. Rey was struck by an odd sense of familiarity. As if she’d been there before. With him. The Force vibrated with the ghost of a memory. She could sense the wrongness of that place, and yet there was also the merest flicker of warmth.

Luke sat on a large root. When he looked at her, Rey felt the tension in her chest give way. His serenity so often a cause of her annoyance, was soothing. Maybe Obi-Wan was right and he was so disturbed by the impossibility of her being both his past and his future that he wouldn’t be able to guide her back. It didn’t matter anyway because she was not going to let him down by needing guidance. Whatever that evil place was going to show her, she would find her way back.

“What should I take with me?” she asked.

“You don’t have to take anything. Whatever you face there will come from inside you.”

She knew this. She just wanted to hear his voice. Rey touched the lightsaber hanging on her belt, and even moved to unhook it. The very weapon had she tried to give him back the first time she ever saw him. It was the only physical trace of him she had. She couldn’t part with it, even if she did not need a weapon where she was going. She kept it, like a talisman more than a weapon, and walked into the cave.

Her eyes got used to the darkness easily. Creatures were buzzing and hissing all around her. Slithering on the floor of the cave. Crawling on walls. Hovering, fluttering, hiding into the holes in the ceiling. They were just providing the atmosphere, Rey thought to herself. They disgusted her but she did not fear them. She glimpsed movement deeper into the cave. She steeled herself and advanced in that direction.

After all the creepy crawlies, seeing what appeared to be a woman was enough a shock that she didn’t even wonder how come she could see anything at all in a place with no natural light. She was prepared not to look for logical explanations in that place. Rey looked at long hair flowing on her back. She looked at the long dirty white robe. Her hand went instinctively to the lightsaber when the woman started to turn around. She prepared herself for a horrific image, for a skull instead of a face. For maggots coming out of her eyes. She reigned in her imagination, waiting.

At first she almost didn’t recognize the face. The cheeks were rounder, and she was beautiful. An inner glow seemed to light up her features. She was smiling, which was an expression Rey never saw in the mirror. She didn’t look much older than the real Rey, but she seemed more mature. More at ease with herself.

‘That’s not too ba…’

Rey’s thought froze when her eyes travelled down on her doppelganger’s body. The full breasts. The curve of her belly.

Rey stepped back, slipped on something squelchy. She lost her balance and grasped at the wall trying to steady herself. Her hand slid in the slime and she ended up with her back pressed against the wet and sticky cave wall.  Unthinking, she felt her own belly while staring at her mirror image. Her hands were finding no unusual swelling, but her mind was coloring the reality.

Luke’s child, already inside her. Already growing. Already alive. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t take her eyes off her twin’s belly. To Rey’s horror, it began to swell. Red stains appeared on the woman’s dress. An incandescent red blade pierced the flesh from the inside. The blade tore her twin apart and a black, misshapen creature made its way out. It looked like a very large scorpion, black and covered in blood and pieces of flesh and skin torn from its mother. Rey’s other body fell to the ground like a useless meat husk. The creature started to unfold and soon it had a human shape. Its clothes were as dark as its mother’s had been light. Rey’s lightsaber was in her hand, burning bright, its green contrasting the red cross. Her hand was steady on the hilt. She had faced this monster before, she could do it again.

She hadn’t killed Kylo Ren the first time they had met. She had let him kill Han Solo in front of her. She had dealt with the destruction he left in his wake for too long. She knew he would not stop until he killed or turned her. He would not stop until he killed Luke. She attacked before that thought was even completed.

Rey attacked with deeper rage than she had ever felt before. The dark creature parried her blows with ease.

If her son turned into Kylo Ren, he would die at her hand. She intensified her attack, and the creature backed away, his parries no longer as effortless.

She was not like Leia or Luke. The dark man had stumbled and fallen. He was with one knee on the ground, barely staving her attack.

She would not let innocents suffer because he was her flesh and blood. She aimed a powerful blow with her lightsaber which the monster barely stopped. She leaned in with all her weight and all her will, pushing the light closer to the creature’s throat. He was trying to push back but his opposition was weakening. The red blade was pushed all the way to its neck when the cowl fell and she saw the face hidden in that darkness. She gasped and pulled back.

The face that appeared out of the darkness was not Kylo’s. It was not her own. It was Luke’s. As young and handsome as he was when she had fallen in love with him. His eyes as bright blue and full of light as she remembered. Long lashes, blond hair and beautiful lips. The love of her life.

She looked at him, horrified and he looked up at her with the same expression of pure adoration she saw in his eyes when they made love. In one swift movement, she cut his head off. It tumbled to her feet, his eyes frozen open, staring at her in death before fading away.

Rey was crying when she stumbled out of the cave.

Chapter Text

She was almost out of the cave when she could finally sense his presence. She could see daylight. She saw the forest clearing where Luke was waiting for her. Everything was blurred by the heavy tears hanging on her lashes. Her first instinct was to cling to his presence like a beacon. To use him to drag herself out of the dark. She wanted to rush into his arms and tell him how much she loved him. Beg forgiveness for what she had done in the cave. She knew that the Master accompanied the Padawan during the Trial of Spirit – to push further into the Darkness and to help on the way back. Obi-Wan had confirmed it a few hours earlier.

She heard her grandfather’s voice.

“Rey, be careful. Bury your feelings deep. He is disturbed about what happened.”

She stopped at the cave mouth and engaged her well trained will to change her focus from Luke to all the other life forms around him. She listened to the trill of birds in the trees and to the droning, whirring, scraping of the bugs on the ground. She listened to the grass growing and to the leaves rustling. Their faint impressions in the Force created a subtle shimmering. It seemed impossible to concentrate on its beauty when Luke’s presence was like a guiding light strong enough to be seen by sailors from the vastness of the sea. She honored his training by succeeding.

When she took the first step back into the light, she had gathered enough control not to run to him. She was still shaking and it got worse when she saw him. Luke was standing. He appeared even more distressed than her.  Seeing anything other than serenity in his posture was a shock. Seeing the emotion on his face brought back memories of the young man who had not learned to hide them. The pain and darkness in his eyes unsettled her. Beneath it all, Rey felt ashamed of the spark of joy she felt to see this as a proof of his humanity. Maybe there was still hope. He hadn’t managed to extinguish all the fire she had felt in him.

She didn’t need to hear her grandfather again to know that this was a moment that needed to be handled with care. Her intuition told her that if she made the wrong move, she would lose him forever.

“Did I pass?” she asked.

Luke seemed not to understand her question. His eyes slid from her face to her belly. Instinctively she put her hands on it, protecting something she knew did not exist. She was going to get tested, but she could feel that she was not pregnant. From the way he looked at her, she could see him wondering if she was. How come the greatest living Jedi seemed unable to see this?

Another sliver of joy she had to hide from him – the thought that maybe he hoped she was carrying his child.

She was surprised by this shift in their relationship. As if she was more in control than him. It was strange but not unprecedented. Rey remembered their dynamic on Tatooine. She was jolted out of that memory when she saw the other man. He had been impossibly still. Concealed somehow. Not only she could see him now, but she could also sense him. How had this vast presence stay hidden?

“Luke,” she whispered looking at the handsome young man who could not possibly be there.

Both men startled the sound of the name. Her Jedi Master and her beautiful lover. How could they both be there? She knew it was impossible. No matter how much she wished otherwise, she could not accept this reality. Time itself seemed to slow down.

Rey looked at her Master. She had looked up to him as a legend, she had respected him as a teacher and she had grown to love him as a man. In silence and without hope. Then she looked at Luke. With his perfect blond hair. With his eyes that sparkled with love and warmth. She studied every line in his face determined to treasure the memory.

How could she love them both? It was unbearable.

Rey’s world started to spin. 

Was she still in her Trial? She tried to calm down. She reached for help into the Force. She remembered Obi-Wan. He had just talked to her again. If she was still in the cave, still in the Trial he would not have interfered. Had she imagined her grandfather’s presence?

Rey’s world was spinning faster and faster. 

The trials. Rey counted them. Everything started with Kylo Ren, years ago – her Trial of Flesh. Then the battle before the time jump – her Trial of Courage. The day before – the droids in the temple – her Trial of Skill. The cave – her Trial of Spirit. She shuddered at the memory of what she had just done. What if her mind had snapped? What if her grandfather’s warning was correct and Luke hadn’t been able to guide her back? Was she insane?

In the moment when time stood still, she thought of what she knew about the trials. The worst that happened to a Jedi after failing the Trial of Spirit was to come out mentally broken. Screaming.

She looked at her Master, his blue eyes were piercing her even in this frozen moment. Luke Skywalker was everything the Galaxy knew him to be and more. Rey wanted to go down on one knee and swear allegiance to him.

Despite the excruciating awareness that he couldn’t be there, she turned her gaze to young Luke. Love was rolling off him in waves. She withstood one, two, three heartbeats. She felt him more real than reality. She screamed. Her mind tried to remind her that he was not real. Her mind was broken. Something deeper and stronger than her mind won the inner battle and Rey closed her eyes and ran into Luke’s arms.

He welcomed her in an embrace. She was warm and happy to be there. She reveled in the scent of his skin. His deep vibrant imprint in the Force. Rey’s throat was hurting from the scream and she felt the skin was taught along the trails of dried tears on her cheeks. Something was scratching her neck. None of these things bothered her too much, but she catalogued them and she was thinking that she expected everything to be perfect after losing her mind when she heard his voice.

“Yes, you passed the tests.”

Rey’s eyes snapped open and when she looked where her Master stood, she saw scattering mist. She turned her head slowly, afraid to hope. She thought she was in the arms of her nineteen-year-old lover, but the voice…

“Well done, young Knight,” Grand Master Luke Skywalker said.

Chapter Text

She couldn’t fall asleep. She was in the room in which she had spent all the nights of her apprenticeship on the island. Most of the nights of her apprenticeship she was utterly exhausted by the time she got into bed. Her Master seemed to be determined to make her remember her days on Jakku as the nice and restful part of her life.

This was the first night she was not his apprentice anymore. She was a Jedi Knight in her own right, and she was not sure how she felt about that. 

She was staring at the ceiling without actually seeing it. She thought she might calm down if she counted the drops of rain drumming against the window. Rey used the Force to take a snapshot of the sounds and count them in her memory. It wasn’t helping. Nothing helped. She had calmed down a little after the Trials and that meant that the numbness was gone. She started missing him.

Rey had never thought she could fall in love so quickly. She knew love was complicated but not such a mess. He was long dead. He had been for decades. He had been dead for longer than she had been alive.

It was too damn hard to lie to herself. She knew he was not dead. He was in the room across the hall. But he might as well be dead because he did not love her back. Not the same way. Not anymore.  And just then, she didn’t care about his reasons. It hurt.

She wondered if on some level he was angry with her for choosing the younger version. Even if it had been the right choice. What if he thought she chose the boy who charmed the pants off her in one day? Rey knew he had chosen him for what she had sensed under the surface. He knew what she had seen in the cave. Now that she came to think of it, she did imagine their child looking just like him. He was such a beautiful creature.

The boy had activated sheer passion in Rey, but she loved the man.

Looking back over the past few years she could trace how her love had grown.

She could remember its birth, in that strange moment on the beach. Luke had always avoided her proximity. That time they were close, almost touching. Her hair had flown in the wind and touched his face. She had watched him taking the strand of hair between the fingers of his robotic hand. For him it had been the mirror of a memory. He was looking at her with the pain of their separation. That had been the moment when she saw him as a man for the first time. That was the start of the long and frustrating routine of denying that she had fallen in love with her Jedi Master. 

If the moment on the beach had been the dramatic birth of her unrequited love, she could go even further back and trace the moment of its conception. He had seeded this doomed love with the very first look. Rey now realized that he had tried to hold back the memories of their passion, but he had poured fire in her soul.

Day after day, year after year, Rey had gotten better at lying to herself. He had been so good at torturing her with his permanent aloofness. Even if she understood his reasons for not touching her, it did not sooth the frostbite of the touch starved years. He hadn’t touched her and she believed that to be the proper way to behave around other people. Not touching became part of her way to interact with people she respected and cared about. Her few sexual liaisons had felt like a mix of irrelevance and failure. 

Obi-Wan’s ghost had told her to hide her feelings. To bury them. What a hideous word! But she loved Luke too much to let him feel her pain. She regretted that he had had to stand by her during Trial of Spirit and get a dose of her torment. Keeping this new pain hidden was the least she could do for him. she wanted him. She despaired. She yearned.

Physically all there was between them was a hallway and a couple of doors. Mentally, the walls she had raised were so dense that nothing could pass through them. She had to contain the torment of love, lust and loss. He had carried the burden of those memories for thirty years. Time had made it lighter, easier to carry. She had just picked it up it was crushing her under its weight. She felt mostly the thorns, little of the rose. Maybe in thirty years she would remember only the sweetness and would no longer feel that her heart was being ripped out of her chest. Maybe in thirty years she could breathe again without wanting to die.

The door opened. Rey couldn’t react in any way. HE was coming into her room. He was silent and his body language was calm. So… no crisis. No impending doom. He wasn’t there to whisk her away into another death defying adventure. Maybe he wanted to discuss how the trials had gone. Maybe he wanted to do a post-apprenticeship evaluation.

Luke wasn’t saying anything. He was a shadow in the dimness. Now that Rey knew his scent, she was light headed breathing it in.

Why wasn’t he saying anything?

Why couldn’t she say anything?

He was near the foot of her bed. The sheet slid off her ever so gently. He was not using his hands for this simple task. He was using the Force to uncover her. It felt deliciously wrong. For as long as Rey had known him, Luke only used the Force into the brightest Light. Even in battle, when he had to kill, Luke’s Light never dimmed.

Her nipples tingled in the sudden chill.  She wished she slept naked. She wanted him to see the body that still has traces of him. There were still bruises and bites on her skin. They were concealed by the white t-shirt.  She wanted his hands and his mouth back. She wanted him back. He was hers. HERS!!!

He couldn’t hear her screaming. Her shields were unyielding. Not elegant in the least but he couldn’t get through them even if he tried with all the might of the Dark Side. She could sense him trying to search my mind. He was gentle. Almost casual about it. He didn’t need any more insight into her. He already knew. He already knew what was on her mind during the Trial, what she had seen in the mirror and what she did in his youth.

He used the Force again. This time he moved her body. She shut her eyes tightly to contain the vertigo as he spun her slowly. She was draped across her small bed, from shoulders to thighs. Her head lolled back and her feet were touching the floor. 

Why was he there? He felt bad for her? Was that pity?

When he knelt next to the bed, she no longer cared if it were pity. She didn’t dare to hope or to demand. She would take whatever he was willing to give her.

Oh, how she wished she slept naked!

Luke hooked his fingers in the waistband of her pants and slid them off slowly, but without hesitation. 

He used the Force again. It was delicious and obscene. He was using the Force to spread her legs. From the moment she felt his breath on her inner thigh, Rey’s coherent thoughts vanished, leaving her nothing but sensations.   

When she woke up a few hours later, Rey remembered the dream vividly. The stickiness between her thighs wasn’t exactly unusual. She had had erotic dreams before, though maybe not as intense as the one about Luke going down on her with such dedication. After the time travel, the Trials of Spirit and the Trial of Insight, she was prepared to accept this very thorough dream. Even the fact that Luke hadn’t said a single word was in keeping with his Jedi Master persona.

The only detail that was out of place was the itchy sensation on her thighs. She pulled the sheet off to look and noticed that she was naked from the waist down. She had definitely not gone to bed like that. When she saw the red patches on her inner thighs, her cheeks became the same color instantly.

It hadn’t been a dream.