Work Header

Snoke Ships It

Work Text:


“He ruined another control panel, Sir!”

“I was angry because your men failed again!”

“Maybe they wouldn’t fail if you would stop rage-killing them before their missions!”

“How dare you—”

“I only speak the—”

“SILENCE!” Snoke bellows at the two furious men in front of him.

General Hux stands at attention right away, back rigid and arms at his side. Kylo Ren, however, crosses his arms angrily as he turns away from Hux, though he has the decency to look mildly abashed.

“You two are my direct second in commands here on Starkiller. It is essential that you both work together without all this childish squabbling. The entire success of our First Order depends on it!” Snoke commands sternly to his inferiors.

“Sir, if Ren could learn to control—”

“Hux!” Snoke interrupts raising his hand, “I will hear none of it. You both are to remain here in this room until you can learn to work together properly. Only then will the doors unlock and may you exit.”

“Sir?” Kylo questions, confusion and apprehension clouding his eyes.

“Everything you need has been left here for you,” Snoke states in reply.

Hux and Kylo watch in dismay as Snoke’s hologram dissipates and a loud clicking noise sounds across the room. Kylo runs across to the door and angrily jabs at the release button only to find the smooth metal unyielding. Releasing an angry grunt he pulls out his lightsaber and proceeds to attack the door, but to no avail, as it stays solidly shut.

“Ren,” Hux warns as he pinches the bridge of his nose, “Stop with that nonsense and let’s logically figure out how to get out of here. Supreme Leader Snoke said he left us essentials, do you think he meant food? How long are we going to be stuck here together?”

Kylo Ren puts down his lightsaber with a sigh and moves over to the desk where Hux is busy sorting through the drawers.

“What is the meaning of this?” Hux questions, holding up a pair of handcuffs, “Does he intend for us to get so out of hand we will need to restrain each other?”

Kylo Ren lets out a wild laugh as he pulls out the bottle of lube waiting in the other drawer.

“I don’t think that’s his intention at all,” Kylo smirks.

“Absolutely not!” Hux exclaims face turning bright red.

“Well, how else do you suggest we get out of this godforsaken room!” Kylo shoots back, trying to hide any trace of eagerness from his voice.

“Fine! Fine!” Hux relents, (a little too readily) “But I hope you understand I’m topping.”

“What!? Why would that be the case, clearly I'm going to top!”

“You must be joking, Ren—”

“Obviously it makes sense—”


“Is there anything else you need, Supreme Leader?”

“Yes, bring me some blap biscuits,” Snoke replies as he leans back into his chair and watches the hologram of the men arguing before him, “It’s going to be a long night, and certainly quite some time until we see any action.”