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Hostess with the Mostest

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“Hey baby girl, did you…?”

“Oh my God, I'm so glad you're here; I need you. Get over here.”

“You need me? Why didn’t you send up the bat signal?”

Morgan walked into Garcia’s lair and closed the door. He saw that there was a big box on her desk that she was struggling to keep closed. She couldn’t do that and reach the packing tape that was a few feet away.

“Hotch is the bat signal. You're more like…hmm, what does M do to contact James Bond?”

“Pick up the phone.” Morgan replied.

“Well I couldn’t do that, my hands were full. I need you to grab that tape while I hold down the box.”

“What are you doing?”

“Packing.” Penelope said, leaning on the box with more force.

“I see that sweetheart. What are you packing?”

“I don’t know if you heard the news but a couple of days ago Hostess went out of business.”

“I did hear. Then the pothead college kids who live down the block held a candlelight vigil on the lawn.” Morgan said smiling.

“That’s not funny.” Penelope managed to poke him. “This is a bit of nostalgia soon to be gone. I mean what kid didn’t grow up having at least one peanut butter and jelly sandwich on Wonder Bread. It was a staple in my house.”

“I don’t like jelly.”

“You better stop being so difficult.”

“Yes ma'am.” He took the packing tape and pulled off a long piece. Morgan ran it along the two parts of the box that Penelope was trying to keep closed. He would definitely need more than one piece.

“So it’s a sad day for all of us. Talking to Emily on Skype, she was just as saddened as I was. Its bad enough she couldn’t even get Twinkies or Ho-Hos in London but the idea of never having them again was too much to bear.”

“Please don’t tell me that this box is filled with…”

“I wouldn’t say filled.” Penelope shook her head.

“Baby, you can't even keep the thing closed.”

“But its not just snacks. She needed stuff. There’s Frosted Cheerios, the snazzy cat food she likes to give Sergio when he’s sweet, and some other odds and ends and stuff.”

“And probably 60 boxes of Ho-Hos.” Morgan finished.

“I'm going to need you to carry this down to the mailroom when we’re done.” Penelope said.

Derek just shook his head and made sure it was sealed tight. He put more tape on it just to be sure. He gently pulled Penelope away from the box; everything stayed in place.

“Is the bottom secured?” he asked.

“Yes. It’s glued…I did that before I packed it.”

“Emily sure is lucky to have a good friend like you.”

“When the zombie apocalypse comes I'm just not sure she would be able to get back to us. It’s not as if planes will be flying when it all goes down. At least now I can be secure knowing that she and Clyde won't starve.”

“If I know Prentiss like I do, she won't be sharing her snacks with Clyde Easter zombie apocalypse or not. And he has a private plane so she’ll get back to us.”

“She’ll have to share if she wants a ride.” Penelope wiggled her eyebrows and laughed at her own joke.

“What is in this box, Penelope?” Derek lifted it. “If snacks are this heavy then we all need to reconsider what we eat.”

“I told you there's other stuff too. How much do I adore you for doing this for me?”

“I don’t know, how much?”

“Penelope, I need you to…” Hotch knocked and walked into Penelope’s office.

“Ooh, saved by the boss mama.”

“I think you were the one saved, hot stuff. Oh,” she grabbed the address label. “Make sure this is on there and that they mark it gift so that Emily doesn’t have to pay for ridiculous shipping fees. Go, go, go…I want it to go out with the mail today.”

“I'm going, I'm going.” Morgan didn’t really have to struggle with the heavy box but he wondered what was weighing it down.

“OK boss man,” Penelope sat back in her chair and slid across the room to her computers. “Give it to me; give it to me fast and give it to me good.”

“Do I want to know what was in that box Morgan just left here with?” Hotch asked, standing behind her.

“I'm just doing my part to make sure the people I love are fully apocalypse prepared.”


It wasn’t as if the Unit Chief had any real way to respond to that, or even knew what it meant. So Hotch got down to business. He could make sense of these case files, most of the time. With Penelope Garcia, as amazing as she was, that wasn’t always the case.