Once upon a time, there were three girls. They lived together in the House o'Squid, except for the times when Weaves lived in her own house.
One night, they were sitting together watching that episode of The Simpsons where the Simpsons go to England and JK Rowling mocks her fandom. Suddenly they heard a strange noise, like a TARDIS materialising.
Then a TARDIS materialised in the lounge room.
"Keep it down!" snarled Amanda, who preferred to be the only person making noise while television was on.
"Sorry," said the Doctor. He didn't sound entirely sincere. He sat down on the couch between Amanda and Weaves, and put his feet up on the coffee table.
After a moment, he fell into the gap between the two halves of the couch.
"Okay," he said, "that's just embarrassing."
Then he became aware of a pair of bright blue eyes staring unblinking into his.
"And that's creepy," he added.
"Do you really think so?" cried Liz. "I've been working on it, you know."
"She has," Weaves affirmed.
"It's a bit tedious, actually," said Amanda.
"They're just jealous," said Liz, "because they can't go ten minutes without blinking." She bounced happily. "I've spent years cultivating that. Along with an aura of inscrutable intellectual eccentricity."
"Really?" The Doctor frowned. "You seem pretty scrutable to me."
"Oh." Liz looked crestfallen.
"And you smell like pea soup," added Amanda.
"Well, I knew that."
"But I like scrutable!" said the Doctor. "It's a quality I insist on in all my companions."
"What about Romana?" asked Liz suspiciously.
"Oh, well, she was just me in a different body. Bit redundant. Sex was good, though."
"Oh my God!" shrieked Amanda, at the same time as Weaves buried her face in her hands and Liz pulled out a pen and notebook.
"So," the Doctor added, as if none of them had reacted, "are you lot going to come with me, or spend your lives watching telly?"
"Tricky," said Weaves. "I don't watch much tv."
"I read comics!"
"And we'd love to come with you," said Liz.
"But I have a whole season of Law and Order to watch," Amanda finished. "But you can stay with us, if you like."
"Law and Order," said the Doctor, "original recipe, SVU or the Goren 'n' Eames show?"
"Goren 'n' Eames," said Amanda.
"I really loved season fifteen. The one where Chris Noth is killed by Daleks and Goren and Eames accidentally get married. I mean, that episode just about justifies the whole of human existence."
"Dude," said Amanda.
"I can see we're going to have to stick a spoiler warning on you," said Weaves.
So the Doctor moved into the House o'Squid, and they all lived happily ever after.