What the hell. Not that he wanted to see crime all over the city, but he was bored. Very bored. Only two muggings. They were idiots, subdued in a matter of seconds. Nothing else. And he had checked all of Queens. Twice.
Might as well work my way through Manhattan.
No sign of the Avengers anyways. Good. Last thing he needed tonight was to deal with them. He would get another inquisition from Iron Man. Though that was always fun. And had the added bonus of pissing off Captain Tidy-Whities. Which he got the feeling Iron Man enjoyed doing far more than him.
Might as well go swinging through the high rises. Practice his flips. Especially that double that he was still having trouble with.
He swung by another building, landing on a building on sixth avenue. He waited for a moment, listening for sirens or any sound that might pertain to something interesting. Nope. Nothing. He blew out an annoyed breath of air. Fuck. This is what he got for working overtime during the summer. And living in the same city as Tony Stark and the Avengers boy band had cut crime down to almost nothing.
He waited on his perch for a long moment, looking around him. Five thirty on a Wednesday afternoon. What was he supposed to do for the rest of the evening?
Then he spied him. Wait, no, them. There were two of them, perched on the corner of the building. No one down below had noticed.
Great. Just great. The sub-prime mortgage crisis claiming another victim. Victims. He sighed. Maybe he should just wait until they jumped. That would make his life interesting. He’d catch them halfway down, just after they regretted their decision. He grinned. Selfish bastards. He eyed the highrise above them. Maybe he’d let them dangle there for the rest of the night until someone noticed.
Yeah, that’d be the perfect punishment. Serves them right for being idiots and thinking that suicide would fix all of their problems. He rested an elbow on his knee and settled in to wait for them to make their decision and jump. He might be in for a bit of a wait, but at least it would give him something to DO.
Fifteen minutes later, he was regretting his decision. Fuckers were still standing there. In almost the exact same position. They had barely moved. He was officially bored. Again. What the hell were they doing? Writing their wills?
Time to investigate.
Hmmm. What’s the best position to swing from?
He studied the high rise again. If he moved to the other side of his current building and swung from there to the apartment building opposite the jumpers he would have a perfect view of what was going on and be able to jump back and immediately grab them if it was necessary. Perfect.
He moved to the other side of the building, studying the two people again. One was a blonde and one had black hair. That was about all that he could see. What the hell were they doing?
Maybe he would have to play psychiatrist. Fuck. He hated playing psychiatrist. He was shit at it. If people wanted to be idiots and end their own life, who was he to tell them differently? He sighed and activated the web on his wrist. Time to get a look at what was actually going on.
He dropped off the building and grinned as the wind went rushing by his ears. He would NEVER get tired of that feeling. Of almost being able to fly. Now to spy on the depressed couple and see what was going on. With any luck he would remain unnoticed. Jumpers tended to be very self-absorbed.
He glanced over, right as he was swinging past them. His eyes widened. Oh fuck. They weren’t jumpers. They were-they were- “Woah! What the-”
Thank god for plush carpets. He let his head fall back and grunted, looking up at the small apartment he had landed in. He had crashed rather impressively through the window. Nothing was broken, but his suit was definitely ripped in several places.
“You okay over there Spiderman?”
He looked up at the voice. Oh god. She was smirking at him. Brunette, green eyes, one quirked eyebrow. He needed to respond, but he was still a little busy being horrified by what he had seen. On top of that, he knew who it was! That made it worse. Thor. And Loki. On the edge of the roof. Fucking like rabbits. He groaned.
“Need me to take you to the hospital?”
“I need you to burn out my eyes.” He muttered, closing them. Nope. He could still see it. Fuck.
“So I take it you got a bird’s eye view of the show?” She grinned at him and glanced out the window. “I’m jealous. You got much closer than me.”
He lifted his head to stare at her, his expression incredulous until he remembered she couldn’t see it. “You watch them?”
She shrugged. “Of course I do. They’re exhbitionists, clearly. If they want to put on a show, then I am going to watch that show. With popcorn. Maybe a glass of wine.”
He snorted and managed to get himself to his feet. “Well, I’m glad that someone is enjoying the view at least.” He brushed off some of the spare glass. “You might wanna bill Tony Stark for the window. Tell him I was responsible.”
“Somehow I don’t see that happening.” She rolled her eyes.
“It will if I give you his cell phone number.” He grinned and grabbed a take out menu from the desk by the window and scribbled a number onto it. “Tell him Spiderman says hi!” He saluted her before he dived back out the window.
He did NOT look towards the edge of the building to see if Thor and Loki were still there. Fucking public menace!