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The acoustic guitar from the radio clock echoed through their apartment, complimenting the golden morning sun that flowed in through their bedroom window. Huddled against his chest under a mop of tousled brown hair, was the slender face of the one he loved, expression peaceful from sleep. His love’s arms were wrapped around his his sides, and his long legs hooked around his more muscular thighs, his left foot twitching a little in his sleep.
I wish I knew which buttons to push, then I’d know how to please you, sad but true..
Teddy sighed through his nose, the puff of air ruffling some of Billy’s soft hair. Everything seemed lovely now, but Teddy knew as soon as the smaller boy woke, the illusion would be shattered. He knew he would be forced to release Billy from his grip and watch as he dragged himself away, refusing to acknowledge the blonde boy as he pulled on his jeans and jumper, taking up his spot next to the window again. But for now, Teddy would hold him close, keep him warm and safe as he slept and pretend they were still talking.
So I’ll just listen in down the line while you’re busy mixing grape with grain, To sedate your pain..
Teddy bought his hand up and dragged the tips of his fingers along Billy’s back, letting his nails catch on each bump of his spine, reaching out the trace the edge of his shoulder blades, before scraping lightly at the beginning of his hairline, pushing his fingers into dirty brown hair. He pressed Billy’s face closed to his chest, as if he was going to disappear at any moment and crushed his eyes shut. It seemed like that was exactly what was happening. Everyday Billy sat and stared out that window, he faded more and more. It was only a matter of time before he slipped through Teddy’s fingers.
The sweeping gesture creates a fuss, it’s only useful when receiving praise, relieving no-ones pain..
Teddy felt eye lashes against his skin and felt his chest tighten and his heart sink. He thought he’d get more time, he didn’t want to let go even though he knew he had to. He leant in closer so Billy was on his back, Teddy’s arms wrapped around him, but not enough to crush him, just hold his boyfriend in place. He pushed his face against Billy’s neck as he felt Billy turn his head away and stare at the bedroom, already pulling his arms to his chest and push Teddy away. But this time Teddy did let go, he held tighter.
“Don’t push me away…”
If you’d let somebody love you just enough, you’d have everything you’d need to break, free from all your pain..
Every movement Billy made to move away, Teddy would mirror and move closer. Billy’s knees moved up to push the blonde boy away and Teddy just slipped his thigh between them and pushed them flat. Hands came up to push shoulders up and another pair would grab his wrists and push them between their chests, trapping then there. Teddy was serious this time, something had to give. He didn’t understand what Billy was going through, but it was hurting him just as much and Billy had to see that.
Songbird you got tales to tell, how many times can you describe your living hell?
“Talk to me.. Please, I haven’t heard your voice is so long.”
Teddy’s voice broke as he pressed his forehead to Billy’s shoulder. He was trying his hardest to keep strong and be supportive. He kept his feelings and opinions on Billy’s self-loathing to himself and vented in private. But enough was enough. Billy had to throw him a bone, look him in the eye or at least acknowledge his presence instead of imagining his boyfriend to be some kind of wall he had to walk around when ever Teddy put himself in his path.
If you’d let somebody love you just enough..
Teddy felt a puff of air brush over his piercings and he swallowed, tears catching in his eyelashes. He loosened his grip and moved to push away, stopped as arms wrapped themselves around his sides, a hand smoothing down the back of his head. Teddy bit his lips and felt tears fall and land softly on the pillows as Billy soothed him, breathing softly in his ear.
If you’d let somebody love you just enough..
“I’m not okay, Teddy..”
He already knew this, but Billy’s sleep ridden voice, husky from not speaking for so long still made him ache with love for the other boy. Oh, how he loved that voice.
“I’m still here, I promise. I just need more time.”
Teddy nodded hurriedly as he crushed Billy against him again. That’s all he needed to hear right now. Billy was still with him, he wasn’t giving up. It was easier to let him go this time, a little easier to walk past him as he sat at that window and stared at nothing. Teddy knew there was nothing he could do, but at least he had Billy’s word, he was there with him. He just needed time.
At least this time when he heard their bedroom door open and quiet footsteps pad across the room towards him, followed by the soft sound of clothes falling onto the carpet, he didn’t have to reach over and pull Billy closer. He felt smooth skin against his back as an arm slung over his waist and let himself relax, listening till he heard and felt the breaths again his neck slowed and evened out telling him his boyfriend was asleep before letting himself drift off. You can’t make things heal, something’s needed time. And if Billy needed time then that’s what Teddy would give him. So long as the dark haired boy knew he loved him, he was content with letting Billy take all the time he needed.
If you’d let somebody love you just enough..