Work Text:
Pooch stared at the ceramic frog on his kitchen table. It wasn't an ammo can but it still worked. Jolene had a theme in the kitchen, it was green so the frog fit right in. Beside the Swear Frog was a large index card with the offenses and fees. They were a lot different than the ones Jodie Jensen had in place. The list read:
The Swear Frog:
Foul Language: $1 per word
-Add .25 if knife is pulled
Referring to Linwood as 'Jolene's Bitch'- $5.00
-Add $1.00 if Jolene is within earshot.
Drama Fee/The Clay's Crazy Women Clause: $150.00
Attempted Death Threats: $3.00
Knife Tax/The Roque Clause: $1.00 for every knife found
Verbal Inappropriateness/ The Jensen Addendum: $10.00
Tracking Mud Through The House: $4.00
The driver tapped the pen in his hand on the table. He had spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out something that could be the Cougar Clause. Ever since Cougar had pounced on Jensen a week ago, the two had been at it like cats in heat whenever Jodie and Heather would leave the house.
Some things cannot be unheard or unseen.
With a grin, he put the pen to paper, and wrote a new clause.
Jensen would freak out.
~*~
Cougar stretched before he slid out of bed. He leaned down to kiss Jensen's shoulder before he pulled on black pajama bottoms. The blonde rolled over to sprawl in the spot Cougar had left. He smiled. The week had been amazing.
The look on Jensen's face when he had seen Cougar outside his door had been priceless. For once the hacker had been rendered speechless. The sniper had gently pushed past the blonde and placed the hard drive and the candy on the dresser. Jensen had closed the door and Cougar had grabbed him by his belt loops to steer him to the bed.
The rest had been wonderful. And when Jensen had started his awkward speech, Cougar just kissed him. The next morning he had awoken to Jensen yelling and a flash going off in his face. While dots floated around his eyes, he managed to see Clarissa flee the room with Jensen in pursuit. Before they left for Pooch's house, Clarissa handed them a framed photo.
He decided he liked her after all.
The sniper padded downstairs to see a smug Pooch at the kitchen table. The driver's eyes followed him as Cougar poured two cups of coffee. He dumped sugar in Jensen's until the coffee level changed. He placed the two cups on the table and Pooch slid the Swear Frog over to him. Cougar caught it and read the notecard that had been taped to the front of the frog.
Being Caught Mid-Coitus in a Public Area of the House/ The Cougar Clause: $75.00
-Add $5.00 if the excuse "He's performing the Heimlich Maneuver on me" is used.
-Add $4.00 if the excuse "He was cracking my back" is used.
-Add $3.00 if The Jedi Mind Trick is used and fails.
Cougar shrugged as he collected the two coffee cups.
~*~
Jake Jensen was not one to back down from a challenge. Or what he perceived to be a challenge. The Swear Frog had obviously thrown down the gauntlet. And it didn't help that Cougar had taken the side of the frog since neither of them could afford to pay the greedy ceramic amphibian. He glared at the Swear Frog from the living room floor.
He would outsmart the inanimate object. There was no wiggle room within the parameters and Jensen had used wiggle room when he had first joined the Losers. Then Roque caught on. The 2iC's orders were very specific; Lucifer himself couldn't warp them.
The blonde launched himself off of the floor.
Cougar was outside.
He gawked at the Spaniard. For someone who didn't want to draw the attentions of Jensen's lower regions, he was failing. The sniper had borrowed a pair of Jensen's board shorts, the plain black ones, and had gone outside to clean the above ground pool in Pooch's back yard. Near the pool was a potting shed and Jensen remembered an episode of Scrubs.
The grin on his face got wider.
A few minutes later he found himself outside. The hacker had taken off his shirt when he had gone to retrieve a few items from his suitcase. Jensen unbuttoned the top of his jeans and went to stand near the pool.
"So you're the new pool boy," Jensen said as he caught Cougar's eyes.
His lover just raised an eye brow and continued to skim the pool.
Jensen looked at the house. In the kitchen window the Swear Frog seemed to mock him. He would not admit defeat to something that could shatter if it fell on the floor. He toed off his sandals before he climbed onto the patio. Cougar's back was turned to him.
Perfect.
The hacker removed The Hat from Cougar's head before he threw the sniper over his shoulder. He slapped Cougar on the ass when he heard the string of Spanish curses. Jensen opened the door to the potting shed and ducked so he wouldn't hit Cougar's head on the doorframe. He kicked the door closed before he deposited Cougar onto some spare lawn furniture.
"What are you doing, amor?" Cougar asked. "I do not have any more money to give to the frog."
"You don't have to give any more cash to that evil amphibian since we're not in the house," Jensen explained. "Potting shed is not attached to the house, ergo my sexy pool boy, no C-notes for the frog."
Cougar just smirked.
~*~
Clay leaned against the railing of the back porch as Pooch and Roque argued at the grill. Cougar was supposed to have put out the lawn furniture but neither hide nor hair of the sniper was to be found. He listened for a moment. It was quiet.
Jensen was MIA.
"Linwood! Could you go and get the extra lawn furniture so we have things to sit on?!" Jolene yelled from the kitchen.
"Sure!" Pooch yelled back as he put the tongs down.
The Colonel watched as the driver went to the potting shed and opened the door.
"Jensen! What the hell!!?" Pooch's voiced carried to the porch. "Cougs! Put some pants on!"
"It's not in the house!" Jensen protested. "You just have bad timing, Poochman!"
"Get dressed! You have ten minutes!" The driver stated before he shut the door. "And bring out the furniture! The pieces you haven't done things on! And you're buying those from me!"
Clay laughed.
The End.