It starts in the corridor of a two-star hotel. They’re saying goodnight, and Martin can barely look at Douglas because... that’s not all they’re saying.
Martin can feel it heat his cheeks. He eyes Douglas while the nerves jump through his body, and hopes.
Douglas says, with a slight tremor in his voice, “Martin?”
Martin‘s lips open, and his breath stutters, “Yes, I...”
He looks at Douglas, and he’s scared, but Martin takes a hesitant step forwards, and... kisses him.
It’s warm. Douglas’ lips are warm, that’s the first thing Martin feels. Martin’s sure that Douglas will stop him, so he only presses his lips against Douglas’ for a moment, but Douglas kisses him back. Douglas’ hands are folding over him, a soft pressure on his shoulders. It hurts, almost, how good it is. Douglas’ arms around him, the pressure of his lips, the flash of tongue so good that it makes him sigh all the way down to his toes.
Douglas pulls him in and Martins steps close until they’re pressed together and Martin can feel his whole body pulse as he kisses him. He has wanted this, he has wanted it for so long.
It does, breathlessly, end, but when Martin looks up he can see in Douglas’ eyes as they trail over him that maybe, he’s wanted this, too.
“Well.” Douglas looks at him with a stunned, small smile.
Martin can feel himself smile back, probably all big and happy but he can’t help it, this, it’s...
They both startle at the sound of the lift doors opening further down the corridor. Douglas glances that way, and then looks at him. “Perhaps we should discuss this inside?” Douglas uses his key card to open his door.
Martin follows. He closes the door behind them, and locks it.
And Douglas is there, looking at him, with a bed right behind him. “Martin... are you sure you want this?”
Martin knows that he’s shaking. All of this feels unreal, but it’s not an accident, not at all, he has thought about it so often. He wants it even if it’s just for a bit, for just now. So he says, “Yes. I want to.”
Douglas smiles at that, briefly, steps towards him, puts a hand on his arm, and kisses him again.
Martin holds onto to Douglas’ shoulders and he never thought that this could be real, it’s like a dream where he’s happy. Only his hands are sweating, and Douglas’ cheek is kind of raspy against his own and there are a million little details that he never thought to imagine.
Douglas kisses the side of his neck, lightly, sucks there a little and scrapes his teeth. It makes Martin feel weak in the knees.
Douglas leans over him, hums, the sound a deep vibration between them, and does it again, kisses his neck. The stubble of his cheek scratches Martin’s skin and makes him shiver.
Douglas pulls him in, and Martin presses closer to him. Martin can feel the heat and the hardness of him. Douglas is hard.
Martin’s heart is pounding. He starts to grind his hips to Douglas’, because it feels so good, so very good. Douglas is warm and solid. Douglas’ hands are on him, exploring, they go down and down, and then lie over his arse. Their eyes lock, and Martin can feel it take his breath away.
Douglas groans, and the sound sends a wave of pleasure all over him.
Martin can feel the scratch of his zipper rub against his erection just right. He’s thrusting against Douglas’ hard on, and Douglas’ hands are making him feel so… and oh, Martin can barely breathe. He... oh, no, no, NO!!!
...comes with a sharp spike of pleasure.
Just like that.
Martin lets go of Douglas immediately. He’s sure that he made a sound of some sort and his face is throbbing and hot and there’s a warm wet spot in his trousers, slick and growing.
Martin can feel the shame surround him like a haze while Douglas says, distantly, “You’re... done?!”
Martin’s breath feels funny and his voice cracks when he says, “I’m sorry, I’m, I shouldn’t, I...”
The one time that he gets to do this, the one chance he has at this, and that is what he does. Martin wants to run away, just leave as fast as he can and then maybe Douglas will forget about it. He turns away, ready to do that, except…
Douglas touches his arm.
Martin can hardly feel it over the feeling as if the whole sky is falling over him, but Douglas says, “It happens, Martin.”
Martin looks at Douglas’ hand and snaps, “Does it? Because I don’t think that it does, not to anyone older than thirteen, I think it’s me, it’s always me and, why is it always me?”
Douglas laughs. Genuinely.
Martin doesn’t want to be laughed at, that’s the very, very last thing he wants. “What?!”
“...always the extra mile.”
Douglas is laughing, but it’s not at him, but with him, somehow. As if it’s a thing that happened to the two of them and not just Martin, as if it’s the kind of thing that’s more funny than horrible. Still, Martin feels tension creeping over his spine. He had this one shot, this one chance, and now he’s ruined it. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, the night’s still young.” Douglas looks at him. He’s still touching his arm, and it feels good. Grounding. “If you want to, that is.”
“I...” Martin’s not sure what he’s meant to do now. Should he maybe get on his knees and...?
But Douglas leans in, and kisses him again.
It’s not what he thought would happen. Martin didn’t even think of doing that, because that’s not usually what people do. When he does this, messes it up in some way or other, they usually don’t want to kiss him after. But Douglas is kissing him, so Martin tries to kiss Douglas back, just opens his mouth a little and Douglas hums and kisses on.
Martin is only following his lead because he hasn’t done a lot of kissing. But he needs to make up for it, Martin knows that for sure, so maybe he can... Martin reaches between Douglas’ legs.
Douglas tenses, but he doesn’t stop, so Martin fumbles and tries to get Douglas’ fly open. Only that doesn’t work at all while he’s also kissing, so he has to stop and look at his hands to do it.
Douglas looks down, and says, “You don’t have to.”
Martin can barely look at Douglas, when there’s this hard, warm thing under his hands, but he replies, a little out of breath, because he knows that it’s true, or at least somewhat - “I’m good at it.”
“Are you?” Douglas seems unsure, and Martin can understand that because of course Douglas thinks that he isn’t, after what just happened. But after a moment Douglas relaxes, and says, “Well, by all means then.”
So Martin pulls Douglas’ half-opened trousers down, and then takes his erection in his hand, all warm and heavy. It feels unreal, as if he has seen all the bits of Douglas before but not this one and he’s not sure where it’s been all this time.
Douglas is still looking tense, as if he thinks it’s strange, too. And Martin wants to say something clever, something really good that will make Douglas laugh all low and deep again and the lines around his eyes crinkle in amusement, but he can’t think of anything. Like always, Martin can’t think of anything that’s good enough. So he gets down on his knees on the hotel carpet, and licks Douglas’ erection.
He’s thick, and he fills his mouth.
Martin wasn’t lying, he has done this before. He uses his hand to guide Douglas’ erection between his lips, and it bumps into the roof of his mouth, but he angles his neck. Martin takes him as deep as he can go, and then moves his mouth up and down over him. Douglas doesn’t thrust; he keeps still, so it’s easy to do. Martin’s not choking at all.
Martin can smell him, too, something deep by his nose. Douglas’ scent is familiar, even though he’s never smelled him like that, he knows it’s him.
Martin closes his eyes.
Douglas’ hand settles on his shoulder. Martin thinks that that means speed up, so he does, goes all deep into his throat where it hurts, but Douglas says, “Martin...”
His voice sounds a little off, deep, too. “Martin, stop.”
Martin lets him pop out of his mouth, all wet and hard. What did he do wrong? He looks up at Douglas. Douglas’ cock is standing up, and his shirt is opened, showing a little of his belly. “If you tell me what you want, then I’ll do it, really, just...” tell me. Martin can feel a knot in his throat again, what did I do wrong?
Douglas’ face softens. “As a pilot you should know that these endeavours are just as much about the journey as they are about the landing.”
Martin blinks. “Well, the landing’s pretty important.” Martin knows that Douglas is being metaphorical, but landings are the most difficult part of learning to fly - 58 percent of all fatal airplane accidents happen during descent, approach or landing.
Douglas laughs. “Ah, truthfully spoken.”
Douglas steps back, though, so Martin does too, a little unsure as to what he should do now. But Douglas moves to the bed, and clearly expects him to follow. Martin does.
Martin is thinking that he can go on like that when they’re on the bed then, but Douglas takes his hand and pulls him to lie next to him. And as soon as Martin is up there with his head on the pillows, Douglas kisses him again.
Martin is not used to that at all, someone who wants to kiss him that much. But still he leans into Douglas’ touch, he can’t help it, it’s so nice. Douglas’ hands are trailing over his back.
Douglas is a good kisser, too. Martin tries to copy him, slower and faster, deep kisses, gentle ones. It goes on long enough that Martin feels a bit more relaxed. But still there’s something tense at the same time, too, he never, ever wants to stop doing this, but he’s waiting for it to end. For Douglas to push him downwards and then Martin will do that and they’ll never mention this again.
But that doesn’t happen. After a bit, Martin moves his leg over Douglas’ side, and Douglas tilts his hips while they kiss. He’s still hard, Martin can feel him, hot and right there.
When they stop and breathe a bit, Douglas brings his hand down between Martin’s legs. Martin nearly pulls away, both because of the shock of it, being touched there, and because he’s still sticky and... also kind of half-hard again. He can’t help it.
Douglas smiles when he finds out, though, and his fingers dance over Martin’s fly as he says, “Ah, to be young again.”
Which, well, Martin isn’t that young and it really usually doesn’t happen this way at all. But Martin can see that Douglas is kind of glad that he did get hard again, so he doesn’t say anything.
Douglas opens Martin’s trousers for him and puts his hand in his pants, on Martin’s... and oh, oh, it’s so good, feeling his fingers wrapped around him, moving just a little. “Douglas!”
“Hm.” Douglas’ voice sounds pleased. Close by, near his ear.
Douglas puts his other hand on Martin’s cheek and presses his lips to his again, briefly. Martin looks up and can see right into his eyes. He feels this strange wave of something warm and tense, and that’s love, Martin thinks, it’s love. For Douglas. Whose breath smells a bit like day-old coffee and his neck like weak aftershave and his lips are all red from kissing, and he’s so close by that he’s kind of blurry.
Martin isn’t sure whether he deserves to see this. Whether he’s good enough.
Douglas kisses him again, and Martin leans into it because yes, that’s what he wants, too. And then Douglas moves his hand on him as well, pushes the fabric of his pants out of the way and starts doing it for real. And it’s so good that Martin’s mouth opens and all he can think, all he can feel is the firecracker feeling of it, of the little tugs right there. So it’s probably not a good kiss, mostly him breathing and trying not to whimper.
Douglas stops kissing him, and Martin can see Douglas’ eyes on him and his smile as he’s touching him like that. Martin shivers.
Douglas’ fingers are gripping him a bit too tight, but they’re pulling fast, and Martin feels waves of tingly pleasure, so good, so very… Martin shakes and makes a really strange high sound, and then comes in Douglas’ hand.
Douglas lets go of him, and Martin just breathes, feeling all shivery and good. He’s not sure if he’s embarrassed or just happy or a lot of both. He’s half-expecting Douglas to push him down straight away now, because Douglas still hasn’t come. But Douglas doesn’t, he wipes his hand with a tissue from the bedside table, and then just lies there, next to him.
So Martin gets up, and clumsily crawls down the bed, in between Douglas’ legs. He has to do something back, he really has to.
Martin glances up, and he can see Douglas watching him. Douglas is still hard, luckily, he hasn’t bored him too much. Martin opens his mouth, and licks him.
Douglas shifts a little on the bed.
Martin takes him in his mouth, runs his tongue over the head and then down, down. He wants this to be so good. He needs to try to make it great, for Douglas.
After a bit, Douglas’ hand settles on his head, but doesn’t pull his hair.
When Martin starts taking him deep in his throat again, Douglas’ hand goes down to the back of his neck, and squeezes there, and that’s really nice. Martin feels a shiver of pleasure at that, and he moans a bit, he can’t help it. It’s muffled by Douglas’ cock in his mouth, but it makes him blush anyway.
Douglas replies, “Hm… yes.” He starts tasting all sharp and good.
Martin takes him in deep, and then slides off slowly. He licks the head all messily and eagerly, sucks a little, too, so he can taste him, slick and smooth on his tongue. And then takes him in again.
Douglas says, sounding as if he’s far away, “Martin, it’s, I’m…”
Martin feels a flash of heat at that, yes! He keeps on going, faster and faster. He can feel Douglas tense, so close, and then there’s bitterness down his throat. Martin sucks in a breath and coughs an abrupt swallow-cough that sort of stings all the way to his nose, but he keeps on going, all the way through.
And then slows it down, and lets him slip out of his mouth. There’s still come on his tongue so Martin swallows it. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and then looks up.
Douglas is flushed, but he’s looking at him, too. “Well. You have done that before.”
Martin’s not sure if it’s a compliment. “I’m not a virgin.” He probably says it a little too defensively, he’s never going to be as good as this as Douglas is, Martin knows that, but still, he has done it before.
“Of course.” Douglas lies down more comfortably. He seems happy, Martin thinks. So he must have done okay, still, in the end. “A bobsled, I remember.”
Martin is still down by Douglas’ legs, which seems a little weird now, talking to him, so he moves off the bed, and then pulls his trousers up before they fall down. They’re all sticky, and there’s come drying on Martin’s belly and upper legs. His knees are shaking.
Douglas looks at him curiously, “So, were there people in possession of a penis in said bobsled?”
Oh. “No.” No, Martin didn’t even think of that. “You asked how many ex-girlfriends I had.”
“Ah, and you left out the boyfriends?”
Martin feels a flicker of shame. He didn’t. “I’ve never had a boyfriend.” No one who ever wanted him for real. He zips up his trousers.
“So your knowledge stems from encounters of the more anonymous kind then?”
Martin nods. That’s what people do who can’t get anyone otherwise - go to a bar and hope that someone will want to... He tucks his shirt in quickly. He can take a shower later in the room, Arthur will never notice.
Martin knows why Douglas is asking him that, though. He looks at him. “It’s fine, I know how this works, I won’t tell. Anyone. I won’t mention it again.” He tries not to sound sad. It is what he wanted. Really, it is.
Douglas waves it away. “Oh, I wasn’t worried about that.”
Douglas seems fairly composed already, even though he’s still lying on the bed with his trousers down. It’s kind of unfair, Martin thinks, because now Douglas knows how easily he… how much he really wanted that. And Douglas might not go so far as to tease him about it, but it’s always going to be there, one more thing for Douglas to be smug about.
Douglas eyes him, and says, “I was thinking more that I wouldn’t be opposed to a repeat performance.” He sits up.
Martin doesn’t understand for a second, and then it seems to burst through his stomach. “You want to… um, again? With me?”
“Only if you’re interested, of course. Wouldn’t want to presume.” Douglas says it as easily as if they’re discussing lunch, and stands up to close his trousers.
Martin says, quickly, “Yes. Yes! Yes, I would like to. Yes. Again. Whenever you want to.” He feels a swirling sensation at the thought alone, and again that, somehow, this can’t be real.
Douglas is smiling smugly at his reaction, but Martin doesn’t care. Everyone probably feels that way after they’ve been kissed and touched by Douglas.
Douglas shrugs out of his jacket, and lays it on the bed. “Well then. Consider yourself propositioned.”
Martin looks down at his feet so it’s not too obvious, but he feels stunned. His heart is beating kind of fast again. Or it still is, he doesn’t know. Martin knows that he should go now. He looks around for his hat, but no, he wasn’t wearing it to begin with, it’s in the room. So he has no reason to stay any longer.
He looks towards the door.
And then towards Douglas. Douglas, who wants to do this again, who just said so, and he might change his mind later, but… Martin walks over to him. Douglas said so. He said he wanted it. So Martin leans close - he can see a moment of surprise from Douglas – and then he kisses him on the mouth, really quickly.
It’s more of a peck, really. It’s nowhere near as good a kiss as they’ve kissed before, but Martin can feel himself blush anyway.
Douglas opens his mouth to say something, but Martin is already walking away now, fast. He tries to open the door, forgetting that it’s locked, and then undoes it and leaves as quickly as he can. Because he’s sure that if he does even one more thing, then he’s going to mess it up and somehow make Douglas change his mind, and Martin doesn’t want him to. He really, really doesn’t want him to.
And then Martin’s closing the door behind him and he’s in the corridor again. It seems like a whole different world.
Like he’d forgotten that there was anything outside the door at all.
Martin walks to the left, reaches the lifts, and then remembers that the room that he is sharing with Arthur is the other way, actually, so he turns around and walks past Douglas’ room again. The busy pattern of the carpet is dancing before his eyes.
Martin knocks on the door of their room. Arthur opens it, already talking, “Oh, hey, Skip, where have you been? I thought that maybe you’d be outside but then it’s so late so…”
Martin lets Arthur’s voice wash over him. He even replies to some of it while he opens his carry-on and takes his pyjamas and toiletries and goes to the bathroom, but as soon as he’s said something he doesn’t remember what it was. At all.
Martin locks the door. He can see himself in the tiny mirror, and he looks awful in the fluorescent light, his mouth is red and there are patches of colour on his cheeks.
He just had sex with Douglas.
Martin can feel it in his legs, still. They’re shaky. In the back of his throat, swallowing hurts a bit.
Martin strips off his clothes, and remembers Douglas’ touches and what happened, and he feels shame and a bright rush of happiness all in one.
He takes a shower and then goes to bed while Arthur chatters a bit more about featherdown pillows, and Martin doesn’t listen, just looks at the ceiling, and… thinks.
Because, well, he has been in love with Douglas for a very long time.
But it’s always been okay. Easy, really, because Douglas was just too good, and it would never happen, so it was safe except…
Now it did. Happen.
Now Douglas wants to do it again, too. And it’s going to go wrong in some way or other, Martin already knows that. But he can’t help but feel this hot ball of tension and warmth in his stomach, because...