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Killing you softly (with my bendable legs)

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Alright, first things first, it wasn’t his idea. Well, okay, not his idea entirely but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s now stuck in an embarrassing position, legs up in the air and back craned against the hard floor. He’s reaching for help, but isn’t getting any.

“Come on, honey, just a little bit further.”

If he could, he would send a death glare so deadly, the whole world would get a heart attack. So he only groans, trying so hard not to give up and just let his back bend in an overly unnatural way and be paralyzed for the rest of his life. He’s reached his limit. Why did he agree to this?

“Push, darling.”

Giggles. It’s those that gets to him and he slanders, almost tipping over, but remains in control while sneering back at the person that got them both into this in the first place.

“Shut the fuck up”, he murmurs but only receives more giggles. That’s it. He lets his legs fall forward in a loud thunder, and lies still on his back, panting with angry huffs. He looks around to have the entire room giving him looks while shaking their heads. Depending how you see it, it’s with luck that his giggling lover beside him comes to his rescue, even if he most likely would strangle him if he could.

“Don’t worry”, Joker promises the rest of the group with a fake sugary sweet voice, cooing towards them. “He’s just a bit grumpy he hasn’t gotten anything, if you know what I’m saying.” The group laughs, Bruce stares in horror. “But that’s why we’re here, isn’t it? So our partners will be able to bend in any way possible!” He only had time to turn to Bruce again, before Bruce forces his face closer to his by his collar, and whispers roughly in his ear:

“That’s not why we’re here.” He’s angry and embarrassed. Joker had them go to a yoga group for couples because he’s sneaky and unreliable. And because somehow he got the impression that Bruce is stiff in his bones. He’s not stiff; he just doesn’t have to bend in ways humans don’t need to, to fight crimes for heaven’s sake. Now it just happens to be a radioactive snake-man roaming around in Gotham’s narrow sewers, and he needs to catch it before it causes great damage on the city. Joker offered help with catching the inhuman creature, who knew they could cooperate so well? He didn’t, neither did he know, but it’s been like this for a few years now. Cooperation between the bat and the madman.

But when Bruce was on his way to crawl in a tight space, he almost got stuck and sprained his shoulder. That’s what happened, he’s not stiff. Joker misunderstood the situation, after he almost laughed himself to death, and here they are.

He’s about to lecture the madman, because he refuses to be humiliated more than this, before Joker closes in and places his lips smugly on Bruce’s. He stops breathing for a few seconds, staring up at Joker’s closed eyelids. Not moving a single muscle when Joker huffs a giggle against his skin.

They don’t know that”, he explains. Bruce blinks and clears his throat, still staring at the clown above him. Right, he remembers. They’re undercover. But somehow he just got the impression that Joker’s not acting. He furrows his eyebrows when Joker is looking down at him again with that smug smile on his lips again.

“I’m going to kill you”, Bruce sighs. Joker laughs with a high-pitched tone.

“You do that, but please, do it afterwards.” He reaches down for another kiss, Bruce swallows but doesn’t stop him; he’s not sure he’d do it even if they weren’t undercover. It’s merely a peck on his lips, but Bruce finds himself enjoying it way too much. When they separate, they both gather themselves for a pose the instructors are showing, the Partner twist. It can’t be anything else than dirty, he figures when meeting the madman’s gaze.

“Afterwards”, he promises. “With my bendable legs.” That could mean two things he realizes, and he’s not sure which way Joker took it. But from the way he laughs secretively, Bruce already knows but doesn’t call the madman out on it. Probably because he doesn’t mind.