"So," Scott said, when the entire pack was all — finally — packed into Derek's Toyota. "I know you said you had 'grand plans' for your birthday, but I'm pretty sure I speak for all of us when I say… where the hell are we going?"
Boyd, squished into the tiny rear seat that was supposedly big enough for two with Erica in his lap and Isaac plastered to the wall beside him, grunted his agreement. Kira even muttered a little, and she really had no room to complain considering she, Scott, and Allison fit perfectly well in the middle row.
Stiles, all alone up front in the passenger seat, just smiled and brought up google maps. "You'll find out soon enough, good buddy. Derek, my man, just follow the directions and we'll be there in… approximately fourteen minutes." Then he paused to cast a long look at Derek, who was sitting stiffly in the driver's seat, his hands firmly at ten and two. "But of course, that time doesn't start until we, you know, actually start moving. You offered to drive, dude. So drive."
Derek huffed out a breath, fingers tightening on the wheel before he sighed deeply and started the engine. Smoothly putting the SUV in drive, he drove toward the road and turned right when Stiles' phone prompted him to.
"Eighteen," Stiles said, stretching his legs out, a smile curving his lips. "All legal now. For the important stuff anyway."
"Ah," Derek muttered, his eyes flickering to his mirrors as a car sped around them on the right. "I wish you would have mentioned that earlier. If you really wanted to go do the important stuff, then we're too late. The county courthouse closed at four today. It's past ten now."
"Har har, wolf's got jokes. For your information, I registered to vote first thing this morning."
"Well, then, the recruitment place is probably also closed this time of evening."
Stiles snorted. "Okay, so I know that was definitely going to be followed up with a crack about getting rid of me for a few months or something, but dude. I want you to think about that one. Me, with an automatic rifle. Do you really hate your country so much?"
Derek winced, even as the group in the back cracked up.
"Yeah, you definitely didn't think that one through, Derek," Allison teased, her fingers sneaking into the inch of space between the top of Stiles' seat and the headrest to tug at the hair at the back of his head. "Lucky for us and the good citizens of Beacon Hills, you're much better with a bat than a loaded firearm."
"Yeah, yeah," Stiles muttered, ducking out of her reach. "I feel the love."
"Yeah," Kira piped up, her voice bright, "not all of us can be crack shots, Darryl."
"No, no," Erica protested. "She's obviously Kate Bishop."
Loving the direction the conversation had taken, Stiles turned in his seat, laying his phone on the console so Derek could see and hear the directions. "Oh, good one, Catwoman! I was sure you were gonna stay true to your DC roots and go for a Team Arrow reference."
"Who? Thea Queen? ...Eh, I don't see it."
"Nah, I mean, she's obviously Nyssa al Ghul. Trained as a master assassin, shady fucking family connections—"
"Hey!" Ally flicked him in the forehead, even as the entire back row cracked up.
"Gets a little stabby sometimes…" Isaac sing-songed, prompting Scott to wrap one arm protectively around Allison and turn serious laser beam eyes on him.
Rolling her eyes, Allison pecked Scott on the cheek. "Thanks for defending my honor and all, but it's fine. Besides, if I was really offended," the schink of metal rang clear in the vehicle, causing at least three of the occupants to stiffen in alarm, "I can take care of myself."
"Definitely Nyssa," Kira said, but her voice was filled with such awe and respect that Allison leaned around Scott to plant a long kiss on her lips, making everyone except Derek whistle at the two girls.
Stiles turned back around in his seat, laughing, idly checking their surroundings to see how far out they were. He turned to Derek, about to instruct him on his next turn, only to see that Derek's shoulders were tense, his fingers too tight on the steering wheel. Straightening in alarm, Stiles peered around them, trying to spot whatever it was Derek had seen, but either they were going too fast for Stiles' human eyes to make out the danger, or …
Or there wasn't actually any danger.
Turning to Derek, Stiles laid a gentle hand on his forearm. No pressure, especially not enough to throw off his driving, but just enough to let Derek know that Stiles was with him. "Hey, dude," he murmured, keeping his voice light enough to hopefully not draw the attention of the loudly chattering group in the rear of the SUV. "What's up?"
"Stiles… where are we going?"
Stiles tried on a smile, but only managed half of one before it slid off his face. "It's a little shop up here, a few blocks from downtown. We're only a few minutes away, actually," he said, just as his phone directed Derek to turn left ahead.
"We're not going to Jungle, are we?" Derek asked, sounding resigned.
Snorting, Stiles gestured to his plain clothes. "In this? Phoenix would disembowel me if I showed up at her club looking like this. No, I mean, it's just Thursday. I figured we'd do that sometime this weekend, now that I can use my actual ID to get in. It'll be new and unusual," he added, jazz hands underscoring the final few words.
"You can turn off the phone. There's only one place out this way that…"
Stiles eyes went wide, but he shut off his maps and shifted in his seat to shove his phone in his pocket. "Wow."
"I dunno, I guess it's just weird to me that you even know this place, yanno? Was it even here last time you were in town? I mean… before." Stiles swallowed down the urge to add the fire, because there wasn't any way Derek didn't know exactly which 'before' Stiles was referring to.
Instead of answering, Derek made the last few turns and then smoothly slid into a spot just at the front of the shop, even as Erica and Isaac made exclamations of delight and Kira, Scott, and Boyd groaned in dismay.
Allison did neither, just dimpled at Stiles and said, "Let me guess, Lydia got it out of you. That's why she didn't come with us."
Stiles wrinkled his nose. "Yeah. I mean, it's probably true that she didn't want to try piling into the soccer mom van with the rest of the pack but—"
"I really wish you would stop calling it that," Derek growled, throwing the Toyota into park none too gently. "I'll wait here," he added, glaring out the window at the shop.
"Uh, nope. No, no, nyet. No can do, big guy. You're coming in too. That was the deal. It's my birthday and everyone has to do the thing I want to do. And what I want to do is go into our friendly local sex toy shop and peruse the merchandise. I want to buy a ridiculously overpriced dildo and some cheap ass lube. I might even get some edible panties if I'm feeling particularly peckish. But you are definitely coming with. So. Mush!" Stiles underscored his speech by reaching over and popping the button on Derek's seat belt.
"Stiles, I really—"
"Not about you, big guy. This is my night. When it's your birthday, you can choose. Now," he snatched the keys out of the ignition, "get the fuck out of the car before I have Scott go all Alpha on your ass."
Derek rolled his eyes, jaw twitching a little as he glared at the brightly lit shop. Finally, he sagged back into his seat and dragged a hand down his face. "Fine," he muttered, grabbing his wallet out of the cup holder he'd thrown it into and opening his door.
Stiles watched avidly as Derek slid his wallet into his back pocket — praising baby Jesus for that fine ass — before fumbling at his own seatbelt and nearly tripping out of the vehicle when the sidewalk was lower than he was expecting.
The rest of the pack was already huddled in a group, nervous giggles erupting from Scott and Kira even as Erica was intently reading the discount advertisements posted in the windows.
"Oh, baby, look!" she exclaimed. "Buy one swing, get a flogger free!"
Boyd rumbled something back to her that Stiles couldn't hear, but he didn't care. They were here. And it was his birthday.
He was reaching for the door to pull it open when Scott slid something into his hand. Startled, Stiles looked down at it, only to see a few twenties rolled up together. At his questioning look, Scott shrugged and said, "Lydia told us not to get you anything, just to have some cash available for tonight. Now I know what she meant."
"Aw, dude, you didn't have to—"
Scott ducked his head, glancing back at Kira and Allison, who were staring back with their arms around each other, Isaac hovering just over Allison's shoulder. "I mean, I just… Dildos aren't cheap. Not the good ones, anyway."
"Scotterina Francesca Delgado McCall, are you telling me—"
"Dude!" Scott whined, shoulders rising higher around his ears.
"Fine," Stiles said, lifting a finger. "But if you think this is the last time we have this little chat…"
Scott sighed, but hooked an elbow around his neck and opened the door, dragging him inside. "Happy birthday, bro. We love you." He smacked a loud kiss to the top of Stiles' head, releasing him from what had almost turned into a headlock there.
"Yeah," Stiles muttered, happiness filling him even as he joked, "But you don't love me love me."
"I love you enough to fund your first legal dildo. That should be enough for you."
"Aww, buddy. Light of my life." Stiles nuzzled Scott's ear, sneaking in a little tongue that had Scott dancing away laughing and scrubbing at it.
Stiles looked around, then frowned when he realized he didn't see Derek… who was hiding behind a large cardboard advertisement for some, uh. Stiles tilted his head. He was pretty sure it wasn't a toilet plunger, but that's what it looked like. Only of course, the woman it was being used on looked way happier than any woman being plunged should look.
Stiles snickered to himself at that while walking over and grabbing Derek's hand, dragging him out into the very center of the wide open, bright store. He was opening his mouth to make a crack about Derek being embarrassed only to hear a completely unfamiliar voice shout, "Hale?"
Derek stiffened further, eyes flaring wide as the rest of the pack all went still, their heads turning in an eerie sort of animatronic-looking synchronicity toward what could only be the store employee.
"Dude, is it… Nah, man, you're not on shift tonight," the stranger said, and that's when a few dozen things clicked for Stiles.
"Oh shit," he breathed, his mouth spreading into a wide, possibly terrifying smile. "You—"
"But hey man," oblivious!clerk went on to say, "that personal shipment you ordered came in. I was just gonna leave a note, since you're closing tomorrow, but if you're here anyway, may as well take it home and use it, know what I mean? No better reference than a personal reference, am I right?" The guy, having come around the counter and approached Derek during that entire spiel, laughed at himself before clapping Derek solidly on the back, even as Derek's entire face burned red.
"Zack," Derek growled, turning the full force of his most deadly glare on the hapless dude. Then, obviously fighting his own inner need to rip this Zack guy's spleen out, just sighed and said, "Thanks. I'll get it on our way out. My friends just wanted to do some shopping tonight."
"Oh, hey, no problem-o. I dunno if we can give them all the employee discount though." Zack looked worried for a second, the air between him and Derek still a little tense before Stiles decided to break it.
"Hey, no worries! I'm the only one he should be giving his discount to anyway. Birthday boys get benefits, am I right?"
Zack, belatedly picking up on Derek's distress, just nodded slowly, backing away. "Yeah, man. That's uh, that's…." He winced, glancing between Derek and Stiles, then around at the group of boggling teenagers. "Oh, hey, if I—"
"Zack, right?" Erica purred, stepping all over what was promising to be a really awkward apology. "I saw a sign on the window about a swing and a flogger. Can you tell me more about that?"
As she led him away, Stiles grabbed Derek's arm and yanked until he and Derek were somewhat hidden in the middle of two shelves filled with, oh hey, BDSM manuals. "You," he breathed, pointing his finger directly at Derek's nose. "You do have a job."
"I never said I didn't," Derek said, glaring at the finger like he was going to bite it off.
"You very definitely made it seem like you didn't. I just, dude," Stiles gasped, clutching his hands to his chest in awe. "Titillations! You fucking work at Titillations. Do you have an employee ID? A tight polo shirt with the shop's logo on it?"
Derek growled at Stiles and turned away, stomping toward the door.
"No, no!" Stiles screeched, leaping forward and barring the door with his body. "You can't leave now! I have some shopping to do and you... you are going to be my very own personal shopper."
Derek's jaw worked, his eyes flashing blue, before he let out a harsh sigh and spun on his heel, stomping away. Stiles watched him go, but he didn't appear to be trying to leave the shop via a secret back door — oh, hah, back door! — so Stiles eventually hurried after him.
When he found Derek, Derek was standing near a peg-board wall on which neatly hung about fifty different dildos. He scanned them quickly, then reached out and yanked one off its peg, thrusting it at Stiles before stalking off again. Stiles kept up with him easily, looking between Derek's pissy face and the bright purple vibrating dildo in his hand.
"It's the best one for your money, but you'll want to invest in higher quality batteries than any you can find in this store. Go to an electronics store and get specialized ones. The cheap ones will work for now, but they won't last. Your best bet will be rechargeables."
Derek cut him off again, grabbing something off a shelf seemingly at random and plopping it into his free hand. "You're right, this is cheap lube. We do have higher quality stuff, but your best bet is to buy off Amazon or Adam and Eve."
Stiles fumbled the lube into the crook of his arm before reaching out and grabbing at Derek's shoulder. "I swear to god," he muttered, "if you're about to grab a pack of edible panties, I'll punch you in your jaw. Which will be a horrible thing to do to me on my birthday."
Derek raised his eyebrows. "If you're punching me, how is it—"
"Like you aren't fully aware I'd break my hand on your stupidly perfect jaw and spend the rest of the night in the ER trying to come up with a better story to tell my dad and Melissa than Derek Hale got me some edible panties." Looking down at the stuff in his hands, Stiles fidgeted for a second before he looked up through his lashes. "Derek. I, uh. I know I was being a shit about it and all, but I'm actually kinda glad to know you do have a job. I was — we were — worried about you spending all that time alone at the loft and. Just. You know, thanks for helping me with these and—"
Derek rolled his eyes, stopping Stiles' mindless blather with a hand over his mouth. "Yeah, whatever. I'll give you my employee discount this time, but only because it's your birthday."
Licking Derek's hand, Stiles waited for him to pull it away before he beamed at him. "Thanks, dude. But you know, you don't have to do that for me. If you want to get me a really good present, all you have to do is tell me what ol' Zack is holding for you in the back."
Derek crossed his arms over his chest, looking Stiles up and down with his lips twisted in consideration. "Manties."
Stiles frowned, the word meaningless. "Manties? What are— oh my god," he hissed excitedly. "Man panties?! You got man panties?!"
With Stiles chasing after him the whole way, Derek walked quickly across sales floor and behind the counter, shooting a quelling look at Stiles when he tried to follow into the employees-only area of the shop. Derek disappeared for a few minutes, only to return with a gray plastic mailing bag in his hands.
"Those are your Manties?" Stiles asked eagerly. Then, "Why Manties?"
"Women don't have dicks. These have more room in the front."
"I feel as though I should point out on behalf of Phoenix and some other ladies of my acquaintance that some women do, but really, what I mean is why 'Manties'? What a stupid name."
Derek sighed. "I don't market them, Stiles, I just wear them."
At that, Stiles' brain screeched to a halt, because for all that Derek was very obviously the owner of the Manties in question, he hadn't really considered that Derek owned them for reasons. Reasons like wearing them.
The mental image alone was enough to have Stiles' pants fitting him a little tighter in the, uh, Manties region.
"Yeah?" he asked, trying to be cool about it and failing miserably. "You uh, like the way they fit?"
"I like the way they feel, Stiles," Derek murmured, stepping in close, leaning his head in until his face was inches from Stiles'. "I like the way the satin cups my dick and holds my balls all nice and tight but still soft and silky all up against my skin."
"Do they," Stiles croaked, then cleared his throat and tried again. "Do they have a little bow on the front?"
Derek's mouth curved into a dark, almost threatening grin. "Want to find out?"
Stiles choked, eyes going so wide he knew he looked ridiculous. His head was already nodding, disjointedly bobbing on his shoulders.
Moving just a little closer, so close Stiles could feel Derek's breath against the corner of his jaw, Derek said, "Wanna find out right now?"
Stiles' gaze dropped down, trying to see between their bodies to where the button on Derek's jeans was. But Derek's hands got in the way, his knuckles pressing against Stiles' belly as he... Stiles gulped, a little mewling sound bursting from him. He glanced around wildly, wondering where the security cameras were and if any of the pack were watching.
Derek's hands jerked and Stiles gasped, looking down again so fast he probably strained an eye socket.
But instead of seeing Derek's splayed-open jeans, he saw a ripped apart package of… Manties. Of course. The ones Derek had ordered, oh god.
The pair Derek pulled out first were a bright blue — the same as his beta eyes — and lacy. Stiles licked his lips, fingers itching to reach out and touch, but he contented himself with looking at the waistband instead. "Oh," he finally said, dumbly. "No bow. That's… huh."
"A little?" Stiles said, tilting his head.
"I can make it up to you," Derek murmured, dragging his nose over Stiles' jaw.
Swallowing down his own heady desire and ignoring the goosebumps that dotted his skin, Stiles gave a shaky laugh and stepped back. "Yeah, right. Okay, okay, dude. I get it. I'll… keep my nose out of your sexy business."
Derek followed his retreat, keeping the closeness between their bodies. "You think my business is sexy?"
Stiles looked pointedly around the store. "Dude, your business is literally sex. So, I mean… whatever. I guess I'll, uh, go pay for these and—"
Lifting his eyes to Derek's took some willpower, but it wasn't like Stiles had never embarrassed himself in front of the dude before so. "Yeah?"
"Don't buy the lube."
"I have way better stuff at the loft. If," Derek licked his lips, breaking eye contact as his ears went red again. "If you want a personal demonstration of the product."
Stiles' mouth dropped open. He knew Derek. He knew Derek, and Derek was a dick about some things, but he wouldn't… he wouldn't drag it out like this. "Which, uh, which product?"
"Anything you can find in the shop," Derek muttered, the color in his ears spilling into his cheeks as well.
Stretching out his hand, Stiles laid it on top of Derek's shoulder. He smiled big and bright when Derek raised hopeful eyes to his. "Found you," he whispered.