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“No, Mum, I swear I’m fine.” Harry says into the phone again, trying his best to stop his mum’s worrying.

“Are you sure? You don’t need anything? Is the heat working? Is the fridge stocked?”

Harry holds back a sign against the long string of questions. “Yes, no, yes, and yes.” He says. “I have to go, I still have unpacking to do.”

“Okay, Harry. I’ll call you first thing tomorrow. I love you!” She chirps.

“Love you too, Mum, bye.” Harry hangs up and stops his pacing, sitting down on the one couch he has and putting his head in his hands. He loves his mum, he does, but she’s suffocating him. It’s not like this is the first time he’s lived away from home. He lived away at Uni for almost 5 years! Granted, it was in a dorm and he had a roommate (who, is also very concerned for Harry’s wellbeing) but he’s an adult now!

Isn’t he?

He gets up with a groan, reaching his arms above his head and leaning forward, listening to the satisfying crack of his spine. He scratches absent mindedly at his hip as he walks into the spare room, where he’s going to set up his office.

It’s nearing 7 PM, and Harry really should be getting dinner started soon (his mum would have a right fit if she knew he hasn’t eaten yet) but he needs to email his new boss back, meaning that he really needs to get his wifi up and running.

It wouldn’t be that much of a big deal if Harry hadn’t already gone 2GB over his monthly LTE allowance on his phone, and he is in no position to be paying the extra amount of money it would cost him to slave over employment emails.

He shuffles his boxes around, looking for the one marked ‘WIFI – VERY VERY IMPORTANT BOX DO NOT LOSE’. When he finds it he puts it on the ground and flips the top open, looking down at the contents with a frown. There were definitely not this many wires in here when he packed this.

He takes it all out anyway, sitting on the floor and untangling wires for a solid thirty minutes. When he finally gets each wire separated, he’s cursed his huge hands at least 20 times, and he’s cursed the Wifi God himself at least 20 more.

He picks up a big and important looking wire, and plugs it into wherever it seems to fit on the router. He then plugs it into the wall, and turns the router on, watching as it lights up in his hand.

Satisfied, he sets the router down and picks up his phone, opening up the wifi settings. He scrolls through the options, his eyes stopping on one in particular.

yell penis for password

That’s a riot, Harry thinks, but he’s more focused on the fact that he hasn’t seen his own wifi appear on the list to pay it much mind.

He goes back to the router, picks up and turns it over in his hands a couple of times, then sets it back down. He refreshes the wifi listings again, but nothing changes.

Harry repeats this process about 6 times, each time getting him more frustrated than the last. He tries different things to try to get it to work – turning it on and off again, blowing on the cable, shaking the router until something snaps – but nothing’s working.

Harry knows this is bad. He has emails that have to get to his new boss and, like, you can’t send professional emails after 9 PM. There is a very clear window of when professional communication can be sent, and 9 PM is definitely the cut off.

But the clock is getting nearer and nearer to 8, and Harry still has no wifi. He sits on the floor in the midst of all the wires and broken dreams, and he contemplates what his next move should be. His instinct had been to just google how to set up your internet, but he obviously can’t do that without any internet.

Then he remembers something.

He flushes at the thought, but grabs his laptop anyway, turning it on and looking at the wifi listings for what feels like the 60th time that night.

yell penis for password

It could be a trap. A trick, rather. Some mean person taking the piss out of a new neighbor. But why should Harry care? They’ll laugh at him, feel satisfied, and then move on. If worse comes to worst, he can always just move again.

He racks his brain for anything he might’ve seen of his new neighbors. He can’t recall anything, other than some old woman who complimented his hair in the elevator.

He seriously doubts this would be her wifi, though.

He can’t remember anyone else, but he decides it’s worth the risk. The only problem is that he has neighbors on both side of him, and he’s not sure which direction is best to yell in.

This uncertainty results in Harry pacing his new flat for a while. As he mulls over whether or not he’s really going to do this, he gets pack of ramen noodles from his cupboard and throws it in the microwave, the sound of them heating up bringing him an odd sense of comfort. He wanders around for a few seconds before deciding that standing in the middle of the hallway is the best place to stand for equal hearing opportunities on both sides of him.

Once standing in the hallway, Harry thinks about what he’s about to do. Is he really that desperate for wifi that he’s going to shout out a vulgar word in the middle of his home? For other people to clearly hear? A sudden slew of new questions enter his brain. Has anyone else yelled penis before? Will Harry be the first? What will he do if no one responds? Why is this happening to him?

After realizing that standing around and worrying is only wasting precious time, Harry braces his hands on the wall and takes a deep breath, trying to will his nerves away. He needs wifi. 


He has to stop himself from laughing after the word leaves his mouth, the absurdity of the situation finally catching up to him.

In the silence that follow he begins to worry that he might have disturbed his neighbors who are not the owners of the wifi – oh no, what if the old lady heard him? – but then, Harry hears a thump from the other side of the wall to his right.

“DID YOU JUST YELL PENIS?” The voice yells, continuing again before Harry has a chance to say something back. “GIMME A SEC!”

There’s another thump, and Harry second guesses how loud he actually had to yell if these walls are seemingly paper thin.

He’s surprised to find himself not nervous, but rather excited. The person on the other side of the wall sounded nice, and not at all mocking. And he obviously has a good sense of humor. It may sound cheesy, but Harry thinks that maybe this guy could become his new friend.

There’s an expected knock on the door, and Harry is met with someone who is possibly the most ethereal boy he has ever seen.

His hair is soft and flat against his forehead, and his eyes are shining bright blue. His smile is small and shy, but friendly and open. He’s wearing a red pullover sweatshirt that says ‘CAMPUS’ on it in capital letters, and green plaid pajama pants.

As Harry’s eyes travel down, he’s met with what is possibly the best part.

The boy is wearing moose slippers.

“Nice footwear,” Harry hears himself say, and mentally slaps himself. That could easily be taken as a rude comment by this man.

He just laughs though, his cheeks being painted a beautiful shade of pink as he looks down and wiggles his feet around. “Yeah,” he agrees, “I thought about taking them off but I’ve not got any socks on. Plus, my mum taught me it isn’t polite to enter people’s houses barefoot.”

Harry nods, “And my mum taught me it wasn’t polite to scream ‘penis’ in close vicinity of other people, but I guess we’re all rule breakers sometimes. My name is Harry, by the way.”

“I’m Louis,” Louis smirks, pointing a finger at Harry as his eyes start shining with mischief. “I’ve had that as my wifi name for almost 2 years now, and you’re the first person who’s ever done it. I almost didn’t believe my ears!”

Harry shrugs. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” He sympathizes, stepping back and leaving space for Louis to enter. “As you can see, I just moved in.”

Louis looks at him with a confused expression. “You don’t have to invite me in,” he says cautiously, “I was just going to give you the password and skedaddle-”

“No!” Harry interrupts suddenly, “no, please, do come in. I would feel rude if I took your wifi password and then just kicked you out,”

“Clearly you’ve never had a one night stand before,” Louis says, almost under his breath as he closes Harry’s front door and takes a slow step inside. “But you’re young, yet.”

“I’m 24,” Harry says with a straight face.

“Really?” Louis questions. “You still look like a baby to me, Harold.”

“My name isn’t Harold,” Harry tells him. “Just Harry.”

Louis narrows his eyes at him, “that’s exactly what an insufferable baby would say,”

“I-” He’s cut off by the sound of his microwave beeping, and Harry realizes dumbly that he had forget he even put those in there. “Hold on, sorry.”

He quickly walks into his kitchen and opens his microwave door, setting the noodles on the counter. When he turns around and sees that Louis has followed him, he turns to speak. “Sorry, I haven’t had dinner yet and I popped these in before I decided to um… summon you.”

Louis laughs, making himself at home and sitting at Harry’s poor excuse of a kitchen table. “It’s quite alright.” He assures, his friendly air making Harry giddy. “Is that the beef kind? That’s my favorite.”

“Really?” Harry asks around a mouth of noodles. “I can make you one, if you’d like?”

“Oh, I couldn’t,” Louis starts but Harry swallows and shakes his head.

“Oh, yes you can,” He nods, “If I’m going to be mooching off of your wifi for the next few days, the least you can do is eat some noodles. I’ll crawl on top of that table and force feed you if I have to,” Harry threatens, and Louis’ eyes widen as he holds his hands up.

“That took an unexpected turn,” Louis says with cheek, then he looks up at Harry curiously. “You’re not one of those ‘Christian Grey’ fanatics, are you? Tell me your laptop is in the second door to the left and it’s actually a sex dungeon with people tied up and hanging from the ceiling or some crazy shit like that-”

Harry laughs loudly, shaking his head as he puts another pack of noodles in the microwave. “No, no, oh my god no,” he repeats through a giggle.

“Okay, good!” Louis says loudly, “because I had high hopes for you, Curly, but if you had said yes to that there would be a Louis shaped hole in that door,” He says with his eyebrows raised as he points to Harry’s front door.

Harry keels over with laughter, holding his stomach as he pictures Louis trying to run away from anything in his moose slippers.

“Doubt you'd get that far,” Harry says through breaths, “with those cushions on your feet,”

Louis gasps, feigning offense. “How very dare you!” He splutters. “I will have you know that Parker and Porter have never done me any wrong.”

That sends Harry into actual hysterics. “Oh my god!” He cries through tears as he leans on his counter and hangs his head, his shoulder shaking with laughter. “Don’t tell me you named your slippers after characters from Desperate Housewives,”

Louis stands up and slams his palm against the table, pointing an accusatory finger at Harry. “You can’t laugh at me if you recognize it within three seconds!”

The microwave going off is almost drowned out by Harry’s new string of laughter. He wipes the tears from his eyes as he opens the microwave door and prepares Louis’ dish, hearing the boy sitting back down behind his back as Harry tries but fails to repress his grin.

“You’re really funny,” Harry tells him as he delivers the noodles in a bowl.

Louis takes them with a grateful smile, picking up his fork and waving it around as Harry sits down next to him. “Nah,” Louis says with a shake of his head. “Comedy is all opportunity, and you,” he emphasizes with a fork in Harry’s face, “gave me all the opportunity in the world when you yelled out ‘penis’.”

Harry shrugs, taking another bite of his now cold noodles. “Why penis, by the way. Purely humor?” He asks curiously as he stuffs his face again.

Louis swallows and shakes his head, leaning forward on his elbows as he looks Harry dead in the eye. “Penis is my favorite thing.”

Harry chokes immediately, that phrase being the last thing he expected Louis to say.

“Too forward?” Louis says, but he doesn’t sound too apologetic.

“No,” Harry insists, wiping his mouth. “I’m with you on that, mate.”

Louis smiles gleefully at him. “I knew you would be.”

Harry has the decency to look offended. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Louis takes another bite of his noodles, taking his time chewing and smiling over at Harry as Harry glares at him. “What I mean is, no straight male would ever shout the word ‘penis’. Heterosexuality is too fragile,”

Harry sits back, pondering. “That’s true.” He agrees finally. “Is this how you scope out boys to date?” Harry asks, “Like, you accused me of being a ‘Christian Grey’, but here you are making a rather barbaric version of eHarmony.”

Louis laughs, giggling down at the table as he bites his tongue. He shakes his head. “Like I said, Harry, you’re the only person I’ve pulled and if I’m honest, I’m happy with the results.” He shrugs nonchalantly, ignoring Harry’s blush. “If you want to paint me as being the founder of a new barbaric eHarmony, I’ll accept it, no shame.”

They eat in silence for a seconds, Harry getting lost in the way that Louis’ tiny hands wrap around the bowl even though it’s completely unnecessary.

Louis is cute, in all sense of the word. Even the way his mouth moves when he chews sends Harry’s heart into overdrive.

And the fact that they met in such a peculiar way… Harry’s always been a big believer in fate and destiny. Maybe Louis is his.

But it’s too early for thoughts like that, and the last thing Harry wants to do is scare Louis off. So, goes for a more careful approach.

“So what were you doing at home? Did I drag you away from work or anything?”

Louis shakes his head. “No, actually, I was just watching something on Netflix. A movie, actually, I had just started it.”

“Oh,” Harry hums, and then, after a moment, “do you want to watch it here?” Harry asks him. “I mean, my laptop is all charged and ready to go, all I need is – you know, a wifi password.”

Louis chews slowly, looking hesitantly at the table top. He nods a second later though, dragging his eyes up to meet Harry’s and then smiles. “Okay,” He says. “I will warn you, though, I was about to watch The Jonas Brothers documentary.”

Harry grins, “You would.”

“Oi!” Louis crows, “you’ve only known me for an hour at most! You can’t say stuff like that yet.”

“Fine,” Harry says, standing up and taking away his and Louis’ bowls, placing them in the sink. “But when two hours rolls around, get ready.” Harry gestures for Louis to follow him, and Harry smiles to himself as he hears Louis grumbling under his breath.

“Wait,” Harry says, stopping outside of the office door, “this room is a mess, go make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll be there in a second.”

Louis says a soft, ‘okay’ and Harry weaves around the room in the newfound darkness, grabbing his laptop off the floor and waking it up as he meanders back into the living.

The sight he’s met with makes his heart melt. Louis is curled up in the corner of the sofa, only one lamp on as he covers himself with the throw blanket Harry threw unceremoniously on the top of the sofa earlier. He looks up when Harry enters, and smiles as Harry sits next to him, spreading his legs as he places his laptop on his knees.

“Okay, so all we need is the password and then we can get to watching this movie,” Harry says. He rolls up his sleeves and pulls up the wifi listings, clicking on Louis’. “Give me the password,”

Louis is silent. Harry looks over to see Louis untangling himself from the blanket, reaching his hands forward to grab the laptop.

Harry moves it away from him, holding it out as Louis struggles. “Louis,” He says. “What’s the password?”

“I’d, um, feel better if I could type it myself.”

“Louis,” Harry says again, laughing. “Tell me the password,”

Louis grunts in response, crawling further out of the blanket.

Louis,” Harry says, exasperated. “We’re not going to watch the movie unless you tell me the password.”

“Fine, fine,” Louis says with a huff, leaning back against the armrest. “Are you ready?” He says with exhaustion.

“Yes,” Harry replies, eagerly.

“It’s d – i – c –k - m - e,” Harry types out the letters as Louis says them, paying too much attention to not getting a letter wrong than trying to decipher the code. “d – o - w, - n.”

Harry clicks enter and watches as it connects. “Woo!” He cheers triumphantly, then he stops. “Wait a minute,”

Louis groans and covers his face with his hands, leaning forward on himself as he cries out in shame. “I didn’t think anyone was ever going to yell out penis, okay?”

Harry laughs as he lets his head fall against the back of the couch, looking over at Louis with a fond smile. “You are something else,” he says as Louis looks at him from between his fingers.

“Just play the movie,” Louis mumbles.

So Harry does. He opens up Google Chrome and on his homepage are his most visited pages – of which one is Netflix and the other is his email.

He checks the time, and sees that it’s almost 9. The window of professional communication time is coming to a close, but Harry has Louis beside him and he really can’t be bothered to do anything but please the boy.

Plus, in the morning the professional communication window will be open again, and Harry can always just tell his boss that he had no internet.