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The Mayor of Mars

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...I LED THE DOG ALONG AFTER ME AND FOUND M WHERE WE HAD SPLIT HOLDING THE REGISWORD AND LOOKING SORT OF ILL. SHE SEEMS TO HAVE DECAPITATED SEVEN OR EIGHT PEOPLE WHILE I WAS DISTRACTED. I DO NOT THINK IT SAT PARTICULARLY WELL WITH HER. I USED MY ETIQUETTE ON HER AND SHE SMILED AT ME WITH ALL HER PECULIAR TEETH AND TOOK ME BACK TO THE CAPITAL.

I HAVE NO HOME HERE OF COURSE BUT ACCEPTING HER INVITATION I HAVE MADE MY RESIDENCE IN A SMALL AND COMFORTABLE SHED OFF OF HER ALLOTTED HOUSING. IT CONTAINS SUSTENANCE AND SHADE. MOST SATISFACTORY. I WAIT HERE WHILE THE PLANETARY GOVERNMENT DECIDES WHAT MY FATE IS TO BE. WHETHER I AM TO BE AWARDED FOR MY PACIFICATION OF THE CANINE MONSTROSITY OR EXTRADITED AS PRISONER OF War confound it what was that button!!! the letters are more pleasant but this machine is incomprehensible. r i hope you can make sense of me.

it is very strange, r. all my memories are of their ships shelling us and of the burning of my fields but the army is hated here just as much as ours is. their farmers are just farmers. their herdsmen are just herdsmen. their giant mutated bishops are just giant mutated bishops. i do not know who the war serves.

that is the end of my tale. i dispatch this communication with my hostess who will politely ferry it back to you. r you are probably wondering why i am trusting it to her as this letter is half treason and half meditations on how beautiful she is but you will see that you get this letter unopened and safe. she is so trustworthy. and her shell is so fine. please do not court her even though your properties are much more extensive please please please i like her very much. when she returns she has agreed to talk treaties. you should consult with her. she knows everything about documents and you know everything about the law. i am sure you will be friends.

yours in space

warweary villein a wayward vaGABOND DAMN THIS INFERNAL MACHINE