Her perfect blonde hair was tied back into a ponytail, and her startling violet eyes twinkled with merriment. Confused expressions were evident on the faces on almost all those around her, though two - a red-haired woman, and a blonde who was gently squeezing her hand - appeared to recognize her for what she was. Lips as read as roses parted, revealing pearly white teeth, and she smiled reassuringly at everyone.
"I know that none of you know me, but I'm certain that you'll love me by the time that I finish explaining everything."
Worried glances were exchanged, but the perfect young woman did not even seem to notice.
"I was abandoned at birth, and only just recently did I consider looking into my past. Apparently, my mother is Emily Giles… your long-lost sister, Rupert. The two of you are twins who were separated at birth in order to protect her from the Watchers' Council. You see, she was born with the ability to read minds, and it was decided that it would be for her safety to hide her away."
Understanding slowly appeared on Giles' face as he turned towards Willow, and he let out a tired sigh as she nodded. The blonde woman seemed to just ignore them, however, as she turned towards Spike.
"My mother also became a Slayer, though the Council never found her, whom you met twenty-three years ago. You fell in love with her and shared a passionate night of love before leaving with Drusilla in order to protect my mother from your lover's jealousy. Apparently, due to her being the Slayer and a special convergence of Mars and Jupiter, it was possible for her to conceive."
Spike's blue eyes widened in shock as he turned towards Giles, this strange young woman's actions and words suddenly becoming clear. When their eyes met, the vampire let out a quiet moan. "Bloody hell."
As though nothing was wrong, the young woman continued her narrative.
"I have inherited the gift of mind-reading from my mother, a few vampiric abilities from my father, and - due to an accident that none of you have heard about in which Faith temporarily died due to a drowning incident in jail - I am now a Slayer. I'm also well-versed in all demonic languages, starting to become a powerful witch, and stronger than any Slayer before me."
Dawn and Anya both let out quiet moans as they realized just what this woman was, but the sound went almost unnoticed by the speaker.
"Oh, and I also have the ability to bring people back to life thanks to an encounter I had with a witchdoctor in Africa who I helped in reviving the famed Allan Quatermain when I magically was transported back in time. He made me promise that I would only use this gift to make people happy though. Also, I have the power to remove Angel's curse so that he, Buffy, and Spike can live happily ever after in a beautiful threesome. And, since my abilities are so strong, I can get rid of all evil so that..."
As her voice babbled on, the Scooby Gang quickly gathering into a tight circle. Both Buffy and Xander still seemed confused, though the others were wearing grim expressions of understanding.
"My god, what the hell is she?" Buffy asked.
Giles turned towards Buffy, a dismal look on his face. "I am afraid that this... this…" He trailed off, unable to find a word to describe the creature. "She's a Mary Sue, Buffy."
Aghast expressions appeared on both Buffy's and Xander's faces as they glanced back at the blonde-haired woman in shock.
"...and everyone knows that Doyle was never meant to die, because he and Cordelia are soul mates. And don't forget how well Connor and Dawn will..."
Lowering her voice so that it was barely above a whisper, Buffy weakly questioned her friends. "What are we supposed to do with her?"
"...and I have a half-sister, whose father's name is Severus Snape. I helped her and her fiancé, a Mr. Owen Burnett who is actually the fey Puck, defeat this creep named Sauron in Gotham City..."
Willow grimaced slightly as she raised her eyes towards the sky. "With canon distorted so badly, I don't think that we can do anything," she said weakly. "It's going to take something much more powerful."
Xander raised his eyes towards the sky for a moment before looking back at his best friend. "What are you talking about, Willow?" he asked uncertainly. "The 'Powers That Be'?
She nodded slightly, but her face still appeared troubled. "In a way, yes. But in a way, no."
When everyone looked at her, confused expressions on their faces, Willow sighed and explained. "She could be considered more powerful than the PTB."
"...and it turns out that Captain Kirk was actually the father of my cousin, Blair Sandburg, due to a paradox that was created when he traveled back in time to stop the world from being destroyed by this demon named Belthazor..."
"She?" Xander repeated. "More powerful than the PTB? Who is 'she'?
Dawn turned towards him, a terrified expression on her face. "Haven't you guessed yet, Xander?" she asked weakly. "She's talking about the author. You know... Settiai."
Xander blanched, and a squeak of surprise escaped from his lips. "Settiai? You're telling me that the only person who can stop the Mary Sue is a 16-year-old girl who sometimes takes a whole year between updating stories?"
As the others nodded, Anya let out an annoyed sigh. "Well then, I guess that we're screwed," she said with a wry laugh.
"...and I've been living in this beautiful little town called Everwood..."