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The one where Jack and Vala ended up on Fandom Wank

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Wormhole X-Treme started as a joke and became a group obsession at the SGC. Copies were made so that people off world or on duty when new episodes aired could catch up. There was a two week spoiler policy in place. On any given Friday there were between two and ten different viewing groups depending on who was in the mountain. On average it took people new to the SGC three months to become just as addicted as everyone else. Of course there were those who were a bit more dedicated to the show then others, the ones who became fannish about it, but it never caused any problems. Until the day Jack and Vala ended up on Fandom Wank.

It all started, for certain values of starting, when Vala posted the 39th chapter of her epic Danning/Levant WiP. That, in itself, shouldn't have been a problem, but then Jack lambasted it in the comments to the fic and later, after Vala deleted the comments, on his own journal. His critique ranged from the OOCness of Danning to the complete disregard of standard English grammar rules. It perhaps would've ended there if several of Vala's fans hadn't felt the need argue with Jack at his journal (which only caused Jack's fans to get involved). Once Cam (with screencaps provided by Teal'c) wrote it up for Fandom Wank the battle lines had officially been drawn.

The mountain split into three groups: those who felt that Jack had been perfectly justified in telling Vala that her writing sucked, those who felt Jack was out of line and thus rallied around Vala, and everyone else who looked on in both fear and amusement. Daniel bore the worst of the fighting though as everyone (besides Sam and Teal'c) expected him to take someone's side. He eventually had to hide in an empty lab on sub level 19 and have food brought to him because, despite the commissary being neutral ground, the hallways weren't.

Meanwhile, Cam spent far too much time trying to figure out a way to post about the fallout on fw_offline without breaking any National Security Acts. Luckily for everyone he failed. General Landry seemed to get the most enjoyment out of the situation simply because he could assign pretty much anyone, to work with pretty much anyone, doing almost anything. The result being that when people got a bit too out of hand when discussing the matter they suddenly found themselves stuck in a storage closest together doing inventory.

While this resulted in less overt hostility it didn't stop it altogether. It certainly didn't have any effect online. The situation came to ahead approximately one week later when Jack was forced to visit the SGC on official business. It could have all gone terribly wrong if there hadn't been an hostile incursion within an hour of Jack arriving. Once the aliens had either been killed, captured, or had managed to escaped back through the Stargate, the Wormhole X-Treme battle fell into the background. This could be explained by the members of the SGC realizing how stupid it was to fight over something so silly, but in reality Jack and Vala called a truce in the infirmary while Daniel was getting stitched up.

In the end everyone went back to life as normal, except for Daniel who got drafted into being Vala's beta.

 

Disclaimer: I love Vala, but she'd totally be that writer.