It's never easy,
To leave the one you love,
Even if they don't know,
That you love them back.
Life isn't simple,
Cherishing someone isn't enough,
That much I know.
Too many have left me,
Disengaged from my life like an ejector seat.
Once flying without a care,
Then bombs careen through the sky,
Disintegrating my wings,
I was left plummeting towards Earth,
With nothing to fall back on,
Always hitting hard,
But I got back up.
Now it's not so easy,
Indecisive with emotions,
He never lets me in,
Only a sneak peak to get high on,
But the crash too much to bear,
Not like the others before him,
Don't bounce back as quickly as I used to,
He's the only one that's had that effect,
And it'll probably get me killed one day,
But for him,
It'll be worth it.
Subconsciously, I find myself in coldness,
Chilling my body to the core,
Standing under his window,
Shivering, but refusing to leave,
My legs won't let me.
The light radiating from the frosted glass,
It somehow warms my body,
To think of the levelheaded man,
Complete with downy sideburns,
Near sidedness and chivalry,
His image giving me fuel to survive.
Either asleep or reading,
I wouldn't know,
But I can't help but wonder,
If he's thinking about me.
Then the light goes out,
And the warm feeling drifts away,
Springtime nostalgia hit by wintery truth,
That I'm standing alone,
Waiting for him to find me,
Though he already has,
It's just not enough.
I contemplate going up there,
Scaling the stairs without hesitation,
Finding him with his usual stern look,
With perhaps a hint of kindness,
Hopefully with compassion,
And kiss him the way he deserves,
For saving me in my weakest hour,
For giving me a life,
And letting my dreams,
The ones of helping humanity,
Soar like an owl.
But my body won't allow it,
My mind going through the risks,
How much rejection would hurt,
That my heart would shatter,
With just one unloving look,
My life would be over.
I find myself, yet again,
Usual pride and confidence faded away,
I walk off alone.