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The All-Purpose Birthday Present

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Fic: The All Purpose Birthday Present (Pippin/various, R)
Title: The All-Purpose Birthday Present
Rating: R
Pairing/s: Pippin/various. *giggles*
Other pairing/s: Frodo/Pippin, Frodo/Merry, Boromir/Merry/Pippin, Sam/Merry/Pippin, Faramir/Eowyn/Pippin, Merry/Estella/Pippin/Diamond, Merry/Pippin. Whew!
Warning/s: Slash, het, interspecies, cheerful nonmonogamy, Pippin
Summary: Well, the all purpose birthday present.


Waiting was always hardest. Harder than staying still, which wasn't at all, considering how securely that wicked Merry had tied him down; harder than Pippin currently was, with anticipation, every footstep in the hallway making him twitch and shudder; harder than the bedframe when Pippin banged his head back against it, because the pillow had slid over and down.

It was worth it, though, when he heard Frodo laughing, and Merry saying "--your present, with all enjoyment." Pippin's heart beat triple-time, and he bit his lip on laughter as Frodo said, "What, Merry, did you do to my-- oh."

Frodo's eyes went round, and his mouth went round before it curved into a smile, and Pippin couldn't help one giggle of sheer delight. Merry smirked over Frodo's shoulder at him and kissed Frodo's cheek. "Goodnight, cousins," he said, shutting the door behind him.

Waiting was hard, but it was surely worth it.




"Merry, I just heard the most terrible thing." Tucked into the crook of Boromir's arm, Pippin sat up when Merry returned; Boromir lay unmoving but for low rumbling laughter. "Boromir's birthday passed not ten days ago, and he said nothing of it at all!"

"That is awful, Pippin!" Undoing his cloak, Merry threw himself on Boromir's chest. "Why, I think he meant to cheat us!"

That got Boromir up on his elbows; Merry hung onto his neck to keep from rolling down. "Cheat you, Master Meriadoc? Of what?"

"Of our birthday presents, of course!" Merry hitched himself up as Pippin explained, "At home, the custom is that we distribute presents on our birthdays."

"I see." Boromir lay back down, but Merry kept climbing him anyway, curling up round his head. "In Gondor, we are given gifts rather than bestowing them."

Pippin knew that from talk during one day's hike or another, but made his eyes round anyway. Boromir always smiled when he did, and didn't disappoint now. "So we owe you presents and you owe us presents!"

"I have an idea on how to resolve this," Merry said, as if they weren't all thinking it, and leaned over Boromir upside-down to kiss him. Unbuttoning, Pippin laughed.


"I think he's forgotten, Pip," said Merry, from behind Sam, who had stopped actively sputtering and now stared up from round eyes. Inclined to agree, Pippin stripped his tunic off quickly and settled back down astraddle Sam's legs. "Forget Lithe?" Pippin replied, mock outraged, and Merry laughed, tightening his arms around Sam's shoulders; Pippin slid his fingers up beneath Merry's arms to unbutton Sam's shirt, and Sam jumped a little when Pippin stroked his collarbone. "Forget the Fair and the parties and the dancing? I could never forget Lithe, Merry."

"Especially the dancing." Merry brushed his lips over Sam's ear, following the blush as it flared up to the point. "Why, we don't even need strings tied round our fingers."

"Begging your pardon, sirs, but it's strings tied elsewhere you both need." Sam spoke gruffly, but a smile lurked in the corners of his mouth, and Pippin kissed them one after the other to bring it forth. Easing bit by shuddery bit, Sam stammered, "And, and Lithe was, Midsummer was two days past, when the King and Queen were wed, as you must remember."

"The calendar's a little different here," Pippin offered. Merry rolled his eyes, and said, "Well, then, we never properly celebrated your birthday either. Besides, you do want all the new gardens to grow well, don't you, Sam?"

"That, Mr. Merry, .is naught but a--- mmph!" Sam smiled now even as he protested, so Pippin kissed him full on the mouth as Merry stroked his shirt off his arms.


"I see you like your birthday gift, my husband, " Eowyn purred in Faramir's ear as she gently pressed Pippin's hand. Faramir hummed for reply, being too busied with kissing Pippin to speak, his hand round Pippin's other wrist pinning him happily to the bed. Eowyn laughed warmly above them; Pippin half wished to look up at the long pale slenderness of her, see her golden hair falling all round them, but Faramir, his quiet princely lord Faramir, now kissed him so devouringly it made his eyes roll back in his head, and all Pippin could do was twine his fingers with Eowyn's and moan and kiss him back.

Faramir moaned too, and gasped, and broke the kiss, releasing Pippin's wrist as he looked at them with such wide grey eyes they both laughed. "So it seems, my lady," said Pippin, curling his hand in turn into Faramir's. "Would you kiss him and see?"

And so she did, her golden hair falling soft across Pippin's face as she moved. "Happy birthday, Faramir," Pippin murmured, turning his face into Eowyn's hair as they both squeezed his hands, kissing sweet and slow above him. "I hope I may be here for many more."



"I do believe he actually forgot," murmured Diamond, tucked against Pippin's back. When Estella giggled, her breasts jiggled against Pippin's chest; luxuriating between two lovely lasses he thought how he might happily never move again, having had quite enough and more of movement recently.

"Well, it has been so very busy," Estella said in Pippin's defense, but from where he lay slung across all their legs, Merry snorted. "Pip's getting old," he teased. "The Pippin I first knew never would have forgotten his own birthday. The little mite would stagger about with a bundle of flowers bigger than he was."

"I'm old?" Pippin tried to retort, though his voice came out as melted as the rest of him. "And what does that make you, elder cousin?"

"Wise," Merry laid a zigzag of kisses as he clambered up, on Pippin's hip and Diamond's arm and Estella's shoulder and hair. "Lucky for you we all wanted the same birthday present."

Before Pippin could drag up a reply, not that he really tried, Merry leaned across Estella to kiss his mouth.




"Mmm, Pippin," Merry moaned, almost making three words of two; Pippin sucked harder at Merry's pulse, feeling it beat against his tongue. "Pippin, Pip. He used to like that, do you remember?"

"Mmm," Pippin hummed for reply, Merry was still talking too much, thinking too much. Pippin bit down slowly as he sped his hand; whatever Merry said next shattered into a moan, as he arched his throat into Pippin's bite and his hips into Pippin's stroke. Pippin sucked the bite into a kiss and Merry gasped, 'Pip, there---" and shivered against him, peaking over his hand.

"Pippin, Pippin," Merry murmured; Wiping his hand on the grass, Pippin kissed Merry's throat and chin. "Ah, Pip. I just--- I wish---"

"I know." Pippin kissed Merry's mouth, then the tears off his cheeks. "Happy birthday to Frodo," he whispered over Merry's brow, and Merry sobbed, turning his face to find Pippin's mouth again.