Derek stood in front of the pack, frowning. Anger rolled off him in waves, Scott looking guilty before him. Rubbing my arms in nonchalance, I decided to take Derek's anger upon myself. We as a pack stressed him beyond all hope, it was time we did something about it. And Scott looked like a kicked puppy trying to defend Isaac against Derek's PMS rage. Stepping into Derek's peripheral vision, he growled at me, eyes glowing red.
"What are you doing here Stiles." He more of less demanded, not asked.
"Derek, come with me." I retorted, standing my ground.
"What? No, this pack needs..."
"You to calm down. So come with me." I snapped and strangely enough, Derek complied.
Scott and Isaac smiled thankfully at me as I found the courage to grab Derek's arm. His muscular arm was teasing me, but I stayed composed. Derek followed me from the room, and to the outside world.
"Where are we going?" Derek asked and I grinned.
"Just get in my jeep." I told him, pulling out my keys.
"Stiles, I really don't have time for this." Derek sighed and I found myself frowing.
"What if we just drove? Drove to our hearts content towards paradise." I told him, giddy from confession.
I didn't expect Derek to get into my car, but he did. Leaping into the drivers seat, I drove from the loft. Hummimg to myself to break the silence, Derek began to tap out an agitated beat.
"Look, I am not getting younger and that pack is not getting any better. I need to be guiding them." Derek said and I caught a sad expression. A lonely expression.
"Then have my youth." I exclaimed and Derek laughed quietly. "No, I am serious. Besides, you are missing the point with the whole pack. They are lost teenagers, they need someone just as lost to lead them."
"I am...I am good at being lost." Derek confessed.
Not sure how to answer, I watched the world drift past. People completing their day to day lives, so wrapped up in themselves they probably didn’t notice me drive by. I found my response.
"Derek, you are not lost, just damaged." I said softly, and he growled but I continued, "You blame yourself for everything, not allowing room for life. Being lost does not mean lifeless Derek. Everyone wants to live, everyone except you." And me, I added silently.
"Take me to the preserve Stiles." Derek demanded and I could not find it in myself to argue.
The silence was echoing around my mind, spewing hateful thoughts. I would rather be spitting blood than have this silence fuck me up. This silence, the quiet surrounding us, was deafening. Anything would be better than the quiet. Thankfully the drive was not long, and soon I was pulling up under the shade of the woods. Derek flung his door opened and gestured for me to follow. Sensing his rising anger, I meekly obeyed. Standing in front of Derek, I felt self-conscious under his intense stare.
"I cannot live because I struggle keeping you all alive!" Derek shouted, clenching his fists.
"Don't 'Derek' me. Do you understand all I go through to keep you alive?" He snapped, a sadness taking over.
I snapped as well.
"Who said I want to live!" I shouted back, startling myself with my honesty.
"What are you saying?" Derek asked quietly, taken back.
"That's right, the over confident human in a werewolf pack hates himself. What, do you want to exchange heart felt apologies and pretend we understand each other?"
"I wasn't aware." Derek admitted and I laughed.
"That isbecause you weren't living. Enough of me, your pack needs you to be calm." I cracked a smile and Derek frowned.
"You are also pack, and I doubt you need me calm."
"I am human Derek. I stopped deluding myself that I could even be considered pack a while ago."
"But you mean something to me."
"Really? Do I mean something to you as a researcher? Enough about me, we are here for you. You were terrifying Scott back there."
Derek ignored me, taking a step towards me. Chuckling quietly I backed away, only Derek grabbed a hold of me.
"I really like you. I felt something from the moment we touched, I felt drawn to you. You specifically. But you are a human refusing the bite, so how can I rest we you are unprotected." Derek said calmly, but the desperation in his eyes told me he wasn't.
"I...you are lying."
"No, I am not. After Kate, I thought I could never love. Not really. But you, you make me feel like I have got it all, like I am living." Derek brought his face closer to mine, causing my heart to race. "But I shut myself down because you could never return my feelings."
Derek looked lost as he released me, trying to find something aside from me to rest his eyes on. My heart ached from his confessions, gripping me tightly.
"I thought you hated me." I laughed, tears springing in my eyes. "I thought to you I was see through. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw you."
Derek looking at me with surprise, and shock.
"So this whole time, we have been avoiding our own feelings for unspoken fears?" Derek chuckled, stepping in close once again. "Lets change that."
And his lips crashed onto my own. Electricity danced under my skin, sparking from Derek. Feeling him wrap his arms around me waist, I kissed him back, opening my mouth slightly in submission. Despite all the cliché's, the world did not slow, if anything, it sped up. Breaking the kiss, I stared up at Derek, lust tainting my vision.
Catching my breath, I rested my head on his shoulder, blinking through tears.
"What was that Derek?" I asked quietly, holding him tightly.
"I don't know."
The next day Derek left without a word, leaving only a pack and a broken heart behind.