From the moment he met Napoleon, his heart always raced.
He refused to believe that his husband had been reincarnated into Napoleon. It was apparent, the same sparkling blue eyes and mischievous smile, that he'd been reincarnated too.
For the longest time Illya thought he was alone. Alone in this mysterious world where it was easier to be with men than back then.
It turns out he is not. Gavirille, or Gaby, is with him too. She was nice and witty now, as well as back then.
And of course there's Napoleon.
But he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember the times they spent together laughing, crying, screaming. He doesn't remember their first time together or the way their bodies fit perfectly against each other.
It's painful knowing the love, feeling the love, only to be forgotten like a tossed away rag. It makes Illya's chest tight and his breathing short when he knows Napoleon is courting some woman.
Gaby remembered. She listened everytime Illya needed someone to talk to. She knew how much it pained Illya or how he swallowed his kisses when Napoleon got in his face. She knew everything.
It gets to Illya at times.
While Napoleon is in his room with a woman, Illya drinks until he sways from side to side. He thinks it can't be happening again. He stumbles to his room and cried himself to sleep, then dream about the old days.
Sometimes, the dreams will be about the funeral he attended. Or the note that he read bringing the news of his death. He'd wake up, hyperventilating, chest tight and sit at the foot of his bed.
Gaby would check on him, seeing him in the distressed state he's in. And sit next to him and let Illya spill his sorrows or cry until all he can do is hiccup.
"Solo will eventually remember," she says. He does, over time spent with Illya, or his other incarnations. That does little to solve the pain an his heart. He falls asleep on Gaby's lap with her hands in his hair.
He cares for Napoleon almost as much as he cared for his past incarnation. Finding Napoleon in the torture chamber was too close. Too close to losing him again, even if they aren't together in the way Illya hopes for.
Losing him is his own personal torture, cutting deep and leaving scars on the mind. It makes him wonder why he's stuck in this cycle of life and death. It's what keeps him awake at night.
This cycle has been never ending from the time he first died. He still has nightmares of passing out and fading into darkness. The hardest liquor in the kingdom still fresh on his lips.
He's been avoiding Napoleon.
Why? He doesn't know anymore, the pain was getting to him and he couldn't bear it anymore. He keeps drinking until he sees double of Napoleon. This first him and second him.
It's terrible, how he's drinking so much. Especially since that was the way he first died. He received notice of his death and was so distraught. He searched for the hardest liquor and drank every single bottle.
He collapsed and blacked out swirling into darkness. That was it. That was how he died. Not some valiant way, dying at the hands of a mighty enemy. No, but as a love struck prince who drank himself to death.
Illya is afraid of falling in love and losing him again. It's the worst in the world. With them being together and reincarnated together, Illya can feel how he dies, how painful it was.
Gaby hasn't figured out why she has been reincarnated. Maybe she's the overseer. She has to witness them together the whole time until they all can go in peace. It's confusing and frustrating, but most of all...