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Not Today

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They don't play today.

Mikey's medication's been switched - their psychiatrist called Alicia when Mikey didn't call to make their regular appointment, which is Mikey's most reliable sign things have stopped working - and Mikey lies around the house, listless and blank. Alicia brings them coffee and pets their hair, blond slightly edged out by darker roots.

They won't play for days. Alicia', she's not even okay with it. That implies a sacrifice, a state that needs her validation. It is what it is. And she'll be there when things change.


They don't play today.

Mikey's done a round of interviews for the new album, and it's not always a problem, but it is today. Alicia knows the words that stick out: he, his, men. "Brother", for some reason, is never difficult; even though Gerard uses "siblings" for the two of them, Mikey says they've always been Gerard's brother.

The label, their PR, pretty much everyone in charge says it's "too complicated" for people to understand. Gerard tells Mikey it's bullshit whenever it comes up, and Frank and Ray always back him up, but Mikey says it's okay. If the public doesn't know everything, they don't need to know this.

But that doesn't stop the bad days, the days Mikey sits alone and says they feel wrong in their own skin. Alicia wishes she understood. But she does get that being open would trade one kind of bad day for another.

Sometimes, it's just not worth it.


They don't play today.

Mikey's back from the first leg of the tour. They did things here and there on the road: Alicia called to tell Mikey not to jerk off, flew to their Seattle date to give them their first orgasm in a week, trapped their hands in a clean t-shirt and tied a slightly smelly one around their mouth while she went down on them so Ray wouldn't hear the gasps and moans in the room next door. But the Skyping was the best: Mikey could give Alicia amazing fucking orgasms just by sitting in front of their phone, watching while Alicia did what she wanted.

Today, with Mikey jet-lagged and ragged, they do it as vanilla as they ever manage. Mikey lies flat on their back, and Alicia rides their cock slowly, giving Mikey a chance to catch their breath just as much as to get off. Alicia lets them come after ten or fifteen minutes, and they drift off right away.

Alicia lies next to them, not tired, but sweaty and sated and just perfect.


They don't play today.

They try. Alicia always marks a new tour by buying a new toy, and nipple clamps are something Mikey's always said they've wanted to try. But the second Alicia pulls the clamps out, she has to put them away again.

Pain toys are like that for her sometimes. She can always use them for herself, no problem, but with Mikey, it's about fifty-fifty. Long before they ever met, an overzealous partner didn't hear her attempts at safewording over the sounds of the flogger he used on her, and she just...can't do that to Mikey. Never mind that they weren't going to scene in a way that needed safewords. Or that clamps aren't exactly noisy. She'll be able to do it another time, just not today.

Mikey takes her to a comic book shop and talks her ear off about how great Miles Morales is instead. It's exactly what she needs.


They play today.

They've been playing pretty consistently for the last week; it tends to happen when Alicia's in a toppy mood, and it's easier for Mikey when they're in a groove. Today, she pulls out the cuffs, and Mikey gives her the smile she loves so much as they make sure she's attached securely to the headboard. The smile stays in Alicia's mind as a blindfold slips over her eyes and as Mikey's hands rove over her naked body.

It's only when Mikey whispers for her to stay silent that she realizes she's moaning with every touch. She bites her lip, and that almost makes her moan again.

Alicia has stamina, even if Mikey's the best fucking tease in the world, so she holds off easily until the first rake of the back scratcher over her skin. Tears spring to her eyes after four or five passes as she begs to come, and it's different than when Mikey begs. Mikey manages to get every bit of their love for Alicia in every "please" that passes their lips; Alicia's heard it all week, heard it every time she's dommed, and she's not sick of it yet. Alicia just sounds desperate.

But judging by the warmth in the words of Mikey's permission, maybe desperate is just how love sounds from Alicia in these moments.

Alicia's silent when she comes, her bottom lip still between her teeth, Mikey's fingers pressed against her clit. Mikey, on the other hand, often isn't, like sex is the one thing that can tip them into Opposite Land. The blindfold stays on, but Alicia can hear the wet slap of skin-on-skin and short breaths, and she squeezes her thighs together just a little, even though she's still shaking from her own orgasm. But it's her name in an awe-filled voice that really makes her shiver, that really makes her blink the tears out of her eyes.

Mikey shoots onto her belly, and when they're finished, they collapse beside her.

Taking off the blindfold and leaving the cuffs attached is one of the best parts, if Alicia had to choose. Mikey likes to stay blindfolded, and they've never been super into bondage. But Alicia likes being able to stare into Mikey's eyes, watch their hands smoothing her hair, and not take over. It's always her instinct to take over, and it's always Mikey's instincts to let her.

Mikey only unhooks the chain when they're both half-asleep. Alicia's head is already buzzing about next time as her eyes flutter closed.