Once upon a time, Snow White, Red Riding Hood, and Granny were walking through the woods. It was a snowy evening, and they were all quite cold. They wanted to get home. Suddenly, they found their paths blocked, by a horrible, evil creature too horrible to name. Oh, you wish to hear the name? Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Snow, Red, and Granny…found themselves face to face with Justin Bieber.
“You can’t be serious.”
“Do you think I’d put a story in the book if it wasn’t true?”
Once upon a time, Henry had a secret. He didn’t share it with his adoptive mother, who was to put it nicely, a pain in the butt, and not a stone cold fox like Henry’s birth mother. He kept this secret in a box. Henry taunted his mother with the box, until one day when his mother snuck around and sneakily opened the box. The box was filled with a dozen starved crazed weasels, which promptly attached themselves to his mother’s face with pleasure and glee.
“Why didn’t the weasels die?”
“Fairy tales aren’t logical, okay?”
Once upon a time, the man who was Prince Charming in another world found his true love, the woman who was Snow White in that same other world. And though they were in a cruel and hard world, they fell in love, and got married. Or remarried, I’m really not sure on the details. Snow wore a fantastically awesome dress, and the wedding was beautiful. After the wedding was over, they got down to business, and nine months later Emma Swan had a little baby brother.”
She threw a pillow at him. “Please. Don’t.”
“I thought you liked happy endings. What a tough crowd.”
Once upon a time, there was a horrible woman who didn’t know joy or love. And then, a beautiful gorgeous stranger came into town, with amazing blonde princess hair. And the stranger changed the woman, as animosity turned into love. They knew their love was true, as the woman leaned into claim the stranger’s lips with her own….
“August, if you finish that story I will end you. You’ve yet to tell me a good story, and you promised me one.” Emma smirked. “Get with it, writer boy.”
Once upon a time, there was a wooden puppet. The Carpenter loved the wooden puppet as he would a son. With magic from the Blue Fairy, the puppet became a real boy.
Fate was cruel, as it often is, and a terrible curse threatened everyone’s happiness. To save his son, the Carpenter put his son inside a magic tree, with a special mission to take care of the newborn baby girl who would save all of fairy tale kind.
The boy tried to keep his promise, but he left that baby girl in a horrible household to save himself. For years he ran from his destiny. When the girl grew up, and was ready to save her people, he returned to help her. And they had all sorts of madcap adventures, in which he almost turned into a wooden mannequin and she saved the world.
Somewhere in the middle of that, the boy, who was now a man, and the girl, who was now a stone cold fox, fell in love. They took back her son from the Evil Queen and lived happily ever after, until one day when the foxy woman asked the man to tell her a story.
On that day, he proposed marriage to her.
August slipped a ring onto Emma’s finger.
“She said yes.” Emma ended the story.