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Willow’s Notebook

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So this is what really happened, I swear to God. You’re going to think I’m nuts, but it happened.

Willow and I were walking to sixth period– she had AP Calculus and I had English for American-Speakers or something– and I noticed her reading out of this black notebook she’s always carrying these days and giggling.

“Will, what’s in the notebook?” I asked.

“Nothing, Buffy. I was just thinking of something funny Ross did on Friends last night. Nothing in this notebook is amusing. Just notes on things that are deep and difficult and make my head hurt, so I must think of Friends to keep from hurting and ooh, I’m babbling and here’s my class, see you after school bye!” she twittered, her round little face turning the color of a tomato, or some red thing.

I had a new mission in life. I knew that whatever was in Willow’s little black book, it was something I wanted to see. Deep and difficult indeed! It made listening to Mrs. Kreblitz almost bearable that day.

Getting the black notebook was not easy, to say the least. Willow kept that bad boy with her day and night, and if she didn’t have it in her arms, it was hidden somewhere in her bedroom where I could not find it. She brought it to school a lot, and she’d always start reading and look coy. She’d lick her lips so much that it made them shiny and full. Oz was a lucky man, I have to say. Not that I lust after Willow, I lust– when I lust at all– after boys– but she looked really good.

The day I finally got to see that little notebook, I was lucky. Oz was at that time of the month, and Giles had needed Willow’s help with a spell, and she offered to help so fast she forgot all about that notebook. I was supposed to be training, but one glance at that infamous black book waiting for me and…

I sat down and opened her up and started reading.

“All the Children are Insane,” I muttered. “NC-17 MSR.”

I started reading. Within a page, my face was really red.

“What the hell is this?” I whispered. I kept reading, and I think by the time Willow returned to find me red faced and wet and reading her NC-17 notes on NC-17 slash, I had gotten a better workout than I could have imagined.

“Buffy, what are you doing with that notebook?” Willow shrieked.

“The question is what are you doing with this notebook!”

“I’m using it for, uh, erm, research.”

I gave her a look. “Research about what? How to be a big skank?”

“Buffy, I don’t need to research there, just talk to you and Cordy. Anyway,” Willow said. “That’s mine and you really had no right to go looking in it. Remember the last time that happened? We almost got burnt at the stake, remember?”

“That was different. That was harmless. This is–”

“More harmless. Fanfiction is a legitimate, fun hobby,” Willow said. “Except for the part about breaking copyright laws.”

“You don’t mean you write this stuff?”

“Oh, no,” Willow said. “Not X-Files fanfiction. You would not believe the bitchy community there. I mean, meeee-owwww! No, I’ve been writing Star Trek fanfiction, mostly Bashir/O’Brian slash.”

My face went even redder, if that was possible. “You write guy slash? Ewwwww.”

Willow rolled her eyes. “It’s not ew, Buff,” she said, sitting down next to me at the table. “Have you read any of the stuff in the notebook?”

“I just skimmed the part with the lube and the boy/boy interaction.”

“So you did more than skim, say, the other stuff?”

I tried not to blush any more. My face felt like it was the new home of the Hellmouth, literal. “Erm– uh– erm–”

“It’s okay, Buff. Most fic readers like the NC-17 MSR, O/K, Chakotay/Janeway, you know, the conventional. There’s a huge following for it.. But after me and Oz tried to act out something from one of those MSRs, I realized that conventional was not the way to go.”

I stared at her. “What did you try to act out?”

“Boring stuff. Oz is the best, you know, he really loves me, and he respects women. But he’s just not creative enough. That’s why I had to enlist Xander’s help to do some of this stuff.”

“I thought you were staying away from any more Xander-Willow mojo!” I cried.

“SHHH!” Willow hissed. “I use this forgetfulness spell on him, well, him and Oz.”

“Willow! That’s bad!”

“Well, it’s mostly to spare their feelings afterwards. Neither of them wants to remember what we’ve done.”

“Not like– all three of you?” I gasped.

“Oh, that was only like three or four times. And twice, we convinced Cordelia to join in.”

I almost passed out from shock. “Will! I mean– WILL! You’re such a nice girl, and now you’ve got– Willow, you’ve got to stop.”

“That’s what Giles said. But only once,” Willow said with an arch grin on her face. “I seduced him using a scene straight out of a Scully/Skinner fic. That was quite a triumph. Next week, I’m going to ask Faith to dinner. You don’t mind, do you, Buffy? I mean, I like you, but we’re just friends, you know?”

That was when I dropped her notebook and ran out of the room. I mean, fast. I went into the library and almost slugged Giles in the face, but then I remembered Willow had probably made him forget about their– eww. Okay, this is getting too much to confess. But I’ve started to wonder if Willow was being completely honest. I mean, what if she used her insta-amnesia on me after we did something like, less than innocent?

Oh, GOD. Now I really have to find out what Willow is doing with Oz and Xander, or Giles and Faith, or even, heaven help us, Cordelia. I have to warn them, because our Willow isn’t a good girl.

“Buffy,” I hear whispered into my ear. “Buffy, don’t worry. I’m going to take good care of you.”

It’s Willow, and she’s holding that black notebook and wearing the skimpiest dress I’ve ever seen on her. What am I going to do?

“Don’t resist,” she whispers, stroking my shoulder. “You won’t remember a thing. Just say yes.”

Okay, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to wake up. And if it’s not a dream, okay, I’m going to say yes.

Hey, I saw some of those notes. Willow knows what she’s doing!