From the moment Derek was born he lives in a town called Beacon Hills, California. He loves it here. He loves the open air and the forest and the fact that even though it’s a decent size city, his neighborhood has a small town feel to it. But above everything else, he loves the neighbors.
He was born in January and just a few short months later the neighbors had a kid too. His parents were best friends with the neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Stilinski, so growing up, Stiles and him were attached at the hip. Their parents loved throwing stupid little play dates. Derek didn’t mind though because Stiles is great. Stiles talks a lot which is perfect because Derek doesn’t talk much and they even each other out.
It’s not that Derek doesn’t want to talk, he just feels like he doesn’t have much to say. He never minded being quiet. It’s just who he is. He likes listening more, anyway. When he was little, kids got annoyed that he wouldn’t contribute as much to the conversation but Stiles just looked at it as an excuse to talk more. That’s one thing that hasn’t really changed.
Once they hit 7th grade, they started to drift apart. It began to happen a couple weeks after Stiles’ mom passed away. The day after she died, Derek went over to see Stiles. He debated over if he should let Stiles grieve alone for a while before finally making the executive decision that Stiles needed someone there for him. So, Derek walked right upstairs to Stiles’ bedroom.
When he walked in, he froze for a second at the sight that greeted him, before snapping out of it and going straight to Stiles’ crying form and holding him tight. Stiles was just laying on his bed, curled up in his blankets with tissues surrounding him. When Derek first put his arms around him, Stiles tensed. He thought that Stiles was going to tell him to leave but then he relaxed and held onto Derek for dear life.
They sat on Stiles’ bed holding each other for a while before his sobs finally began to slow down. Stiles moved to lay down and looked up at Derek in a way that took the breath out of him. Stiles looked like he was pleading at Derek with his eyes for him to understand something. Derek didn’t know what, so he just settled in next to Stiles and continued to silently rub small circles on his back.
Finally, Stiles’ breathing slowed and he seemed to have fallen asleep. Derek got up and cleaned up all the tissues. He moved the small trashcan that was by Stiles’ desk right next to his nightstand so he could just throw the tissues directly into there. Then he went and got a cup of water for Stiles and put it down next to his bed. He lingered there for another minute before leaving and letting Stiles sleep.
Derek doesn’t really know why they drifted apart a couple weeks after that, it just happened. They still politely waved to each other and car pooled to school together but it just wasn’t the same anymore. Anytime that Derek tried to talk to Stiles about it, he shrugged him off and made up some excuse about being busy.
At first, Derek thought it had something to do with Stiles regretting letting Derek see him the way he was the day after Stiles’ mother died. Maybe he was angry with Derek for intruding? Stiles didn’t seem angry with him though, so he couldn’t really understand why he was doing what he was doing.
After a while, Derek pretty much chalked it up to Stiles just getting bored of him. Derek was always okay with who he was (quiet and shy and all) and he kind of always thought that Stiles liked him all the more for that, but people change, he guesses. So, he decided he wouldn’t push it anymore.
Stiles was still being nice to him, even if they were no longer best friends. If Stiles wanted to branch out and meet more exciting people, Derek would let him. Even though it hurt, Derek wouldn’t push an awkward conversation that could lead to Stiles not even smiling at him anymore.
Now, they’re sophomores in high school and Stiles came out as gay at the beginning of the year. Derek’s family was having their annual back to school barbeque and Stiles and his dad were there, of course. Laura, Derek’s older sister, asked Stiles if he had a girlfriend, probably meaning to get Stiles all flustered because Laura’s evil like that and gets pleasure from other people’s embarrassment. It worked, because Stiles blushed, but then he just let out a small nervous laugh and scratched absently at the back of his neck while he said “No, I don’t have a girlfriend but if I, uh, if I get a boyfriend I’ll be sure to let you know.” And Laura widened her eyes for a second, but recovered quickly and gave him a soft smile (because even though Laura may be evil, she still looks at Stiles like he’s a brother and therefore loves him).
Stiles looked at Derek after he said it and Derek’s positive his face resembled a fish because he was gaping at Stiles—he’s pretty sure his jaw hit the floor. Sadly, he didn’t recover quick enough to offer Stiles any other emotion but pure fucking shock before Stiles turned away and mumbled something about getting another cheeseburger.
The thing is, Derek didn’t give a shit that Stiles is gay. He’s happy for him. Happy that he is able to be honest with himself and be okay with who he is. He’s more shocked that there was a point in their lives where Derek probably would have been the first person that Stiles told about something like that. And Derek…well Derek just really fucking misses Stiles.
Stiles and Derek were best friends. Derek never thought that there would be a time that he would find out something like Stiles being gay over an offhanded comment that Stiles made to Laura and Derek just happened to be standing there when it happened. It just really sucks that he doesn’t have his best friend anymore. And it sucks even harder that it’s been pretty much three years since Stiles ended their friendship in that casual way and Derek still hasn’t been able to replace him.
Not that Stiles is really someone that can be replaced.
But Derek hasn’t even come close to finding a best friend that’s half as great as Stiles. Derek has friends. He has Boyd and he has Erica and Isaac and they’re great. He loves them. But they’re not Stiles.
And okay, maybe Derek has started to think that he might be a little gay too. Like, maybe bisexual. Because he sees girls and he likes what he sees and ever since puberty he’s had no problems jerking off to thoughts of him and whichever girl caught his eye that week. But after Stiles said he’s gay, Derek started to actually look at Stiles.
Derek looked at Stiles as he ate a cheeseburger and Derek saw the ketchup spill on his hand and he watched as Stiles licked it off and then threw his head back and laughed at something his dad said (probably calling him a slob and telling him to use a napkin). Derek looked at his long, pale neck and how his Adam’s apple was bobbing as he laughed and all of a sudden he just had the urge to kiss and bite and lick up and down Stiles’ throat.
That night he didn’t jerk off to thoughts of random hot girls in his class. He jerked off to the thought of Stiles using that tongue to lick something on Derek. And it sure as hell wasn’t ketchup.
The problem Derek’s having is that he has no fucking idea how to come out. It just seems so awkward to sit down his family and tell them he’s bisexual. He’d rather not bring it up until he really feels like he has to. He knows that Laura would be cool with it, after seeing how she reacted to Stiles, but if Derek’s being honest with himself, he has no idea what his parents would think.
Derek figures that he’ll just wait until he actually gets a boyfriend. That way, when he tells his parents, they kind of have to accept it. Right? Because then it would be solid proof that it wasn’t “just a phase” and they would be able to tell he’s serious about it. Yeah, it’s not the best idea Derek has ever had but if he’s being honest with himself, he’s pretty fucking terrified.
Derek thinks that maybe he could just get Stiles’ attention in someway. Because let’s be honest, Derek knows that he likes Stiles. Sure, he hasn’t really talked to him the way that they used to in a long time, but wouldn’t Derek have had an easier time getting over Stiles and him drifting apart if they were simply nothing but childhood best friends? Something tells Derek that he’s had feelings for Stiles for longer than he even knew.
Also, every time he looks at Stiles his heart starts hammering in his chest. He tries to just smile at him in the halls at school as if he isn’t internally freaking out and trying to figure out a way to get Stiles to notice him again, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult.
Derek feels that if he could get Stiles to like him again and possibly even – he’s being optimistic here – be his boyfriend, then Stiles would be able to help him with the whole coming out process. So, Derek does everything he can think of to try and get Stiles’ attention without outright begging him to notice Derek again.
Sometimes, when Derek’s working out, he’ll even purposely make sure to leave the curtains open in his room when he knows Stiles is in his and hope that he’ll catch a glimpse of Derek and maybe like what he sees. Derek doesn’t particularly love working out (he’d much rather be staring at the TV playing video games or watching reruns of Lost – Stiles got him into it when they were still attached at the hip and Derek will be forever grateful) and he got enough in at lacrosse so he didn’t really have to work out at home.
But he couldn’t help but hope that if maybe, just maybe Stiles happens to walk by the window and see him working out, Stiles might actually find Derek attractive and possibly run over to Derek’s house, storm up to his room, say something that could be pulled out of a really fucking cheesy porno, something along the lines of “Why get exercise like that when you can get exercise like this?” and then proceed to push Derek against the wall and rip his pants off and just have his way with Derek and once they’re finished and Stiles has left traces of fire all over Derek’s skin from the lingering touch of his long fingers, he’d whisper in Derek’s ear something like oh, “Now that we’re all sweaty, maybe it’s time for a shower?” (might as well stick with the cheesy porno theme) and then he’d grab Derek’s hand and pull him into his ensuite bathroom and it would be Derek’s turn to push him against the wall and work him in ways that Derek has only ever dreamed of.
And then, of course, after Stiles and him have had mind-blowing sex, Stiles would willingly help Derek come up with the best possible way to tell his family he’s bisexual and everything would work out perfectly.
Stiles has grown to hate his bedroom. When he was younger, he loved it because Derek and him were best fucking friends and since their rooms were right across from each other they’d sometimes just talk late at night if one of them couldn’t sleep or just yell each other’s name through the window if they wanted to hang out. But now, being in his room while Derek is in his is absolute torture.
It seems like anytime that Stiles comes into his room and walks by the window Derek’s fucking shirtless and lifting weights or doing push ups or just looking so hot and sweaty that it makes Stiles want to run over there, storm up to Derek’s room, and lick every trace of sweat off of his God-like body.
It isn’t fucking fair! They’re in high school; how does Derek already look like a male model? And on top of that: how is Stiles supposed to get over the undying love he has for this kid if he does shit like that all the time? God hates him. That’s really the only conclusion Stiles can come to at this point. He gets pleasure from watching Stiles’ pain.
If only Derek were gay. Then maybe their friendship could have developed into something more and they could’ve been that adorable couple in movies that grew up living next to each other and were best friends and fell in love and had lots and lots of sex and got married and had an incredible amount of sex and had babies and lived happily ever after while having so much sex it would impress a porn star.
But to Stiles chagrin, Derek isn’t gay. And that’s why Stiles had to slowly drift himself away from Derek. Not because straight guys and gay guys can’t be friends, that’s fucking stupid, Scott is straight (probably) and Stiles and Scott share every boring detail of their lives with each other. It’s because once Stiles started noticing wow, Derek’s looking up at me while I’m rambling and his eyes are just so fucking unreal holy shit and his lips make me want to kiss that small smile he has on right now off his face and Stiles thought to himself that’s probably not what I should be thinking about when I’m talking to my best dude friend and Stiles realized that holy fucking shit, he wants to put his dick in Derek’s ass and fuck him until he’s screaming Stiles’ name. Which, in turn, essentially helped Stiles realize that he’s gay.
Granted, they were in 7th grade at this point so Stiles was hoping he could just blame it on puberty making his hormones go crazy. But then Stiles started having feelings towards Derek and he knew that this was more than just teenage hormones. Stiles was really fucking hoping that his feelings for him would just fade. Like, now that Stiles was able to acknowledge the feelings for what they were, he would just get the fuck over it. A crush is just a little short-term thing, right? Stiles just had a crush on Derek, that’s all.
If that was the case, though, then why was it that once he acknowledged that fact, the feelings just kept coming? Stiles knew, he fucking knew, that nothing could come out of him having feelings for Derek. Stiles knew that attempting to act on any of his feelings would just lead to ruining their friendship.
Stiles also knew that continuing to go on like he didn’t have feelings for Derek and pretending everything was normal would end up breaking him. So, Stiles figured the best bet would be to distance himself from Derek so that it seemed that they just drifted apart. That kind of shit happens everyday.
But that doesn’t mean that every time that they pass each other in the hall and Derek smiles that small, open smile at Stiles with a little furrow in his fucking ridiculous eyebrows, and he looks at Stiles like he’s just trying to understand…it doesn’t mean that Stiles’ chest doesn’t ache.
They’re sophomores now and Stiles came out to his dad right before school started. He figured it was time (his dad naturally took it amazingly because he’s the best dad ever – told Stiles that he’ll love him no matter what and a bunch of other mushy gushy bullshit before having the most awkward sex talk of all time). After about three years of knowing wholeheartedly that he’s definitely gay, Stiles made the conscious decision that he was really fucking okay with it and he wanted to go into his sophomore year of high school loud and proud and gay!
The only person he had ever talked about possibly maybe being gay with was his mom, before she…yeah. And she had looked at him in his seventh grade, twelve year old eyes, after he did what he does best and blurted out the thing that he had been thinking about constantly and said, “I think Derek is hot” and she looked at what Stiles was sure was a completely mortified expression because he just blurted out that he thought Derek Hale was hot to his mom.
Anyway, she stared into Stiles’ eyes and Stiles forced himself to stare right back into her matching eyes and she said “Stiles, baby, you can think whoever you want is hot.” She let out a small laugh at the word choice. “Because that doesn’t change who you are as a person. Liking boys or liking girls has nothing to do with who you are. I’ll love you no matter who you think is hot.”
Stiles let out a long breath and wiped at the tears that had unknowingly fell down his face. He said, “I love you so much, mom” just as the nurse came into the room to ask his mom if she needed anything. When the nurse left, his mom squeezed the hand that was intertwined in hers just before she fell asleep.
She died that night. And even though Stiles was broken and crying and clutching to his dad when the doctor told them, Stiles could not help but think that his mom and him had the best conversation to end it on because yeah, he had been there pretty much every night since the cancer had gotten bad enough that she needed to be hospitalized but that night was different. His mom died knowing who Stiles is, completely and totally, and she was fine with it. She didn’t even look at Stiles any different. She loved him just the same as she always had.
And that next day, when Stiles was curled up in his blankets, sobbing, he allowed himself to let Derek walk in his bedroom and just hold him while he cried. Stiles allowed himself one last day with the best friend he ever had and the guy that unknowingly helped him figure out who he is and in turn, let Stiles’ mom die knowing exactly who her son is.
Derek would probably never know how much Stiles really and truly appreciated what he had unknowingly done for Stiles – especially not now that Stiles had made the decision to distance himself from Derek – but Stiles tried to let him see how thankful he was for Derek that day. He looked into Derek’s eyes, willing Derek to understand just how much he meant to Stiles. Stiles didn’t know if he was able to get the point across, but he hoped that by simply letting Derek see Stiles in that state, he was showing Derek how much he trusted him.
Derek may never understand why Stiles stopped hanging out with him all the time, but Stiles made himself believe that even if it confused Derek at first, Derek would inevitably move past it. He had to, because there was no way in hell that Stiles was going to tell Derek that the reason they had to stop being friends was because Stiles did the unthinkable and fell for him.
Now they’re fifteen and they see each other at family barbeques and everything’s fine. It’s fine. Stiles can very clearly see that Derek has only gotten hotter and hotter now that they’re in high school and Derek’s playing lacrosse. But Stiles is coping with this. He can objectively notice the outright beauty that is Derek Hale and not be completely swooned by it. He can, he swears.
And if Stiles accidently lets the image of Derek licking the stupid vanilla ice cream that they all had for dessert at the barbeque off his spoon, accidently enter his thoughts as he’s having his Personal Stiles Time later on that night…well, that’s his business.