When Loki joined the Avengers nobody really expected the changes that were about to occur. They all expected things to calm down and slowly simmer back down to normnal, save for a few changes that is. Loki and Tony became official, through some unexpected circumstances Loki and Clint had become the best of friends and, even weirder, Steve had somehow gotten his hands on Viagra. And while the god of Mischief had the support of Clint and Tony, things were still awkward to say the least. Loki and Thor were working to rekindle their brotherly bond while the other Avengers tried to avoid him as much as possible.
However, one thing that did not go unnoticed was the slow yet steady progression of pranks in Avengers Tower. Clint and Tony had always been the resident jokesters, but when their new companion joined in the shenanigans became extreme and overbearing. Well, for the others that is...
Steve was in the gym, making his way through yet another series of punching bags. He was on his fourth when he was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. It was quiet for a moment before a voice cut through the silence.
"So how many punching bag casulties does that make this year so far?"
Steve smiled and turned to face his boyfriend. Clint smirked, hiding his hands behind his back. Steve cocked an eyebrow at him and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Hey um...what ya got there...?" The super soldier asked trying to peer over the shorter man's shoulder.
Clint feigned innocence as he turned slightly to cover whatever it was that he was hiding. "Why, whatever are you talking about?"
Steve put his hands on his hips and cleared his throat. "Clint..." he stated in a warning tone.
The archer chuckled lightly as he sauntered up to the patiently waiting man. "Anybody ever tell you that you're quite sexy when you do sassy?"
Steve felt his face flush in an emotional state of intense discomfort. He sputtered trying to reply with an intellectual response. "That is so not the point right now!"
The younger of the two laughed as he closed the distance between them by leaning up and placing a quick kiss on the other blonde's lips. Steve relented by kissing back but stopped when he felt an icy coldness press against his cheek. He jumped back in mild shock as he turned his head to see what had caused the sensation. Clint was holding out a bottle of Frost Glacier Freeze Gatorade, a small smile playing across his face.
"Thought you might be thirsty after single handedly comitting mass genocide of the punching bags."
Steve gave out a bellowing laugh as he gratefully accepted the drink. He thanked his by kissing his boyfriend on the cheek and opening the drink up.
"No probem," the archer replied as he too held up his own Gatorade and took a sip. "Well I should get going." He turned around to leave but stopped when the super soldier caught his arm.
"Wait. Do you wanna stay and do some sparring with me?" Steve asked pulling him close.
Clint smiled as he pulled the taller man's head down kissing him once more. "I wish I could but Fury wants me to train some of the new recruits."
Steve grimaced as he let go. "Good luck with that."
Clint started to walk away as he let out a heartful laugh. At the door he stopped and turned. "Don't stay in here too long. Remember that we have that meeting in an hour."
Steve let out a noise of conformation as he took another swig from his bottle. He watched his boyfriend walk away for a minute before returning to his assault of the exercise equipment. Every couple of swings he would pause and take a sip. It wasn't long before he began to feel a strange sensation on his tongue. Thinking it was nothing more than the chilled state of his beverage, he opted to ignore it. Before long, it was time to leave for the meeting.
It wasn't until the middle of the meeting that the full effects started to take place. Every so often, the captain would get an intense urge to scratch his tongue relentlessly. He would find himself desperately grating his teeth across the irritated organ to no avail. Fury glanced his way and looked at him strangely before talking.
"Uh, Steve? Normally I would expect Tony or even Loki or Clint to be fooling around during these things but not you. Care to explain?"
Steve tensed up as he opened his eyes and glanced around at his team who were staring back. Some in concern and some in amusement. Steve chuckled nervously before responding. "No I'm totally fine. Just...does anyone have any water? I think my mouth is irriated from being dry."
"I have some." Tony responded from his seat from beside Loki. He stood up and walked over to Steve, handing him a bottle.
Natasha looked at the billionaire skeptically. "Tony, since when do you carry water around?"
"Since I started making him drink things other than alcoholic beverages." Loki answered before Tony could speak.
Natasha looked at the Asgardian but kept her mouth shut.
"I wouldn't trust them. They tend to screw around with people." Clint said from his spot next to Steve as he eyed the bottle.
Tony gasped in mock hurt. "Le gasp! I can not believe that you guys would think that of myself.'
"I can't believe you just said 'le gasp'." Clint bit back raising an eyebrow.
By this point, Steve had grown tired of waiting and snatched the water bottle out of Tony's hand watching the two continue to bicker back and forth.
"Are you still upset because of the Viagra incident? Because that was two months ago! Let. It. Go." Tony said exasperated.
While they kept arguing as Bruce turned to ask Steve, "When did the effects start?"
Steve thought for a moment then stated, "Well... I was working out in the gym when Clint-" He paused, his eyes widening in realization. He looked over at the archer who suddenly found the ceiling most appealing. "Clint. What did you do?"
Clint glanced at Loki and Tony and then back at the rest of the team. His hand shot out as he pointed an accusing finger towards the god and the billionaire. "They made me do it!"
Tony's jaw dropped in astonishment. "What! You little snitch!"
"Stark...what did you guys do this time?" Fury asked incredulously.
Tony glanced around at the accusing glares before he snapped his own accusing hand towards Loki. "He's the one who found the stuff!"
"What stuff?" Steve asked, eyes wide as he shoved the bottle away.
Loki scoffed and glared his two partners in crime. "You're no better than the archer." He seethed to Tony.
"And you call me a snitch." Clint snorted.
"You stay out of this bird brains." Tony rebuked.
"You two dragged me into this in the first place." Clint said standing up.
"Whoa, hold up! All of you were in on this?" Natasha grounded out. She was met with the guilty eyes of Clint, the annoyed eyes of Tony and the indifferent eyes of Loki.
"Is anyone going to tell me what the stuff was?" Steve demanded.
"Itching powder." Loki replied rolling his eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Bruce face palmed as yet another round of arguing broke out. He vaguely heard Steve ask him what to do. He really needed a vacation.
~T.O.M: That Special Lady Time.~
Loki, Tony and Clint were all kneeling around the current object of interest in their new prank. They all adorned safety goggles and rubber gloves.
"Ok just a little bit. Don't overdo it" Clint cautioned.
"I know stupid mortal." Loki glanced over.
Slowly, he tipped the container, making dash of liquid come out.
"WAIT!" A voice from his side yelled out. Loki jumped, causing the liquid to spill completely.
"Looked at what you made me do!" Loki glared at Tony.
"You should have listened to Clint and been more careful." Tony groaned out. "Now it wont come out right."
"You to, stop with the lover's quarrel!" Clint tried to stop their argument before it started.
"It is not a lover's quarrel." Tony crossed his arms.
It was at this point they were interrupted by the noise of someone walking down the hall.
"Quickly! Get out! Out!" Tony shoved the two out of the opposite door to the hall.
Thor walked into the restroom to relieve himself only to pause at the sight before him. He would have to go speak with the one and only female member of the Avengers. He turned around to go find the assassin.
The three stooges open the door slowly, glance to make sure the coast was clear. When they saw no one, they knew their plan had worked successfully. Wanting to see their good work, they headed in the direction of the living room.
They peaked through the door to see Thor standing next to Natasha.
"My dearest Natasha. I must speak with you." He glanced over at the other Avengers in the room which happened to be Steve and Bruce. "In private please." Thor added.
"Why? If you have something to tell me, It will be fine in front of these two." Natasha gave him a puzzled look.
Thor shifted awkwardly. "I do not believe they would be comfortable with this."
"We can leave." Steve stated as he stood up.
"No. Now you have to stay." Natasha gave them her best glare, forcing Steve to sit down quickly.
"If I must say it in front of them I shall." Thor looked desperately at Natasha.
Natasha rolled her eyes. "Out with it!"
"It appears that it might be the around the time of which Sif called her "chocolate eating" time. She has done well with making sure to keep the house clean during this... period." Thor fiddled with his hands.
At this point Bruce stood taking hold of Steve, "Well. I believe it is our que to leave." He started to power walk to the door when Natasha yelled, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT."
"It appears my assumption is correct." Thor nodded to himself.
"Excuse me!? If you must know I am not due for another two weeks." Natasha stood and glared at the god.
"TO MUCH INFO! TO MUCH INFO!" Steve covered his ears, still being dragged away by Bruce. "ABORT MISSION" Steve tried to forget this new development.
Steve booked it to the door and opened it to find Tony, Clint, and Loki huddled near the entrance. He paused long enough for Bruce to catch up and look over his shoulder.
Letting out a sigh, "Not again." He murmured to himself. "I will give you to the count of three to explain what you did this time."
Loki, Tony, and Clint glanced between each other.
"One." Bruce started.
"Two" A warning in his voice.
Still no answer.
"Thr-" Bruce started to say.
Tony finally replied, "There is a huge mess up stairs in the bathroom. I believe Natasha should go clean up after her self."
Clint nudged Tony in the side whispering, "Stop. Don't push your luck."
Tony rolled his eye, but then noticed a seething Natasha standing directly behind Bruce.
Bruce got out of the way as fast he could.
Natasha folded her arms looking at the three with a menacing glare that could rival Coulson's.
In a moments notice, she smiled, still having the anger in her eyes. This caused the three to freeze out of terror.
"It appears as though you have a bit of a mess to clean up. You better hurry. And if something like this happens again I will slit your throats in your sleep." Natasha stated, a smile still on her face. She walks passed, pushing them out of her way.
"She is definitely up to something." Tony whispered.
"No shit! What were you Sherlock in a past life?" Clint frowned disapprovingly at Tony.
"If she acts like this when she is not on her cycle, I wonder what she acts like when she is." Loki was looking in the direction where she had walked off in.
Tony thought about this for a second before replying, "Good question. We know now what to look for in two weeks. Mark your calanders people!" Tony clapped his hands, "Jarvis. Put it on there for me."
"Sir I don't think I shou-" Jarvis said in his british accent.
"Jarvis." Tony cut him off.
"Alright sir." Jaris would have sighed if he could.
Thor gave them all a confused look, "It is not her time?" He questioned.
"No Thor. It isn't" Bruce answered Thor. "I can't handle this." Bruce shook his head, leaving the room.
Steve followed Bruce out mumbling, "To much information." The trio watched them pass.
"What is up with him?" Tony pointed at the captain of the team.
It really wasn't Fury's day. He had come into work that afternoon from a particularly stressful meeting with the council, half expecting the familiarity of S.H.I.E.L.D. to provide some sort of relief. Boy had he ever been wrong. He now stood, surveying the destruction as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Slowly, he turned to face the three culprits. He glared at them while gesturing to the mess they had caused.
~A few hours earlier~
"Are you sure this is the best idea?" Tony questioned Loki hesitantly.
He, Loki and Clint were currently perched in the highest catwalk, surveying their latest project.
"Yea, I've heard horror stories from Thor about how destructive these things are." Clint cautioned as he nervously glanced around.
"Tis fine you mortals. I personally assure you that these particular Bilchsteim are quite harmless." Loki answered back as he put the final touches on the creatures in question. "We shall release them in 1." Loki lowered the cage. "2." Suddenly without warning he opened the cage the Bilchsteim were residing in and they jumped away. The god of mischief stood up with a satisfied smirk.
"Wait! What the hell happened to 3?" Clint exclaimed in an exasperated manner.
"I find it's far more entertaining to leave everyone guessing." Loki casually replied as he walked back over to his companions, clapping them on the back. He perked up suddenly. "Well what do you know? There's something interesting happening already!" With that, the god disappeared leaving the other two men staring after him in unease.
Clint turned towards Tony slowly. "How you can completely trust him to not prank you in your sleep, I will never know."
Tony just shrugged. "I honestly have no idea either. I just know he's good in bed."
The archer visibly blanched and was about to remark when he and the billionaire suddenly heard a loud crash coming from the main communication room. They looked at each other in slight concern before taking off in the direction of the noise. When they got there, nothing but destruction met their eyes. They noticed the god standing to the side, laughing his ass off.
"What the- You said it would be safe!" Tony yelled.
"Relax. They aren't hurting anyone." Loki said while trying to control his laughter.
"Not the point y-" Clint was cut off by Maria and the other Avengers walking in.
Clint groaned in discontent. "Not again."
"What's the deal on the situation?" Maria asked a crew member who was wringing his hands in agitation.
"Um well...we've managed to capture the the creatures with the numbers 1 and 3 on them but...we can't seem to find number 2."
Maria sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. "Well find it before Fury gets here." She commanded. "Now."
The other agent scrambled out frantically.
Maria groaned. "We need to find number 2 before anything else happens."
Thor, who had been kneeling near the cage looking at the Bilchsteim in slight wonder stood up and looked at the female agent in confusion. "I believe I heard something about a clog on floor three if that's what you're looking for."
The rest of the Avenger snapped their heads towards the god of thunder in bewilderment.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Maria demanded as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"I'm sorry, were you not talking of the clog in the bathrooms? These mortal terms still very much confuse me."
"What? No. There's still one more creature loose in the building. This one, like the others has a number on it and seeing as how we've captured number 1 and number 3, it has to be number 2." Maria explained as she tried to maintain patience with the Asgardian.
Thor let out a slight laugh much to the chagrin of the others in the room. "Oh no. You mortals are mistaken. There are only two of the Bilchsteim. These ones right here." He gestured towards the cage and turned back towards his confused teammates. "I do not sense anymore in the building."
"What?" Maria demanded as she let her hands fall to her sides.
"It is strange though," Thor continued ignoring the question. "Not many Asgardians are skilled with transporting the Bilchsteim from realm to realm. A few such as my brother..."
Everyone in the vicinity turned towards the god in question who was slowly inching his way out of the room. Tony and Clint, who had also noticed this, both reached out and yanked him back.
Bruce groaned as he took deep breaths to try and calm himself. "What. The. Hell. Did. You. Three. Do. This. Time."
Tony tried to look nonchalant while saying, "I'm sorry. He said Loki. Not Tony. Not Clint. Tony and Clint had nothing to do with this. So I'm gonna go now."
He started to walk away when his Asgardian boyfriend spoke up. "Fine then. No sex for you for three months." He smirked triumphantly when the former playboy stopped dead in his tracks.
"Wait what?" He demanded looking horrified.
"Oh my God you guys! To much info! I told you guys never to talk about that in front of me! It's bad enough I have to hear you!" Clint glared as he smacked them on the back of their heads.
"So what I'm getting from all this is that all three of you were involved?" Maria glared at them disapprovingly with her hands on her hips.
"Oh I'm sorry." Loki stated as he turned towards her. "I did not realize that your meager Midgardian technology was not as durable as that of Asgard."
Loki continued with the jibes for awhile before Clint realized that the others were no longer looking at them, but behind them. Slowly, the archer turned to see what they were looking at and was met with one seriously pissed of director. Clint felt his eyes widen as he turned towards Loki and desperately gestured for him to stop. Loki stopped mid sentence and looked at his friend in slight amusement.
"Dear Clinton I do not understand. Are you having what you Midgardians call a seizure?"
It was then that Fury decided to make himself known. He gruffly cleared his throat as he folded his hands behind his back. Loki and Tony glanced back at him in understanding.
"Oh Directory Fury! My what a pleasant surprise. Did you do something different with your eye patch? It really does bring out your other eye."
"No." Fury dead panned.
"Well if you ever decide to, the All Father has many designs that would be quite flattering."
Fury's eye twitched as he turned towards everyone else. "Anyone who doesn't have a V.I.P. spot on my hit list, out."
Everyone hurriedly ran out of there like they had just witnessed the plague. In the midst of the madness, the team's resident marksman tried to make his escape as well but he was stopped when two pairs of hands tugged him back rather forcefully. He glared murderously at his supposed best friends as they held him in place.
Fury stood there for a few moments in quiet displeasure before he spoke again. "So who's going to be responsible for cleaning this up?"
The trio stood in silence for a few moments before Loki walked up to the caged creatures. "Well that sounds like fun but I really must be returning the Bilchsteim to Asgard so...fare thee well." And with that he and the creatures disappeared.
Tony's jaw dropped in shock as Clint fumed next to him. "That little fucker!"
Fury threw his hands up in the air as if he had given up. "Just clean this the hell up." He stalked out of the room silently grumbling to himself.
Tony was silent a few moments before he turned to his remaining friend. "So, looks like it's just you and me bud." He said as he wrapped an arm around Clint's shoulders.
Clint let out a small chuckle before he slowly started backing away. "Actually I have something to do so...bye!" And he disappeared into the nearest vent.
"Oh come on." Tony threw his hands up. "Really guys? Really? Fine! Jarvis clean this up pronto."
The British accented voice of Tony's A.I. answered. "I am sorry but there appears to be a virus in place and my protocols have been over written and..." he trailed off leaving the billionaire hanging.
"Traitors! All of you!"
~It's Not Easy Being Green~
The really big screw up occurred when the three pranksters decided to pull one over on Bruce. It had, yet again, been another normal day. No threats. No paper work. Just a day of relaxation. Well it was until Tony came crashing through the doors of Bruce's lab. Bruce felt his head jerk up as he was torn from the science text he had been reading. Tony looked just a bit more riled up more than usual.
"Hey Bruce old buddy." The billionaire fidgeted nervously as he wrung his hands around his shirt.
The gamma radiation expert sighed as he closed his book and focused all his attention on the younger man in front of him. "What happened?"
"I...well...is this normal?" Tony lifted his shirt off his head to reveal his torso. Which was green. Really green.
Bruce felt his eyes widen in shock as his heart sped up. "Tony! What the hell happened? Why are you green? Om shit. Um ok don't panic. Everything will be ok. Oh shit." He desperately tried taking deep breaths to calm his heart. An idea struck him. "Maybe Loki will know."
He stood up and raced off to find the god. Tony just stood there suddenly wondering if this is was a good idea. He was torn out of his thoughts as a voice sounded from above. "Really this is your dumbest attempt yet." Clint was suddenly standing in front of him giving him a calculating look.
"What do you mean 'your' idea. This one was all you. You thought of it to begin with." Tony poked a finger at Clint's chest.
"I never said to try it on Bruce! I said Steve or Thor. Not the scientist with the big green problem that I will probably have to end up taking care of!"
Before Tony could respond, Bruce burst through the lab doors, dragging a smirking Loki behind him. He gestured wildly toward Tony in apprehension. "See! What do you make of it? Is there anything you can do? Maybe I should run some tests and oh shit. Clint get out of here. I don't want you to get affected as well."
Clint tried objecting but Bruce would have none of it. The archer begrudgingly walked out as he kept casting worried glances toward his friends. He stood in the doorway not quite leaving even though Bruce looked like he meant business. Bruce reacted by pushing him out all the way and slamming the door on his face. He turned to Loki in a frenzy as the god started to speak.
"You know I have seen this before now that you mention it. It is what we Asgardians call Grønn Sykdom. Very nasty and kinda serious."
Bruce felt himself start to panic even more. He frantically started running around the lab trying to figure out what he would need to contain and get rid of it. Tony shot Loki a glare as he finally spoke up for the first time in moments.
"Too far you idiot."
All sound ceased. Bruce slowly looked up as he gently set down his equipment. For the first time, he seemed to finally realize who was all in, well sort of in the lab with him. Loki, Tony and Clint. The absolute worst combination in history in possibly everybody's opinion. The doctor slowly took off his glasses. Taking deep breaths he motioned them towards the door.
"Get out." Bruce looked up at the two in his area, his eyes turning green. "NOW."
Tony ran for the door, only to realize the god was not following. "Loki. We should do as the good doctor says." Tony opened the door.
"I would rather stay, thank you." Loki was still standing next to Bruce. Bruce was now bending over in agony about to transform into the raging green hulk.
Tony rolled his eyes getting a bit more nervous. "I know you still have a tiff with the Hulk, but seriously not the best time." Tony kept trying to convince the god to leave.
At this point The Hulk was now present about to let the god have a beating only to stop when a flash of purple and black got in his way. "Now buddy you need to calm down." Clint motioned to the Hulk.
While Loki got distracted by the man standing between him and his demise, Tony took hold of his color forcing him to exit the lab.
"Why can't I stay!" Loki wined.
"Because the last time you and the Hulk were around each other, it didn't end well. And I would rather not have you become another pancake." Tony snapped shutting the door behind him, leaving Clint to deal with a very upset Hulk.
"Ok Jade Jaws. Calm down. It's ok now." Clint said trying desperately to soothe his friend.
"But Cupid! Wanna smash puny god! And you were part of it." Hulk whined out still very very irked.
"I know I know. Believe me. I wanna smash puny god too but I suppose we can't because that would make Tony sad. And, in my defense, I wanted to prank Steve or Thor."
Hulk ceased his small rampage as he glanced the archer in question. "Cupid was not trying to hurt Hulk?"
"Of course not. Never. I promise." Clint offered up a small smile as the green monster calmed down. Well as calm as the Hulk could ever be.
"Yay! Let's go prank others!" Before the archer could say or do anything, the monster took off down the hallways screaming "Pranks! Pranks!"
"Wait...that is not what I meant!" Clint yelled after him.
"Do I even want to know what happened this time?" A voice sounded from the doorway.
Clint turned and saw Steve standing their, eyebrows raised. Clint chuckled as he walked over. "Didn't you hear? The Hulk has the sudden urge to prank.."
Yea things had definitely changed the day Loki, Tony and Clint had become best friends...