Bringers of Blackest Dawn (on the Dark Side of the Moon)
a Supernatural fanfiction
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness, too.
So I stayed in the darkness with you.
Florence + the Machine's Cosmic Love
One. Two. Three.
I fire three rounds into Lucifer's forehead. The Colt slips, unnoticed, from my suddenly lifeless fingers and hits the grass with a muffled thump. I watch with strangled breath as his eyes widen and he begins to sink to the ground. As he turns his bright, wet lamplight gaze onto me, I could swear the look in the Devil's eyes is hurt.
I make no move as Lucifer sinks closer and closer to the half-dead grass. Time seems, feels sluggish, drunk and it creeps by drop by drop until finally Lucifer collapses and slumps, seemingly dead, to the ground.
I don't move. I can't move. Neither does he.
The earth holds still.
Then Lucifer shudders and all the dead breath trapped in my throat flees in a mad rush of exhalation and exaltation.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Thank god.
Lucifer rises unsteadily to his feet and dusts himself off before turning fully to face me.
"Hello, Sam." The Devil gives me a sad sort of smile (sorrow-regret-I'm sorry-I'm here) and the brick wall of incandescent hate and rage that slams into my gut damn near leaves me blind.
"You listen to me, you son of a bitch," I snarl, feral, as starting forward. "I'm gonna kill you myself." I've worked myself into a fine frenzy and the rage seething and pounding behind my eyes bleeds black, distorting my sight and dying my vision crimson.
"I'm gonna rip your heart out."
Lucifer just smiles wider, somehow sadder, and steps closer until I can feel his breath whisper softly against my dirty cheek.
He smells like death and crushed roses.
"That's good, Sam." His voice has gotten lower, huskier, cadence rich and intimate. "You keep fanning that fire in your belly. All that pent up rage?" Lucifer gives a wry twist of his lips.
"I'm gonna need it."
"God." It burst forth; conceived in my raw throat and born screaming from my bloody lip, like a shot from a cannon as my eyes well and spill over with tears (frustration-righteous fury-exhaustion-I'm so tired-he's really here).
Lucifer's eyes widen (pity?-amusement?-disbelief?) and with an inexplicable urgency he moves forward to close the distance (chasm-canon-hairline fracture) between us.
"Oh, no, Sam, don't cry." He's pleading. His breath hits my face and rolls across my cheeks like a thunderstorm across a windswept plain and the smell of crushed roses and death is everywhere.
I don't hate it.
'Hush, Sam, please don't cry." He's close enough for me to see that his dove grey eyes are saturated with emotion (concern-care-hush-I'm here).
Lucifer raises his arm and trails his fingers up my arm, making me shiver (cold-confusion-anticipation-want-need-need), before bringing his hand back down to clasp mine and entwining our fingers. My heart bangs a screaming tattoo against my ribcage (want-want-so close-please).
Lucifer pulls our joined hands up to rest over his heart which, I an not entirely surprised to find, beats strong and fast (want-need-Sam-he's here).
"Feel that?" Unable to tear my gaze away from our two hands (wrong-wrong-right-so right-yes Lucifer), I nod.
"It only beats for you." Lucifer puts two fingers underneath my chin and tilts my head up until I meet his eyes (look at me-pleading-please-Sam-Sam). His gaze is imploring (please-please-please) as is the pressure of his hand holding mine to his heart.
"Sammy." He's whispering now. "Sammy, you know I'd never hurt you."
He cups my face with a filthy, bloody. I close my eyes and…
"I know," I say on the windy exhale of a shuddering breath. "I know, I've always known."
The brightness of his answering smile rivals that of a dying star, bright, dark, awful and spectacularly soul-sucking. I can't help the resulting rush of tears (no-yes-yes-finally).
Lucifer wipes them away with a kiss.
I lift my head up to meet his lips and wonder what the hell I've been waiting for.
I've been falling for all this time.
And now, here, licking my way into Lucifer's mouth and swallowing his moan, I'm lost in paradise.
Somewhere in the beyond a supernova has been born in the dark and an angel has died screaming. I can see the light burst behind my eyelids like Death's brightest smile and the shrieking echoes in my ears like a last confession.
We break with an audible smack.
"I hate you so much," I sob before going back in for another gut wrenching, soul sucking kiss.
"I love you, too," Lucifer breathes desperately as we break again and I whimper, winding both arms around his waist and pulling his flush against my body (closer-closer-I need you so much closer).
Because that's it, isn't it. They're one in the same, interchangeable, different verse, same damn song. He loves me, he hates me, I hate him, I love him.
I fucking love him.
"Why me?" I've asked the same question so many times before, lain awake on endless nights wondering why, cried myself sick screaming why.
Tenderly, Lucifer kisses my forehead, both my cheeks, my nose, and my mouth again before resting our foreheads against mine and breathing against my lips.
"Because it's you, Sam. It's always been you." He begins to laugh a little brokenly against my mouth and he brushes a hand across my cheek.
"I've been waiting for you for so long."
Somehow it doesn't surprise me, this revelation. It only reaffirms what I've suspected from almost the beginning.
All of this, the death and the confusion, the searching and resenting and hating, the heartbreak and no knowing, the hunting and the dying, so much dying. It all happened to deliver me, Fate's own personal marionette, to this. Point.
Here, in the Devil's arms, feeling his surprisingly human heart hammer now in tandem with mine, utterly uncaring of the dying world around us is where was meant to be. Written in the stars.
So I laugh too and press a slow, sweet, open kiss to his lips.
"I think I've been waiting for you, too."
Lucifer kisses me back with equal languorousness and ends it with a gentle bite and his tongue soothing over the rising welt.
As he pulls back he begins to drop and pulls me with him until he's lying on the grass with my head resting against his chest. His heartbeat is becoming familiar.
For a while all we do is lay there, bathed in the glow and guidance of the benevolent moon.
I shift minutely against him and huff a laugh into his ribs.
"It's ridiculous how I've spent all this time running from you and now I'm here realising I've sort of been following you." Lucifer chuckles softly, tugging lightly at the hair he's been carding his hands through.
"Must be that damn Winchester stubbornness." Now his other hand travels due south, brushing from my sternum to my navel, dangerously close to…
And yeah, I want to. Right here, with him, on this grass, under the moonlight and screaming his name up to heaven.
"I adore you, Sam. Never forget that. All this, everything I've done to this world, it was all for you."
A rush of warmth and chill floods the cavity around my heart and leaks down to my stomach, gathering and pooling behind my navel and I swear Lucifer can feel it, the way he curls even tighter around me, as if to leech it from my body or to keep the cool, wicked night from siphoning it away.
I lift my head up off his chest and shuffle back until I'm staring right into his love-soft eyes. I lean down to lay another slow, luxurious kiss to his already kiss swollen lips. When we break, I reach down to grab his filthy, blood stained right hand and kiss it before splaying our interlocking fingers out above his heart and closing them into a fist.
Our eyes meet again, glassy umbre to smoky silver, and Lucifer raises his eyebrow as though in silent query.
and it’s over, and I’m going under
but I’m not giving up
I’m just giving in
Florence + the Machine’s Never Let Me Go