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Attention, People Magazine

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From: tstark@si.com 
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov, THOR@si.com
Subject: PEOPLE Magazine, December Issue
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Begin forwarded content:

WEDDINGS and ENGAGEMENTS
by Celia Yascone

It's that time of year again, ladies! When, you ask? The time for spring romances to bloom into weddings that lead to some hot winter nights. 

-MILEY and LIAM are turning in their promise rings for wedding rings in the 24th. The venue has yet to be released, but our sources say that nothing less than the best will satisfy this young couple. 

-One of Hollywood's longest-standing couple, BRANGELINA, plan on renewing their vows winter-wonderland style in Quebec. Happy anniversary!

-Everyone's favorite alien, THOR, won't let us know when the wedding is, but he tells us that his "lady Jane has accepted my proposal to a Midgardian celebration of matrimony!" We're not a hundred percent sure whether he invited her to a wedding or proposed they have one, but either way, congratulations go out to the happy couple. 

-KIM KARDASHIAN has picked out husband number three! Sources say she's been dating an unknown for two years, and that she proposed last month. Go Kim! 

-Clint Barton- you may know him as HAWKEYE- hasn't done any proposing lately. However, sources say that he's been married to a government official for as many as three years!

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End forwarded content
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

okay
tony
who the fuck are these sources 
I want to find them and laugh at them
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From: tstark@si.com 
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

Told you I had something funny to show you. Hey, any idea if Point Break really did pop the question to Foster?
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

did you miss the mead-mug shaped dents in the movie room or something
seriously, he's been celebrating for two weeks straight
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From:tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

I thought those were from... you know what, never mind what I thought. Good for him. 
Planning on calling the good folks at People and bitch about them killing your game?
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

killing my game? nothing kills my game. my game is immortal
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From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

You've got some impressively devoted groupies. Even after Pep and I went public with the whole open marriage thing, no one would sleep with me. But Pep is terrifying, so there's that.
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

....and i'm sleeping with groupies why?
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From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

Because they're willing and good-looking and there?
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

nah, the old ball and chain gets jealous when I do that
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From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

I didn't know bows could get jealous.
...See, that was a joke about how you're married to your archery. It's a prime example of the patented Stark wit.
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

let me show you how much I'm laughing: "               "
I think that's accurate
...wait, did you seriously not notice the wedding ring
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From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue
 
You don't wear a wedding ring.
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

now I'm really laughing
obviously I don't on ops
but I live in your tower and see your strung-out self every day and you haven't noticed 
you are not sherlock, you are watson. no. anderson
--
From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

First of all, Anderson? How dare you. You are officially kicked out of movie night. 
And secondly, if you wore a wedding ring, I would have seen it, because if I'm not Sherlock, then Jarvis is.
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue
2 Attachments: 384859.jpg 384860.jpg

aaaanderson
I'm sending you a photo of my hand
no, 2. 1 with the ring and 1 with the tan line to prove I wear it usually
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From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

Well, damn. 
So who is it? Is it Natasha? If it's Natasha, you have balls of titanium. I'm going to call you Mrs. Romanov. 
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

wrong
but I still have balls of titanium
my spouse is a grade-a badass
--
From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

Hill? Tell me it's Hill. I didn't think she was human. Wait, is she an android? Can you marry androids? I've never had her in the tower, so Jarvis hasn't done a bioscan.
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

wrong again
she's also not an android
and if you could marry androids, we all know you'd have made a body for Jarvis by now
--
From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

Is it Fury? And if you're married, why do you want to laugh at the sources?
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

warmer
I want to laugh at them because it's our ten year anniversary in december, not our third
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From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

Ten years? Christ. And here I was, figuring you were a merry bachelor like me. 
...semi-bachelor. 
Is it Sitwell? Tell me it's not Sitwell. Please don't let it be Sitwell. Or a 
WSC member, because they nearly got me nuked into oblivion, and I don't want to kick you out of the tower for having bad taste. 
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE magazine, December Issue

tony, you suck at guessing
no, it's not fury, no, it's not sitwell. did you really never notice the fact that Coulson has never stepped foot on his floor? Even though he. Lives. In. Your. Tower?

you're anderson.
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From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE Magazine, December Issue

All this time, I thought the noises from your door were from porn. I think I'm going to send Coulson a congratulatory fruit basket.
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From: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
To: tstark@si.com
Subject: RE: PEOPLE Magazine, December Issue

he's definitely earned it
no guava, though. he's allergic to guava.
--
From: tstark@si.com
To: spec.c.barton@shield.gov
Subject: RE: PEOPLE Magazine, December Issue

...You really are married.