It's four A.M., and the moon is burning a white shadow through your bedroom, leaving periwinkle patterns on the wall violated and exposed. Your phone lays idly and just a bit daringly on the edge of your bedside table, beckoning you to it's counterfeited advanced camera app, but then again, it's four fucking A.M.
And you're too busy embroidering monsters into your heart to care anyway.
Your bed isn't the worst out there, in fact, your bro probably paid top dollar for it as per his more-than-sufficient funds, but it's not soft enough and it's too, too cold. It's so cold and you'd rather drown in a pool of liquid nitrogen because at least then you wouldn't be so alone as well.
But John would be so warm.
He is the sunlight and all it brings, but he won't rise in your broken little world anymore because he's got bigger planets to shine on now. He's the dawn, he's the day, and you're stuck in this neverending twilight and goddamn it no you're not doing this anymore.
You grab your phone.
It's been seventeen minutes since you last replied, and patient blue text sits at the bottom of your screen, waiting silently for your answer.
But of course, that makes no sense on it's own so for some mind-boggling reason you scroll up to read your fucking mortifying piece of shit excuse for a conversation, because obviously you have't embarrassed yourself enough yet.
TG: so yeah bout that thing i needed to tell you
TG: you there
EB: oops, sorry.
TG: ffs are you fallin asleep on me there
TG: cause its aight if you are i mean
TG: even though its only like what
TG: one there
TG: man up
EB: shut up!!! i'm universes more man than you could ever be, dave "i can't pee in the dark help john i'm so afraid of imaginary ghosts" strider.
TG: dude ok not cool
TG: you cant just use my deep dark secrets against me what kinda friend are you
TG: thats it
TG: im leaving and im takin the fucking baby with me
TG: seriously though
TG: the thing
TG: zip it
TG: this is some p heavy shit so be prepared
TG: and before you ask no you dont get a fucking head start
TG: put this shit off aside long enough
EB: dave, listen.
TG: i said quiet
TG: ok uh
TG: yeah i think
EB: i know.
TG: you didnt even let me finish
EB: you like me, right?
EB: i'm pretty sure everyone and their grandmas could figure it out, i mean i think i've known for more than a year now!
EB: i just...
TG: whoa whoa whoa whoa shit
TG: if you knew then why didnt you just fucking tell you you dick
TG: coulda saved me a lot of grief there you know because
TG: what are you serious
TG: come the fuck on
EB: i tried to stop you, but you wouldn't listen!
TG: john please
TG: you cant do this to me
EB: it's not like i chose to be straight.
EB: it's just how it is! nothing's going to change my romantic preference, no matter how suave and sexy you are.
TG: johnb lsuteb you realy cabt do thsi to me omg
EB: calm down!!!
TG: jobsn i lvoe yowiu yuoiu idont dndunerstnad i nedc e thsi
TG: jsut thsih onea thing
EB: dave, for the sake of all that is awesome and cool, please stop being a big baby and turn your autocorrect on.
EB: i mean, i could read that.
EB: but you have to understand that it wouldn't work.
EB: i just don't like you that way, dude!
EB: but no matter what, you're still my best friend, and i don't want to lose you, homo crush or no-homo crush.
no no no no no no no no no
You aren't crying, but that's only because you were taught not to cry over spilled milk.
You bite your lip, and try to inhale a bit of fresh air, but it's all poison. Every breath is dripping with acidic barbs and you're struggling to keep yourself intact.
You kept your beasts inside of you to make you brave, to keep you on your toes because you're never good enough otherwise. Because without them you'd forget about the real world and get lost in a sea of uncapitalized text and careful punctuation. Usually they're so, so easy to fight off, but now you're left vulnerable and there's way too many for your own good.
The monsters are eating at your heart whole.
There's only one choice.
Your fingers ready themselves up for their last dance of red to blue.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked ectoBiologist [EB]! --