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10 System wake up

  10.10 System power at 87%

  10.20 Check sensors

    10.20.10 Optical sensors functioning at maximum efficiency go to 10.20.20

    10.20.20 Auditory sensors functioning at maximum efficiency go to 20

20 Check Master Poe

  20.10 If Master Poe in bed = True go to 20.10.10

    20.10.10 If sensors indicate sign of agitation = False go to 20.20

    20.10.20 If sensors indicate sign of agitations = True go to 20.30

  20.20 Master Poe is still sleeping go to 30

  20.30 Try to wake Master Poe from sleep

    20.30.10 If Master Poe awake = True go to 30

    20.30.20 If Master Poe awake = False go to 20.40

  20.40 Retrieve Pilot Jessika or Pilot Snap

    20.40.10 Pilot Jessika or Pilot Snap now with Master Poe = False go to 20.40

    20.40.20 Pilot Jessika or Pilot Snap now with Master Poe = True go to 30

  20.50 If Master Poe in bed = False go to 30

30 Continue with day

~

10 Activate diagnostic routine on Master Poe's X-Wing

  10.20 X-Wing has been piloted since last diagnostic = True go to 20

  10.30 X-Wing has been piloted since last diagnostic = False go to 30

20 Commence full diagnostic sequence

  20.10 Diagnostic complete and system running at maximum efficiency = True go to 50

  20.20 Diagnostic complete and system running at maximum efficiency = False go to 40

30 Commence base diagnostic sequence

  30.10 Diagnostic complete and system running at maximum efficiency = True go to 50

  30.20 Diagnostic complete and system running at maximum efficiency = False go to 40

40 Fetch Master Poe

50 Continue with day

---> SYSTEMS DIAGNOSTIC INDICATES THIRD 5L5 FUSIAL THRUST ENGINE NOT OPERATING AT MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY

~

10 Activate retrieve Master Poe protocol

20 Check Master Poe's quarters

  20.10 If Master Poe present = True go to 70

  20.20 If Master Poe present = False go to 30

30 Check pilots' lounge

  30.10 If Master Poe present = True go to 70

  30.20 If Master Poe present = False go to 40

40 Check canteen

  40.10 If Master Poe present = True go to 70

  40.20 If Master Poe present = False go to 50

50 Check common areas

  50.10 If Master Poe present = True go to 70

  50.20 If Master Poe present = False go to 60

60 Check room down corridor 5H that Master Poe believes is a secret

  60.10 If Master Poe present = True go to 70

  60.20 If Master Poe present = False go to 20

70 Inform Master Poe of necessary information

80 Continue with day

---> MASTER POE IS IN COMMON AREA WITH FRIEND FINN

~

10 Activate Friend Finn protocol

20 Engage auditory sensors

  20.10 If volume level of Master Poe and Friend Finn auditory responses within 10% of predicted range = True go to 50

  20.10 If volume level of Master Poe and Friend Finn auditory responses within 10% of predicted range = False go to 30

30 Engage word recognition protocol

  30.10 If words spoken include 'stormtrooper,' 'sorry,' 'it's all right' = True go to 40

  30.20 If words spoken include 'stormtrooper,' 'sorry,' 'it's all right' = False go to 50

40 Retrieve baseline status comparison for species = human

  40.10 If all indictors within predicted range = True go to 50

  40.20 If all indictors outside predicted range = True go to 60

50 Retrieve Master Poe

60 Retrieve Pilot Jessika or Pilot Snap

  60.10 Pilot Jessika or Pilot Snap now aware of necessary information = False go to 20

  60.20 Pilot Jessika or Pilot Snap now aware of necessary information = True go to 70

70 Continue with day

---> BASELINE COMPARISON OF MASTER POE:
HEART RATE = 8.93% ELEVATED
SKIN = 2.36% WARMER
PUPILS = 3.75% DILATED

~

"What? Oh, BB-8, no, Poe isn't ill. Snap and I don't need to drag him to see Kalonia..."

"Well, yes, he probably was flushed while talking to Finn..."

"Snap, stop laughing..."

"I'm sorry, it's just..."

"Force above, I can't explain this to a droid..."

"Well, when two people like each other very much..."

"For kriff's sake, Wexley, you can't tell him that!"

"BB-8, where are you going?"

"Damn it, Snap, now look what you've done..."

~

10 Activate data retrieval protocol

20 Connect to databank

30 Commence search

  30.10 Species: Human = True

  30.20 Biological function: Sexual attraction = True

40 Commence information download

50 Information download complete

60 Continue with day

---> INTEGRATING INFORMATION INTO DATACORE

~

10 Activate observe Master Poe with Friend Finn protocol

20 Take position outside of Master Poe's visual range

30 Engage sensors

40 Retrieve baseline status comparison for species = human

50 Compare current status of Master Poe with new diagnostic baseline of sexually attracted human

60 Continue with day

---> BASELINE COMPARISON OF MASTER POE:
HEART RATE = 8.71% ELEVATED
SKIN = 2.23% WARMER
PUPILS = 4.26% DILATED

---> CURRENT STATUS OF MASTER POE FALLS WITHIN PARAMETER RANGE OF SEXUALLY ATTRACTED HUMAN

---> EXTRAPOLATION: MASTER POE IS SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO FRIEND FINN

~

"Hey, BB-8, what is it?"

"Poe's definitely attracted to Finn, you say. Well, that's a surprise to no one who's ever seen them together."

"No, I don't think they're actually together."

"Yet."

"What happens now?"

"Well, if Poe gets his way, he'll get his mouth around... OW!"

"Ignore Snap, BB-8. Poe and Finn might get together, and then what happens after that depends."

"Married? Well, there's a few stages before that."

"Well, yes, I mean, I guess they could..."

"BB-8? What do you mean, you need to be prepared for all possible outcomes? BB-8? BB-8?"

~

10 Activate data retrieval protocol

20 Connect to databank

30 Commence search

  30.10 Species: Human = True

  30.20 Biological function: Sexual attraction = True

40 Search for all related articles

  40.10 Sexual Attraction

  40.20 Mating System

  40.30 Physical attractiveness

  40.40 Sexual arousal

  40.50 Sexual intercourse

  40.60 Erogenous zones

  40.70 Intimate relationship

50 Commence information download

60 Information download complete

70 Continue with day

---> INTEGRATING INFORMATION INTO DATACORE

~

10 Create 'Hypothetical Future Scenario' protocols

20 Integrate all downloads

30 Extrapolate possible outcomes

40 Write new protocols into datacore.

~

10 Create 'Hypothetical Future Scenario Version 1' protocol

20 Friend Finn also attracted to Master Poe = False

30 Outcome = Master Poe sad

40 Resolution

  40.10 Fetch Pilot Jessika and Pilot Snap

  40.20 Fetch frozen flavoured cream from food stores

  40.30 Administer electroshock of 27% charge to Friend Finn

  40.40 Integrate human basic phrases

    40.40.10 You will get over him

    40.40.20 He was not worth it anyway

    40.40.30 There are more fish in the sea

    40.40.40 Do you desire more frozen flavoured cream?

50 Repeat until Master Poe operating within usual parameters

---> EXTRAPOLATION:

"HE DID NOT WANT TO HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH ME," SAYS MASTER POE.

"THAT IS ALL RIGHT. HE IS NOT WORTH IT," SAYS PILOT JESSIKA.

"BB-8 BROUGHT YOU FROZEN FLAVOURED CREAM, AND WE SHALL EAT IT UNTIL YOU ARE OPERATING WITHIN YOUR USUAL PARAMETERS," SAYS PILOT SNAP.

AND THEY SHALL EAT THE FROZEN FLAVOURED CREAM UNTIL MASTER POE SMILES AND BB-8 SHALL BE THE BEST DROID IN THE GALAXY AND ADMINISTER AN ELECTROSHOCK CHARGE OF 27% STRENGTH TO FRIEND FINN EVERY TIME BB-8 SEES FRIEND FINN.

---> POSSIBLE MISSING FILE ON RELEVANCE OF AQUATIC LIFE TO HUMAN SEXUAL RELATIONS

~

10 Create 'Hypothetical Future Scenario Version 2' protocol

20 Friend Finn also attracted to Master Poe = True

30 Master Poe and Friend Finn wish to partake in sexual intercourse = False

40 Master Poe and Friend Finn wish to partake in kissing = True

50 Ensure Master Poe and Friend Finn are not disturbed

  50.10 Ensure Pilot Snap does not engage in apparent human habit of blocking Master Poe's penis

    50.10.10 Arrange for R3-W2 to run diagnostic on Pilot Snap's X-Wing whenever Master Poe and Friend Finn wish to kiss

    50.10.20 Arrange for Pilot Jessika to distract Pilot Snap

60 Retrieve lip balm from med lab for Master Poe, as the constant rubbing of mouths can produce irritation in human lips.

---> EXTRAPOLATION:

"I WOULD LIKE TO INDULGE IN HUMAN SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH YOU," SAYS MASTER POE.

"I WOULD LIKE THAT AS WELL, BUT JUST KISSING," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

"THAT IS FINE WITH ME," SAYS MASTER POE.

"HAS ANYONE SEEN MASTER POE OR FRIEND FINN?" SAYS PILOT SNAP.

"NO. LET US RUN A DIAGNOSTIC ON YOUR X-WING," SAYS PILOT JESSIKA.

MASTER POE AND FRIEND FINN THEN START TO KISS.

"YOU HAVE VERY SMOOTH LIPS," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

"THANK YOU. BB-8 PROVIDED ME WITH SOFTENING BALM FOR THEM AS HE IS THE BEST DROID EVER," SAYS MASTER POE.

AND THEN THEY KISS SOME MORE.

~

10 Create 'Hypothetical Future Scenario Version 3' protocol

20 Friend Finn also attracted to Master Poe = True

30 Master Poe and Friend Finn wish to partake in sexual intercourse = True

40 Master Poe and Friend Finn wish to partake in fellatio = True

50 Ensure Master Poe and Friend Finn are not disturbed

60 Fellatio receiver ejaculates onto the face of fellatio giver = True

  60.10 Ensure face wipes are available

70 Fellatio giver swallows ejaculate = True

  70.10 Ensure water is available for rinsing mouth out

---> EXTRAPOLATION:

"I WOULD LIKE TO ORALLY STIMULATE YOUR PENIS," SAYS MASTER POE.

"I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

"WE SHOULD GO SOMEWHERE WE WILL NOT BE DISTURBED," SAYS MASTER POE.

"THAT IS A GOOD IDEA," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

MASTER POE AND FRIEND FINN THEN GO TO MASTER POE'S QUARTERS.

FRIEND FINN SITS ON MASTER POE'S BED AND WITHDRAWS HIS ERECT PENIS FROM HIS CLOTHING. MASTER POE KNEELS DOWN AND TAKES FRIEND FINN'S ERECT PENIS INTO HIS MOUTH AND STIMULATES IT.

"OH YES. THAT IS GOOD. MY PENILE MUSCLES ARE ABOUT TO CONTRACT," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

MASTER POE REMOVES HIS MOUTH FROM FRIEND FINN'S PENIS. "DO YOU WISH TO EJACULATE ON TO MY FACE, OR DO YOU WISH ME TO SWALLOW YOUR EJACULATE?" SAYS MASTER POE.

"I WISH YOU TO SWALLOW MY EJACULATE," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

MASTER POE PLACES HIS MOUTH BACK ONTO FRIEND FINN'S PENIS AND CONTINUES TO STIMULATE IT UNTIL FRIEND FINN'S PENILE MUSCLES CONTRACT AND HIS EJACULATE ENTERS MASTER POE'S MOUTH. MASTER POE SWALLOWS.

"YOUR EJACULATE TASTES OF ASTEROID DUST AND X-WING FUEL. IT IS DELICIOUS," SAYS MASTER POE.

"THANK YOU. BB-8 BRINGS ME APPLES FROM THE FOOD STORE BECAUSE HE IS THE BEST DROID EVER," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

MASTER POE AND FRIEND FINN THEN PROCEED TO CUDDLE.

---> FURTHER ANALYSIS NEEDED TO DETERMINE IF TASTE OF HUMAN EJACULATE IS PLEASANT TO MASTER POE. STUDY SHOWED ONLY 43% OF HUMANS IN GIVEN SAMPLE GROUP SAID THEY ENJOYED THE TASTE OF EJACULATE.

---> ANECDOTAL INFORMATION CLAIMS FRUIT AND VEGETABLES IMPROVE TASTE OF EJACULATE.

~

10 Create 'Hypothetical Future Scenario Version 4' protocol

20 Friend Finn also attracted to Master Poe = True

30 Master Poe and Friend Finn wish to partake in sexual intercourse = True

40 Master Poe and Friend Finn wish to partake in anal copulation = True

50 Ensure Master Poe and Friend Finn are not disturbed

60 Retrieve lubrication from med lab

  60.10 Friction coefficient of skin: Clean and Dry Surfaces = 1.02

  60.20 Friction coefficient of skin: Lubricated and Greasy Surfaces = 0.38

70 Leave documentation in Master Poe's quarters

  70.10 Correct usage of lubrication

  70.20 How to stretch the anal muscles before anal intercourse

---> EXTRAPOLATION:

"I WOULD LIKE TO ANALLY COPULATE WITH YOU," SAYS MASTER POE.

"I WOULD VERY MUCH ENJOY THAT," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

MASTER POE AND FRIEND FINN GO TO MASTER POE'S QUARTERS.

"I SEE THAT YOU HAVE LUBRICATION, AND DOCUMENTATION ON HOW TO USE IT," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

"YES. BB-8 LEFT THEM BOTH HERE BECAUSE HE IS THE BEST DROID IN THE GALAXY," SAYS MASTER POE.

MASTER POE AND FRIEND FINN THEN READ THE DOCUMENTATION ON HOW TO USE THE LUBRICATION AND HOW TO STRETCH THE ANAL MUSCLES BEFORE ANAL COPULATION.

MASTER POE AND FRIEND FINN TAKE THEIR CLOTHES OFF AND MASTER POE LIES ON THE BED.

"I AM NOW GOING TO COAT MY FINGERS IN THE LUBRICATION AND CAREFULLY PUSH ONE INTO YOUR ANUS BEFORE GENTLY MOVING IT AROUND," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

"THAT SOUNDS GOOD," SAYS MASTER POE.

FRIEND FINN COATS HIS FINGERS IN THE LUBRICATION AND PUSHES ONE INTO MASTER POE'S ANUS. FRIEND FINN KEEPS HIS FINGER THERE UNTIL MASTER POE'S ANAL MUSCLES RELAX AND THEN HE CAREFULLY INSERTS ANOTHER FINGER THAT IS COVERED IN LUBRICATION.

"THAT FEELS GOOD," SAYS MASTER POE.

FRIEND FINN THEN REMOVES HIS FINGERS FROM MASTER POE AND COVERS HIS ERECT PENIS IN LUBRICATION.

"I AM NOW GOING TO PUT MY PENIS INTO YOU AND CAREFULLY MOVE BACK AND FORTH WHILE TOUCHING YOUR EROGENOUS ZONES SO IT IS PLEASURABLE FOR BOTH OF US," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

FRIEND FINN THEN LIES ON TOP OF MASTER POE AND INSERTS HIS ERECT PENIS INTO MASTER POE. THEY BOTH MOVE UNTIL THEIR PENILE MUSCLES CONTRACT AND BOTH OF THEM EJACULATE. FRIEND FINN THEN CAREFULLY REMOVES HIS SOFTENED PENIS FROM MASTER POE.

"THAT WAS LOVELY," SAYS MASTER POE.

"YES, IT WAS," SAYS FRIEND FINN.

MASTER POE AND FRIEND FINN THEN PROCEED TO CUDDLE.

~

"Poe, have you noticed that BB-8 keeps spying on us?"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean he keeps hiding around corners and then peeking out at us. He also keeps giving me apples. Every time I turn around, there's another apple."

"I thought you liked fruit?"

"Well, I do, but--"

"He's just trying to give you something you enjoy. BB-8's like that. He likes seeing people happy."

"And he keeps rolling in front of Snap and beeping loudly at him every time Snap tries to come over."

"Maybe he's just trying to give us some alone time. Not that we need it. I mean, why would two guys who are just friends need alone time. Because that's what we are. Two guys. Who are just friends."

"Are we?

"Are we what?"

"Just friends?"

"..."

"Would you like to have dinner tonight. With me. As a date."

"A date?"

"I mean, if you don't want to, that's fine, I just--"

"No. No, I'd like that. Us. On a date."

"Great. Okay, so, tonight?"

"Yeah, tonight's good."

~

10 Active observe Master Poe protocol

20 Take position outside of Master Poe's visual range

30 Engage sensors

40 Retrieve baseline status comparison for species = human

50 Compare current status of Master Poe with diagnostic baseline human

---> BASELINE COMPARISON OF MASTER POE:
HEART RATE = 4.32% ELEVATED
SKIN = 2.76% WARMER
PUPILS = 4.23% DILATED
SOUND = LAUGHTER

---> EXTRAPOLATION: MASTER POE IS HAPPY

60 Continue with day