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loyalty over love

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"I knew you'd betray us Walter. Your loyalty to the Merines was too great for you to just throw away." Walter tensed up, and his pupils shrunk in fear as he heard Senel whisper. "Go ahead and betray us tomorrow, I don't mind." Senel placed his hand on Walters shoulder as he uttered those words. "I'll just have to kill you tomorrow." Senel walked away after speaking to Walter. Walters muscled loosened, and the shock at what had just taken place washed over him, filling him with a guilt like no other he had felt before. He couldn't betray the Merines, but he also just couldn't betray Senel. He shuffled his papers detailing his soon to be plan for betrayal and stood up, turning off his oil lamp as he walked to his bed to sleep off the inevitable.

Walter couldn't sleep. He was tossing and turning violently, dripping in cold sweat. His hair and clothes were sticking to him as he shivered and let out a choked sob. He was... Crying? He, Walter Delques, was crying? Why would he be crying? Was it perhaps over the claims from that orerines? No! It couldn't be... Walter shifted onto his side as his tears fell. What was this wrenching pain in his chest? Was it just his guilt? Or was it more? Either way, his tears wouldn't stop falling and his chest wouldn't stop hurting. His eyes were burning in pain from crying for so long and even just closing them hurt. Yet still, he closed them with a whimper and escaped into the darkness of sleep.

Walter woke up repeatedly in his sleep, with an image of Senel burned into his mind. He couldn't stop thinking of Senel. This wouldn't be such a problem if it wasn't for the fact that whenever he thought of the other man his chest would start to tighten, his face would flush heavily, his breathing would halt, and his heartbeat would quicken considerably. Is this reaction to someone what was known as love? Walter was unsure as to what these foreign feelings were, so he assumed as such.

Walter jolted into a sitting position and gripped the sheets of the bed with terrifying force for a man of his physical stature. "I have... I have to kill the man I love? For the sake of the Merines?" he whispered to himself as tears continued to cascade down his face like a waterfall. He curled into himself tightly, letting out a small wail as he did so, just loud enough for an awakened Senel and Jay to hear from the adjacent room.

"He's really torn isn't he Senel? Just like you are." Jay commented, setting his book on the nightstand eyeing Senel pryingly. Senel's eyes met Jay's, and he suspiciously shifted his gaze to the wall separating them from Walter.

"It's not like I really care about him all too much Jay. He's only been around us a little while and I was suspicious of him from the start so in fact i'm not surprised in the slightest." Senel huffed as he turned away. "I don't care about him... Do I?" Senel thought as he leaned his head into the wall, slumping his shoulders as he did so.

"Hey uh Jay. Do you know what love feels like?" Senel questioned, glancing over at the smaller boy.

Jay set down his book. "Why do you ask Senel? Didn't you love Stella? You should know what love feels like, so why are you asking me?"

"You see i'm just starting to question exactly what kind of love i had for Stella, you know? I'm starting to think I loved her more like a sister than anything else, and that I was just confusing my feelings for her with my feelings for someone else. Or well, something to that effect."

"I see..." Jay said, closing his book. "Senel, you're gay."

Senel reeled a bit. He knew this would most likely be the case, but he was still a bit surprised in himself. "Thanks for your help, Jay."

"No problem Senel." Jay replied, reopening his book. Senel wandered off outside the inn to get some fresh air. When he stepped outside, he broke down and cried.