jungkook hasn't seen jimin in weeks, but that doesn't mean he has lost complete sight of him. jimin is everywhere, there is nowhere jungkook can turn and that fact alone is infuriating. but when you conclude it with the following that jimin appears in jungkook's thoughts, in the voices of his costumers, in the beat of his heart, in his dreams and fantasies, it's more or less a sign. jimin hasn't been around to care enough, but jungkook has cared enough to keep him for himself; mentally and emotionally.
he doesn't know how, out of all his years, he chooses now to be considerate, unselfish. jungkook could snatch jimin back up and away from hoseok's arms if he wanted, which he does want to, except he doesn't have the strength. he knows that whatever hoseok is giving him, enough for jimin to stay, is worth the tears he will face if he knows the truth. of course, jungkook always tells himself things such as, what about jimin? shouldn't he know?
shouldn't he know that although jimin no longer comes around the club, that doesn't mean hoseok hasn't?
jungkook has even went through the trouble to changing his schedule, in hopes of avoiding any sight of hoseok. he cannot stand him, cannot even stand the talk within the dressing rooms of his co-workers about jung hoseok. none of them are aware, however, that hoseok is taken, by someone jungkook would so effortlessly love to talk about. granted, they have an idea that hoseok, like the rest of their customers, are attached to other wives or girlfriends, it isn't uncommon.
but that doesn't sit entirely well with jungkook either, knowing he is possibly many obstacles that ruins families all the time. it becomes apparent when jungkook's regulars never show again, and maybe once in awhile, a wife or a girlfriend will linger in the club, looking around. jungkook knows they are either in search for their man, or the dancer their man has spent so much money on. when that happens, jungkook makes it a mission to avoid them as well. out of the long months, maybe even a year, that he has been a dancer at the club, he hasn't came in contact with a significant other.
other than hoseok.
a lot of dreams start off like this for jungkook: where he is minding his own business at the store, after school, wherever, and jimin will show up out of nowhere and greet him. it is so cliche, but jungkook has a fondness towards those types of dreams. they always end, however, and it leaves jungkook to blink away fragments of what he can hold on to remember before the feelings that they were real fade away. ultimately, those dreams have become a burden as a medicine to jungkook's delusional heart.
but this isn't a dream, park jimin is actually at the same store. who would've thought the one time jungkook decides to go shopping with his friends after school it would lead to this? he sure as hell didn't, maybe daydreamed about, but it wasn't like jungkook was garaunteed such a reality. there he is though, wearing formal-wear. it is so odd when jungkook remembers that almost everyday at school jimin would wear basketball shorts and a sweater, now he is clad with suits that fit his occupation.
he...doesn't even know what jimin does. which is also strange, because jungkook could flush right then and there that jimin knows exactly — first-hand — what jungkook does for money.
it doesn't come to light, though, and jungkook is thankful jimin notices jungkook is with other company. none of jungkook classmates have the grand knowledge of jungkook's late nights, as they are all straight, working class students. not even jungkook's old roommate who recently moved out hadn't the slightest clue. they wouldn't be caught dead even for a dare in the club, and jungkook hopes he never jinxes that. he isn't so sure how he would be able to go back to school with everyone talking about jungkook's secret job. jungkook doesn't go into detail about his life, with anyone, they all think jungkook just gets money from his parents, which is not true at all. jungkook lost touch with his family years ago after high school, when he dropped out in the haste of auditioning for a entertainment company.
it was a brutal wake up call on jungkook's dreams of becoming a singer. they, as in the people he was auditioning for, told him that with his sloppy dance moves and shakey vocals, he would never be able to achieve a life as an idol. they also said something about admiring his "balls", but that wouldn't cut it, supposedly. with that outcome, jungkook had no one to turn to, and that was how he resorted to what he did now. he spoke of it to no one, moved away from busan and stayed in seoul. he's still struggling to support himself, but he's doing a lot better in school that he just might get a real job that pays more. (although, he highly doubts any other boss would pay him as much as he made as a dancer unless he was sleeping with said boss.)
jimin, like all times in a slight predicament, puts up a very bright smile, all white teeth and eye-smiles. there is something in this facial feature that leaves jungkook inhaling sharply and biting his lip. he glances at his friends, hoping they don't notice his reaction. in a heartbeat, his know-it-all friends could spot him having feelings for someone a mile away. but jimin is like a joyous parcel that makes jungkook either dizzy or excited and he doesn't know which of those makes him annoyed.
"you must be jungkook's friends, i'm park jimin. we went to high school together."
"high school," one of jungkook's friends that they all call bambam shows surprise. "you've known jungkook for that long?"
jungkook pretends to be busy looking at a jar of over-priced and definitely expired kimchi when jimin raises an eyebrow, "i don't follow?"
another friend, yugyeom, laughs, "no one knows jungkook that far back; he's like a zayn malik to the school."
jimin settles to chuckle friendily at that, but quickly changes the subject, "well, i'm sure you guys are busy." he reaches his hand out to jungkook's shoulder to mutter, "see you later?"
jungkook is hesitant; where in that sentence does that apply to jungkook's schedule? is jimin even allowed to see me? even outside of the club? hoseok knows about jungkook as much as jungkook knows about hoseok. without a doubt, jungkook could confirm that hoseok and jimin don't talk about the club, otherwise it would result to both of them to discuss their whereabouts before.
although, it would mean jimin wouldn't be with hoseok anymore. that sits well with jungkook.
this prompts him to grin, "how about now?" he can already feel his friends snort; jungkook bails on them all the time, except not for other people. he'll dodge their snarky questions about his sexuality some other time, right now he wants to talk with jimin. "are you busy now?"
jimin is flustered at that, his ears reddening and his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck, "oh- uhm, no? no, i'm not."
"great," jungkook walks to his side, waving a hand back at his friends. "bye, guys!"
jungkook rolls his eyes, but his movements are walking in the opposite direction, followed by jimin. it's almost nostalgic, how even after all this time jimin still trails behind jungkook like a puppy. it'd be a long shot for jungkook to pray that jimin feels even half the way jungkook does for him, but he knows old habits don't die off easily. it shows when jungkook asks without even giving him his eyes, "did you eat yet?"
"n-no, i didn't." jimin doesn't pause to answer jungkook right away, obviously not wanting to keep jungkook waiting for a reply, but when he does the question hasn't registered as fast for jimin to not sputter.
it's cute, now that this side of jimin doesn't belong to him, but to hoseok.
"okay." it's quiet after that, but it doesn't feel all that awkward like jungkook thought it would. they're just striding outside of some stores until jungkook says, "i'm actually on a diet, but if you're hungry...?"
when jimin settles at a small bbq restaurant, jungkook just sits across from him at a table outside. jimin eats slowly, and with time passing them by the silence is eating jungkook away. it's a lot harder to bear it, but it is also much harder for him to muster up anything to start a conversation. he feels a little unchaste knowing that when the silence was all right was when jungkook was giving jimin a lapdance.
how can he forget the last time jimin was in the club? what had happened between them?
"are you sure you're not hungry?"
jungkook blinks back the thoughts that were left when he thought that even for a second, jimin might've stayed with jungkook. that there was a chance he liked him more than hoseok. but jungkook can't have everything he wants. "oh," he nods, "yeah. i kind of gained a bit of weight this week, and since my job requires me to stay in shape it's not like i'm not on the verge of being fired."
jimin doesn't show some sort of shock of jungkook speaking of the unspeakable in the open. "your friends don't know, do they?"
jungkook just grins, licking his lip and staring down at the rusting paint on the table, "it's not the most normal of things to chat about during study."
nothing is said after that, because it's not like jungkook is wrong. seconds later, jimin does reply with, "actually, before...i caught up with you, your mom called me and asked if i'd seen you around. she still calls from time to time."
jungkook tries not to blurt in panic but in a regular tone, "and what do you tell her?" the apprehension in him is still visible, no matter how stoic he tries to come off as.
jimin answers as a matter of factually, "i just tell her i still haven't seen you around. i don't think she believes me but what else can she go with, 'i haven't seen him'?" he chews at his bottom lip before putting into question, "why didn't you tell her you were in seoul?"
jungkook quickly retorts, "and then what? have her visit me? see my wardrobe? notice the amount of stockings and garters I have? 'i'm sorry, mom, did i forget to tell you i'm a grade-a whore'? i'm sure that would go well with her heart condition."
jimin bravely puts on the stand with a mutter, "and not knowing where her youngest son is?"
"oh please, my brother has them sat on their seats right where they want. the lawyer!" jungkook scoffs at that, sucking his teeth in distaste, "'why can't you be more like junghyun', 'junghyun makes us so proud, i hope one day you do too'. what a fuckin' joke, they really are. i'm pretty sure she'd rather think i'm rebelling in society's eyes, like doing graffiti or something, instead of knowing that i get off more men my dad's age than girls my own."
ranting over things like that gives jungkook a rush, like an angry wave being pulled over his front that he likes to keep calm. he doesn't talk about his family life, because if they couldn't accept him wanting to become an idol, there would be no way they would accept him a "faggot"; their words, not his.
jimin digresses, thankfully before jungkook really blows his top, "so do you have a girl or boyfriend?"
that leaves jungkook stunned for a second, because he can't have a boyfriend. "no."
"ah. you were really popular in school though."
"are we forgetting the time a girl tried to sit on my lap and i threw up on her?" jungkook doesn't remember it too well, the only reason why he's sure of it is because their friends got it on camera. they were all at a party, and jungkook was the youngest kid there and yet still found himself drunk in his own sweat. some random girl who was three years his senior was flirting with him, sticking to him like glue no matter where he tried to run off to. when he thought he had lost her, he was relaxed on a couch, and the second he saw her pop up from nowhere, with her well-endowed breasts and mini-skirt, he regurgitated right on himself and her. needless to say, it would take him four months and many, many more breakdowns before he realized he wasn't all too drawn to females.
jimin smiles at the memory, albeit jungkook still doesn't find it very funny, "oh yeah, i just thought you were too innocent. who knew you were the one who liked sitting on a guy's lap."
jungkook both blushes and infuriates, "fuck you!"
there are people passing by with their children, but jimin shrugs his shoulders at their disapproving looks. "are you denying that?"
"once again, fuck you." jungkook rolls his eyes, and pretends to sweep his fringe out of his face when he's really trying to fan his heated blush away. jungkook forgot just how endearing jimin was when he made jungkook irritated. notwithstanding how he treated him when they were in high school, jimin was still very charming in his own unique way.
it then dawns on jungkook that at the time, jimin had no problem flaunting his affection, and easily could've had any guy he wanted. everybody at their school could pretend that jimin was ugly, but when he would lean against their shoulder or feed them, jungkook was so lost on how they could look at jimin with adoration.
now, he understands. maybe he's years too late, weeks too late, minutes too late, he gets it now that jimin wasn't just some pest that would cling onto you, but a little piece that whenever left behind you knew it was supposed to be attached to you, because once one piece comes off, so does the rest of you. ever since jimin broke the news about being with another man, that happened to jungkook; little by little he broke apart until the pieces dispersed. jungkook doesn't believe in finding your other half, doesn't believe someone could complete him, and yet he believes that as long as jimin is not his he might as well give up thinking about being in a relationship right then and there.
no one could make jungkook feel anything, and knowing that jimin is the only one who could is so aggravating.
he wonders if hoseok means that much to jimin.
"so," jungkook can't stop himself from saying, "are you still...with hoseok?"
the mood is suddenly down, and jungkook almost thinks the worst before jimin answers, "yes."
the worst entailed only the fact that jimin knew about hoseok and his rendevous, but the worst did not mean the same for jungkook.
in a way, jungkook could break the news to jimin. but alas, he cannot.
he just might love jimin's blind, naive happiness than the real, ribald sadness.
it's after work, for jungkook, when he's leaving the club, feet sore and legs tired from trying to work a double shift, when he sees hoseok. jungkook pauses in his footing, just by the employees only section, where the only thing hiding jungkook is a tinted window. from this angle, jungkook can tell that it is definitely hoseok. his hair is browner than the last time he caught him in the parking lot, which happened to be a week before jungkook caught up with jimin again at the grocery store. that had been days ago, and even though he had given his number, jimin hasn't texted since. jungkook clenches his teeth together, knowing the only reasons for why jimin wouldn't text him if it meant he was busy with work, or hoseok.
that is what sets him off, or at least jungkook says, to open his phone and jungkook calls jimin. jungkook waits impatiently as the phone rings a couple of times, and when it is picked up by jimin, he speaks before jungkook can, "are you all right? it's late."
jungkook gulps before saying in a soft tone, "i need you to come over to the club."
it's quiet on the other line, jungkook can't even detect a hint of breath. this could take awhile, and jungkook isn't sure he has time for that when jimin gently says, "i can't."
"it's-" jungkook's voice trembles, but not in the way jimin will think, "it's an emergency."
jimin sounds skeptical, as well as protective as he asks, "what kind of emergency? are you in trouble?"
"i-i," that's it, jungkook, make him think you're in trouble, "i can't say. i just really need you to come pick me up."
there is hesitance on jimin's side, jungkook could almost feel it. it's almost strange how even as years passed them by, jimin still is very cautious about everything that he does. maybe for jungkook, he can forget the consequences, because he's falling into defeat, "okay. i'll be over in a little bit. just...stay inside?"
he probably thinks you're being stalked, jungkook thinks connivingly. "i will." and then jungkook quickly hangs up, knowing that will set a panic in jimin, causing him to come faster. jungkook still was able to read jimin like a book, and he felt crushed that he would have to be the one to do this to him. but he can't keep letting this go on, not just because hoseok is an asshole, or that with him out of the picture jimin would be availible, but because jungkook genuinely cares about jimin.
it's a little contradictary, because as he deeply cares, it means he wishes to do nothing to hurt jimin in anyway.
jungkook's eyes close, and his head begins to spin as he thinks, i'm sorry, jimin. i'm so, so sorry.
it isn't even seven minutes later when jimin is rushing into the club, in a formal dress-shirt and tie, as well as some black dress pants and shoes. jimin has never looked so stunning, with his hair done neat and tidy with such an attire, he is awake with worry instead of asleep with disinterest, like the former times he would come see jungkook at the club. jungkook feels most to entirely horrible for having known the reason he is so radiant even under dim red and pink neon lights is because of hoseok; and he's going to take all that away from him.
jungkook doesn't even get a chance to speak, to say a thing, because although jimin's eyes first meet jungkook's, after all, that is who he is looking for, expecting to see, his eyes are straight away landing on hoseok, after all that is who he isn't looking for, not expecting to see, shouldn't at all. jungkook watches as jimin's worry-ridden expression transitions to a much more petrified, despairing look. his eyes are watering fast, reddening and swelling at rapid speed, and so are his feet, pushing passed jungkook, like he is invisible, and making his way to the man he thought he knew; thought loved him just the same.
jungkook reluctantly turns his head to watch the scene unfold, with the glass and music and immense space between them, he can only see as the two inaudibly confront each other with wild hand gestures and angry-etched faces. hoseok is obviously trying to bring the attention to jimin, as to what he's doing in a place like this, and jimin is saying something that jungkook cannot make out. although, it has an impact, because one second hoseok's hand is waving about, head going in different directions, and then the next his face falls as jimin cuts him off with a yell so loud jungkook barely catches the mere sound of muffled noise. hoseok freezes, looks borderline pissed, then he's coming off with quivered lips and a hand reaching up to his eyes.
he's crying, the people around the two begin to slow their actions, watching as the chaos unfolds.
jimin just stands there, face irate and fists clenched at his sides, never does his eyes leave hoseok, even when the elder would wish he did because the eyes that jimin gives without the warmth of his smile or the chill of his giggles or the shivers of his lustful gaze becomes of great contrast. jungkook can't believe he is actually seeing hoseok fall apart, in action, muscle by muscle shifting and changing up until the tears fall and his hands reach out towards jimin. the younger only takes a step back, lips pursed and stance stronger than jungkook would've expected. jungkook almost feels for hoseok, knows what he is feeling because he knows what it's like to hurt and lose someone after they've given you the best love, the best treatment you ever had from any other man. jimin is the best thing that has ever encountered them, and all they could do was hurt him.
maybe jungkook does these things because he knows he can hurt jimin if it means he'll be his.
it's so selfish, jungkook mentally blacks out for the duration of the confrontation all the way to when he is seated in jimin's car.
when he finally comes to, it isn't jimin crying, but jungkook. anxiety excreting through his pores; chest heaving and lips trembling from having actually done something like that; for jimin.
they don't talk, not for days, not for weeks, and it's reaching the months when jungkook gets off of work early, only to bump into jimin in the parking lot. there's a vast amount of difference from how he looked the last time he walked into the club; his appearance was maintained, his hair was styled, his aura was of light and power. now, his tie doesn't match, his once flawless dress shoes have dents and white-scratch marks, and his hair is down and naturally bowled over his head. there's something nostalgic about him, about a young, 18-year-old jimin trying his best to wear nice things because he'd always dreamed of being successful and being cool. jungkook's heart races at the sight; what a sight.
his voice is timid as he asks, "need a ride?"
jungkook can only nod, he doesn't understand where they go from here. the only time they've discussed their feelings, was the time jimin promised he'd no longer be coming around the club. because of an ultimatum; because he carelessly threatened hoseok if he didn't stop dating other people, he was going to lose him. jimin might've not meant it, hoseok might've not meant it when he told jimin he would only love jimin, that the whole open-dating thing would be a thing of the past. jimin knew he didn't actually want that, knew he just needed an excuse to leave hoseok without actually saying it.
and yet, he cannot lie that hoseok, for almost three months, gave him such a good love. as if flowers never died of its beauty and fragrance, the air never polluted with machinery and industrialism, and the sun never set its shine even when night came. hoseok's smile was as big as the heart he put forth, showing jimin a side of him he thought was real; thought was genuine. and to now come to facts that it was all just a front, jimin isn't so sure where he and jungkook stand either.
jungkook thought, in some sick and selfish way, that it would be so easy for him to take jungkook back (technicially, officially take him. taking him back would imply they had been something before; but having not was jungkook's fault, not jimin's.) despite their ups and downs within the year, jungkook still hadn't learned that jimin just wasn't going to fall back into his arms. if jimin couldn't do it before hoseok promised him faithfulness, when jimin was sure that he loved jungkook more than he loved hoseok, then he certainly couldn't do it now. just because you take the batteries out after they've died, doesn't mean the product can keep going with new ones, not if those new ones just don't fit. and jungkook, right at this moment, sitting in the car of a man who keeps getting his heart broken by the men he loves with everything he's got, just doesn't fit. all he could do in the past was rebuff him, and bringing hoseok's true nature to light in the present is just as bad.
he keeps forcing though, greedily shoving himself into jimin's life, trying to make it work, even though again and again does he dent and curve and mark jimin up, the spaces of his life become damaging with jungkook wanting to be there.
conversations range from the club to the office; jimin is a businessman. go figure, jungkook would have never guessed when they were in high school. jimin was the kid that let his moppy head of hair down, sometimes putting hair product, and hoping for the best of his looks. he was the kid that skipped school and snuck out of the house just so he could go underground and learn how to dance, how to battle. he was the kid who told stories inappropriately loud with obscenities, obnoxious laughter and wild eye smiles in tow. now, he's an adult, he wears fancy suits and combs through his jet-black hair like one, stands tall (as tall as one can, with height like that) like one, carries his cell phone and his wallet like one. jimin doesn't come off remotely how he used to be in high school; not even his smile is the same.
but then again, neither is jungkook.
jimin wouldn't have ever guessed that jeon jungkook, the soccer player, the track-star, the dancer, the cute, dorky teenager who played video games all day, would resort to being what he is now. jimin has no prejudice against men or women or whathaveyou selling their bodies, and in a way he feels the same even as he watches jungkook come out of the club looking worked-out and exhausted, it just might never hit him that jungkook does it. to jimin, jungkook is just doing his job, something he is good at and pays well enough for his standards. whether jungkook likes to do it, or wants to do it, he's doing it pretty damn well for a guy who sat on his ass all day eating cheetos and getting clammy whenever a girl stood next to him or when the conversation of sex came up back in high school.
whether a businessman or a dancer for hire, they were good at what they did. no matter if they liked it or not.
"i get off work early so, think i can stop by?" jimin says over the phone one evening, hushed and quiet, like he has something to hide.
jungkook's brows raise as one of the other dancers, they call him jin, helps him with his hair since his arms have been killing him after the moves he just pulled on the pole, "uh, i don't get off of work until 12 though? i don't need a ride."
"i...didn't mean- or i meant that as well, afterwards." jimin is sputtering, something jungkook is too distracted by to put two-and-two together before he's finishing with an obvious blush on his end, "i'd like to...come see you. just me though, my buddies are having wife-night or something and you know i'm not married so i'm not welcome."
jungkook cannot believe his ears while jimin tries to downplay just what he's requested. the part of jungkook, the old prideful teenage boy, would refuse him on the spot; go to hell, maybe hang up the phone right away; would've found this insulting and humiliating. he almost thinks maybe he heard him wrong, maybe's he misinterpreting the request. and yet, the desperate side of him, the same one that had the balls to call jimin to catch hoseok in the act, the one who was willing to let jimin have him anyway he wanted on his last night as a customer, wants to beg. wants to get down on his knees and comply; yes, yes come over and let me show you what i can do. let me do to you things i know no other man can do for you. the side of jungkook he hides during the day, the one his friends know nothing about, the one jungkook would never show for free.
the one he's willing to trust jimin with. it's a part of him that reeks of desire and craves someone's touch. this jungkook has the ability to turn off any distaste for his customers, to ignore the wedding ring on a hand that stuffs dollar bills onto his stockings. to wish for something he would never admit to wanting; to be wanted, to be needed.
he wants jimin to need him even if it means money or not. jimin can have it his way.
"s-sure," jungkook stutters, against his better judgement. jin even senses his flustered tone, jungkook shifting in his seat and the tips of his ears turning red, but jin doesn't ask. he possibly doesn't have to, for all the talk within the dressing rooms jin has a man of his own, not real a boyfriend but really none of them do. it comes with the job and it's a sacrifice none of them really cared about losing in the beginning. jungkook included. "yeah, i mean. i'll be on the floor in a minute so i'll be here, whe-when you are. yeah..." it's so awkward, jungkook feels his throat contracting, his ears are on fire and jin's are eyes full of concern. "jimin?"
"yeah, i'm here." he's voice sounds close in a whisper to his ear, but so very distant, like his mind is elsewhere.
it turns jungkook on so much he hastily ends the call and thanks jin for the help.
he only waits an hour, well passed the 11 o'clock mark when suddenly jungkook's boss is calling him to the side after he's just finished a customer.
"you have a last minute schedule for a private session. i don't mean to put you out but i already accepted for you."
jungkook's heart pounds; but i'm waiting for jimin. "oh," he lamely replies. it's his job after all.
"so go ahead and get ready he should be here by now."
within short minutes jungkook finds himself slipping into the outfit that was requested: black see-through lace everything. small robe, incredibly thin lingerie, and a cute bunny-ears head band. jungkook cocks his head as he admires himself in the mirror, thinking, at least the guy's got good taste. he's worn this type of outfit before, not as many times as he's liked, considering they're a lot easier to work with, but it doesn't lessen the nervousness in his stomach. he's already left wondering if he'll be any good, if the man sitting on the couch, or on the bed, will be satisfied. jungkook's never done more than he's given in cash, no matter how good-looking, every customer is the same to him and the only thing that differentiates is the amount of money they're willing to pay to have it all. despite that it's a strip club, and "by law" they aren't supposed to do any sexual activity other than dancing, jungkook isn't the only one who's broken the rule because hundred dollar bills speak louder than the law. luckily for jungkook, his price is so high he's only ever done it maybe not more than a few times; something he can live with, something that doesn't bother him when it's paying his bills and getting him through life, it's more a stress reliever than it could be a burden.
there is a knock at the door, and jungkook decides it would be best to answer it open instead of simply saying it's open like he usually does. he slips on the black stilettos left on the side of the bed and runs a finger under his fringe.
he opens the door, not expecting to see a shorter male with familiar brown eyes and a sheepish smile.
the elder is biting his lip as he takes in the sight before him, the sight he paid for. "wow-" he flushes profusely, and even jungkook can feel heat coming up his neck, "wow, i-" he puts a hand over his mouth, asking shyly, "may i come in?"
jungkook plays along with an even bigger bitten-back smile, "you are the customer." he allows for jimin to walk passed the threshold, eyeing the room.
jimin teases, "was kind of hoping we'd get the room you took to me last time."
jungkook has half a mind of kicking jimin with his heels; the sudden realization makes him laugh. "should i even be wearing these? i'm taller than you already."
jimin, who's back had been turned to him while jungkook locked the door, slowly turns to scan jungkook, mentally undressing him. whatever isn't already covered, jimin uncovers. "that may be so, but you look much better in them than i, don't you think?"
the compliment may have been given lightly, but it still drives jungkook crazy cause yeah, even he has to admit it looks pretty damn good with what he's got on.
his hands then self-consciously place themselves over his stomach, bringing his robe tighter, but it only gets jimin to trail his gaze to how they wrap around his waist. how his thighs look peaking out with his black — from his usually white — stockings; damn how good jungkook looks. with a pretty white bow on one of the garters that are hugging his thighs. "you look so beautiful, jungkook. i'm sorry if my doing this offends you."
maybe a bit. "not at all," jungkook inhales sharply. "if you'll have me, i'll give you much more than what you were promised."
"i was promised a pretty damn good time, jungkook," jimin is almost whispering now, hand coming up to tentatively ghost over jungkook's arm, "how can you top that?"
jungkook tries his best to not let his lips tremble as he smirks, "why don't you have a seat?"
the music is low and quiet; soft and tantalizing it dances on jungkook's skin and hovers over his lips that quiver as they wish to be with jimin's. the robe slides down his arms, and jimin watches them fall to the ground while his legs, well spread open for jimin, a place where he hungrily wishes to be at, are being tapped by his fingers. he's fidgeting, obviously very nervous no matter the confident grin he has on. jungkook is just the same. he's done this so many times, but this is even more nerve-wrecking than the first time jungkook's danced for someone in private.
it's always a different feeling between what happens on the dance floor or in the rooms; this tops it all.
jungkook's fingers trace over the sides of his ass, going up his waist and stopping at his chest, where he fists carefully at the see through material that jimin must really like because his eyes visibly dilate even from where jungkook's standing. despite the reaction, jungkook knows he can do better, has to, otherwise he'll feel like he's failed. the desperate side of him has taken over, the prideful long gone.
i'm for you, jiminnie.
he delicately pulls the flimsy material off of his body as he slowly lets the music take him. nothing fast or wild, something smooth that gets jimin's blood boiling even though it had been merely simmering a second ago. jungkook appreciates how one of jimin's legs is shaking anxiously, but his eyes are fixated, uncaring of his actions. jungkook's lips stretch into a full smile of teeth and crinkled eyes.
the heels come off the second jimin readjusts himself, hand fighting the urge to palm the tent in his pants.
jungkook, after two minutes of slow dancing and flaming eye contact, thumbs both sides of his panties. it hasn't been hiding much, but jungkook is just as eager as jimin to get them off. jungkook bites his lips, observing how jimin licks his lips as he teases, one thumb snapping the band while the other only clenches.
jimin exhales deeply, eyes dark with want.
jungkook knows he won't beg, and he doesn't really have to. because he's happily at it again, thumbs taking the strands and slipping the panties off, freeing his hard cock.
jimin nearly loses it; jungkook begs him to.
he doesn't have to be told twice, because he's standing up, legs wobbly but steady enough, and jungkook guides jimin to the bed, hands feeling up his chest and eyes staring down at the elder's lips. how he wants them all over his body, loving him. jimin gently falls on the bed, and jungkook kneels on it while his hands clamber up to the elder's zipper.
jimin suddenly stops him, one hand taking both, the other reaching to caress jungkook's cheek, his cool demeanor breaking and revealing a much more raw, frightened one, "wait."
jungkook's eyes fall, and he asks with disappointment, "you don't want me to?" he almost doesn't say the last word; he has to know and yet is too afraid of the answer.
"no, i do, jungkook, damn, i have for years." that get's jungkook's spine tingling and stomach contorting. "i just, i meant what i said the last time; i never wanted you like this."
jungkook is silent; conflicted on if he should feel insulted or delighted.
jimin takes this as confusion as he clarifies, "i don't want this if you don't."
but he understands, only he's unsure if he can say it. how ridiculous right? all this time jungkook's wanted nothing more than to share his feelings, to let him know how he felt and in return get the same. but right when the moment counts he can't find it in himself to say it?
he can see the world crash in jimin's eyes as realization kicks in, "this... have you really only seen me as a customer?"
jungkook mouth dries as he nearly tears up and answers with sincerity, "no, jimin. maybe the first time, but the last times i never did. i-" it's almost like he has to fight himself, the prideful self that's kicking his door to come out. "i-i-" his desperate side can't breathe, not until he comes clean; his pride is screaming for him to not tell jimin anything. "i love you."
he says those words quiet, so quiet he wishes jimin missed them. but he didn't, it's evident in the way his eyes sober up and his lips part in shock. "you... when?"
jungkook shakes his head no, too afraid to say and tries to lean close, but jimin refuses by leaning back. and that's what gets him to break open. "i don't know, jimin. honestly, i've tried to pin point. all i can come up with is maybe i could've loved you when i didn't, when i told myself i was better than you." those words make jimin's jaw clench. "but, ever since you've come back i saw that it was actually the other way around. that i-" jungkook doesn't feel the tear slide down his cheek as he humorlessly chuckles, "i don't deserve you, okay? i never did, and i don't care what you say because the only way i can find myself like this with you is if i'm being paid. because i know you'll never want me like i want you. you'll never love me again after what i did, after seeing me now. i want to love you, but i'm just a-" his throat clogs, and jimin looks like he wants to stop him from continuing, although he's not sure if it's because he doesn't believe in those words or if he's just plain damn tired of hearing jungkook feel sorry for himself.
the words leave him like poison being expelled, "whore." jungkook could throw up at any moment. it's a word he's heard the customer say, their significant other, his own boss, his co-workers. jungkook, after the long time he's been working there, has been too ashamed to use it the way they did. "i'm just a whore, and you'll never see me as anything else." jungkook makes to leave, he can't do this. he can't degrade himself, certainly not in front of a man he degraded for years. how the tables have turned, it's almost hard to swallow but jungkook's already become addicted to the way it hurts, the way it chokes him when he tries.
jimin stops him then, hand grabbing his wrists and keeping him in his place, the dark look that was there is no longer, instead soft with sympathy; jimin has always understood others, wanted to. and jungkook loves him for that.
the elder starts, voice husky, "stop, just stop, jungkook, because i have loved you ever since i met you, and never have i thought less of you. i don't care what you do, being a 'whore' or a person of physical service isn't always a bad thing. just because i've paid to have you more than once doesn't mean i would continue it if you weren't comfortable." jimin's hands come up to take jungkook's face, wipe away the tears that threatened to fall. "don't ever think i could see you anything less than i did when we were younger, because my love has only gotten stronger."
jungkook looks down, not bearing the strength to look jimin in the eyes as he confesses, "jimin, all i've done was hurt you, and the only time i can make you happy is when you pay me. i could never make you happy unless i did this for you."
"that's not true, you've always made me happy." jungkook grimaces, refusing to believe those words no matter how much jimin means them. "would it make you feel any better if i said i would still love you even if you continued this job, that if maybe you'd accept me and i you, i would still pick you up from work even though you were dancing for another man?" those words sound a little far-fetched, what man would want to go through that?
jungkook didn't totally hate his job, but it was obvious he'd want a different one. however, how long would that take? jungkook still had to graduate, still had exams to pass and midterms to write up, that could take years. jungkook could be 25-years-old and still in high heels and stockings, dancing for money. but did he hate it now?
no. jungkook didn't hate this job, he never did.
would jimin really take him as he was?
"jungkook, you mean the world to me, but i don't own you. you're your own person, what you decide what you want is for you and not for others. you don't dance for people for money, those people pay for you to dance for them. and from what i remember," jimin finally breaks into a smile, "you've always loved dancing."
jungkook lets out a laugh, mixed in with a sob, but he's smiling now, a couple tears leaving his eyes but guaranteed he's a lot more relaxed.
jimin adds soothingly, "i know you wouldn't be here if maybe you didn't think this through. there's nothing wrong with what you want and what you do, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
even through such promising words, jungkook still has one thought in mind that wouldn't leave him. "but why? why would you still love me after all i did to you?"
it takes jimin a second, the entire time he's gazing at jungkook, making the answer harder to wait for. "i've learned that, you choose to love, but in high school i chose you blindly. after i graduated, through the years i realized that maybe i pined for you too hard, i gave you too much when you simply didn't want it. shame on me, bad on my part, i should've respected what you wanted. and as i got older, i learned i could only choose to love someone if it felt right, if it felt nothing like how it did in high school." jungkook bites his lip in nervousness, feeling guilt fill up to the brim while jimin mumbles, "when i caught up with you last year, i told myself, no. i would not be swayed by you. and yet, i noticed you treated me differently, albeit i told myself it was because i was nothing more than a customer.
"it was only when you called me that one time, when hoseok was here," jimin says the name with disgust, an eye roll even, "i knew you cared. if you didn't, if i really was just some customer, someone who pays and fucks off, what would you care if the man whom was supposed to love me solely, did such a thing? if i really was just like any other customer, wouldn't you have called the wives or girlfriends or boyfriends of every other guy that came here?" jimin leans in, forehead meeting with jungkook's and he bitterly smiles, "then, you were crying. i knew right away, having to tell me hurt you as much as it hurt me. i loved hoseok, but i always knew i loved someone else, i just didn't think it was you. then when i knew," jimin's hand comes up and meets with jungkook's chin, bringing him close to his lips, while he whispers, "i didn't want to let you go again, not when i knew it was going to be different this time."
jungkook can feel light bloom inside of him, he swears he understands the beauty of birds chirping in the morning, flames from a roaring fire don't give him chills like jimin can. jungkook's closing the space between them swiftly, hands falling on jimin's chest, kissing him desperately and earning the same treatment. jimin's clothes shed fast with their grabby hands, jungkook's body is prepped with care even with the younger being impatient. the sound of the condom packet ripping makes jungkook's spine tingle.
when jimin enters him from behind, slow and gentle, planting soft kisses on his nape, jungkook can't stop the whisper that escapes him with urgency, "i love you, jimin."
he doesn't expect a reply, in all honestly he doesn't deserve one, but jimin mumbles against his shoulder blades, "i love you too."
jungkook can almost feel love on jimin's lips, can feel a hold on him as jimin thrusts when he begs him to, can feel like the worlds must be caving in and granting jungkook a show of everything he's ever wanted to see or know in life, having jimin like this. as jimin's cock brushes over that spot that makes jungkook forget his name and only remembering one, "jimin!" the elder's hand is forming over jungkook's. they both close up together, making them one and jungkook has never wanted to be this complete ever in his life; jimin's pace has picked up awhile ago and jungkook's whimpers are cut off by each pound of jimin's hips. jungkook feels like he's being driven into by a force full of heat and passion and even when it drives him insane and incoherent he's never been this enlightened in his life.
jimin turns him away on his back, jungkook can tell he's close with his hurried thrusts as soon as he enters him again, grunting over his neck, jungkook fists his hands through jimin sweaty hair, whimpers leaving him even though he knows, he knows he shouldn't be doing this. it excites him, because jimin is above every law there is, no rule could ever hold jungkook's love back from someone who's been broken too many times with love. all jungkook can do is flip them over, shocking jimin, as jungkook straddles him and places his hands back, onto jimin's ankles. the elder watches as jungkook throws his head back with this position, jimin's hard cock fucking deeper inside of jungkook, and he rides him avidly, sweat falling down his chest and heavy pants slipping out from his mouth.
jimin thinks he shakes and vibrates so beautifully, the way his name sounds in the voice of someone who he loves more than anything is music to his ears, his heart can feel the syllables with every pump through his veins. jungkook has him over the edge in seconds, he can't restrain himself when jungkook is looking down at him with parted lips and a flushed face, lips red and swollen from biting onto them in having to keep quiet; he cums hard, hands over jungkook's waist digging, breaking jungkook's skin. the younger mewls in pleasure of the sting, back arching and accepting more even as jimin's hands remove themselves.
jimin leans up, holding jungkook by the back and laying him down with the best care he can possibly manage while he's still shaking from his orgasm, he mouths down from the boy's neck to his stocking-covered thighs. he even teases the bow with his mouth, jungkook watches and whimpers at the action, fist coming over his mouth while the other hand plays with his nipples. jimin sucks on jungkook's inner thighs, mouth sucking in the fatty parts that leave jungkook moaning in sensitivity, jimin groaning as his tongue tastes his salty skin. he spreads the boy's legs even wider, damn he never knew jungkook was this flexible, and licks a long stripe from the cleft of jungkook's ass to the side of his painfully hard cock. jungkook keens, hands coming down to comb through jimin's hair. the elder closes his eyes at the touch, and rewards jungkook with wrapping his lips over his cock. jungkook's back arches up, his head turning from side to side, digging into the satin pillows and biting what he can because the pleasure is too much when he's so close. jimin wastes no time, knowing jungkook nearly there and really he craves to bring jungkook over, desires to make him see the stars and feel the planets align in his stomach. he hallows his cheeks, taking jungkook in his mouth and bobbing with his thick lips, as if begging the boy to cum in his mouth. jungkook's moans are high but soft, staccato breaths that makes jimin's insides curl and throat take jungkook as far as he can manage.
jungkook learns that songs can be seen, and paradise couldn't taste as good as jimin does make him see the cosmos and have it lined up in his core. his hands clench jimin's hair, holding his head in place as he whines and whimpers and bucks up desperately in jimin's inviting mouth, cum shooting out and body writhing with an orgasm so powerful it makes the crashes of oceans look like barely-there ripples. after the last few strands of cum fall over jimin's swollen, red lips, the elder prompty licks over and it causes the latter to electrify inside his already sensitive core, jungkook trembles as he reaches for jimin, too delirious with his high to form words. jimin gets the message and is crawling up to cradle jungkook close to his chest, their hearts don't pound in unison but it creates a rhythm that makes jungkook feel like he's being introduced to sounds and life all over again.
four months later, jimin is picking jungkook up from work and announces the company is offering a higher position in another city. when jungkook asks why he didn't accept it right away, jimin answers, "the only reason why i will accept is if you go with me."
jungkook has never said yes to jimin as fast as he did then.