With my demons haunting me,
Late in the foggy night,
I knew I had to go to the only place,
That seemed like home.
Not even the stars wanting to be seen,
My tired feet take me there.
A city of millions,
But no one here loves me.
Nobody has seen what I've seen,
Or heard, or smelled, or tasted,
Death has a way of creeping up on you,
Everyone that you were told to take out,
You say to yourself they were deserving,
But after a few years you realize,
Not a single soul should have to go through,
The horrors you did to them.
Only a killing machine,
To be used and disposed of,
The government's little whipping boy,
Not understood by anyone,
Abandoned in their times of need,
Only one person in this world,
Who could possibly make me feel better,
Even if Finch didn't really understand,
I had to see someone,
That knew what pain truly meant.
While swimming in my own thoughts,
My soft shoes on,
I sneak into Finch's fortress,
Awaiting his usual calm and collectiveness,
Sometimes I wonder if he's half robot,
With his emotions in check,
And his distrust for humankind,
But now I get a glimpse.
There's a real man before me,
With pent up emotions,
And a need for a way out,
Not much unlike myself.
To see him bend down,
Writhing in agony,
Shoots warm tears to my eyes.
It had been years since I cried
But seeing my friend in pain,
Caused by an act I can do in a cinch
The feeling that one simple movement,
Was like walking barefoot through hell
The piercing scream makes me understand,
He knows exactly how it feels.
How could I be so stupid?
"Harold?" I ask, not even realizing it,
My voice catching in my throat
His eyes instantly close in embarrassment
I try to will them open,
But it naturally does no good.
My fingers move and feel fabric,
They're shaky and anything but confident,
My hand rests upon his warm shoulder,
His body flinching from the touch.
"You should have knocked," he says trying to act tough.
"You wouldn't have let me in."
He knows I have a point.
Finch's eyes finally look into mine,
He's distant, but not cold,
Awaiting for a jab or snide remark,
But I'm in no mood,
I need him to see I'm here,
Not just my body,
But my entire being.
I know how he's feeling,
The words won't form in my mouth,
But from the look in his eyes,
He's here for me, too
I never realized that he felt the same weight,
The unbearable pressures of our lives,
Pushing down on us,
Though not exactly the same.
Mine were constant new scars,
Added to the old daily,
But none ever actually healed.
He still felt the blame,
For those he couldn't save,
Though he was much more innocent than I,
His face engulfed in a light,
Angelic and pure,
Almost like a bulb finally coming on,
We both see it,
Someone does care.
His eyes show me something,
I haven't seen in years,
He knows how I feel.
I guess I had never noticed it before,
Apparently he never had, either,
We were both a little blind.
I bend down slightly,
And wrap my arms around the little man,
The last thing I want,
Is to hurt the only important person to me,
Or to have him push me away.
Await the rejection,
But his arms desperately cling to me instead,
Pulling me even closer to his body,
I wonder if he knows how much I need this,
Selfish bastard, I scold myself,
We need this.
For the first time in a long time someone cares,
Actually cares for me,
Not just for my expertise.
I've longed for this for so long,
I don't want to let it go,
Reality hits me,
I don't ever want to let Harold go,
Feelings I tried to suppress,
Come bubbling to the surface,
A wave of happiness washes over me,
My tears force their way back,
As I feel warm, wet redemption on my shoulder,
My body is raked with sobs,
Usually my walls are never down,
But this man makes me give that all up,
And they crumble to the floor,
As frustrating as that is,
I rejoice in it.
"Don't let go, John. Don't ever let go," he says,
His words saying everything we're both feeling,
"I never want to," I admit,
Finding some of my own courage.
He moves his head from my shoulder,
And unexpectedly his lips meet mine,
My mind says to jerk away,
But my instincts aren't always right,
I yell at myself for thinking such a thing,
To destroy a beautiful moment,
No matter how foreign,
It's something I've wanted for a long time,
More than my heart ever admitted,
After we break the awkwardness sets in,
We both stand,
Put our walls back in place,
And wipe welled tears from our eyes,
"Ready to go?" he asks while replacing his glasses,
"Go where?" I wonder aloud,
Flashing the most flirtatious smile I can muster,
Trying to make him find a double meaning,
It seems there's only one way this could go,
And it's the way we both want.
Hoping for an honest response,
Not just because he told me he always would,
He says the words I've been longing to hear,
The ones that show me I'm not alone anymore,
"I don't know, John, but we'll figure it out."
And I have faith that we will.