See the thing that Derek Hale knows about himself beyond a shadow of a doubt is that he attracts crazy. 9 out of 10 if he’s attracted to someone, they are batshit.
His first girlfriend Paige wasn’t bad, perfectly normal which is probably why they both got bored after six months and decided they were better off as friends.
Kate, his 2nd girlfriend made him regret letting Paige go and then some. Hot older blonde with a wicked smile and even more wicked talents in bed. They’d been hot, almost as hot as the fire she tried to start at his family home when he’d asked for a break from their relationship after she got more and more possessive. Luckily the fire which she started in their basement hadn’t spread far before the fire department had arrived. Standing outside his home with his family as they watched the town sheriff drag a screaming Kate is a memory he’ll carry with him forever. Her screaming that he was hers or nothing at all still echoes in his head sometimes.
Jennifer or Julia or whatever her high priestess name was, god, just thinking of her makes him shudder. The beautiful brunette with a wide smile, a school teacher! How the hell was he supposed to know that she fancied herself a dark witch and that she was sure that he was the key ingredient to her staying young and beautiful forever? Waking up to being tied to four posts in his underwear in the forest…
It’s a clear indicator of his life that it isn’t actually the worst moment of his life. Being found by his sisters who had overheard Jennifer’s plans and the whole Sheriff department, while saving his life had sucked.
His luck with the same sex wasn’t any better than with the opposite. His first college boyfriend had been a photographer and had appealed to Derek’s weakness for hipsters. And sure he always had his camera with him and he did take a lot of pictures of Derek. Derek just hadn’t known about all the other cameras that Matt had placed in his apartment and all the video footage he’d taken of Derek. Walking into Matt’s dark room and finding a wall from ceiling to floor covered with pictures of his face had chilled Derek to the bone.
Chris…he blames the show Supernatural for Chris. His favorite show, Chris had taken it a little too seriously and had decided that supernatural creatures where real and that he was the ‘hunter’ to get rid of them.
Jackson wasn’t a nutcase, but he was in love with his reflection which wasn’t much better.
His sisters, Laura and Cora, like to tease him and say that his horrible luck at love, is life making sure everything stays in balance. Or as Laura likes to say. ‘What do you want Derek, you are already so gorgeous, you want it to be easy for you to find someone too. Geez leave something for the rest of us, freak.’
And while yes, he’s aware that he has features that others find appealing, he doesn’t think that is a good enough excuse for the fates to take such pleasure in sending the worst people his way. After all Laura and Cora are very good looking and the first thought that goes through their head when they meet someone they might be interested in isn’t ‘is this date going to end with me in a tub of ice and no kidneys’.
His point is, his track record is shit. He’s aware, so when this really hot guy; tall, lanky, with brown hair and brown eyes that shine, an amused smile on his cute face whenever Derek looks his way, and moles. Did Derek mention the mole? They’re everywhere and they’re distracting. When he, walks into the bar Derek owns and everything inside of Derek goes ‘want, want, want.’ Derek is more than a little hesitant, because if there is one thing Derek knows, is, that if he’s interested this fast, without ever actually having a conversation with the guy because whenever he comes to up to the bar, Derek makes sure Cora serves him than he has to be trouble.
Derek is only attracted to the crazy, so this guy has to be a criminal mastermind who is plotting to take over the world, one cute mole at the time.
“You could just talk to him next time he comes up to the bar,” Cora say as she stands next to him, filling a glass with draft beer. “Instead of standing here and trying to sneak a peek at him, stealth is not your strong suit, dear brother.”
“Says you,” Derek answers back, passing a shot of Jameson to Jordan Parrish, the local deputy. Why couldn’t Derek be into him? He was nice and normal. “Besides, he probably collects heads in jars.”
Cora who just finished taking a sip of her own beer, snorts and glares at him as it causes the alcohol to go down the wrong pipe, making her cough. “He does not, he’s nice, which you would know if you talked to him.”
“He’s the sheriff’s kid,” Jordan volunteers the information and Derek forces a blush down at the fact that he knows who they are talking about. “So I doubt he has heads, but he is a bit odd.”
“See!” Derek points at Jordan as he walks away from them. “The deputy agrees with me.”
“He said a bit odd and he doesn’t know you think that because you’re hot for the kid and want to trace the constellations on his face with your tongue.”
Derek blushes hard, fumbling with the glass in his hand. “Cora,” he hisses, looking around to see if anyone is paying attention to them.
“Just calling it like I see it big brother,” she answers. “The kid a is a grade school teacher, not Hannibal.”
“Last time I dated a teacher I ended in the forest in my boxers with a pentagram drawn on my chest.”
Cora shrugs unconcerned. “Yeah well you date weird people.”
Derek nods rapidly as he leans against the bar, his back to the crowd. “That’s exactly my point.”
“Stiles isn’t that weird.”
“His name is Stiles,” Derek shoots back, “How normal can he be?”
“Well Stiles, is a nickname.”
Derek’s eyes widen before he shoots a look at his sister who is biting on her bottom lip to keep from laughing. “I hate you.”
“Lies,” Cora says, laughing as she walks away from them to the other side of the bar.
Sighing, Derek turns ready to apologize only to find Stiles smiling widely at him instead of being angry, more proof he was crazy.
“I’ll take another beer and a date with you this weekend, please,” Stiles says grinning and he’s so pretty that Derek wants to hop over the bar and tackle him to the ground.
“You seem nice,” he starts.
Stiles nods. “I am.”
“And hot,” Derek continues.
Stiles’ face reddens and his smile turns bashful. It’s adorable and Derek wants to die. “Thank you.”
“But you have to be insane,” Derek reveals. “You might not even know it, hell you might not even be crazy yet, it’s me, I attract crazy or make them crazy, I don’t even know. But I’m really attracted to you, so you have to be crazy in some way, it’s not your fault, it’s me. I’m the butt of the universe’s joke.”
Stiles stares at him for a moment and Derek realizes how crazy he sounds now and realizes it’s finally happened; he’s become his exes.
“I know,” Stiles says, the amused little smile back on his face but it’s fond. “My dad is the sheriff and friends with your parents, he’s told me about your…misadventures, also I have been vetted by both your sisters and been warned that they have picked a spot on your family’s property to bury me in if they smell a hint of crazy on me. They know my intentions are pure. So, dinner?”
Derek stands baffled at the words that have come out of Stiles mouth and the implication, that he’s had conversations with both his sisters about dating him. Looking over at Cora on the other side of the bar she grins as she gives him a thumbs up.
Turning back to Stiles, he’s even more charmed at the nervous look om his face. “Saturday?”
One year later
Stiles hogs the covers when they sleep and his feet are always cold, he also mumbles in his sleep. He gets sick every flu season from the kids in his class and gets Derek sick too. He never loads the dishwasher and leaves rolled up socks, everywhere, everywhere.
He’s a screamer in bed, so much so that Derek can’t look at the woman in 410 in the face anymore and when he kisses Derek he always places a smaller kiss on the tip of Derek’s nose, it earns him hours of teasing from Laura and Cora.
On their one-year anniversary Derek gives him ring and a Thank You card that says ‘Thank you for being fun crazy and not wear my skin as a suit crazy, marry me?”
The fact that he says yes just proves Derek right all along, he attracts crazy.