Chapter 1: Names, Family and Proposals
Domesticity is a blessing.
"Tony not in SHIELD headquarters!" Steve whispered, blushing profusely at how scandalous his boyfriend was acting.
"Your fault," Tony muttered as he kissed down Steve's neck while pinning the larger man to the wall. "You and your sudden display of testosterone during the debrief - god Cap do you even know what that does to me - if you're really worried then there's a supply closet down the hall."
Steve groaned and grabbed Tony's hand before sprinting down the hallway.
"Tony," a voice called.
Tony groaned as he buried his head under the pillow. He was a genius, a billionaire; owner of arguably the worlds best technology company. He was going to wake up when he FELT like it, not when someone was calling him.
Suddenly, he felt a very, very wet raspberry being blown on the small of his back, just above his buttcrack. "BARTON YOU FUCKING ASSBUTT!" he screamed as the man pranced out of his door laughing like a maniac.
Dawn was streaming through the blinds of their room, creating strips of light on his lover's back, illuminating the shining beacon of not just America, but also his life. Steve stirred as Tony ran something cold up his back.
"Tickles," Steve groaned as he opened his eyes blearily and was about to bury his head into the pillow when he froze and stared at Tony.
Tony held up the ring. "Will you marry me?"
And the smile on his face was the only answer he needed to give.
I am seriously doubting if I am indeed the God of Mischief, Loki thought as he stared in horror at the sight of his room.
"SURPRISE, DEAR BROTHER!" Thor exclaimed as he darted out from behind a Christmas tree. "I HAVE TAKEN IT UPON MYSELF TO DECORATE YOUR RECLUSE AS YOU HAVE BEEN ABSENT FOR DAYS! I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THIS BE A SEASON MIDGARDIANS HOLD DEARLY TO THEIR HEART AND CELEBRATE WITH THEIR FAMILY."
Loki groaned, facepalmed and mentally left his room.
"Cool Uncle Clint. Say it. Co-ollll Uh-un-cul Cl-in-t," Clint enunciated his name slowly at the young toddler in front of him."You and I aren't leaving here until you learn my name."
"Kwool 'ncle Cwuin." Peter shrieked and then laughed.
Clint sighed. "Close enough," he muttered as he scooped up the giggling toddler and climbed down from the platform of Stark Tower's antenna.
“I miss our son,” Tony sighed as he rested his head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve leaned into the touch and stroked his husband’s head.
“I know, me too.” Steve turned to face Tony. “I still haven’t told you how much I appreciate you agreeing to let Peter go to camp as a normal teenager. I know it must’ve been hard for you to not order a bodyguard to follow Peter around.”
“Well about that…” Tony mumbled. Steve narrowed his eyes.
“Please don’t tell me you did something to terrorize our son again Tony, or I swear to god I will withhold sex from you for a month.” Tony pouted.
“It’s not that bad! I mean, it's only a small GPS tracking chip and security camera that I installed on his glasses.”
Steve sighed as he entered the workshop and saw Tony sleeping on the couch with a tablet in his hand. "JARVIS, dim the lights to 5%," he whispered, and went over to the cabinet to grab one of the blankets that had a permanent place there ever since he was allowed access to Tony's "palace of creation". He tucked the blanket over Tony's sleeping form, and smiled as Dummy rolled over. "Make sure he stays warm for me ok? I'll be at the gym." He patted the robot and headed towards his own sanctuary.
"Tony, Peter will kill us if he knew," Steve panted as Tony started to move.
"Well he's not due back from camp until this afternoon, and stop thinking about our son during sex," Tony groaned as he sped up.
"We're in his room this is all kinds of wrong, I feel like a dirty teenager."
"Steve if you keep complaining, my boner's going to -"
"WHAT THE FUCK DADS - OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M NEVER SLEEPING ON MY BED EVER AGAIN!!!"
Chapter 2: Hogwarts, Twilight and Steve
Tony actually has STANDARDS for fiction.
Steve walked into Tony’s lab, bouncing with purpose in his step. “Tony, I’ve got an idea for Peter’s 11th birthday.”
Tony sighed. He knew what the idea was - it didn’t take a genius to figure it out, especially when his husband was decked from head to toe in wizard gear. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you’ve just read through fiction of the 90’s and devoured all the Harry Potter books in a week would it?” Tony was going to blast whoever taught Steve how to use eBay with his repulsors the next time they’re in battle.
Steve’s excitement crumbled. “But Tony-“
“Tony it would be really cute-“
“Steve, do you know how many kids crack their skulls every single year from running into a brick barrier at Kings Cross in London? Hundreds. I’m not going to let me son fall into the delusion that ‘Hogwarts is real’.”
Don’t look at him don’t look at him he’s got those puppy dog eyes…
Steve deflated. “Ok fine then…” He turned around and was about to leave the lab when Tony spotted the book he was carrying.
“Hey, is that the book you’re holding the one you’re reading next?” Tony casually walked over to Steve and took the book from him as calmly as he could.
“Yeah, Pepper lent it to me, something about a vampire love story that’s extremely popular - TONY - OH MY GOD GET IT OUT OF THE FURNACE - I HAVE TO GIVE THAT BACK IT’S A SIGNED COPY!”
Chapter 3: Abseiling, Windows and Dads
When training exercises could go horribly, psychologically wrong.
"OK kid, it's important that you're prepared and fast because if a motherfucking super villain is shooting your ass down from the top of the building, you won't have time to double check or else you're spider-patty. Got it?"
"Got it," Peter mumbled as he mentally went through his checklist. His harness felt secure, the ropes were all in place. Should be good.
"Now, every other abseiling instructor would tell you to walk down the side slowly and carefully, but trust me - when a little shit like Loki is firing at you, you're not going to have time to play safe. So it's a run off the ledge, push on the handle, down you go for today's training. And for gods sake don't touch the rope because I don't want to be the one having to explain to your dads why your skin has shredded off," Clint said. "Ready?"
"I don't really have a choice do I?" Peter replied.
"Nah you don't. You'll be fine though," Clint gave him a wink. "Remember, the rope's not going to be long enough, so don't worry when you suddenly feel like you're bungy-jumping back up. Just hang in there, give me your position and I'll open the window for you. Ready? JUMP!"
Peter ran, turned and jumped off the ledge of Stark Tower, with his hand on the handle. Down he went, almost as fast as free falling, mimicking the effects of how the webshooters would feel like. Free - except with ropes and harnesses, for now.
The fall was only for a few seconds, and it ended too soon when he felt himself being snapped back up by the rope. Then, he was dangling from side to side, the momentum of his fall slowing down until he was barely moving anymore. He released the handle and his breath, then reached up to the com attached to his ear.
"Hey Uncle Clint? I've stopped falling," Peter said, sounding breathless.
"Great, how'd it feel?" he heard the grin in his uncles voice and broke into a smile himself. Finally, he understood why his uncle liked free falling from the sides of buildings so much - it was an exhilarating feeling, falling down from a perch but knowing at the same time that there would be something to keep him safe, whether it be grabbling hooks or a team member.
"It felt great! Can we do it again?" Peter said excitedly.
Clint laughed. "Yeah, well you need to give me your position first so that I can let you in and up."
Peter squinted his eyes. The UV-protected reflective glass used on the windows of his fathers tower made it hard to see what was inside. Peter cupped his hands over the sides of his eyes and leaned in, then yelped at what he saw.
"Uncle Clint - er how do I say this - um you might want to leave me dangling out here for awhile. Maybe get a longer rope," Peter spluttered.
"What's wrong kid? Where are you?"
"I'm outside pop's room."
Chapter 4: Food, Spoons and Arrows
Coulson's not the only super nanny on the team.
Peter screamed as Steve threw the spoon into the bowl in defeat. He had been trying to feed his son for two hours now, with no avail and frustration was an understatement for what he was feeling. But then again, if the task of feeding Peter was left to Tony, he would probably leave it up to Dummy to do it. And Steve Rogers strongly believes in human connection when it comes to bringing up his kid.
Clint sauntered into the room, pausing in front of the pop tart cabinet before deciding that risking the wrath of a demigod was not a good idea, and grabbed two different sets of Twinkies from the snacks drawer instead. He stuffed them into the pockets of his pants, and was about to head out when he heard Steve heave a frustrated sigh.
“Peter’s not eating again?” he asked as he skipped over.
“Been here for two hours,” Steve rubbed his eyes wearily. “And here I thought getting Tony to eat was hard.” He was about to give Peter a very stern lecture on the importance of nutrients when Clint pushed him aside and took the spoon from the bowl.
"CAW CAW. CAW CAW." He waved the spoon of food around in the air like a flying bird, before pausing in front of Peter's mouth. "CAW. CAW." He tapped Peter's mouth gently using the end of the spoon.
Peter opened his mouth, granting him entry, and ate the food while Steve stared in disbelief.
“How’d you – what – tell me how.” Steve spluttered as Peter happily continued to eat the food that Clint fed him. Clint smirked.
“I want my arrows customized with the words 'You just got owned by Hawkeye.'"