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What are all these kissings worth, if thou kiss not me?

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1. December 2003

Oh diary of mine, today was totally the best last day of the year at school of ever! Christmas came early, and I got the most awesome of awesome presents.


Yes, you read that right, but let me say it again because I cannot forget this day. Not even when I’m older than mom and dad and ready for the nursing home.


Whole seconds of Lydia Martin’s lips. Seconds. OMG! Soft and sweet and strawberry lip gloss
awesomeness. How cool and amazing is that? I totally win at Truth or Dare.

It was the bestest of the best! Seriously, seriously, seriously awesome!!!!!!

And then, this new kid, Scott, he was all up in Jackshit’s face when he tried to whack me for kissing Lydia. Even though she totally came over and smacked her lips on mine.

I made a friend AND I got KISSED by Lydia Martin!!!!!!!

AND she said she’d see me in school next year.

2004 is going to be the best year EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: I’m going to marry Lydia Martin!

PPS: Mom took me for ice cream to celebrate. We didn’t even lose Hale’Scream like last time.



2. August 2011

Way to not start the school year, dear diary. Just when I think things might not completely go to shit, something even worse than I can imagine happens (and I have a damn good imagination).

That killer I’ve been telling you about? The one with a hit list filled with virgins because our lives aren’t miserable enough? Yeah, well, I fucked up tonight and I think I got Heather killed by them.

I mean, not that I actually did anything to her. It’s more what I didn’t do, you know?

Anyway… I hope I didn’t, but my luck is never that good. The second girl to kiss me? The first one to ever want to go all the way with me? Of course, she’s going to get kidnapped and killed by one of our crazy, probably supernatural type villains.

The worst part, the one that I’ll never forgive myself for, is that I could totally have saved her. , had our names taken off the hit list, bolded double-strikethrough, but we didn’t make it past first base because I had to do the right thing.

She kissed me, more than once, deep and hard and with tongue. Great tongue. The best tongue. Little Stiles was ready to bear her down to the floor and marry her right then and there in the wine cellar, but Dad’s safe sex lectures totally overwhelmed my better judgment.

So I did the right thing. I ran upstairs in search of a condom, leaving her alone, breaking rules number 1 through 99 of the Good Guy Manifesto: Don’t ever split up. Don’t leave each other alone for any reason. Don’t, just don’t, because bad shit will happen.

Next time, safe sex can go fuck itself.


3. September 2011

Holy fuck balls. Holy holy holy fuck balls.

I, Stiles of the unpronounceable name Stilinski, made it all the way to third base. Third Fucking Base!!!! Orgasm of the century with Danny Mehealani’s hand on little Stiles.

I will never hate the boy’s locker room again, because that’s where it happened. That’s where Danny walked up to me, wanting to ask me about my cousin Miguel, which really? How can he be dumb enough to believe that a Polish family is going to have some guy named Miguel? I’ve no idea what I was thinking when I made that up. The ancestral lines alone…

Buuuuuut… back to Danny and his mouth of wonder, because that guy kisses better than any porno I’ve ever seen. Better than my dreams.

Seriously, diary, teeth are a thing. An honest to god, make me cream my pants, thing.

Which is totally something I almost did. Because when I rolled my eyes and said something about it not being fair that a muscly, frowny, growly, eyebrowy freak of nature like Miguel (hah!) brings everyone to the yard when no one’s even interested in getting to first base with me, Danny curled a hand around my jaw (and yes, that’s totally a thing too) and he kissed me.

Tongue and teeth and holy mother of god, that man can kiss. Biting my lip had me pushing up against him because it was like a jolt of electricity right to my dick. Sucking my tongue? I swear to god I almost dropped to my knees to worship him except that he was getting our pants open and his hand wrapped around our dicks and all I could do was hang on to him and try kissing him the way he was kissing me until he ran his thumb over my slit and I think the orgasm blew out my brains. I’ve never come that hard in my whole life.

Danny came too, and he kissed me afterwards and told me I did good, which I’m not sure I did but whatever. I’m glad he liked it.

Sadly, because this is my life, I’m not Danny’s type, which SUUUUUCCCKKKKSSSSS!!!!

Because I want to climb him like a tree over and over again. A tree with muscles and brains and all of the things that make me want to fuck his brains out, or have him fuck my brains out… so unfair! He’d rather have Derek Fucking Hale or one of those freakazoid twins. Ugh… how is this my life?

Still! Third base!!!

And the best memories for jerking off, which I’m so going to be doing now that Dad’s finally left for work.

Later… gotta go now so that I can come now…


4. October 2011

Aaaaand I got kissed by a girl and then fucked over by the supernatural again.

That is so not the kind of fucking that I was hoping to have.

The kissing wasn’t even that great. I mean the first one wasn’t really a kiss, more like a smack on the cheek. As for the rest, Caitlin’s nice and all but she wasn’t that much into it. I guess your girlfriend being killed will do that to you.

I can be such an asshole sometimes.

PS: Derek’s back.

PPS: Idiot fucked up the Camaro and replaced it with some kind of shitty mom car. Who does that?.


5. November 2011

Am I awake or dreaming? What’s me and what’s that thing from the darkest heart of the Nemeton? I haven’t a clue. I might never know again.

You see, dear diary, I had sex today, yesterday, some day recently. Finally stamped my V-card, lost my cherry, rocked a home run, rounded every base, and took it all the way home. I didn’t pass Go, didn’t collect $200, didn’t run away to find a condom… didn’t stop count my fingers or toes...

It happened on a couch, in the basement of the craziest of crazy houses. Who does that? Lunatics. From the Latin, meaning Moon. Moonatics in English and doesn’t that just totally describe my life and what’s left of my mind.

I miss it, you know? I miss my mind, being able to know for sure what’s real or even the real that other people would call me crazy for believing. Like werewolves and banshees and being possessed by a Japanese fox demon.

Still got 5 fingers on each hand and 5 toes on each foot. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 x 4.

And I remember how Malia felt when we lay down. That much was real. She was soft, and her kisses were hard and biting, more like kissing Danny than Heather. Little nips with sharp teeth soothed by the softness of her tongue. Most importantly, she was warm and held me like I mattered.

I’m going to make this up to her when this is all over, when I’m free and I can trust myself, trust my mind, trust what I remember. When I know I’m me.


6. April 2016

I am the awesomest dude to ever awesome because I totally did it, diary of mine!


Yes, you read that right. I didn’t just think about it last night. I didn’t just write about it. I actually did it.


Okay, so here’s the way it went down, and this is going to be longer than my 1 page max, because I’m going to want to remember the day I rocked one into home base for all eternity.

It was my birthday party last night. At Jungle, of course, because twenty-one! Legal identification for the nation!

Everyone came, even Derek, and I totally wasn’t convinced that he would. He’s only been back in town for a couple of weeks, and we’re still not sure he’s planning to stay. God, I hope so. I’ll have to ask him. When he wakes up. Because he’s sleeping next to me. *fist pump*

Anyway, this is about the kiss. Our first kiss. The one that I laid right on Derek’s lips.

He spent the night hanging around the table that we’d commandeered, sitting back in his chair with a stupidly tight t-shirt, showing off those ridiculous muscles every time he took a drink from his glass of whatever it was. Dude actually talked to people, probably to avoid dancing but whatever.

Besides, it didn’t matter because I was all over that floor, showing off every move I’ve got, and everyone wanted to dance with me. Not just the pack, but real, honest to God, dudes who didn’t know me. How cool is that?

Every time I stopped, every time I switch partners, every time I bounced back to the table to get a drink, it felt like someone was watching me… had been watching me the whole time. It was weird and hot and creepy and almost but not quite a turn on, which meant Derek, of course.

Who was talking with someone whenever I glanced at him and adamantly not looking at me, which was a total sign that he had been checking me out. Anyway, I finally let Phoenix and MarionEtta give me one drink to many and push me one step too far, and there I was, standing right in front of Hotty McHotterwolf himself.

I looked down at him. He raised an eyebrow at me. I lost every damn word in my vocabulary, but still managed to blurt out, “Dance?”

After that, I’m not sure how but we ended up on the dance floor, surrounded by the rest of the pack. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought it was an intervention.

First dance was fast and crazy, but Derek kept up with me. He even spun me around and caught me like I meant to fall into his arms. Asshole, seriously.

The second dance, though, that was some slow shit that I’ve never heard before at Jungle. I have no idea who bribed the DJ — yeah, right, it was Phoenix, her club, her rules.

Anyway, slow dance to slow music. Derek didn’t even try to run. He just pulled me close and did that swaying shuffling thing with me. And when I leaned forward, pressed our lips together, he kissed back.

God his lips are soft. I could lick them forever, not just for the few minutes that song lasted. His lips parted, and I licked inside. I nipped at his lips, scraped my teeth over them, and he made this noise. Low and growly and vibratey. I don’t think it was human, but it went straight to my dick.

To Derek’s dick too, given what I felt pushing against my hip. Big and hard, and hot damn, did it make me want to grind against him.

So I kissed him again, and again, and again, and again. And when the song was over, when my lips were aching because they weren’t touching his, we walked off that dance floor snuggled up against each other.

Yeah, I left early. Didn’t pass Go. Didn’t collect $200.

I did, however, bring Derek Hale home with me, and I think I’m going to keep him. Forever.

Best birthday party ever. Best present ever.