The Christmas Promissory Accordance

by mrsvc

Summary:

Prompt: Missy convinces Mary for Sheldon/Penny

Notes:

For g_girl143.

Thanks so much to the most kick awesome beta, juniperlane ILU.

Title: The Christmas Promissory Accordance
Author: mrsvc 
Spoilers: None
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for a few swear words.
Word Count: 2,486
Disclaimer: I don't own the Big Bang Theory, its characters, or Christmas.

 

"Mama," Missy said as she walked through the front door of her mother's house in Texas, "I just got off the phone with Penny."

"Penny?" Mary Cooper said, wiping her hands on a dish towel. "What'd he do now?" she said, putting her hands on her hips and pursing her lips into a straight line.

"My thoughts exactly," Missy sighed, "but it ain't him this time."

Mary's eyebrow quirked. "Surely she ain't calling for me to mediate between her and Leonard."

"Oh, no, she's invitin' the lot of us up for Christmas. She's trying to surprise the boys by getting their whole families up to California for Christmas."

"We're supposed to keep this a secret from Shelly?" Mary sat, sitting at that worn kitchen table. "Oh, Lord, no." Missy smirked, knowing her mother was almost as bad at keeping secrets as her brother was.

"Come on, Mama, wouldn't it be great to spend Christmas with Shelly?"

"Well, of course! I ain't had my children together since Shelly went to Germany."

"I already called Trevor. He ain't coming. He can't get off base for the whole week. He says he'll call you before you go to church tonight." Mary nodded and smiled, knowing her soldier boy was always good for his word.  

"I suppose it would almost be like a family Christmas again. I need to bring his special ornament for his tree," she paused and looked fiercely at Missy, "he does have a tree, right?"

"I'm sure Leonard and Penny have got that covered. So, we going?"

"I've got a few dollars in the bank and I haven't seen him since he had that fight with Leonard," Mary acquiesced.

"I knew you'd agree. I already told her we'd be there with bells on."

"It's real nice of Penny to do this for all of us," Mary said thoughtfully as she started down the hall to start looking through her closet for clothes she needed to wash and iron in the few weeks she had until Christmas. Missy was sitting at the family computer, browsing through travel directories for cheap tickets for the two of them to LAX.

"I think she's doing this more for Shelly than anyone else," Missy said, a conspiratorial tone in her voice.

"Why would you say that?" Mary called from down the hall, pulling out her Christmas sweaters and shaking the invisible dust from it.

"I just think she's trying to make him more...normal, you know?"

"Shelly's just fine the way he is," Mary defended. "He just needs a little...socialization."

"And I think Penny's doing a damn fine job of it," Missy laughed. She clicked on a few more links, her eyes trained on the computer screen.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying, Leonard and the boys, they're good for Shelly and all, but I think Penny is better."

"Shoo," Mary breathed in disagreement.

"No, Mama, really," Missy said, opening a new tab to look compare the price to another airline. "Leonard and them, they ground Shelly a little but Penny's more like us. She loves him." Mary trotted down the hallway, garments still in hand.

"Now Missy Joy Cooper, don't you be making up mountains out of thin air."

Missy laughed. "I'm not! I believe it."

"Perhaps you should put a little more of that belief in the church and not in your little fantasies."  Missy sighed; she went to church with her mother every Sunday so her little guilt trip wasn't going to work on her.

"You wanna bet?"

Mary gasped. "Missy Joy, the Lord does not want His people to gamble."

"Fine, fine," she agreed as she printed off the information she had found, "the Lord has no problems with promises."

Mary couldn't really argue this. "He does keep His promises." Missy saw her chance and moved in.

"If I'm right and there is something going on with Sheldon and Penny, you have to buy me some Louboutins."

Mary's face was almost comical, a mix of confused and terrified. "That's not something sexual, is it?"

Missy snorted. "Goodness, Mama, no. They're shoes."

"Oh, and what do I get out of this little...promise?" Mary was intrigued.

"I'll buy you a plane ticket to go see Trevor before he ships out."

Mary played with the little tassels on the shoulders of the sweater in her hand, trying to act like she was really thinking about it. "I would like to see my baby."

Missy smiled triumphantly. Who said Shelly was the only smart one in the family? "We gotta deal?"

Mary frowned. "It's a promise."

"Should we pinkie swear on it?"

Mary fiddled around for a moment before throwing the sweaters on the back of the couch and taking Missy's proffered finger.  "Alright, you got you a promise."

"That's what I thought. I'll email you the picture of the pair I want, Mama."

"Ah, ah," Mary cautioned, "the Lord says 'pride cometh before the fall'."

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A few weeks later, Missy and Mary were trudging their things up the staircase to Penny's apartment. They had worked everything out so they both boys would be at CalTech when they arrived. Penny opened the door to reveal that Leonard's mother was already sitting on her couch.

"Beverly, look who I've got."

"You must be Leonard's mama," Mary said, setting her things down in front of the door. Missy kicked them out of the way and stuck her tongue out childishly.

"Yes, and I am to assume you are Penny's family?" Beverly said in her even tone.

"Lord, no, I'm Shelly's mama."

"Sheld-," Beverly looked at Penny who just nodded. "You're the mother of Sheldon Cooper, the most brilliant mind I've ever met? You?" Mary just stared at Beverly, her lips quirked and her eyebrows raised.

"And now I know what happened to Leonard." Mary dusted her hands off and turned to Penny. "So, what's the plan, baby girl?"

"Well," Penny said, clasping her hands in front of her, "I'd thought I'd let you guys get acquainted," her sarcastic tone not missed in the least by Missy or Mary, "and then I'd get you guys to your hotel rooms before the boys get home."

"I have to urinate," Beverly said calmly. Penny could see the politely horrified looks on Missy and Mary's faces and had to bite her lip not to laugh.

"Well, thank you for sharing," Mary said.

"Bathroom's down the hall, Beverly," Penny butted in before anything else could be said.

"Remind me again how come you thought family Christmas was a good idea?" Missy asked as soon as they heard the door click.

"I have to make sure to give Leonard a hug tonight," Mary said, shocked. Penny gathered some bags up and made toward the door when she heard Sheldon's voice outside.

"Damn, what is he doing home?" she whispered. It didn't take long before she heard his signature knock on her door. 

"Penny." Penny clenched her fists and scrunched her face. Damn, she would never win.

"Go hide," she mouthed to Missy and Mary. They scurried down the hallway and hid in Penny's bedroom. Penny went to open the door, the last 'Penny' coming off his lips. It was then that she noticed the luggage scattered across her living room floor. She cracked the door and stuck her head out.

"Hey, Sheldon, what are...what are you doing home? Where's Leonard?"

"It's Fish Friday at the college cafeteria which left me no choice but to come home for lunch. I had Howard drop me off on his way to pick up some more hemorrhoid cream for his mother."

"That's..." she chuckled, "a little too much information, Sheldon. So, what's up?"

"Ah, yes, I knocked on your door to offer you the second half of my deli meal so long as you promise to refrain from inane chit-chat." She heard snickering from somewhere behind her, her face tightening into a crisp fake smile and thanking God that Sheldon cannot read body language. It was at that moment when she heard Beverly walk down the hall.

"Penny, I must commend you on the use of antibacterial soaps in your restroom but you should really pick up your clothes. I nearly hit my head on the edge of the tub when I tripped over a pair of your underwear. By the way, dear, do you suffer from frequent urinary tract infections because their incidence can increase by wearing thongs-" It was then that she noticed Sheldon at the door.

"Beverly, you didn't tell me you were going to be in town."

"Of course not," Beverly intoned, "Penny insisted it was to be a 'surprise'. Although, the entire concept of 'surprises' has eluded me."

"A surprise?" Sheldon's eyebrows drew together before he looked at Penny. "I sincerely hope that you do not think that surprising Leonard with his mother will be pleasant. No offense, Beverly," he added.

"None taken," she assured.

"That would be like surprising me with my mother."

"Hey!" Mary and Missy shouted simultaneously as they pounded down the hallway to confront Sheldon for that remark. Penny took her head in her hands, little explosions sparking behind her eyelids as she watched her whole plan implode before her.

"Mother?!" Sheldon's face was tense when he looked at Penny, his voice tight. "You called my mother too?"

"Surprise?" Penny said weakly as Mary enveloped Sheldon in a hug.

"Oh, my God," he mouthed to her over Mary's shoulder, reminiscent of another time someone had called his mother on him.

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Penny could not figure out why Raj had issues with women. She sat there and watched as his mother petted him like a child, planting kisses on his cheeks and smoothing his hair back while he whispered in her ear. So far, the highlight of her night had been watching Raj's face light up when Howard and he entered the apartment to find their parents chatting in Leonard and Sheldon's living room. She even heard a mumbled 'Mummy' before he was hugging both of his parents. Leonard was surprised to see his mother there and he smiled widely when Beverly told him that she had blown off an important conference to be there. Penny vowed to never tell him that she had had pay for Beverly's ticket to convince her to do so. Howard and his mother spend the whole night arguing over who was going to light the Menorah candle that Penny had set up for them.

So far, the catastrophes, which Penny had predicted to happen anyway, were few and far between (and originated mostly with Beverly). She felt like damage control duty wasn't too tough. She kept Beverly away from Raj and Howard's parents to keep her from convincing them their sons were homosexual lovers. She kept herself far away from Raj's father after Beverly clued him in to Penny's thong wearing habit. She tried to push Missy and Raj together as much as possible and kept Mary from coddling Sheldon too much. So far, she wasn't drunk out of her mind on the overly spiked eggnog and this party hadn't come to blows. She knew family Christmas was a good idea.

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"Mama," Missy whispered as she settled into closely to her mother, "you ready to come through on the promise for me?"

"Now, Missy, you are still making things up."

"He brought her lunch."

"He offered her half and you know how Sheldon can't stand it when these restaurants refuse to give him single portions."

"Do you think he would have let her touch it?"

"Lord, no."

"You wanna bet?"

"Missy," her mother threatened. "Can't you just let Shelly have a friend before you skyrocket him into another new thing?"

"Mama, you always baby him. Somebody's got to give him a kick in the ass. If it ain't me, you can bet your boots it's gonna be her." Mary just cocked her head and took a swig of her eggnog.

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"Sheldon," Penny said as she settled in next to him on the couch, "are you having a good time?" Sheldon had a mix between quiet tolerance and outright annoyance on his face. It was an interesting contradiction of feelings and Penny knew it was a good sign.

"As good a time as I can have in this situation." Penny smirked and patted his arm.

"I did this for you, you know." His head whipped around quickly.

"Me?"

"Well, yeah," she said, "a little for Raj because Skype chatting doesn't substitute the real thing and a little for Leonard so that he could try to  mend things with Beverly," she smiled as she looked around. Beverly wasn't downright insulting Leonard at the moment and Leonard had that look of child-like forgiveness on his face. Raj was fighting his mother as she tried to wipe some crumbs from his face but Penny could see that sparkle in the far corners of his eyes that said he had missed her very much.

"And Howard?" Sheldon questioned. Penny glanced over to where Howard's mother was stubbornly cutting up his brisket for him, while Howard shouted he was a grown man and could use sharp knives now.

"Not so much for Howard, no." Sheldon nodded solemnly, turning his head to where his mother was ladling herself out another glass of the eggnog.

"I suppose I should say thank you," he said, the realization that this was his present dawning on him quickly.

"Nothing's ever going to beat the napkin, is it?" she joked.

"I still hold out for an ovum," he said, in all seriousness. Penny burst out laughing, Missy taking that as her cue to enact her plan. She pulled the little bough of mistletoe out of her pocket and quickly moving to hover it over their heads.

"You have to kiss now!" she sang.

Penny quickly leaned over and pecked Sheldon on the cheek, smiling against his skin. Sheldon leaned, almost imperceptibly, into the kiss, his face taut but allowing.  "The napkin is still all you're getting." He gave her a quick death glare, opening his mouth to give her all the reasons being the mother of a Leonard Nimoy clone would be beneficial to her but she just patted his leg and got up to pour herself another glass of eggnog, a smile on her face all the same.

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"So, Mama," Missy said, sliding next to her mother by the drinks, "what do you think?"

Mary Cooper took one last gulp of her eggnog before saying, "How much do these Loosey-bootins cost exactly?"

Missy laughed. "I knew you'd see things my way. I'm gonna buy you a ticket to see Trevor anyhow." Missy kissed her mother's cheek. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got mistletoe and a plan to get Shelly's little friend here to talk to me." Missy walked towards Raj with purpose, her mother calling behind her, "don't scare him too much, girl."

THE END